clairef

8 June (part 2) 1. Work uniform washed and hung on line. Watered pots out the front 2. Bathroom cleaned, floor hoovered and washed and bath mats and hand towels changed. 3. Above mentioned mats and towels washed and hung out on the line 4. went to sainsburys. 5. Sanded down garage door and washed paintwork and primed the 'bare' bits ready for painting 6. Went to Wilko in Burgess Hill for more sanding sheets, white gloss paint for edging of garage door, more large pots for the gazillion tomato plants and called in at Lidl on way home for microwave rice. Bought other stuff too while there. 7. Made lamb meatballs in tomato sauce for us all. They had spagetti with it. Natalie didn't want the rice I'd got – doesn't matter; meatballs were made by my own fair hand and were nice 8. Made most of another square for Matthew's blanket. I counted them the other day and I have 50, so this is number 51. 9. washing all brought in and put away that's quite a lot of activity and enough for today

Monday 8th June Time and inclination has got away from me over the past few days. Something has gone wrong when I'm in the wrong for doing cleaning and washing up in my home. I never thought I'd set any 'rules' as such – only consideration for others maybe. I'm convenient but superfluous and mainly annoying for existing. How irritating that I like my home medium-ly clean and tidy. Things are said. And I'm not supposed to take it personally. This led to another migraine, surprise surprise, which I woke up with Sunday morning, took all my meds at 6am and fortunately by 7.30 I was mainly pain free. It hasn't come back but my head is groggy again this morning. Seems to be clearing. Been working over the weekend; this one was pretty ok. I was a bit late finishing Sunday but I offset it with the fact I was early finishing Saturday. I had a walk with Kathy and Sarah after work on Saturday. Kathy is having issues with her daughter, who is 30, and who can be somewhat controlling over her, she's staying with her mum during 'lockdown' as her dad had buggered off to France And Friday I walked with Geoff, I picked a country walk this time around Nuthurst, just 3 and a half miles around woods and fields with some views. Saw rabbits, a fox, lambs, and a friendly farm cat who had overgrown claws and was limping. He wasn't a stray as he was too well fed but his claws had been neglected. He let us rub his belly. We took a flask of coffee and stopped and sat on a grassy bank to drink it part way along, enjoying a bit of sunshine. That was nice.

thursday 4 June Today was a bit meh. Went to work and they sent me to a care home for 5 patients, back was killing me and then yet another leg before going back to the office. I didn't do the whole day, just until half 2, but came home with no energy and flopped on the sofa for the rest of the day. I did finish the butterfly crochet square and I watched a film I recorded called “A quiet place”, about a future where there were aliens (who liked people for breakfast dinner and tea) with super good hearing but poor sight so the world was so so quiet, but the aliens were like Alien from Alien and I'm probably now going to have bad dreams cos it was a bit scary. A couple of times I muted the sound and skipped over 30 seconds. Anyway our hero / heroine couple go and get themselves pregnant – excellent idea to have baby when there are hungry aliens with sensitive hearing and I thought it was hilarious when Emily Blunt went to a load of trouble to check her own blood pressure – what was she going to do in a world with no other people and hungry aliens – induce herself?

Wed 3 June again no migraine :–) I debated with myself about taking the train to Brighton with the bike but I'm not sure if this is strictly (or unstrictly) allowed. If we're supposed to be avoiding public transport and I have no bike rack, and its far to far to cycle there. I might get there but I don't think I'd get back. I fancied some seaside not having had any for a long time In the end I walked from HH to Ardingly reservoir. This is an old favourite walk, through the open fields, then crossing the golf course, through the bluebell woods (all the bluebells have finished), down a track and some more woods, over the fields, more woods, more fields, up the hill then the reservoir. There were no bulls in the fields despite some warning signs. I had a pee in the woods whilst no one was about. The toilets at the reservoir are currently shut. It was breezy and pleasant once there and I sat on the bench for a rest and some water. A few people out on kayaks and such. Then I walked back. Took about 2 and a half hours and my legs were tired after. I've just chilled for the afternoon. I finished off the 2nd crochet turtle and making progress on the next square for Matthew's blanket. This new one is a dragon fly square by Nadia. My friend Alison messaged earlier to say she was kneeling outside as part of the peaceful protest for George Floyd, and I joined her with Kathy and Sarah and Kathy's daughter. Alison, who is a science teacher at the local school, told us about some of the racism she has experienced personally as a black woman in this country

Tuesday 2nd June No migraine :–) Woke at half 6 for tea and day dreamed before putting on the radio, then a cup of coffee, a shower and some breakfast. I actually got around finally today to checking my magistrates emails. I have too many email addresses to monitor! It had been over 2 months since I checked them. Of course, all my sittings are cancelled as only Brighton is open for priority work only. I hadn't volunteered to do any sittings as I have worked more than usual and I thought that if I have time not working, I don't want to be racing around going to court. However I've cut my work back down to 3 days a week, mainly, so next time they're looking for volunteers I shall offer. I went for a very hot walk today. I'm relieved its going to be cooler tomorrow. Really what I wanted to do was take the bike on the train and cycle along the beach. However we are being told to avoid public transport and I didn't feel I could justify it. Nor getting the car out to drive there. for a walk either, especially with the pictures of all the crowds from the weekend. So I just stayed home, sat in the garden quietly, potted up more bits (it is never ending the potting up) and read my book I finished 'Us' – the book I found for free, by David Nicholls, and am now reading 'Human Croquet' by Kate Atkinson. I picked it out from the humungous pile of books pretty much at random and am well over ½ way through. Oh I made flapjack too and as always it was delicious. Unless its baked to a crisp and ends up breaking ones teeth, its quite hard to make bad flapjack Natalie and Christian have got the flat. They've paid a holding deposit and are dealing with the paperwork now. Its due to have some new windows and I'm suggesting they wait until they've been fitted before moving in due to the likely upheaval. She's really keen to move in as soon as they can though.

Monday 1 June Hard to believe it is June already. Each year flies by quicker than the last and I just seem to stand still. No migraine today – I slept ok with the cold flannel but no medication. No pain this morning, what a relief. I have deliberately kept things very quiet today and not wound myself up with too much news and such like. The awfulness of the world and stupidness of (some) people makes me too angry sometimes and I have to therefore just take time for me and be quiet and peaceful. I potted up yet more tomatoes. I cut the grass having observed no mow May, it was looking tatty and is now tidy, It hadn't done much growing as its been so dry. We been watering all the veg else it'll all wither away, Natalie had taken a garden chair from next door (they were throwing it away) and then never sat on it for 8 weeks, and its not comfortable. I put it out the front and someone has taken it – hooray. We have much more comfy chairs for sitting on. I sat in the shade this afternoon with my book and tea. Natalie and Christian have been to see a flat – 2 bed ground floor with a garden – in HH and have told the agent they would like to take it. The owner is abroad so they're waiting for the OK. Can't see why it would be a problem. The stuff moved over the weekend is mainly in the garage but I'm going to get roped in this time to help – hmmmm – work is looking attractive :–) here is a link to take a look https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-70757550.html

Sunday 31st May Yet another day and another migraine. This time I woke up at 4am with the pain. I took the usual and slept with the cold flannel until around twenty past 10. Unfortunately the pain this time hadn't gone, and despite more meds, it has hung about all day. I've still got it. Its probably a rebound from all the medication I've taken all week, plus the nightmare that was yesterday at work, and I'm trying now to not take anything else and hopefully a good nights sleep will cure it. Its really frustrating, all I want to do is sleep well and be pain free. Its such a blight with this dragging at me almost all week on and off. That's pretty much it; it is mum and dad's wedding anniversary today – 62 years – I rang her to mark the event. I specifically remember it now because of the big 'six oh' point 2 years ago. They had some friends over for nibbles and drinks in the garden breaking the rules by doing it one whole day early. Surely if its ok tomorrow and then its ok today, the date is arbitrary. I'm going to be able to use this blog as a bit of a headache diary

Saturday 30 May another morning another migraine. I couldn't get to sleep last night. I'd had a reply from my MP to my email setting out my views about the person who took a 500+ round trip to Durham. Anyway, she sent me a cut and paste jobby and made no apology for it. So mentally I started dissecting her reply and that of course wound me up no end, hence awake at 1am again and migraine at 6.50am. I took my usual and slept until 7.40 at which point I had the quickest of showers, dressed and left for work as I as on the 8am early. Arrived to find the IT wasn't working. Many phone calls later and much grinding of teeth I got out on visits, just winging it and hoping for the best. They had allocated me both of the palliative care visits, which is sort of ok, but not when there was no one with me and I didn't know the patients and no ability to triage. Fortunately the lovely Carol came with me which was great, I do like her and she is very experienced and we were able to handle a complicated family dynamic situation with lots going on. I got called back there just before 3pm, this time going on my own, and ended up finishing late again. It was all very stressful. I know a person is end of life and its all very difficult, but neither am I a magician, and its a home environment, not a hospital. Anyway I filled this lady with morphine and other drugs, to hopefully make her comfortable and arranged a medical review so tomorrow there is scope to increase if needed. Natalie and Christian are back from their Cardiff expedition with all the rest of her stuff, Andrew drove the van and Finlay helped. Natalie's little brother isn't so little – he's tall and lanky with hair like Andrew's that stands on its end when its too long and a load of wispy fluff around his chin. Natalie tells me he has an aversion to showers so I didn't get too close. Anyway the house is like chaos again. But they might not be here for long – they are viewing a flat on Monday.

Friday 29 May I woke up at 4am with a migraine. No alcohol and no reason for it. Just banging pain. I has a pee, a drink of water and went back to bed with a large ibruprofen and big co codamol and a rizatripan. Oh also my cold flannel. At 8.15 I woke and fortunately the pain had gone though as usual I was left feeling washed out. I've just pottered today, garden, crochet and a walk with Kathy and Sarah around the woods down the road. I've given away some of the tomato plants to the neighbours and to Sarah's parents. I've been thinking about Frances my cousin. It was her funeral yesterday and the Maguires wanted to keep it to just them who were closest to her, though I offered to go. I sent messages to Joanne and Martin yesterday, that's all I could do. After finding about her death, I wanted to find something she wrote, and I eventually found the obituary she wrote about her husband David who died a few years ago. https://www.pressreader.com/

She was only married to him for a short time and she invited me to their wedding in August 2012, which was lovely. Because they used to visit Ann and I would often try to call in when they were visiting. We had a weeks holiday in Nairn in 2012 and Natalie came too. Nearly 8 years ago. I remember how happy she (both of them of course) was that day. I had a sneaky cry as she walked down the aisle. I used to play 'words with friends' with both of them. It was a rare thing for me to beat Frances, she was good at it.

Thursday 28 May well that was a nice day, the sun shone all day, Matthew and Harshi came to visit. We had lunch and chatted, then went for a walk around the woods, came back, collapsed for a bit and then had our BBQ. The 5 of us – a little family party me and my children and their respective boyfriend / girl friend. I let Mat do the BBQ which he enjoyed. There was some disgruntlement at one point as there was an opinion I'd not bought enough food, but in the end, it was the exact right amount and everyone had what they wanted. It was an early finish as the two London people didn't want a late evening and they have work tomorrow early. Nat and Christian have gone back to Cardiff to get the rest of her things and Andrew is helping on Saturday with a van to bring the big stuff back. She was laughing yesterday with Christian and I said to her, that I was so glad she was happy.