Wed 1 July
Today is the first day of the second half of the year. I slept like a log last night having slept really badly the night before. Didn't wake up until 8.15. I worked yesterday and physically it was exhausting. I did 4 visits, all legs, in a care home, and they have the heating on and I was melting. I had my lunch at home and then went into the office and there was no where for me to do my work. Some desks can't be used because of social distancing and I don't have a lap top so I have no choice. Some people were having this zoom type debrief over a patient who took her own life recently, and I was a bit annoyed I hadn't been told about it as though I hadn't seen her for a while, I did know her well and had seen her lots in the past. However I could easily overhear it and just thought at the end how much self flaggellation was going on and they were almost being encouraged to feel guilty. No one talked about the systemic problems which have contributed to this and also the woman concerned was definitely her own worst enemy, had declined all sorts of interventions in the past to improve her situation, and in fact had had a massive amount of input from our team. That said if course I don't wish it on anyone and in her own head she must have been so so distressed. I ended up an hour late finishing and missed the walk with my friends which was a shame, however I was knackered and it was raining.
Monday, after last writing, Geoff came over for the first time since lockdown, we went for a walk around Balcombe lake and the fields and spent ages sitting by the edge of the lake, watching the world, the sun was warm, it was so peaceful and quiet, just a few walkers and we had a flask of tea.
My sister has had a covid scare, a dry persistent cough, but the test was negative, which is great really, though i worry about false negatives. However the important thing is she's not really poorly. I was almost coming out in sympathy with her as I was convinced I had a sore throat, but then it went away.
Monday 29th June (morning)
I had a busy day yesterday, tried to get natalie's microwave (failed), but got her some compost and went to drop it around with her card. Christian's girls were there and I met them for the first time. I wasn't going to go in and hang about but Christian invited me. His girls were sweet. The little one apparently has autism but she spent most of the time drawing her stories, and then telling the stories to us (I think she liked having an audience), she has a great imagination and pronounced 'scribble' as 'scibble', she can't say her rs.
The afternoon was spent in the garden, and the front is looking all pretty and tidy. I've put the excess tomatoes out the front to give away, some of them went pretty quick.
I even had a productive evening doing a couple of jobs in the house, when usually I flop on the sofa.
Today is my Natalie's birthday; she is 27. I won't be seeing her, she is having a day with Christian and they are going out for the day. She is all grown up though I can't sometimes help thinking of her as my baby. I am happy she is happy, living with someone she loves, with a job with some future (I hope) and stability. Its been a roller-coaster year for her – this time last year she had just finished her access course and its been such a shame that University didn't work out for her. However I try to look forward for her and am glad she can enjoy her life and she does seem happy with Christian. He also seems happy all the times I have gone around
Sunday 28th June – morning
somehow more than a week has gone and I've forgotten and couldn't be bothered to write this. Last week is a bit of a bur of heat, so I will summarise briefly what I can remember
Sunday 21st – I worked the 'late' shift. I think it was pretty ok, nothing extraordinary or difficult
Monday 22nd – Natalie came and picked up Jasper in the morning. I cleaned the bathroom including washing the shower curtains and changing the mats so it was clean for me. I remember cleaning it a couple of weeks ago and saying to them it was their turn to clean it next time and it never got done. So I deliberately left it until they had moved. And then would clean it for me and it is still clean (well with a couple of little wipe overs only), Then I went to Lancing for the assessment part of my resus training, and after went to see Auntie Ann for the afternoon. I was lovely to see them (including Martin and Joanne) and I persuaded them to walk to the beach. Ann had a little cry when we talked about Frances and she is looking more frail. But I think she was glad to see me and I am so fond of her. She was looking more and more like my granny
Tuesday 23rd – I started to pull out things left behind for them whilst they will need and want. Pottered about. I went to Crawley in the afternoon to have my anti body blood test (still a/w result) and then into the shops for the first time for ages. I got the sandals I wanted from sports direct (I love this sandal they are so comfy) and to Primark for some more vest tops and a couple of other things. I came home with a migraine (payback for shopping), and didn't go on the walk with my friends I was due to. stayed home and felt meh
Wednesday 24th – I blitzed the upstairs, washed all the bedding, cleaned top to bottoms and sorted stuff. We have so many books, anyway they are all on the bookcases and at some point Nat can decide what she wants / and doesn't want. There was dust and my hayfever came on, and it was awful. I took some antihistamines and in the end I took 2. Gave me another migraine and I think eventually I slept with a cold flannel on me.
Thursday 24th – beach day with Sarah. twas lovely and we went into the sea and swam twice. just went for the morning and went to Shoreham beach and left nothing but footprints. It set me up for the day and being in the sea when it was so hot was amazing and like heaven
Friday 25th – I took the things for Natalie around to their flat including some tomato plants. We had a coffee together and chatted and then I went to my venepuncture training at work for a few hours. I think I just lazed about in the afternoon.
Saturday 27th – work – on the early and due to finish at 4pm, but didn't leave until nearly half 5. Medication incident, not my fault this time, but for me to sort out, which I did. But it sucked up a large portion of the day. EOL visit and then extra pressure ulcer visit, and very unpleasant woman who complained about everything and then went on and on about how I had caused her pain when I lifted her foot by about a cm, and how awful the hospital was. I always believe people about pain as it is so personal, but this time I didn't. She was manipulative, and whilst there are obviously mental health issues she clearly has mental capacity to make her own decisions, but doesn't want to take responsibility for her own decisions but to blame everyone else. I wasn't taking her crap and I don't think she liked me one bit. I went with Kate and she was good cop and I was bad cop – not that we planned it that way, we just took those roles as the visit progressed and I twigged what was going on. I do like working with Kate we make a good team together. She had wanted me to put an empty biscuit box into the rubbish bin for her, and often I will do little things for people, but this time I deliberately didn't. I'm her nurse not her servant. She would be a very interesting case study if writing an assignment for university. But I'm not, so I won't
So today, I woke about half 7, and have had a cuppa and a coffee. I shall have a shower now and nip out and get the microwave I've promised for Natalie as a house warming present for them. Its her birthday tomorrow, my baby will be 27. I've given her the rest of the money (equivalent) to what Matthew had from the savings policy I did for him. He got his when he was 21 and it all went i.e. frittered. I didn't make the same mistake and she's had hers bit by bit and now its her birthday and she's moved into a flat with her partner, it was time for her to have the rest. It is ideally earmarked for eventual property purchase and they definitely want to do this so its not for splurging but for keeping. But its hers now.
Saturday 20 June (morning)
They've gone. Some of the stuff is still here. It seems everything went ok with signing the contract, getting the keys, driving the van (a 1st for Natalie) and moving the big stuff. They're picking up a sofa, and bunk beds for the girls, whist they have the van today. I'm going to be their first guest later – once I've finished work. I keep telling myself this is really a big deal and Natalie has moved in with her partner and this is for keeps (as far as anything can ever be for keeps).
I still have Jasper for now, he's lying across the bed next to me all stretched out, not quite ready to wake up. But its nearly 8am and I'm going to work, so he's going to be outside for the day. I escaped for the day yesterday and went to Horsham. Off to work this morning. Yesterday and today (so far) have been migraine free. But I couldn't get off to sleep either last night or the night before, despite feeling tired. No idea, the sleeping issue goes round in circles being ok and then not ok.
Thursday 18 June
No migraine since Tuesday; worked yesterday.
With my house mates moving tomorrow I started on the kitchen this morning. I cleaned out all 3 of the drawers, the top of the corner carrousel and the small wall cupboard. I found some oyster sauce that went past its date in October 2018, and though I'm not overly fussy about best before dates, I thought 18 months was a bit too long. I've put some of the tea towels for Natalie to take as I have loads. Took all the pasta out of the cupboard for her as I rarely eat it, and only kept the lasagne as that does come in useful.
The weeds by the driveway next to the fence out the back were like triffids. As it was cooler I decided this afternoon to tackle them, and 2 large containers of weeds went into the green bin. Some of it was the weeds / brambles and ivy at the bottom of the back garden.
Then I went out for a walk with Sarah, Kathy, Adrian and Alison, and after we had a cuppa in Kathy's garden and she brought us garlic bread.
This was my last evening with them being here, and I came home to pizza and more garlic bread. Christian had won a competition on twitter (weird yes) and won some beer – so we each had a tinny with the pizza. Mine was allegedly mango flavour but the mango was very slight
I've finished another square also for Matthew's blanket – here is a link for the pattern
Bintang Di Surga (off ravelry)
https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bintang-di-surga#
So, a busy day. I'm escaping tomorrow so as not to yet involved in the move! However I will be their first guest on Saturday after I finish work
Tuesday 16th June
Yet another migraine this morning. Woke at 5.30am with it, took the usual and went back to bed. Unfortunately it has hung about almost all day. I had slept really badly Sunday night, took forever to go off. I think I was fretting over an incident at work, and my logical brain was being sensible over it and my non logical brain got into a total tizz, so they were having a good fight.
I actually stayed in bed almost all morning which is very unlike me. But I met Sarah and we walked in Balcombe a bit later and this time went to the Balcombe lakes. We skirted around a field full of cows and it rained on us, but the rain was warm. We sat by the lake on a bench and chatted. I came home and watered the tomatoes and other multiple plants.
Sunday 14 June (6am)
Woke up very early because of going to bed so so early last night with a migraine. Took the usual and went to be bed before 9pm. I woke several times and got up once for the loo just after midnight. at 5.40am went downstairs to find the cat had pooped on the kitchen floor. He usually does this in the bath. At least it wasn't on any carpet. I quickly cleared it up and made a cuppa. Jasper is currently snoozing on the end of my bed. He will be moving out with Natalie and Christian at the end of next week. The flat tenancy doesn't permit pets but they are taking him anyway (shhhh!) He'll have to be hidden away when the agent comes and does inspections.
I went to Horsham on Friday, and worked yesterday. Nothing very interesting. Poor L (at work) was very upset about her domestic situation again and social distancing went out of the window when I hugged her and let her vent about what was going on. We then just had to get on with the day.
I'm feeling quite relieved now they are going soon. The house won't be chaotic and things will be less tense. I don't dislike them being here but they do need their own place. Hopefully everyone will be a little happier. This will be the 5th time Natalie will have 'left' and hopefully it will be the last time (I thought last time would be the last time). Moving is back on the agenda and I've been looking again online at new things coming into the market. There's some jobs to get some, I need to finish off the garage door and get the fence panels at the back of the house replaced as they are hanging off. Maybe paint the kitchen ceiling to brighten it as its very dingy. A good clean everywhere is also needed. I've let things slide with 2 extra people as I was fed up of being the only one cleaning, and only did the main bits. They do wash up and do their own washing and cooking but its all they do.
Natalie went on a BLM protest in Brighton yesterday and I'l glad she felt strongly enough to do this, She posted a well written piece on FB too and I felt proud of what she wrote
Off to work on the 'late' today starting at 10.
11 June Thursday
I woke up with a thick head, took meds but not the Rizatriptan. It did ease off eventually.
Potted up more tomatoes; washed the kitchen floor. Chucked some rubbish paint on the garage door. Now this was disappointing, the paint was very thin and it was supposed to be 'duck egg'. The colour in the tin bore no resemblance to the colour on the front of the tin. Despite stirring it, the top part of the colour was dark blue and by the time I came to the end of the tin, it was bluey cream. A very rubbish tin of paint. I'm effectively using it as an undercoat and will go to B&Q tomorrow and buy some Dulux (the one I had was Ronseal) and hopefully it will be OK
Has a walk with Kathy and Sarah, twas nice, just around the woods locally (its what's left of the woods after Bolnore village was built).
My sun burn has calmed down.
Nearly finished another square for Matthews blanket. I am pleased with it. Here is the link for any crocheters
The Jackfield Tile Square https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/the-jackfield-tile-square
wed 10 June
Sun gone, rain here, went to work. Nothing very interesting. Saw a chap this afternoon, call him GG, went with the lovely Ellie. In the past, he is very nice, chatty and pleasant. Something had changed, he was yelling at us, hugely annoyed we came when he was eating lunch (we arrived at half 2!) and so we left and went back. He again yelled, and kept going on about us being there when he was eating. He was clenching his fists and was angry, and we nearly left as Ellie was concerned about our safety. Eventually he allowed me to look at and dress his multiple blisters. He shouted “do what you've got to do”. He is not a well man although all his obs were pretty normal. The GP does know. Not a pleasant experience being shouted at and wondering if he might punch one of us. However I can definitely run faster than he could.
9 June (tuesday)
It felt a bit like a holiday today. I went on the train to Brighton as Geoff had a hospital appointment there and ostensibly I went along to “support”. I took the bike having firstly pumped up the tyres, as first time I've used it this year.
The train station has notices up saying to not travel by train for leisure reasons so I have my 'story' straight in case I was challenged. (I didn't even go to the hospital, only met him afterwards)
Brighton 'lanes' were so quiet, almost no people and only a few takeaway shops open along with a deli and infinity foods. I cycled down to the sea front and sat on the shingle beach for a bit and had some of my coffee from my flask, then went for a ride on my own. Geoff met me not long after 11 and we sat and nattered and drank the rest of the coffee. The rest of the day involved doing a lot of my favourite things:
Fish and chips on the beach
A snooze in the sun
A cycle and walk towards Hove and an icecream.
Walked down further to Hove lagoon and a cup of tea.
Walked and cycled back and bought some beers from the newsagent and back sitting on the pebbles watching the sea and people watching
The sun shone all afternoon but a cool breeze
Caught the train back home
I now have sunburnt face which is glowing with heat