The Pastor Next Door
Do as I say, not as I do.
Raise your hand if you've heard that one. There is a lot of talk about just about everything. This series of articles on parenting included. It's all talk.
Talk. Talk. Talk.
I think the biggest trap that we fall into as parents is the trap of making excuses for our kids. My mom was a teacher for decades. During her time as a teacher she saw a shift occur from parents holding their children responsible for their actions to blaming the teacher. This shift is very damaging. Why? If we don't hold our children responsible for their actions we are stunting their growth into adulthood.
After my parents divorce I will never forget something that my mom told us over and over: You will not be a statistic. She never let us use the fact that our parents were divorced as an excuse to do poorly in school or misbehave. My dad would often talk to us about how people knew our last name and that what we did reflected on the family business. My parents had expectations for my brothers and I. Amy's (my wife) parents had similar expectations for her and her sisters. There was an expectation of hard work, commitment, and the pursuit of excellence.
Keeping up with the Jones' is one of the single greatest temptations that we face as parents. Someone always has the nicer car, the nicer house, or the better toys for their kids. Early on in our parenting Amy and I decided that we were going to choose experiences over stuff for our family. We have learned that this was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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There is this great video that circulates on social media every so often. It is a dad and his son sitting on the couch watching a show. The little boy is probably about a year old. The two of them are having an in depth conversation about whatever it is they are watching. It's absolutely hilarious and adorable. The little guy is babbling and the dad is responding to him. Their conversation is absolutely brilliant.
Shortly after Ethan was born a couple from the church we were attending invited us over to their home for lunch. The purpose was to sit around and talk parenting. They were significantly further down the road than we were. We did lunch a good handful of times and it was really helpful for Amy and I.
I don't remember the details of what happened. Ethan was probably five or six. What I do remember is that he was disobedient. Whatever it was that he did, Amy and I were angry about it. I am sure I raised my voice and sent him to his room.
My son, Ethan, had been driving for a while. Like modern parents do, we had put an app on his phone called Life 360 to track his whereabouts and keep an eye on his driving. One day we were hanging out at the neighborhood pool with friends. When our daughter, Libby, arrived at the pool she said she had seen Ethan with a bunch of friends in his car driving silly. That was particularly odd since Ethan was supposed to be at a girl's home eating dinner with her family. I pulled out my handy dandy phone and saw that he was exactly where we expected him to be.
When you have your first kid, everyone, and I mean everyone, gives you advice. You get advice from the lady in the grocery store and the man behind you in line at the movie theater. Wherever you go, advice rolls in.