We all have emotional baggage. This is really just our hang ups and hurts that we carry around with us from our past experiences and relationships.

We carry these negative thoughts and feelings with us almost as if it is some kind of badge of honor. Sadly this only weighs us down. It actually hinders our ability to live in the present and move forward. We need to release the old negative energy so that we have freed up space to embrace all the great new things that are coming to us.

What types of emotional baggage are you carrying?

Failed Relationships

Hurts

Shame

Secrets

Grief and Loss

Resentment and Guilt

Betrayal

What happens if we bottle up our emotions?

Suppressing unwanted and negative emotions can lead to physical stress on the body. Bottling up emotions is just a survival strategy but not healthy for us in the long run. This is only a temporary fix because your emotional baggage isn’t going anywhere until you have dealt with it.

Forgive Others

This could be one of life’s hardest lessons; however, holding onto anger, hate and resentment will not allow you to live your best life. Carrying these negative feeling can actually become toxic because it is harmful to your wellness including your mind, body and spirit. You attract what you put out to others; therefore, if your stuck in a perpetual state of negativity all you can attract is more negative energy back into your life. The root of anger is often stemming from being hurt. *I love the work of Dr. Jody Carrington and she coined the phrase, “mad is just sad’s bodyguard”* wow how incredibly true! When I think of the times that I have been the angriest at someone it has always stemmed from being deeply hurt by them. I went straight to feelings of anger rather than sadness because it felt more comfortable and less painful.

Forgive Ourselves

Sometimes we not only have to forgive others but also ourselves. We all have done things that we are not proud of. Guilt, shame and blame serve us no purpose. We learn as we grow and we all make mistakes so give yourself a break! We have no control of others but we can control how we react and respond. Take what you learned from an unpleasant situation and make better choices moving forward.

Benefits of Forgivness

The power of forgiveness is life altering. Studies show that the act of forgiveness can dramatically improve your health.

Lowers blood pressure

Reduces pain

Improves sleep

Reduces cholesterol levels

Reduces stress levels

Improves mental health

When we can forgive, we can release our emotional baggage. Imagine the freedom in this and how much lighter you would feel without carrying your past along with you.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I am going to share more on how I personally was able to free some of my own emotional bagggae. It is only $5 a month to subscribe to Coil and it is so worth it, I promise!

I adore my husband Gord he is truly my best friend. We can finish our sentences and the kids say we have our own jibberish language that no one else understands.

We respect each other and our marriage. Our family means everything to both of us and we love our kids to the moon and back. He loves the boys so much and I know he would do anything for them and our family.

Gord is the best man I have even known. He is my giant teddy bear and has the biggest heart. He would do anything for anyone and is a man among men. Who even wore a bow tie for me once. Check it out, he looks so cute.

He is hilarious and makes me laugh so hard that I sometimes cannot catch my breath and my belly hurts.

He is witty and sharp and sometimes blows me away with his ideas and creativity. There is nothing he cannot fix or build. He loves Halloween and always makes it so fun for our boys. He made a scary ass clown one year yikes he even had a mini me (JJ).

Gord literally makes my dreams come true. I will have an idea and he will make it happen. He is also a dreamer and I love that about him. We have so many more adventures to go on and places to see. I wouldn’t want to go with anyone else but Gord.

He is my rock and the best listener on the planet. He never makes me feel dumb or silly for my weird rants or late night conversations. Gord is also reasonable and gives the best advice.

He will dance with me! I love to slow dance with him just randomly around the house. Gord is a hopeless romantic and messages me all the time to tell me he loves me. It’s the little things that mean so much.

He loves surprises and seems to always be scheming something up for the people he loves.

He loves animals just as much as me. I love that he built our cats an outdoor heated house so I wouldn’t worry about them outside in the cold.

I am so lucky to have him in my life. He is handsome and seriously has the best smile. I have never met a more beautiful soul inside and out. When he gives me a hug I melt. I love that he loves to cuddle and can always warm me up when I am freezing which is often.

I would choose Gord over and over again. He is the man I want by my side for life.

He is a keeper and I am the lucky one.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I love morning treats and miss heading to Starbucks or Tims once in a while for a special morning pick me up. I decided to treat myself for no special reason just because I want to.

We all deserve to indulge sometimes. I firmly believe everything in moderation is just fine. I have always found that when I deprive myself of something, it always ends badly.

I made muffins last night because I had a wicked craving for something sweet. I whipped up a batch of delightful lemon blueberry muffins and they did not disappoint. I think the best part was the lemon sugar glaze on top. It reminded me of the Starbucks Lemon Loaf except not as sweet which I actually prefer. The boys and Gord approved of them as well and wasted no time digging into them.

I rarely take time for myself because I am always busy caring for everyone else around me.

Why does it seem selfish to take care of me?

I am not entirely sure but I am trying my best to change this. I am the queen of making excuses when it comes to self care. This pandemic has really made me stop and rethink how I have been living. I don’t just want to survive but rather live my life to the fullest.

For so many years I was simply surviving. It was necessary in many ways but I just got so caught up in the chaos that I forgot how to live joyfully and fully.

This morning I decided to try something new and woke up earlier then normal and took some time to just breath and sit by myself on the deck.

I am a big believer in celebrating the small stuff not just the big moments in your life and this morning was a great fucking day. I literally took 15 minutes to myself and I am writing a blog about it because it was that great! This wasn’t anything elaborate or particularly thrilling but it was absolutely perfect to me. My dogs sat by my side as they always do and were actually quiet, this never happens. The birds were chirping in the background and the sun was gently shining down on me.

I just sat there and ate my damn muffin and enjoyed a green tea. It was so lovely and I plan to do this more often because we all deserve to treat ourselves. This is not selfish it is necessary and good for your soul.

Thanks for reading ❤️

Check out the Coil subscriber section below for the lemon blueberry muffin recipe.

Trigger warning-dog bite

It was just like any other morning nothing particularly unusual in our daily routine. The boys and I were out at our family cabin and I was preparing them some breakfast. Jake was 5 and Griff had just turned 1. The boys were playing with toys and cartoons were playing in the background.

I heard a loud growl...it was that fast. Our 2 year old Bull Mastiff Ruby had just bitten Griffin my baby boy. She had his little head right in her giant mouth and then shook him like a rag doll. There were no warning signs. It was the scariest moment in my life and all I could do was comfort my babies. One was bawling and one bleeding it was horrendous. This happened 11 years ago and it still pains me to think back on that day.

Ruby was our family pet who we all loved and trusted. Ruby had beautiful red hair and this was why we named her Ruby. She had been a part of our family since she was just a puppy. We had heard that this breed was particularly good with kids before adopting her.

Please don’t think I am bashing all of these dogs because I am not. I am sure that there are many great Bull Mastiff dogs but this was not our experience and it almost cost my child his life.

I had always believed that bad dogs were the result of bad owners but that day I realized that this is not always the case. I was an experienced large beed dog owner prior to getting Ruby. We had just lost our senior dogs Sasha and Samson due to old age. We were heart broken. Sasha was a sweetheart and was a large fluffy Great Pyrenees. Samson was my best friend and a Rottweiler, he was seriously a gentle giant. They died a year apart from one another. Our family just wasn’t the same without a dog until we met Miss Ruby.

I had never been scared of dogs and honestly no breed intimidated me before that day because I believed it was all in how you raised them.

I liked big dogs because there was just more of them to love. Ruby came to us a little on the skinny side and a bit skiddish. I setup a vet appointment mostly to introduce our new puppy to our vet who we all loved. He noticed right away that Ruby had a severe heart murmur. I called the breeder afterwards and their response was pathetic. I was told, that I could return the puppy to them so that they could euthanize her and then we could get another puppy. WHAT !! I was blown away. We were already bonded to her and could never have taken her back.

I was pregnant with Griffin at the time that Ruby joined us and she seemed great with Jake. We enrolled her in puppy classes and then obedience training to follow. She passed and did great! Griffin came along 9 months later and there were no concerns. He was extremely active and started walking at 8 months old. The kids adored her and she seemed to like them right back.

Griffin was rushed to the hospital for the first time that day and thankfully by the grace of god he was okay.

I immediately blammed myself. I was suppose to protect him and keep him safe and I failed.

I had so much mom guilt and was angry at myself!

I have a healthy fear of all dogs now but especially large breeds only because they can do more damage.

The doctor sent us back to the cabin with a bunch of medication and had given Griffin a large dose of penicillin just before we left the hospital. Turns out Griffin is deathly allergic to penicillin. His face started to look swollen. His tongue was larger than normal and I noticed he was struggling to breath.

We rushed him back to the hospital for the second time that day. I soon leaned he went into Anaphylactic Shock.

He was unrecognizable at this point between the injuries and bruising and now the swelling. His beautiful perfect little angelic face was now at least twice the size. My parents and sister came to the hospital and I could tell by the looks on their faces, just how bad he looked. I remember feeling like collapsing at one point but something inside me just knew that I had to fight and be strong for my little man. I never left his side. There must have been six people or more, all working on him.

I noticed on the other side of Griffin some of my family members were standing over him. My grandmother and both of my grandfathers who had all passed away. I didn’t even find this odd I just kept on praying. I heard my grandmother’s voice clearly tell me, “Griffin is going to be okay and he is strong” and I just knew that they were helping him. I truly believe that our loved ones who are no longer here on this earth, are always still with us in spirit.

The emergency team shared that he was stable enough now to be transferred by ambulance over to the Edmonton’s Stollery Children’s Hospital.

Griffin started to breath again on his own and was going to be okay for the second time that day. His poor wounds had all opened up again due to the swelling. I am so very blessed that he made it out of this situation. It took years to heal and today you can barely see his scars. He has no memory of this day and that’s probably for the best.

Love is a crazy thing. I was so angry at Ruby and yet I still loved her.

I had to make an excruciatingly difficult decision.

I knew that I could never trust her again and that terrified me. I could not allow this to happen ever again to anyone. It could have ended much differently and Griffin could have died.

My kids will always come first bottom line.

I felt the most responsible decision was to have her put down. I contacted many rescue agencies and no one would take her because It was just too much of a risk. It was brutal and heartbreaking letting her go. I do feel this was the right decision but it didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.

I held her and loved her right up until she took her last breath. Ruby will have a place in my heart, always.

I share this story with you not to scare you about dogs but to remind us to be cautious of all dogs regardless of how much you love them. I was a good dog owner and did all the right things and yet this is what happened.

For years I have done my best to put this day behind me. I am working at releasing my guilt and finding grace and forgiveness for myself in this all. It is a process but I am not there yet; however, just sharing this story is helping.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I love the sunshine and warmth. I just crave to be around the sun. I live in Canada and warm weather is not really our thing; however, we do get a lot of sunshine so that is fantastic. Edmonton actually gets 325 sunny days and 2345 bright sunshine hours per year according to worldatlas.com. So not too shaby but why then am I still craving more?

I think the issue is that our winters are so long. Edmonton has 7 months a year of winter. Winter is harsh and truthfully I do my best to try and stay nice and warm inside. I miss being outdoors during these months and ultimately I miss the sun. I wish I had more interest in outdoor sports but they do not appeal to me in the least. I would be the mom in the ski lodge, reading a good book and sipping on some hot coco.

I have always thought I would be happier if I lived somewhere nice and hot but I wonder if this is just because you tend to always want what you can’t have. See our summers are just so short and we only get 3 months to soak up every single ounce of the sun. I cherish every second of it and look forward to our summer season all year. Canadians are said to spend 90% of their lives indoors.

The last few years we have had much more rain and fewer sunny days in the summer so this makes coming into the winter season that much harder. Travelling for me is so important because I yearn for the sun.

Winter getaways help improve my mental health as it just breaks up the long drawn out winters which can be really depressing.

I tend to feel happier, healthier and more vibrant when I am in the sun and outdoors. I have always fantasized of relocating somewhere warm but Canada is home and where my entire family lives so this will likely never happen. The dream is to one day be able to afford to purchase a holiday home. I cannot wait until XRP takes off because this could actually become a reality!

Sun is actually really good for us and there are reportedly many incredible benefits to getting enough sunshine. Throughout history sunlight has been known to improve our health way before the discovery of serotonin. Hippocrates regularly prescribed sunbaths to his patients. He had a huge solarium that was used to expose patients to sunlight as part of their therapy. He believed that the changing seasons and exposure to sunlight affected one’s health.

The Top 5 Benefits of Sunshine:

Increased Vitamin D

Our body needs vitamin D and we do not get enough of it just through the food that we eat. Nothing is better for us then the sun itself which is the best natural source of vitamin D. This will also help your immune system and right now who doesn’t need a little boost.

Improved Mood

Sunlight actually triggers parts of the retina which then releases serotonin. Serotonin is considered the “happy chemical” because it helps regulate moods. Sunshine helps brighten our days literally and figuratively more then any other environmental factor. Research indicates that exposure to sunshine can help improve overall mental health.

Good Sleep

The sunshine that a person gets throughout the day can also help you in the night. Serontonin works in tandem with melatonin and can help promote good sleep. Sunlight affects the pineal gland which produces melatonin. Melatonin is a an antioxidant that improves the quality of sleep.

Stronger Bones

Having low levels of vitamin D can negatively impact our health and is linked to diseases like Osteoporosis and Rickets. Getting enough sun actually helps your body process calcium which promotes bone health.

Lower Blood Pressure

When we expose our skin to the sun our body actually releases nitric oxide into our blood. This helps to lower our blood pressure. High Blood Pressue is dangerous to our health as it substantially increases the chances of having heart disease. Heart disease is still one of the leading causes of death among men and women in North America.

Try to get outside at least a few times a week for 5-15 minutes. This will start to make a difference in your life.

Always remember to wear sun screen if your planning on being outside for longer periods of time. I have to start doing this even on those cold days when I need motivation to go outside because frankly there are too many benefits not to.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I wanted to share a great do it yourself project to make hand sanitizer. My family has been using ours since the beginning of the pandemic because at that time you couldn’t find hand sanitizer anywhere and trust me I was looking high and low. This project was so easy to make and is by far our favourite go to spray even now that hand sanitizer is readily available again. We all still prefer the homemade stuff over anything we have found at the store. We noticed many of them are way too harsh and sometimes smell just awful.

We have several extended family members that can’t do scents or are pregnant so this alternative has been perfect for all of them. The smell of the spray isn’t offensive and if you add your favorite essential oils it actually smells amazing. We had always used Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers in the past but found that the scent was always too strong.

I buy all of my essential oils from Saje. I have added the link below so you can checkout the website. This is a Canadian store that is simply amazing and started out in Vancouver BC. I LOVE all of their products and have tried almost everything by now. I run several diffusers in my home and also have them going at my school office. Essential oils have really helped me with my anxiety over the years and can calm me down when I’m anxious or lift me up when I am feeling down.

https://www.saje.com/ca/home/

Here is everything that you will need to make the hand sanitizer

Vegetable Glycerine

This can be purchased at a health food or supplement store. You really don’t need much so a small bottle would work out perfectly.

Everclear Alcohol

This is the strong stuff and can kill bacteria because of the strength of the alcohol.

Essential Oils

I have used immune, balance, aroma fairy and peppermint.

Small Spray Bottle & Lid

I purchased these bottles on line years back for a school project but cannot recall the name of the company. I like the small size because it is handy for putting in your purse or pocket.

I used my nifty little cricut machine to make the bottles even more adorable by adding these cute stickers.

Mixing Formula

50ml of alcohol to 1-2 ml of glycerine then add 2-3 drops of essential oils if you want to add a scent.

It is seriously that easy! We usually make up a big batch and have the spray bottles all prepared so that they are handy and ready for us when we need them.

I found this tutorial really informative and it takes only 4 minutes to watch. Be sure to give it a view before you actually make the hand sanitizer. Professor Davis gives you some facts on why the grain alcohol works and makes the spray step by step.

https://youtu.be/jlLXe8m6zdk

These also make thoughtful gifts to show loved ones that you are thinking of them. I made up a bunch of sprays and hand delivered them to family and friends. Social distancing is tough so I wanted to stay connected with the people important to me.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I am so excited to share that things are starting to look up over here in our home. These last few months have been pretty rough as the world just suddenly slowed down. Our family started to adjust slowly to this new reality. We made the best of social distancing and staying home but it was a huge shift for all of us; however, now just as we are getting used to this pace, it is time to switch it up again. Our covid case numbers are improving in Edmonton and businesses are starting to reopen. It’s time to adjust once again as we figure out how to reintegrate back into society.

The hard part is now we are so accustom to being isolated everything feels scary and overwhelming.

Anxiety is horrible and if you don’t have it, I am truly happy for you because it sucks. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember and for the most part I can manage it well. I have to work hard though everyday to not be consumed by it and covid has really been kicking my ass. Every insecurity and fear of mine seems to have been exasperated throughout this pandemic. Just the word “pandemic” alone makes me uncomfortable and anxious. I thrive with routine and structure to keep my life balanced and this working from home and online learning has totally turned things upside down.

It has been both a blessing and a curse living out in the country.

We see hardly anyone so we are extremly isolated with which is great for not getting sick; however, it is going to make adjusting to a normal way of life again that much harder. The boys have been so isolated from everything and everyone that I am scared for how they will adjust when school reopens in September. That shit keeps me up at night.

My oldest son (16) has anxiety and has been battling this since he was a wee little one. He is an introvert and is not a fan of big social settings but is missing daily interactions with his peers. He worries excessively about things that are out of his control and Coronoavirus has been a huge trigger. I am so happy that he is a talker and will share his feelings openly with Gord and I. Taking to a supportive person can do wonders for anxiety.

My baby (11) is much more closed off and keeps his worries to himself but will act out in other ways. This entire situation has made him much more anxious. He has asthma so the pandemic is bringing forward some terrifying memories of him being sick struggling to breath. scary memories of being in the hospital and not being able to breath. has had many scary hospital visits and worries that he will be more at risk then others because of it. I think the pandemic has triggered some scary me. All of these worries are so valid and scary to process especially with so much uncertainty in this world right now.

Oh thank god for Gord, he is the calm one in our crew. He is level headed and reasonable nothing much rattles this man. He is so good for all of us. He is also incredibly optimistic and always looks at the bright side of every situation. He lets me vent whenever I need to but will also remind me when I am getting crazy and will set me straight.

When this all started, I wanted to keep the kids in a bubble and never let them leave the house again, like never!

No more school just homeschooling from here on out!

This was clearly my anxiety speaking because I would never want to do that or could handle homeschooling indefinitely. Gord calmly reminded me that this was simply crazy talk and that we would all be okay. The first few times I had to go get groceries, I was a mess. Gord came with me so I wouldn’t have to face this daunting task alone.

I called a family meeting and shared with the boys that it is time to start slowly getting back out into the communiy by taking baby steps. They were having no part of it all and thought I was being foolish and just had a bad case of FOMO.

I tried my best to be supportive asked them to take the night to think about it all and we could discuss it more the next day.

The following morning they agreed to go over to grams and poppa’s house for a socially distanced visit. We had such a lovely day with them. We laughed and shared stories just like old times. We sat outside on their deck and had on their fire table. It was just so peaceful and perfect. A deer stopped by and grazed outside barely noticing that we were there. The birds were chirping and flying all around us. I just love hummingbirds and woodpeckers and both made appearances. We even saw a beautiful hawk flying up above us. I talk a lot about signs and animals as I truly believe they are all signs and have significant meaning.

The deer represents pathfinder and to trust your instincts to guide you through this situation.

The hawk represents focus and to choose your prioritize and avoid distractions.

The woodpecker represents that your dreams are knocking and to find the balance between being kind and being cautious. It also reminds us to rhythms, patterns and cycles.

The hummingbird represents good luck and come to us to bring good luck, cheer, love, joy and good fortune.

This was the best day I have had now in months. The boys mentioned later when we were getting ready for bed that it was actually really nice to be out of the home.

This is a huge win for us and I am celebrating this moment even if it may seem small, it was huge for us...

I finally thought last night as I went to sleep “this is going to all be okay” and I can finally see brighter days ahead.

Thanks for reading ❤️