What are my intrinsic needs that I'm not entirely aware of?
Community? Health? Spiritual growth? To be loved and accepted for who I really am?
What are my intrinsic needs that I'm not entirely aware of?
Community? Health? Spiritual growth? To be loved and accepted for who I really am?
If seeing other people's achievements while not creating anything of my own is causing suffering, then I simply need to stop myself from seeing them. Just cut those sources of envy out.
Dreams feel so close, yet they feel so out of reach. It's very hard to start when you are so used to dreaming for years.
If there's one desire I can have, is that I want to be relieved from suffering. I want others to be healed too, so that we can all be safe together.
On one hand, I just want to be alone in peace. But on the other hand, I feel empty without engaging in a community, but I'm too scared to interact with people for fear of rejection and humiliation.
I desire for something, yet I couldn't bring myself to work towards that. So I suffer as time goes on.
So if I eliminate that much desire, will I finally do something regardless of what it is, and feel at peace?
If I'm suffering and therefore indulging in desires because there's something missing in my life, then what is it? What am I truly missing?
I'm tired broken empty
How am I supposed to fix everything if my well-being is this defiled??
I'm tired of seeing other people without interacting nor contributing to anything. Tired of being useless as I watch the world burn, on screen and before my very eyes.
I can't think if anything going forward. So if I can't create, then can I just remove? Clean up everything?
I guess my autism and ADHD makes me a cognitive embodiment of wabi-sabi.
Perhaps one major obstacle I'm facing is my severe tendency to daydream and fantasize my hopes and dreams. This creates a wide gap between the reality I'm currently in and my expectations. The wider the gap, the greater the suffering.
So upon this realization, what I can do now is to practice stopping my daydreaming in it's tracks whenever it occurs. I need to remind myself that my dreams never correlate to reality and my subconscious actions. The only way I can find my destiny is to do the task, go with the flow and discover something from the process.