katelovesorange

today was a busy day but not sure i got much done. its still cold so hoping i dont lose anymore plants. lost all the squash . bought some more today. hope they dont freeze. will be planting them tomorrow.

did a ton of dishes and washed the floor. moved more books around and washed some amber glass.

also managed to get a couple of art collage pages done . i find that helps to keep my mind off whats going on.

brents birthday is coming up. i am not sure if he wants a cake or not. we have been celebrating anything in over a year. no christmas no mothers day no fathers day no birthday nothing. neither one of us can handle it i guess.

i wrote my letters to my new pen pals too. need to get them in the mail asap.

the neighbour is still being a pain in the ass. watching everything we do in the back yard. i dont even feel comfortable sitting outside anymore. we have not put out any chairs or anything outside. i guess neither one of us is feeling like this is our home any more.....

cold start to the day. i left the plant covers on until after shopping. there was a threat of frost last night. i think i lost one of the squash plants. oh well....nothing i can do now.

i am doing the garden this year. brent will help when i need it. last year the city decided that since our gardens were large we where running a farm. i canned everything we grew. so no we were not selling anything. we also had chickens. we got fined for that. so the city told brent no garden no chickens. but the city didnt say i could not have a garden. hence why i am doing the garden this year.

sun is out and its starting to warm up ....finally. it makes it nice in the sunroom. i got some art done today too. a couple of collage pages but they are fun to do and take my mind of things for a bit.

i did some transplanting today too. my hibiscus flowers. i used an old planter and they look nice in it. i also did work on my bookcases and discarded a few more books. so i have gotten rid of about half of the books on one side of the bookcases. now i have room to display the orange glass better.

i will be feeling all this work tomorrow. i am starting to feel sore now. will need extra pain meds tomorrow. we got shopping done. only 2 stops but that was enough for me. i also stopped and dropped off some donation to the thrift shop. the days when the pain level is lower i do have more energy but when its high i feel like i have been hit by a truck. i cant seem to drag my butt to do anything. i often wonder if my sister has it as well. but since we dont talk its not worth my time to wonder....

well i dont know where spring went. it sure is dam cold today. i had to put socks and my big sweater on and but the heating pad on my back.

i found time to do some art today. which i loved every minute of. i made a cake to use up the goose egg. we are having left overs tonight so brent can heat up his dinner when he is ready.

it is supposed to start warming up tomorrow. i hope so cause i am worried about my plants in the garden. at least we are not going to get snow like father north is. we need heat and sun for the plants to grow. at the rate we are going now we may not get any veg at all.

i feel so useless sometimes. i try and try and cant seem to get much done. most days it seems like i am going in circles. so many things need to get done and i am still stuck at the start.

tomorrow is shopping day. will also be dropping off some donations too. i got 2 book shelves sorted and for now it is what i want to keep. as i was going along i also dusted and cleaned the books. i dont know why the house is so dusty all the time. guess its where we live.

i have had a very rough week emotionally. i have been very sad and i just wanted to go away and not come back. and i dont think anyone would really notice if i moved or not i dont have any close friends. the one friend i did have died 8 yrs ago. i miss her so much. most people asked if we were sisters. we thought alot alike. she like me was an artist. i have her work all over the house. i talk to her every day and wonder if she hears me....

odd weather today. really really windy and its a cold wind. so i am back to sorting and cleaning.

few days ago i wrote i wanted to get back into writing to penpals again. well didnt i stumble across a website that helps people do just that. so i signed up and found two ladies that seem interesting. what surprised me was how many young people there was . i mean like teens and 20s. i really didnt expect that. but i guess the thrill of getting a letter is not lost on the young. i am hoping the ladies i messaged will find me just as interesting. my life right now is really quiet so may not have a whole lot to write.

i actually did some art today. even though the light was not the greatest, but at least i spent some time at it. i will need a desk lamp i think for evening work as the light in the sun room is not bright enough for me.

i was sorting some kids books today. it made me sad to think the grandkids will probably never look at them. i did save some in hopes i can maybe get the books to them some day.

every time i think i can deal with this it smacks me right in the face, hard. i am so tired and sad. i have been pulling away from brent because of this. he probably feels this , he is not stupid. so i try and put on a brave front and carry on. i make dinner do housework and wonder what my life will be like a year from now......

i find some days harder to write than others. like today. my brain is pretty foggy so having a hard time keeping thoughts together. it happens sometimes with fibro. so i try and not do anything complicated on these days.

i sold some birds today, 5 of them. it was hard to let them go but had too. some of the males are fighting too much and pulling others feathers. so its good some are gone. maybe they are being aggressive because i keep taking the eggs so they wont hatch. not sure but with some gone i can think about maybe letting one or 2 eggs hatch.

no art today. but got my apple butter canned . it smelled so good when it was cooking. i will make more in the fall. its great on toast. my ex was never fond of me canning. he didnt trust that i knew what i was doing. but i have hundreds of jars in the basement. and its been a godsend in this time of pandemic.

it rained alot this morning so i dont have to water. i planted the few flowers i had last night before dark. so i think they will be ok now.

i have a catnip to plant but have to find a bigger pot. and the other flowers need to be repotted as well.

i am so tired right now . i started out ok this morning but i hit a wall and now its time to rest. will stop here for now and wish all a good day.

its an in and out sunny day. got my new art area sort of arranged for now. subject to change of course. i even did some art today. so that was great. after i did my chores of course.

i still have to can the apple butter which turned out great. and make dinner of course and do dishes. usual stuff .

my pain level is low/med today. had my shower and didnt need a nap. can manage with breaks and tea. lol

still have some flowers to plant. will try and do that after dinner. i cut my nails as i didnt like how the dirt would not clean out from them. its ok makes it easier to type.

no mail today. i was hoping my t4 would have come in. i needed to have a copy sent to me as i lost one. i remember having penpals and hoping everyday for letters. i loved that. sometimes it was hard to write letters as my life was pretty dull being a stay at home mom. but i had quite a few penpals but over time people just stopped writing. i miss the letter writing but no idea how to even get started on that again.

i watered the herb pots and the tomatoes and squash. they where looking sad. they keep saying its going to rain but it never does. so i have to remember to water. i also did a bit of weeding too . i think my big lavender is dead. will plant another one. i love the smell of lavender. love the smell of most flowers. colours of spring and summer make me happy.....

monday and todays chore is to move my art supplies from upstairs to downstairs. brent needs to use my desk for work as the internet downstairs is not strong enough and he keeps dropping calls. personally i dont think its the signal i think its a ton more people online all at the same time. but what ever. so i am moving stuff.

its cloudy today too so it seems its an indoor day anyhow and its very cool out. time to go water the herb pots.

so got alot of it moved. and desk is free and clear for him to use. and he seems ok for now with the tidy up. but the internet is no better he says. oh well i cant change that.

dont think i can do the birds today. the most is feed and water. i cant do a clean as i am in too much pain. will have to be tomorrow.

we have fred the budgie. he is great fun to watch and see how he figures things out. my ex would ever only allow me 2 cats thats it thats all. i wanted a bird but he shot me down so fast it would make your head spin. so i never asked again. i also have 3 cats. i used to have 5 and loved them all. a few summers ago i gave them all the drop flea treatments from the pet store and 30 days later 2 of them died within hours of each other. i was really upset and sad i had unintentionally did this to an innocent creature. so now i am very careful about what i use.

i had some apples to use up so have apple butter in the slow cooker. it will be ready to can tomorrow. but for now it will make the house smell great.

being as i am now going to be working on some art in the sun room its time to do more cleaning up in there and sorting and tossing out....

its sunday. need i say more. sundays have never been the greatest day for me. my ex and i used to fight alot on sundays. hence why i dont like them now.

laundry is out and dishes are done except for a pot. and second load in washer. waiting for that to finish then head out to the garden. not feeling the greatest but has to be done. dont want to waste the plants. there are so few around to buy right now.

brent is making dinner. with the meat we bought on the farm stand tour. smelling good so far.

got all the vegetable plants in the garden. got the herbs planted in the pots. with brents help i got the second garden bed weeded and planted. dont thing i could have done it on my own. i am not strong enough any more. which makes me wonder if i would even be strong enough to do my job.

i think being outside has been good for my mental health. i am not inside worried about things i cant control right now. and thinking about things that make me so sad. right now the sad days are more than the happy ones. and that worries me .......i want to feel happy but so much has happened in the last year to make me sad that i find it hard to think positive. small steps, small victories.....

it ended up being a nice day. it was supposed to rain. so no laundry out today. tomorrow its supposed to be nice too.

brent and i went out on a farmers stand tour today. the stands are very far apart. took us over 4 hours to do about a dozen. it was nice to get out and see the area and meet some new people. we did buy a few things. some goat cheese . and some flower and herb plants. there were some farms with nothing out yet. but the season is still early. maybe go back out in a month and see what they have to offer.

i am tired and sore. soreness from yesterday . but i have to get it done. brent cant do it. the city told him he cant have gardens for 2 yrs. they didnt tell me i couldnt. so i end up having to do all the work. so its going to take longer because of the pain levels etc.

brent went to get some gold fish for the ponds. they eat the bug larvae and keep it somewhat clean. he asked if they would be interested in buying some doves and they said they would call. so maybe i will be able sell off some more. i only hope they go to a good home.

i would like to sit in the sunroom tonight and do some needlework but its too full of winter stuff. so will have to clear that out first.

both of us are tired so it was frozen pizza for dinner . i still have to feed the birds and check on them before turning out the light. brent is making dinner tomorrow. so maybe i can work on it then. after i finish weeding the first garden bed and planting the tomatoes...

its cloudy on and off today. so thought i would take a chance and pull weeds. got lots done. but still have not finished the first bed. its where the tomatoes are going to be planted. i got cherry tomatoes. we eat more of those than the bigger ones. taking a tea break now and then will go back out later and try and finish the bed i am working on. then will start the bed for the squash. i just have to weed , dont have to dig it all out. i dont have the strength to do that anymore.

well done weeding for the day. got it almost all done. need to finish the strawberries. there is alot of grass in between the plants. takes along time as i dont want to break any of the leaves or stems. but for a first day not bad. will be paying for it tomorrow. i can feel that.

this fibro thing so sucks. i used to be able to work outside and have it not bother me. now i am starting to get stiff and sore. and i was getting really dizzy every time i bent over. so i thought it was time to call it a day.

almost time to find something for dinner. wish i didnt have to cook so much. i am just never hungry. but i have to eat to take my pills or i throw up.

spot washed the floors and did dishes. i didnt do laundry as they kept saying it was going to rain. oh well. now what to make for dinner.....