gnoselph

suicide

Learn at first concentration without effort; transform work into play; …– Anonymous (Valentin Tomberg) Meditations on the Tarot: A Journey into Christian Hermeticism

  • talking about that the goal of the experience is to experience “the joy that can arise in the moment that makes all things become effortless.”
  • Here we will need to speak a little more about ourselves, set a new signal to identify ourselves, and speak some about feelings and emotions.
  • March 17 is a peculiar anniversary for us. It is the first time we have had a suicide attempt and according to those who resuscitated us, we weren’t breathing and had no pulse. We were in our late 20’s then (the late 80’s) and haven’t had such urges for several decades. Our journey from that point was a series of institutions where we believe we eventually received our most accurate diagnosis of complex (childhood) post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociative disorder, and anxiety driven depressive disorder.
  • For a long time, we struggled with our identity until we accepted that we were multiple identities and finally found some sort of federacy (although in the beginning it was a fragile confederacy) to become a functioning human being.
  • Thus, we usually refer to us as, tahdah!, we. From here on out though, to identify when we are speaking of the personal, we, we will be capitalized, We. When we refer to the common, we, (which we are sensitive to limit so as not to should on the collective we), it will be as usual, we.
  • Apologetically, when it is more accurate, We may even use I. The I is reserved for past selves before we became federated. This is times when various egos predominated and even fully dominated our other selves.
  • Okay, what We have perceived and learned through our decades of struggles is that most of what others perceive in Us (We) as disorders, is often nothing more than exaggerated distinctions that we all really share.
  • A wonderful example of what I am trying to say is the Pixar movie Inside Out. Hardly a usual movie We would watch (or recommend), but We had a therapist who insisted, and while, critically, it has its failures, therapeutically, it is spot on, remembering only that there is a spectrum and we all fall somewhere differently, no matter how close and majority some points may be.
  • So, let’s talk about emotions and feelings.
  • There is a biased saying about women that is wrong on many levels but that can be more appropriately applied our feelings and emotions, “You can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.”
  • Like all things, the opinions will range from left to right. How a person chooses to engage with their feelings is their own business. We only hope to help others understand in a way that can help them choose wisely.
  • For example,
  • Most would agree that liberty and equality are admiral goals for society. But when it comes to our offspring, we really want more of what’s best for our offspring even if at the expense of others. Throw life and death into the mix, and all ideals of liberty for all quickly goes out the window.
  • As moral antirealists, We don’t judge such truths. Both perspectives are valid depending on context, perspectives, feelings, and projected justification.
  • The reason we can say We don’t moralize either way is because as much as we as a society may agree on acceptable behaviors, what drives us as a society and individually are the evolutionary drives that allowed us to ascend the evolutionary pyramid. We didn’t ascend evolution harmoniously and now, even amongst our peers, our beliefs and feelings can be divergent.
  • What this means is that an emotion or feeling of joy came into existence for a reason, and most often, it arises for purely natural reasons regarding survival and reproduction, not rational or logical reasons.
  • Let’s talk about extreme joy, or ecstasy. This is most known as an accompaniment to sex. Would we choose to get all sweaty and mix bodily fluids if there was no ecstasy? We don’t think so. From an objective perspective, sex could even be said to be disgusting (hello Puritans). But as our genes demand to be reproduced, our genes needed something to make us do the dirty.
  • The point is, nonjudgmentally, our emotions are functions, they have a purpose designed by evolution and nature. Remember, evolution and nature are irrational and illogical. Thus, our emotion’s purpose is not always (some would say never, even when beneficial) rational or logical. And in fact, extreme emotions can rob us of our rational capabilities.
  • Feels are volatile and dangerous. But also, would life be worth living without them? They can be said to be a catch 22. Can’t live with them and can’t live without them.
  • Clearly an ideal would be an Aristotelian means. As anarchists though, no means should be right or wrong and certainly not made into laws. We are all free to determine our own means, even unto disaster. The only thing We want to do, as already said, is help in educating others so they can discover the means that is most useful for every individual’s personal thriving.
  • Our emotions and feelings are less ours than they are our programmers, our genes. But as sapient beings, we can affect our emotions and feelings, where other organisms cannot. We are aware of our evolution, and that knowledge gives us “some” power over who we are and want to be. All things natural are not good and some unnatural things can be better than what is natural.
  • We seek a world where everyone is free to be, feel, and do, whatever brings them joy (without desiring to harm or exploit). But we don’t seem able to allow others to be, feel, and do, whatever they want because we are threatened by those who are different. This isn’t rational, but, the scary thing is, it is natural.
  • Everybody’s Free by Rozalla feat. David Anthony on piano

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