Marriage is a comittment and it is no doubt hard at times. Any successful married couple will tell you that it takes hard work and dedication. There are good times and just as many rocky patches along the way. In life, we all face many challenges and marriage is no different.
I think many people have forgotten that marriage is based on respect and love. It takes more than just sparks and chemistry to make a marriage last. True love, love that is needed to last a lifetime is not something that comes right away. Love takes time and patience for it to grow into something really beautiful. Remember nothing worth having, ever comes easy.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a fantastic book on the subject of marriage and commitment. Gilbert’s words, page after page made perfect sense to me. I absolutely could relate to so much that she was sharing.
There is no formula to finding your perfect partner but love is not enough to make your relationship a success. Searching for your soulmate and for someone to come and complete you is not realistic. This expectation seriously sets you up for failure. No one can ever live up to those high standards. The truth is we are constantly learning and growing and so is our relationships. Your partner should merely compliment you but not overtake you. You have to love yourself first before you can ever expect someone to love you back.
In North American people cited love to be the top reason to get married, this over the need for commitment and companionship. Arranged marriages not forced marriages are statistically much less likely to end in divorce. They come into the union of marriage for the lifelong commitment not because of love. Feelings of love and friendship develop over time and it is reported that many couples in arranged marriages feel content and fulfilled.
I am not saying that we should all sign up for arranged marriages but there is a lot that we can learn from them. If we continue to look at marriage in the same way, we will similarly see divorce rates soar. It is never too late to save your marriage as long as both parties are committed and invested in the marriage.
My mother Carol is just a fantastic human being. I get it, I have to say this because she is my mom but seriously she is the best! My mom grew up as the baby in the family. Her parents were always protective of her because she was the youngest child and was a big surprise. She has a heart of gold. She has a sister who is 6 years older and they have always been the best of friends. My mom said that her sister always took the care of her and always made her feel included growing up.
The girls grew up and started to create wonderul lives of their own while remaining strongly connected. My aunt opened a beauty salon and my mom followed in her footsteps. They worked together for years until they started to have children and focused on their families. They were both the best moms and fantastic role models to all of us kids. We all grew up like one big family because we spent so much time together. My aunt and uncle’s home was my second home and I always looked up to both of them.
My aunt started to drop weight and felt awful for a long time. She kept going to the doctors and was continually getting brushed off. She was in her mid 40’s and felt horrible but had no clue what was wrong with her. Her husband took her on a trip to Europe for their 25th wedding anniversary. The day she got back home she called my mom and told her that she was really sick the entire trip. My aunt is intuitive and knew that something was seriously wrong. She bravely made a bold decision to go see a doctor every single day until one of them finally gave her some answers.
My aunt was desperate at this point and felt deep down inside that she was dying.That same week, finally a doctor took her serious and ordered some tests. She was going to get some answers once and for all. The results came back and she had hardly any blood in her body. She was sent to the hospital for a blood transfusion. My mom rushed over to the hospital to be with her. Shortly after arriving the doctor came up and shared with them that she had
kidney disease and her kidneys were failing.
My mom was so grateful to be with her sister at that exact moment in time.
This was not the answer that any of us were expecting. My aunt was only 46 and had so much life still ahead of her. The entire family was crushed! My aunt was brave and strong and never complained. She continued to fight for her life and was desperate for more time with her children. My mom was devastated for her sister and felt helpless watching her go through so much pain and suffering.
It was later explained that my aunt needed a kidney transplant. My mom immediately wanted to be tested. The success rate was much higher through living donors. My mom jumped at the chance to help. My aunt was reluctant to allow family members to get tested. She was more concerned about them then even herself. My mom was persistent and was not taking no for an answer.
My mother felt overjoyed when she learned that she was an almost perfect match!
The only kidney that would have been a better match was that of an identical twin. This was extremely good news. My mom never once waivered in her decision to donate her kidney to her sister. This was the only option!
She felt strongly that her being a match was in every way possible a blessing because she was given an opportunity to actually help her best friend and big sister.
Mom is a spiritual person and felt God all around her throughout this time. She never felt scared or worried to have the surgery because she had this overwhelming sense of calmness come over her. My mother just knew everything was going to be alright and that her sister would make it through!
My mom just now had to convince her sister to let her go ahead and become a donar. This was not an easy task as my aunt was very concerned about her baby sister’s safety. The doctors did extensive testing on my mom to make sure that she was healthy enough to go forward with the surgery. My aunt’s medical team felt strongly that my mom was healthy and would be just fine through it all. This news was finally what my aunt needed to give her blessings and move forward with the surgery. This still tears me up so many years later thinking of these two incredible women placing the other ones needs ahead of their own. What loving and wonderful hearts both these ladies have. I am blessed to call them family.
November 23, 1992
This was a huge day for my family! The day that changed the course of my aunt’s entire life. This was the day of the big surgery. The surgery took over 4 hours. My mom had to have 3 ribs partially removed in order to successfully remove the kidney. It was an incredibly big deal back then keeping in mind that this was almost 30 years ago.
I am ecstatic to share that my aunt is 74 years young today and still doing great. The kidney is healthy and going strong. This is coming on 28 years later.
My mom is also healthy and thriving! She is still a gem and would do this all over again in a heartbeat. This amazing act of kindness and love has since allowed my aunt to live and watch her children raise families of their own. My aunt is the most amazing grandmother to all of her grandkids. She was there to hold them all when each grand baby was born. She has been able to celebrate all the major milestones and holidays with all of them. My aunt loves to travel and has been all across the world. She recently celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary with the love of her life.
My mother still remains deeply connected to her sister perhaps even more after this bonding experience. I hope this may inspire you to be the light in the midst of darkness for someone you love.
If you haven’t tried a Canadian Beavertail you my friend are missing out! These are the most delightful treats and I promise you won’t be disappointed.
There are different toppings to satisfy everyone. I myself stick to the Classic just cinnamon and sugar and it is simply perfect! It reminds me of mini doughnuts from the fair but only way better.
Gord loves apple pie so the choice for him is obvious. It tastes just like grandma’s pie only with a fun twist. Oh and you can upgrade your beavertail to à la mode. Which is just the fancy French word for adding a scoop of ice cream. In my opinion you cannot eat apple pie without ice cream.
Jake is a huge fan! and will eat a few a day. He has always had a sweet tooth. He goes between two types the Triple Trip and the Avalanche. You really can’t go wrong as both are delicious and sweet.
Griffin is more like mom and usually get the Classic but sometimes will go on the wild side and order the Bananarama. He is a big banana and Nutella fan so this works out well for him.
My family looks forward to having beavertails every single trip to the Rocky Mountains. Banff is our favourite spot to wind down and connect with Mother Earth. It is a four hour drive from our place and we try to go at least a couple of times a year.
Here is the full list of options and flavours
So if you want to try a beavertail and have no plans to head Canada anytime soon no worries you can make them at home. I have made them many times and they turn out really well. You can also get more creative with your toppings.
If you are a subscriber please see below as I am including my favourite recipe so you can try to make your own beavertails !
Several years ago, I had gone to the school to pick up the boys at the end of the day. Griff was in grade 2 and Jake in grade 6. My heart sank when I pulled up early as I saw a sea of emergency vehicles. 2 fire trucks, 4 police cars, an ambulance and a tacticle van all parked outside the front entrance of the school. I had no clue what the heck was going on! I bolted to the side door where I always went in; however, the door was locked and not just locked I saw chains roped around the inside of the door. I was now officially freaking out!
I immediately called Gord and explained what was going on as best I could but I was frantic and I’m sure not making much sense. He said hang on “I’m coming” and hung up. I ran over to the front of the school to Griffin’s classroom and saw that all the window blinds were shut. By this time, a police officer was coming over to me. He sternly directed me to get back into my car. I demanded to know what was going on but he wouldn’t tell me anything. I finally got out of him at least that
the school was in a lock down situation.
Wait a minute, what! This is every parents worst nightmare. I agreed to go back to my car but just fell down on the sidewalk and felt utterly helpless. Jake texted me, “come to school someone has a gun and I am hiding.” I felt like someone punched me straight in the stomach. My mom called and she was frantic and desperate for more information. Jake had also texted her the same thing. Now Grandma was driving to the school.
Several agonizing minutes later the police entered the school and came out with a scruffy looking teen in hand cuffs. I saw the window curtains open and there was Griffin and all his little classmates waving at me.
This was the BEST moment to see all those smiling little faces. I raced into the school and made my way down the hall to the kids classrooms. I was finally let in and I held the boys tighter then I had ever before. Both of them were clearly shaken up but unharmed. We walked out of the school and there was Gord running over to us. He had come so fast and had brought with him an axe in the back of his truck. He was ready to bust into that school and get his boys. When it comes to fight, flight or freeze...I learned that Gord and I both are fighters.
I heard more about what had actually happened from the school that evening. There was an outreach program that was attached to the school. One of the youth attending this program was upset with another student and previously had made threats to her. He came into the school hot and heated that day. He was looking to confront her. He was making a scene in the front of the school and was escalating towards the office staff. He then bolted down the hallway towards the classes and threw a stink bomb. He had a knife on him. A parent happened to be at the school and saw all of this going on and intervened. This dad was an absolute rockstar as he bravely tackled this kid down and placed him in a submission hold. He held him there until the police arrived. Turns out he was a pro wrestler back in the day!
He was a hero to me and thankfully stepped in and no one was hurt.
This scary experience absolutely rattled me for a long time. I worried about sending the boys to school for months. I would get bad anxiety every morning thinking about it all. I know the kids did too and we had to have many uncomfortable and hard conversations as a family. I couldn’t sugar coat what happened. The school community handled it so well and offered the kids counselling. There was a therapy dog that came in for a few days following the event. I was grateful for this support and we all bravely went on but school has never felt the same since.
I realize that school violence and school shootings are a very real thing. My heart breaks because of this. Some positives in all of this is that
there are many things that schools can do to make our schools safer. School violence can be preventable!
Did you know that most acts of violence in schools are preplanned and the perp has told at least one person about these plans. In almost every case when the police checked their bedrooms there was planning material and evidence found. Parents it is a good idea to always check your kids bedrooms regularly. Gun control is a touchy subject especially in the US and I realize this; however, often the weapon is a gun and it came from the home.
Schools are becoming more open to prevention initiatives and ensuring that staff are trained and able to step in when there are warning signs because it can be preventable. Mental health supports are needed now more then ever in our schools. Kids need to be regulated to learn. I plan on doing an entire article dedicated to just that topic.
The term “the bee’s knees” refers to something that is excellent or of high quality. Many believe it came about because of the fact that bees carry pollen sacks on their knees. The pollen represents “concentrated goodness.”
These photos were taken the other day when I was sitting on my deck attending a zoom meeting on my laptop. This little buddy came and was awfully curious. He hung out with me for about 5 minutes. I don’t know much about bees but I thought this little encounter was pretty flipping cool.
I have always believed that when you have close encounters with animals like this, there is always a deeper meaning.
I think this for me was to see the positive in things. This little guy came to remind me to not get caught up in the craziness right now.
June 21st was National Indigenous Day and I wanted to honor this special day. I have embraced this beautiful and loving culture now for many years. I was born and raised in Alberta Canada and knew very little about our First Nations people who were here far before anyone else. I grew up and learned hardly a thing about Indigenous peoples in Canada. I never learned this in school and was never taught anything about this at home. I learned all about this in my thirties when I was in school to become a social worker.
The First Nations were essentially tricked into agreeing to the Indian Act. The Europeans came to them and pledged that they came in peace but in actuality had plans to destroy their culture and take their land. First Nations were extremely peaceful and fair so this was an agreement that they came into with great intentions. The Indian Act kept them segregated and took away many of their rights and freedoms.
Then there was the Canadian Genocide. Believe it or not but many Canadians are still unaware of this horrendous truth. Children were forced to go to Residential Schools to receive an “education” but this is not what they received.
Over 150,000 First Nations, Inuit and Métis children attended these “so called schools.” There were 139 in total all across Canada. The school was designed to isolate these children from their own families and culture as a means to assimilate them into white mainstream Canadian society. It is estimated that 6000 children were killed; however, there are many children who died and are still not accounted for.
They were raped, beaten, tortured, starved and humiliated. They were isolated even from one another at the school. Siblings were severely punished if caught communicating. Then at 18 they were supposedly ready to reintegrate into white Canadian society. Clearly this was not an easy task given that they were complety disconnected to their Indigenous families, commuity, culture and language. Many struggled with addictions, violence, mental health and were living in poverty.
The last school closed in 1996! This is one part of Canadian history that many would prefer stay hidden; however, it is all finally coming out. If you want to watch a great movie about Residential Schools, I would recommend “We Were Children.”
Several years ago the government formally acknowledged this abuse and has since implemented a reconciliation plan. There is still so much more needing to be done in Canada to help Indigenous peoples heal. They are still suffering and facing severe racism. Many live isolated on reserve and are still segregated. These communities often lack the necessary resources. Housing is deplorable and many have no running water. Poverty is high and abuse is prevelant. This is our problem in Canada and we have to do better. Our jails and foster care systems are outrageously overrepresented by Indigenous peoples due to systemic racism and intergenerational trauma.
Let’s take today to celebrate all the amazing stand up dads out there. My hat goes off to you! Good dads are often not given enough credit for doing so much for their children. I recognize this and thank you for showing up for your kids each and everyday. Being a parent is bloody hard work.
My dad has always been there for me sometimes just behind the scenes but his presence was always felt. He is a good man and would do anything for me if I needed him. He was the fun dad who would randomly decide that we were all going to a hotel for the weekend just so we got pretend to be on a vacation and get to play in the pool. He would take us out for ice cream or snacks on a hot day at random times and for no reason. He was there and that’s what matters the most. I haven’t always given him enough credit because sometimes I felt like he was unavailable due to him working so much. I realize now that he did the best he could and felt working and providing for his family was his primary role. This is how he showed his love. I love my dad and am celebrating him today!
Gord, well he just is the best dad. He loves Jake and Griff so much. He never misses anything that is important to them. He does all kinds of things to show the boys his love. Once he stayed up overnight in line at an eb games parking lot just to make sure that Jake scored a nintendo switch the first day that they were released. He tells them that he loves them every single day at least once. He shares that he is proud of them. He talks to them when they need him and always cheers them on. Gord drives them to school each morning and wishes them a good day before driving away. He is simply the best and this makes me fall more in love with him every day. Thanks Gord today we celebrate you and all your awesomeness!
I buried the past as best as I could. I was ready to say goodbye and welcome the new. I was free from Mike and all his dysfunctional chaos but will always carry the scars of my wounded past.
It was time for me to finally figure out who I was and what I was really made of.
Mike was finally gone but he did his absolute best to ruin me and hit me where it hurt the most. He underestimated me...every step of the way. Hell, I underestimated myself. I was suprisingly indestructible and kept rising to every occasion. I fought back and kept fighting and crawling may way through it all, one pathetic attempt after another to break me. He couldn’t though and I wouldn’t let him. I just kept going, day by day, minute by minute. I started to heal. The boys and I found peace and comfort in our home again and we were strong the three of us.
I’m sure there is a reason why I am avoiding wanting to go back in time and write about all the abuse that continued on from Mike during the separation period but I just cannot go there. Not right now anyways, this chapter in my story is not one I care to retell. It was excruciatingly hard and tremendously humbling. He was a coward and continued to think of himself over his children’s well-being. He still wanted to exert power and control over me and now he could only do this through the kids and withholding money. Watching your kids hurting is insufferable. I wanted to shield them from all of his horrendous behaviour and actions but it was impossible. They were right in the middle of it all. Smack dab and centre. He literally did everything you shouldn’t do when parenting your kid through a divorce. I was their safe place to land and I showed up every time without question.
I stopped crying and grieving this man because I saw him for who he actually was. I seen him and I hated him. He repulsed me. This gave me the will to fight even more and I kept going because to me there was no other option. I got a lawyer and this ultimately forced him to financially support the boys and I. He was legally held accountable and thank goodness for that. I had the means to now make a life for my family of three. Not just an ordinary life but one full of grace, love and joy!! I made so many changes and fought my fears one by one.
I went back to school and became a Registered Social Worker
I continued therapy
I volunteered with Victims Services and gave back to the community
I found love in one of my best friends
I landed a kick ass job in a career that I love
I moved to the country with my family far far away from Mike
I am surrounded by nature and animals which grounds me
I have an amazing and healthy relationship with my two kids
So yeah I bloomed and blossomed and no amount of crap or dirt will ever stop me from living my best life.
That marriage was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. I have two perfect babies because of this relationship. I was forced to see how beautiful and strong I could be on my own. I am exactly who I am because of this relationship. I am not a victim but a victor and I hold my head up high every day because I am a good person and I have made a life that I am proud of.
My friend Amanda asked me to join her on an adventure of a lifetime, in beautiful Bali. I had always wanted to go there but it was more of a bucket list type of dream. This being my first year with the school board and in my new position, I am temporarily laid off for the summer. It was killing me because I actually had the time to go but I didn’t have the cash to pull this one off. I reluctantly declined because I was trying to make an adult decision and be responsible.
Anyone who knows me well, was shocked because I never pass up an opportunity to travel. I was also struggling with the thought of leaving the boys behind. See as a mom this is what we do, family first always. I always put the boys needs ahead of my own but this can become an unhealthy balance.
Moms still need to have dreams of their own and time to recharge. I could not imagine a better place to do it then in Bali, the Land of the Gods.
My husband knew how disappointed I was and without me knowing called Amanda up and said “Lee is coming.” The two of them schemed away and on Christmas he surprised me.
I was freakin going to Bali!
We usually never go all out on couples gifts and try to just keep the focus on the kids so I was shocked. The part that really got me was that Gord listened and loved me enough to want this for me, more then I even wanted it for myself ❤️
Bali was finally coming together and me being a crazy lady made a PowerPoint presentation and had the entire trip detailed.
March rolled around and COVID news was everywhere and the world seemed to be put on hold. I knew what this also meant...change of plans. No more adventure and It was time to say bye bye Bali.
Here is a glimpse into what would have been the trip. We were set to leave in July, a month from today.
Amanda and I didn’t loose any money and both of us are healthy and safe at home with our families so all and all, we have nothing to complain about.
Love is not enough
