Dance of Selves / Confession

I dance between my different selves analogue and digital present and numb stuck and otherworldly

It's funny to be them all at any given time and float beyond what I think makes me and see what awaits me as the many selves that I thought to be separate merge into one lump of I

I see that, and I can't help not to cry from laughter what a joke of a guy am I

A mixed-bag, an idealist, an intellectual masturbator, and egocentric exhibit of faults of character and pollutor extraordinaire and more

Damn. How can I be? It's hard for me to see through the shame and guilt of all the silly shit that was so completely unnecessary and yet I did it still, well, not all, in fact, as fear prevented me numerous times from doing all the good stuff I knew I should have done.

What a joke, holy smoke, there's so much wasted potential and even if I'm aware of it nothing comes of it and I keep on wasting it, deliberately, on a daily basis. Good stuff.

Why? Why not. I can. Can I? How could I? I don't really know (obviously, can't even answer a simple question) I just sorta kinda do. Continuously waste potential. It's tragic, really, ironic and funny. ha ha So I laugh and cry at this silly I

It's what I am I guess what I get to work with I fail way too often but I try (well, at times I do) And these parts of me are me, still me, but luckily there's more to what shapes me into this momentary expression of the Universe unfolding through my silly selves

That feeling gives me hope and courage to embrace all the parts and dance together awkwardly, loosing the rhythm, tripping over my own constantly untying shoelaces but perhaps that's okay there's always another day, no – moment, second, this precise one in fact, when I get to make an informed, conscious decision which self to manifest as me in the present and how to be in the world right now and now and now and now ... ad infinitum

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