The discordant cacophony of this place

Shards of finest glass, piercing my soul

Making me less than I would be

Under the whispering sway of pines

Faint smell of the sea, embracing

Awakening a self I’ve long thought lost

#poetry #writing #homesick

Delusions, I think in darker moments Crafted to cover for a life gone wrong Protecting my soul from the reality That I am approaching the end of my song

But the strangeness of late has been growing This mask of reality worn thin Seeing the holes in these constructs Perhaps when I believe, we’ll begin

Do open my eyes to these wonders Or close them like I’ve often done No return once these truths are accepted This new paradigm from which I cannot run.

#poetry #writing

I’ve hidden my true self in poetry My life sometimes woven through prose Reality masquerading as fiction History written in these words I chose

In cipher I often tell you my secrets Fiction interspersed with the truth Too shy to ever tell you directly But offering myself should you sleuth

You wonder where the treasure is hidden The real girl oft hidden in shade If you search well you’re likely to find her In these poems and stories I’ve made.

#poetry #writing

I found you, my goddess

Between the bytes of make believe

And through knowing you

Found that I finally knew myself

#poetry #writing

I do not understand why you persisted

Broken as I was, pushing you away

I'm done with love, I told you

Grieving, waiting for dissolution

You felt the lie in my words, I think

Waiting, hurt by my constant rejection

Me, trying to save you

You, refusing to leave

'I love you,' you confessed, terrified

My acknowledgement without reciprocation

I cannot, I told you

Terrified that i might be wrong

Hurting, one too many rejections

You disappeared

Me, wondering, worried

Knowing it was what I deserved

Returning, you had a new crush

I was happy for you (no I was not)

An unexpected sadness

Admitting, finally, that I might still feel

I was hurt

(I deserved it)

I was jealous

(I was a fool)

I think I have feelings, I said

You knew

I've been stupid, I sighed

Yes, but I love you, you said

Why

A question i cannot answer

But I love you too

For all my fatal flaws.

#poetry #writing

You point to your blood work and say

Everything looks great

Just be patient, you smile

Content that you've given sage advice

I want nothing more than to hurt you

To make you suffer my pain

My anguish as it steals away

This life built on struggle and loss

Ten thousand lies, you tell

One for each dollar spent

One for each minute lost

Paying for the privilege each time

I do not want to hurt you

I want to be free of this,

This unveiled threat to happiness

Free to become something else.

#ppetry #writing #anger

This is not the world I was born into

That world of ice rimed puddles

Of brightly colored kites, soaring

And endless possibility

This world has stripped its gears

Screaming as it dies, discordant, broken

Why am I here, I wonder

I want to go home

#poetry #writing #mandelaeffect