Time to get the momentum going.
I am probably just demotivated because of my lack of responsibility.
Not getting the role I want in my business.
Shall I mope about it? Absolutely not.
I will spend some time writing about it – 10 minutes max – and then I will proceed to get my work done.
Start.
I can't really believe it. It sucks. I really thought as my cofounder stepped down, that opened up the door for me to take his place. I never even considered the exec team would want to bring back my other co-founder, who had already left the business – or rather, the local business, for the global business. I never even considered it! After all, he's got plenty on his plate – he works for us only part time, and has gotten stuck into his new, global role.
Yet there is something the exec team don't see in me. It seems a little easy (and unfair) to go for a reason like our age difference (we're both in our 20s, but he's 5 years older than me.) I think they just have seen me fuck up – or appear to fuck up – too many times. They see me as a liability. Unable to carry out their strategy. Immature.
I truly don't get how all my practical knowledge didn't make up for that though. I mean – I'm the one who brought the whole team together in the first place. I'm the one who came here, saw the opportunity, and proposed the idea. I moved here, learned the language – to a good level – and I put in an equal amount of investment, both time and money, into the business.
It was both of our first businesses – yes, he had a degree, and he was better at communication than me, so he was the right fit to manage our operation initially. But damn, I was sure I would be the first pick this time around.
It feels so retarded. Maybe I'm just being cocky, but come on! I live here! I've worked in this biz for the last 6 months! I stepped up to every challenge I could.
It's so ashaming, feels like such a snub.
I really thought it would change after I talked to the CEO too. I was feeling, surely this is a misunderstanding, surely they'd change tack after I remind them of why I'm a good fit. But nope – either because they wanted to stick with their previous option (consistency / confirmation bias), or because they really see my leadership abilities as weak.
I really don't know what the fuck to do. This is a massive ego hit. I'm beginning to doubt if I am actually useful to the business. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I ask for a raise. Be stoic – prepare for the worst, prepare to be laughed at, prepare to be told I'm cheeky, young, lucky, naive, and greedy.
Well – time to finish complaining. Yes the situation sucks. Yes I feel shortchanged. Yes I feel thwarted. But we'll see.