I wrote this song for my sweet friend Lauren and her daughter Harper. They are currently fighting a hard domestic abuse case. If you'd be interested in supporting them or learning about their story, here's my Coil article about them.

I know I already shared the recording but I wanted to share a live version as well. I hope this song impacts you as much as it did me!

If you'd like the recorded version in exchange for prayers/support for them, email me at riley@rileyq.com or DM me on Twitter: @riley_quin.

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=389726901452670860

*Having technical difficulties with Cinnamon, but as soon as I can get it fixed you'll be able to watch the video there!*

Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat, TikTok, or really any other social media platform. In all reality, you can't trust any platform entirely, not even Coil or Cinnamon – even though they have given us plenty of reasons to trust them.

As many of you know, yesterday @WietseWind tweeted this:

That, ladies and gentleman, is exactly why you cannot trust any platform.

1. You don't control your content once you put it up.

2. You can be shut down at any day or time and you may have zero chances of getting back your account/content/audience.

Creating online content is still a fairly new concept as it has only been around for a few decades, and open to the public for even less time. As we are now starting to get over the excitement of it all, reality is hitting us as platforms take more and more swings with what they control and how they control it. The politics (literally) of everything is getting far too real and far too messy. You NEED to know how to protect yourself and your content.

How?

As many of you saw this morning, thanks to a few suggestions, Wietse quickly sprung into action and rather than taking no for an answer, he found his way around it. Hence:

On your computer, on a self-hosted website or a hard drive. This goes for musicians, artists, writers, developers, everyone. SoundCloud may not always be around. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram- they might not always be around or they might not always allow you to post your content. You have no control over when you get shut down or what they block from you, so you need to be in control of your content AND your audience.

You can do this in a few ways...

1. Leverage multiple platforms so that if you ever got shut down on one, your audience is still there on another. In the rare case that you get shut down on all of the platforms...
2. Have some type of email list built. Even if you don't use it as a newsletter, you have a backup of a place where you can notify your followers of what is going on and how they can get to your content. I have mine here and often will provide freebies for ya'll in exchange for your email- the catch? I don't actually have an annoying newsletter, so you literally never get emails from me unless it's an emergency.
3. Have your own website! Whether you double post your blogs, or just have backups of them on there- you need to have something that is yours. I don't post my blogs on my website, because I do prefer Coil, but I have the Merge Podcast backed up there, I have all of my music and my music videos embedded directly. I don't ever want YouTube or anyone else to be able to take my content away from me.
4. Write and save your blogs outside of the platform, save your videos on a hard drive, save your music on your computer! Don't save all of your crap in DropBox, Google Drive, or anything like that. Don't save all of your videos and assume they'll always be on the platforms you posted them on. Don't save all of your blogs on the site you posted them on! Protect your work and make sure that you always have access to it- even if every platform went and shut down or kicked you off.

Now I am obviously not saying I don't love, support and trust Cinnamon and Coil, I do. They have given me a lot of reasons to trust them with their personal connections, amazing support and promise to not track data. I appreciate and I trust that and I don't doubt it. BUT, you never know when a company can change, when a policy can change, when leadership can change, when things have to be a certain way because of growth, you never know. Regardless, it's always safer to keep records of your content somewhere other than an online platform, always have backups.

I think we can take what happened on Twitter as a lesson to remember that we are not in control of our content the second we hit post. BUT, we can control how we react. I saw the XRP and Coil community come together in a beautiful way yesterday to support Wietse and I was proud to be a part of the community. We always have a choice to stand up for the people that work hard and we did. We also have a choice to keep fighting and adapting and working on new solutions. There will be people who don't want anything to change. Digital Advertising was a 333.25 billion dollar industry in 2019. There will be many people who aren't going to want that to go away and will do whatever they can to stop companies and developers like Coil and Wietse from trying to change that. This was a minuscule fight in comparison to what's coming. You need to be prepared and be ready to adapt and create something better every time you're knocked down. I applaud Wietse for acting quickly and outsmarting the system.

xoxo – Ry

Two years ago I almost lost myself. In the hands of sociopath, I was floundering. He had me entrapped in mind games and scared for my life, yet- I couldn't escape it, because I almost didn't want to; at least until I found out what was really going on.

For months I was taken advantage of, stalked, manipulated and emotionally beat up over and over again. The bruises may not be there anymore, but there's a heck of a lot of scar tissue left.

On February 14th, 2018 when everything fell into place and my world came barreling into me like a high speed train, I lost it. I fell apart as I realized what my sub-conscious had been trying to tell me all along.

The person that I trusted and that I was emotionally falling for, tried to take the one thing away from me that I clutched to: choice.

He tried prying it out of my cold fingers after he had sucked the life out of me. He chased in the name of love- but left me feeling exposed. He lied and twisted in the name of lust- leaving me to fear what I had always truly known; he did not have good intentions.

I still blame myself some days, why didn't I say something sooner?

Why did I entertain his thoughts?

Why didn't I put a stop to everything the moment my gut told me something was wrong?

I guess looking back it's because I wanted to see the best in him. I wanted to believe that he could be more than I knew he was. Now, I am scarred and broken because of it. My naive, pure view on life has been tainted and I have a very difficult time believing that people can be inherently good. I do not trust anyone without a lot of research and proof. I listen to my gut like it's my compass and I'm lost at sea.

He tried to take my choice, instead he took my confidence.

When I wrote Stitched that spring, it was because I literally had to. I broke down one night and I finally cried all of the tears that I had been holding back for fear of letting myself accept what I knew to be true. Stitched, in all of its gory details, is what helped me to start the process of healing my heart and my conscious.

My inability to trust my gut caused several people to be hurt by that boy. My lack of action did not just effect me, it hurt other people. If I had just... it could've all been prevented.

Stitched though, Stitched taught me that I was the victim too. That his actions could not have been prevented by me because evil is evil and evil is not easily convinced or changed. No matter what I “should have done” someone was always going to end up hurt. Stitched helped me to let go of the blame and to allow myself to work through patching the parts of myself that were only hanging on by a thread.

Stitched today, after almost two years of being on this healing journey is me standing up and saying no more.

No more to the men who have treated me like a piece of meat.

No more to the comments, the insults, the harassment, the judgment, the shame, the pain.

Comments that insinuated that I was the problem; that I asked for it.

The cover of Stitched was raw and vulnerable for me. It was HARD. I felt EXPOSED. But I had to shoot it that way to get my point across.

I created those photos in a tasteful artistic way to capture how I felt in those scenarios & how other people (men & women) feel after they have gone through the horrific events of rape, sexual assault, stalking & harassment. I trusted my nearest and closest friend to capture it and she did beautifully. And most people got it, most people understood what I was trying to say. But then there were those that didn't.

“No wonder, look at what you're wearing.”

“Well maybe if you'd cover up, you wouldn't tempt them.”

I could go on and on, but the reality is, this isn't some feminist thing. This is a human thing. The choice to shame or blame someone for something that happened to them is flat out wrong. Victim shaming is so over and ESPECIALLY when it comes to clothing.

Listen Up.

So please, don't let them make you feel like you are less then. Don't allow anyone to minimize your experience because of the circumstances at hand.

I believe you.

I see you.

I was you.

Your experiences are valid.

Your feelings are valid.

Your coping mechanisms are valid.

There will be people who tell you that you were wrong, mistaken or that you somehow brought it upon yourself. I am so sorry. And because of that, I will not stop speaking up about this until our culture is massively changed and we talk more about NOT assaulting than how to AVOID assault.

I am much more invested in who this is going to help than who this is going to offend, because those of you offended aren’t helping those hurt anyways. You’re making it worse by telling us directly or indirectly that we are the problem & we “asked for it”.

So, thank you to those who have supported me, Stitched and the victims of sexual assault, abuse and harassment.


If you have been a victim I am so sorry.

If you have been harassed on top of that by people on the internet or people in your church or people in your family, me too babe, me too.

Much love & many blessings to all.

If you haven’t listened to the song that was inspired by my story, you can listen on any platform here.

xoxo – Riley

https://open.spotify.com/album/4nWqjLheqNGjoIoDKS28FB?si=Jzi43iDqT2O__7-bAq7PBA

Dear Coil,

I'd like to first and foremost give a hearty thanks for everything that your team has done for us creators. From weekly encouragement and new resources to the boost program and really, just giving us a place where we feel valued. Thank you.

Now what I'm about to say, you may or may not even realize you've done. How things are right now, leaving things the way they are, may be short term and I won't be mad about that, but I do feel like you should know the impact you're making with your current set up.

My mental health has been in a rough spot for many years. A constant need for approval and validation, stemming from an overdose of social media platforms, has left me feeling less than, unimportant and like a complete failure. I keep going back to Instagram and Facebook, specifically, looking for approval from strangers on the internet who somehow hold the power to tell me if I'm good enough. There have been hours upon hours spent scrolling, comparing, beating myself up and wondering how I could ever be “as pretty”, “as talented” or “as popular” as other people on these platforms.

Until you. You came along and showed me that I could show up and create and I could just be. I could be authentically myself in every sense and not worry that my looks, writing style or anything else would cause me to go unseen or unpaid. I didn't have to advertise three types of protein powder or skincare products every week, just to get paid a few bucks. I didn't have to change my content and act like someone I'm not for approval or to get paid.

Now this is the part that may surprise you:

You have not only made me feel physically safe on this platform, but you've allowed me to feel mentally safe.

Unlike popular opinion, I actually LOVE that you don't have comments, DM's or an ability to see who likes or follows me.

» It keeps me sane. I'm not constantly checking for comments or to see who's following and liking my stuff. I can post, do my own reading and engaging and hop off the platform without a second thought. I'm able to actually enjoy my day without obsessively checking my stats.

» It keeps me from getting addicted to the platform and it allows me to connect with people outside of the platform. When you have DM's and comments built in, you get to a point where you spend so much time on the platform that you start to ignore other responsibilities. With the whole DM's/Comments thing- rather than manipulating/guilting people into commenting on your post, right then, just for engagement, you actually get to start meaningful conversations and the people who really want to talk actually will. When people have to go to Twitter, email or live chats to talk to other people in the community, it forces them out of their shell and into the world. Not only does that boost exposure for Coil but it gives people the opportunity to see the community that is being built within the new creator sphere. It shows that we are personable, we care about the work going on digitally and that we are supportive and inclusive- which is exactly what our society is craving. As an added bonus, it helps you gauge who is actually connecting with your content and it forces them to take action. If we want to make content that moves people, this is a great way to gauge that!

» The fact that we can't see who's upvoting/following allows me to not compare, feel slighted, or constantly agonize over why someone didn't like something of mine. It takes the personal politics out of it and leaves it to: either they liked the content or they didn't. That also helps with preventing pods from getting out of control.

» Not being able to comment or DM on the platform also builds in a safety mechanism to prevent human trafficking and cyber bulling on the platform. Now for those of you who didn't grow up in the age of the internet, you may have not experienced this, so let me tell you about it. I have not been on a single social media platform where I've not had nasty comments and DM's from strangers telling me to “go kill myself” or that I'm “f***ing ugly” or worse. I've not been on a single platform where I haven't been preyed on by predators. I've had people try to catfish me when I was a teenager, I've had people try to find me in real life, I've had a stalker myself, physically, in my town. So please, when I say that you need to be careful with adding features like comments and DM's to Coil, please hear my cry. I feel safe on Coil because I know that I am not going to fall prey to evil people who want a target. I also feel safe encouraging my friends to create on Coil and even their teenagers. I feel safe doing this because they are able to come here to create without worrying that their 13 year old daughter is going to be talked to by a man on the internet that has intentions to harm her. Whether you are aware of human trafficking or not, it's a VERY real and horrifying pressing issue not just in America, but around the world. At this point it is estimated that if your child under the age of 18 has a social media account – SnapChat, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube- that they have been viewed by a child trafficker or predator and reached out to at least once. I can't even count the amount of times that I was preyed on online. Did I ever tell my parents? No. Were there some close calls? Absolutely. So if you have a child and you are begging for DM's and comments on Coil, maybe think again about what it means to have a platform that actually has the capability to keep you and your kids safer than they would be on other platforms? You can't expect your child to tell you when they're being reached out to- if they even know. Most traffickers and predators come in the form of teenage girls and women at this point, nobody is safe and nobody is untouchable. With that being said, I'm thankful to have this place right now. I'm thankful to be able to share about my life without the worry that someone is going to target me or my family directly through the platform. Just knowing that has eased my anxiety about creating and connecting online significantly.

So thank you Coil, for everything you've done. You may not know it, but you've significantly helped my mental health over the past 8 months. Because of you I've been able to separate myself from a social media addiction, I've found an online family and I've found my voice again in an environment I trust.

Whatever you may add in the coming months, whether it be stats, username tracking, comments, DM's; I hope you take into consideration how it will effect the health of the community. You've already made massive strides in being different compared to other platforms and that's why we love you. I know I'm not alone in everything I've said today, I've had this conversation with several other creators and I'll be diving into it a bit on The Merge Podcast tomorrow with Adam – aka: @aussieninja.

Regardless of what you do, I will stand by you, but I wanted you to know how much you've helped me.

xoxo – Ry