Hey hey! Tomorrow in America, is Thanksgiving. Followed quickly by Hanukkah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, and Ōmisoka/New Year's Eve. The holidays for many can be quite overwhelming and frustrating. Between the expectations, increase in spending, diversion from routine and an excess amount of social events and food, not to mention the obligatory family gatherings, I would bet that most of us would rather just skip the holidays altogether.

I for one am a huge fan of the holidays. My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve. This time of year has always been good, especially growing up. It was the time of year that was peppered with fun traditions that my parents started, a lot of peaceful family time, tons of baked goods, Christmas movies and music and a sense of joy. I always looked forward to seeing my cousins and family friends at our annual parties and gatherings. As a kid Christmas was magical. I honestly count myself very grateful because I know for a lot of kids and families, Christmas is a time of added stress, painful trauma coming back up to slap them in the face, and uncomfortable situations. Although I did not experience any of that in any way as bad as the majority of people, I do have a few thoughts on how we as a society might better handle the holiday season.

First of all, if you view the holidays with any disdain in general, especially due to a traumatic experience or painful memories, I am sorry. This time of year must be extremely difficult and you need to remember that you do not owe anybody anything. You don't owe your attendance at parties, you don't have to walk around singing jingle bells and laughing. You don't have to participate in the office cookie exchange or Secret Santa. You do not owe any family members hugs and kisses. You do not owe anybody anything. The more you suppress your feelings and hurt, the worse-off you will be. Take the time you need to heal, maybe see a counselor this year instead of buying gifts for people. Do what you need to do to take care of you!

With that being said, let's chat about a few ways to survive the holidays/a few things to remember:

...don't put them down for that. Respect each other's holidays, let them do their thing and you do yours!

The holidays for some are the one time of year that they feel like they can just be free and tap into their inner child- let them. We all need a bit more joy!

This one is huge. Around this time of year we feel obligated to attend every social event... spoiler alert: you don't have to. Choose the ones that mean the most to you that you will remember for years to come! Your brother's girlfriend's sister's holiday party isn't going to be much fun anyway and spoiler alert: they won't be together next year. 😂

I know this one is hard, but seriously. Don't abandon all of your financial goals for a few gifts. The people in your life should understand, especially if you're open with your goals/scenario, that this year you just don't have it. Rather, find free or super cheap holiday activities such as skating in the park, the city's tree lighting, hot cocoa and movies at home, etc.

Gift giving is really fun, but you don't have to buy everyone that you cross paths with a gift. Write a list, stick to a budget and choose only the people closest to you. If you listened to point #4, maybe instead this year bake a couple batches of fun cookies and desserts and give everyone you love a goodie bag. Homemade gifts are sometimes the best gifts! If baking isn't your thing, check out my subscriber only content below for a cool DIY idea! Pro Tip: If you're making cookie bags, keep allergies in mind and maybe try to remember your local post man, a few neighbors, close co-workers and anybody who goes out of their way to help you on a regular basis. Cleaner's, assistant's, super's, etc., always appreciate when they're remembered and recognized around this time of year.

Volunteering, especially around the holidays is one of the most fulfilling and fun things you can do. It's free, it's selfless, you'll gain perspective and honestly, it's something we should all be doing more of. If you want to get some donations together, have a little holiday party, put some music and hot cocoa on, and have people bring lightly used clothing or cans. Bring the donations to a local pantry, shelter or church and light up someone's world this year. This is honestly a great tradition that should be practiced all year round!

...don't attend that gathering or stay away from them. You do not owe anybody anything. Period. Gifts, hugs, kisses, life updates- nothing. If you don't feel comfortable around them you have every right to stay away from them. The same goes for your spouses/significant others/kids. If you notice that someone is uncomfortable around a friend or family member, do something about it. Step in if your child or S.O. seems hesitant or nervous about hugging a family member. I know this meme has been floating around the internet, but seriously, your child (anybody really) deserves to be taken seriously when it comes to not being comfortable around family members. If you see inappropriate behavior from a family member or friend, especially when alcohol is involved, say something. You have no idea how much we need it.

If someone in your family seems hesitant to give you a hug, don't take it personally and just smile and say hello. You have no clue what's going on in their lives, or maybe you do and you need to stay away from them. Regardless, allow people their personal space and boundaries, you'd expect the same if you were in their shoes. The holidays aren't some free-pass for affection.

For the love of all that is good, what we'd all give for a drama free holiday! The holidays are supposed to be fun, so don't be that guy. The rule of thumb goes as such: avoid controversial topics, politics, bringing up past offenses and stop giving the third degree. Nobody wants to feel like they are on trial at their thanksgiving table. Ya wanna know why your niece hasn't shown up to thanksgiving in three years? Maybe because the last time you saw her you made her feel awful about her decision to drop out of college. I know that's a harsh example, but ya'll, the holidays are supposed to be FUN! Play games, laugh, eat, catch up in a light-hearted way, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF, and enjoy your company!

Some people really struggle with this. Whether it's a personal preference or it's something they're struggling with, be conscious about who you're drinking around or providing drinks for. Do fights usually break out when you mix your family with alcohol? Merry Christmas, Santa's sober this year! But for real, be conscious and be considerate of your family and friends. They will appreciate you so much if you do such. Remember, the holidays are about coming together, having fun, being selfless and loving on each other.

*I know that was a lot, but I hope that you truly have a very special and memorable holiday season.* I'd love for you to tell me about your favorite holiday tradition- tweet me @riley_quin. I'll be talking about some of my favorite Christmas traditions come December. Oh, and check back tomorrow for a special Thanksgiving surprise! 🦃

Happy Holidays!

xoxo – Ry

🎁 CHEAP DIY GIFT IDEA! 🎁

I cannot believe that I have officially hit my 100th post on Coil! Honestly, I'm kind of surprised I've made it this far. Although I am dedicated when it comes to relationships and loving on people, I often fail to perform long term when it comes to projects.

I can't even begin to count the hundreds of projects that I have started in my life that I haven't finished. Not because I didn't want to, but simply because I got distracted or I got lazy or lost interest. But Coil, Coil's been completely different.

Coil has awakened a spark inside of me that I didn't know even existed. I was so afraid at first to blog, even though I knew I enjoyed writing, because I didn't know if I'd be able to portray my passions well. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be accepted, or that I would be and I'd over-promise and under-deliver.

I've honestly proved myself wrong though. With the incredibly supportive community cheering me along and the thrill of being a part of this revolutionary technology, I've truly been reawakened. Not only have I realized more of my potential, but I've allowed myself to learn and grow.

I've allowed myself to step into the writer that I've always wanted to be.

I've allowed myself to step up to the plate and allow my passions to shine brighter than ever.

I've proved to myself that I'm not a quitter and that I'm capable of pursuing what I love long-term.

I've changed for the better and I am so proud of that.

Like I said, when I started this journey back in May, I had no clue that it would go this far. I never imagined that I would be a leading content creator on a platform that values creators. Like, what?! That's insane. I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of this, it's surreal.

I honestly have to say that it's also been an amazing experience learning about digital assets, blockchain technology and the future of technology. It's really opened my eyes to just how much this world is going to evolve in the next 20ish years- I'm pumped!

So thank you Coil.

Thank you for allowing me a space to pour my heart out.

Thank you for gifting me the opportunity to step into the shoes that I've always been meant to wear.

Thank you for inspiring me and uplifting me even when it felt like I wasn't being heard.

Thank you for pushing me to think outside of the box.

Thank you for your commitment to creators.

Thank you for being the catalyst for my voice and my passions.

Coil, you've made me feel seen.

You've made me feel heard.

You've made me better and you've made me louder.

Cheers to Coil and cheers to my next 100 posts. 🥂

xoxo – Ry

Until quite recently I spent a lot of time on social media, engaging and posting my entire life. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I went through a pretty heavy spell of being depressed and wanted nothing to do with social media, that I realized how much I've grown to hate it.

Spending hours of my life absorbing other people's wins and losses is harming my self-esteem and my brain. The more time I spend on social media, the more that I am jealous, resentful, ungrateful and I beat up on myself for not “achieving” enough.

Social media was made to act as a drug. Every moment that there is silence or empty space, we are automatically drawn to pulling out our phones and refreshing our screens. The fear of missing out or falling behind is constantly buzzing in our ear. What if we miss a notification? What if we miss something important? What if we aren't the first to be funny or ironic? Even now, writing this, my phone has lit up four times in a matter of a few seconds with notifications. Notifications are a constant reminder that there are things going on in the world that we “need” to know about. But guess what? We have the choice to tune out from all of that. We have the choice to realign our mental decisions with what is actually important.

I'd like to present this concept:

If you struggle with mental health in any shape or form you need to cut down or cut out social media.

What will this achieve?

Why are these things good?

1. Even with all of the apps and integrations being developed to improve our productivity, we are quickly becoming the least productive generations to exist. Rather than producing high quality products and ideas, we are rushing through the process and taking short cuts wherever we can. By cutting down on social media we will spend less time infiltrating our brains with ideas that aren't ours and spend more time thinking, brainstorming and creating. When you create based off of your intuition and from observing the world around you, your ideas and creations will perform so much better. Consumerism has become so focused on what performs numbers wise, but sales are still not increasing in many major areas. I believe that is because we are forgetting how to analyze the behavioral patterns and tendencies of actual humans. This doesn't just apply to consumerism, it also applies to us and how we develop our brains and take care of ourselves. If we want to live a long and fulfilling life, we need to be taking care of ourselves. By constantly focusing on everyone else and what everyone else is doing, we are losing touch with our own abilities and our own needs. I believe this alone will improve mental health. We need to be in touch with what our bodies are telling us and learn how to cope with our problems instead of deflecting and worrying about everyone else instead.

2. When we spend all of our time invested into a screen, we train our brains to be constantly looking within ourselves, within our minds and within our phones for answers. We compare our behavior, tendencies and habits to those around us. We aren't in touch with the world, energy and reality. We allow social media trends and standards to dictate how we live our own lives. If someone is working on their gratitude by posting on Instagram, we start posting what we're thankful for. If someone else decides to work out five times a week, we attempt to do the same. Now there's nothing wrong with influencing someone else in a positive way, but it becomes a problem when someone is influencing you in a negative way (for them) or when you are only doing something to gain recognition.

We've fallen into a “like” culture.

Everything for recognition and affirmation. Rather than finding confidence in our abilities and achievements, we attempt to over-achieve everyone else and we only do things to prove to other people that we are talented or a good person. This way of thinking is very toxic and is what causes us to doubt our worth and ability when we don't have access to social media or we are not receiving the affirmation we desire. I myself struggle with this concept and my confidence took a hard hit when the Instagram algorithms started to decline. I saw myself as not good enough as I watched myself lose hundreds of followers and my likes were down 80%. Needless to say I felt a lot better when I realized it was happening to everyone else too, but that doesn't make it okay. My sense of self-worth and confidence was completely entangled in my ability or inability to produce and achieve affirmation. I believe that by re-training our brains to view our own failures, successes, and goals, through our own eyes and our own judgments, we will increase our confidence, productivity and quality of life exponentially.

3. Remember when you were a kid and you were so in touch with the world around you? Everything was magical and everything had potential. The world was your playground and you could make anything exciting and beautiful. You saw trees as houses and playgrounds as castles. The couch was your pirate ship and your dog was your mighty steed. What would you give to go back to those days? When everything was amazing and you were in constant awe of what the world could produce? When you believed that anything was possible and that if you worked hard enough you could achieve your hearts desires? What changed? What happened that turned us into cold realists? We stopped daydreaming. We stopped effortlessly creating and using our intuition. Rather than relying on our intuition and building on those skills, we started relying on social media and the world around us to tell us what was possible and what wasn't. Why do you think network marketing works so well? Everyone wants to believe that they can have more and that their dream life is possible. But nobody wants to put in the effort or realize that it's possible to live their dream life their way, so instead they adapt and try a “proven” system that is working for their friends on social media, so it must work for them! Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything inherently against network marketing, but I do believe there is a lot of corruption and false advertising in their systems. Having worked with several clients who were trying to build their network marketing businesses and seeing the defeat in their eyes and the misery in their voice when their “dream job” wasn't working the way they were told it would when they were recruited, I've seen just how damaging that version of marketing can be. Like I said, I don't have anything against network marketing, I just realize that the over saturation and mis-leading promises of these companies on social media is causing a whole lot of self-doubt and disappointment in men and women all around the world. Now this isn't necessarily the companies fault, rather, they are playing into the system and facade that social media has developed. They are simply allowing the thought process that anybody can live any life they want if they just “show up” to dominate their selling points when recruiting. This causes a cycle of (mostly women) to simply show up on social media everyday, get lost in scrolling, liking, engaging and posting, only to barely move the needle in their progress. This leaves them feeling worthless and like they aren't capable of achieving the life that they dream of having.

This is bullshit. I'm calling it, I have to. If we could simply pull ourselves out of social media for just a few days we would realize that there is an entire world around us that is waiting for US to show up. There is an entire world of people who need US and our talents and our skills LIVE and IN-PERSON. Not every job can be done over the internet. Not every job NEEDS to happen over the internet. We are using the internet and social media as a crutch and an excuse to stay home and lounge around and not take pride in our appearance or in knowing how to interact with other human beings! It's absolutely ridiculous the amount of people who are wasting away in their homes because they have a “work from home” job. This translates, for a lot of people, to “an isolating job”. Guess what ya'll even those of you who work from home, can have friends and can have positive human experiences! Go work at a shared-work space or a coffee shop or literally anywhere that isn't your home. Hold “office days” at your house and get together with other entrepreneurs and creatives. Get out of your computer and start writing things down and having brainstorming sessions. There is something huge to be said about working with other people and being around other people! There is something massive to be seen, but you have to get your head out of your computer and out of your phone to see it and to be in touch with it. I guarantee your physical body will feel better, your mind will sharpen and your productivity and creativity will flourish.

I know this has been a lot, but I do want to give you a few tangible ways of making this happen.

Seriously, you do have a choice on those. If your phone isn't lighting up every 5 seconds you're going to be way less apt to pick it up.

If you have an iPhone, limit the amount of time you're allowed to spend on social media apps. Try and cut it down to 30 minutes on each app, just to start. You will be massively surprised at how much time you actually spend on those apps and how much you're able to achieve when you set limits. If you don't have an iPhone, attempt to limit the amount of time you spend on the app by limiting it to lunch hour or set a timer when you're at home.

Turn your phone on night mode at night. Turn on your alarm an hour before you go to bed and start unwinding. Don't pick that phone up until you have to turn off that alarm in the morning. That being said, don't immediately jump on your email or social media the moment you wake up. Just as you would decompress and meditate or read a book before you go to bed, you need to prep your brain to be sharp and “on” for the day. Get up and brush your teeth, eat something, get dressed, read something and then pick up your phone. Trust me, this isn't easy- I've far from mastered this, but I'm really trying to be better about this. When I have consistently practiced this habit I've seen wonders in my productivity and my mood improvement. Turning off your phone or turning it on Airplane Mode or “Do Not Disturb” is a great habit to practice when you're working, around other people, or need to achieve a task.

Man, I had so much fun a few weeks ago unfollowing everyone on Instagram that I didn't care about or didn't want to see anymore. I realized that I was miserable after being on social media and I was becoming obsessed with peoples lives that I don't actually know in the least. I went and unfollowed everyone that wasn't positively impacting me or that was making me feel awful about myself or my life circumstances. I also unfollowed almost everyone that I knew with an MLM who was trying to push it on me or trying to make me feel unsuccessful or like my life wasn't good if I wasn't a part of their company. Literally, don't be afraid to unfollow people. It's so freeing and you feel so much better about the time you are spending on social media. I promise they probably won't find out and even if they do, they'll probably immediately forget about it. If they bring it up or hold a grudge, you probably shouldn't be following them anyways. My next mission is un-friending on Facebook. 😊

That's all for today! Thanks for hearing me out and I truly hope that you take a few minutes to consider your social media habits and attempt to make a change to better your mental and physical health.

♥️ xoxo – Ry

A special gift for my subscribers ⤵