Music – Motherhood – Marriage – Mental Health | Listen to the Solidarity Podcast on Apple & Spotify🎙| Twitter & IG: @riley_quin
Hey ya'll! I hope you had a fantastic holiday weekend! I for one took a break from Coil because I needed to rest and spend time with my husband and his family without worrying about posting. I think it's really good and healthy to take breaks once and awhile. Not only to prevent burnout, but also to allow your brain to observe and not be in creative mode 24/7. Anyways, I'm back and I'm SO excited it's finally December! I head back to Michigan in a few weeks to see my family for Christmas, we've got plans for fun Christmas events in Tennessee and I've got tons of Christmas movies to watch! ❤️
I will be going live on their YouTube Channel December 9th at 8 pm EST/7 pm CST. I would love if you'd tune in! It'll be a great night and I'm super excited to share all about my music and my experience with Coil!
XRP ZOO YouTube
XRP ZOO Twitter
Like I mentioned in my last post about surviving the holidays, I grew up with very fond memories of Christmas time and all of the traditions surrounding this season.
Today as I sit at home, waiting for Dustin to get home from working Black Friday, I am honestly really sad. See today used to be my favorite day of the year. My family had a long standing tradition of waking up late, eating leftover pie with fresh homemade whipped cream and making our way out to a tree farm to cut down our Christmas tree. Although we would usually bicker and someone would complain about how cold it was, the memories still warm my heart. My dad would usually attempt to start a Christmas carol, many quotes from “National Lampoons Christmas Vacation” would be stated and we had a great time. After we'd get home I liked to put on Christmas music and make a hot sandwich with Thanksgiving leftovers and my Dad would put the tree in its stand. If it was early enough, he'd put the lights on too. That evening we always watched the for-mentioned movie (Christmas Vacation) and drank hot cocoa by the fire.
This Friday marks the second year in a row that I haven't been home for this tradition. I've got to be honest, I'm really sad today. Seeing the annual family picture they took after cutting the tree is just a hearty reminder that I'm not there anymore. I left, I got married, I started a new family. Now none of this is bad, it was all necessary even, but that doesn't make the sting of missing these traditions and moments any better.
Dustin really tried for me this year, he knew I was going to be sad about missing “Christmas Tree Getting Day”, so he went out and bought a fake tree for me and helped me decorate our room. It's not real, but he even found a Christmas tree scented ornament that he hung inside of it. I lay here right now, with tears streaming down, missing my family more than ever, but I'm looking at our little Christmas tree and I'm thankful to have someone who loves me enough to try and preserve my traditions, even if it doesn't look exactly like what I'm used to.
This year has been really hard for me, there's been many moments where I just wanted to go home to Michigan and stay there. I mean Tennessee is great, don't get me wrong, but I get very homesick sometimes. I feel like when you first get married, it's almost hard for the people around you to acknowledge that there is a lot of firsts happening. It's not even something I consciously realized until I was in it, but it's hard starting all new traditions and figuring out how holidays are going to be split and just everything that comes with it. It's even harder when you don't have kids yet because you're kind of expected to just go with everything regardless of if it works for you, because, “you don't have kids”. I might make another post about this later, but this Christmas was supposed to be different. I got pregnant in May and had a miscarriage in June. I would've had our baby at the beginning of February. Even though I was only pregnant for a short period of time, I had already imagined the whole pregnancy. This Christmas I would've been receiving baby clothes and discussing names and getting excited with friends and family about their impending arrival. Rather, a part of me feels very empty, like I'm missing something or someone. I've been trying to fill this void with going above and beyond for the holidays, but when I find myself in these still and empty moments, I feel the weight of everything more than ever.
Sorry to be such a downer in this post, but I feel like my readers and fans are becoming a part of my family. I don't want to make myself seem like everything is perfect all the time, because it's not. So if you're missing your family this holiday season or you're mourning the loss of someone, I'm right there with ya.
hugs, Ry
Hey hey! Tomorrow in America, is Thanksgiving. Followed quickly by Hanukkah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, and Ōmisoka/New Year's Eve. The holidays for many can be quite overwhelming and frustrating. Between the expectations, increase in spending, diversion from routine and an excess amount of social events and food, not to mention the obligatory family gatherings, I would bet that most of us would rather just skip the holidays altogether.
I for one am a huge fan of the holidays. My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve. This time of year has always been good, especially growing up. It was the time of year that was peppered with fun traditions that my parents started, a lot of peaceful family time, tons of baked goods, Christmas movies and music and a sense of joy. I always looked forward to seeing my cousins and family friends at our annual parties and gatherings. As a kid Christmas was magical. I honestly count myself very grateful because I know for a lot of kids and families, Christmas is a time of added stress, painful trauma coming back up to slap them in the face, and uncomfortable situations. Although I did not experience any of that in any way as bad as the majority of people, I do have a few thoughts on how we as a society might better handle the holiday season.
First of all, if you view the holidays with any disdain in general, especially due to a traumatic experience or painful memories, I am sorry. This time of year must be extremely difficult and you need to remember that you do not owe anybody anything. You don't owe your attendance at parties, you don't have to walk around singing jingle bells and laughing. You don't have to participate in the office cookie exchange or Secret Santa. You do not owe any family members hugs and kisses. You do not owe anybody anything. The more you suppress your feelings and hurt, the worse-off you will be. Take the time you need to heal, maybe see a counselor this year instead of buying gifts for people. Do what you need to do to take care of you!
...don't put them down for that. Respect each other's holidays, let them do their thing and you do yours!
The holidays for some are the one time of year that they feel like they can just be free and tap into their inner child- let them. We all need a bit more joy!
This one is huge. Around this time of year we feel obligated to attend every social event... spoiler alert: you don't have to. Choose the ones that mean the most to you that you will remember for years to come! Your brother's girlfriend's sister's holiday party isn't going to be much fun anyway and spoiler alert: they won't be together next year. 😂
I know this one is hard, but seriously. Don't abandon all of your financial goals for a few gifts. The people in your life should understand, especially if you're open with your goals/scenario, that this year you just don't have it. Rather, find free or super cheap holiday activities such as skating in the park, the city's tree lighting, hot cocoa and movies at home, etc.
Gift giving is really fun, but you don't have to buy everyone that you cross paths with a gift. Write a list, stick to a budget and choose only the people closest to you. If you listened to point #4, maybe instead this year bake a couple batches of fun cookies and desserts and give everyone you love a goodie bag. Homemade gifts are sometimes the best gifts! If baking isn't your thing, check out my subscriber only content below for a cool DIY idea! Pro Tip: If you're making cookie bags, keep allergies in mind and maybe try to remember your local post man, a few neighbors, close co-workers and anybody who goes out of their way to help you on a regular basis. Cleaner's, assistant's, super's, etc., always appreciate when they're remembered and recognized around this time of year.
Volunteering, especially around the holidays is one of the most fulfilling and fun things you can do. It's free, it's selfless, you'll gain perspective and honestly, it's something we should all be doing more of. If you want to get some donations together, have a little holiday party, put some music and hot cocoa on, and have people bring lightly used clothing or cans. Bring the donations to a local pantry, shelter or church and light up someone's world this year. This is honestly a great tradition that should be practiced all year round!
...don't attend that gathering or stay away from them. You do not owe anybody anything. Period. Gifts, hugs, kisses, life updates- nothing. If you don't feel comfortable around them you have every right to stay away from them. The same goes for your spouses/significant others/kids. If you notice that someone is uncomfortable around a friend or family member, do something about it. Step in if your child or S.O. seems hesitant or nervous about hugging a family member. I know this meme has been floating around the internet, but seriously, your child (anybody really) deserves to be taken seriously when it comes to not being comfortable around family members. If you see inappropriate behavior from a family member or friend, especially when alcohol is involved, say something. You have no idea how much we need it.
If someone in your family seems hesitant to give you a hug, don't take it personally and just smile and say hello. You have no clue what's going on in their lives, or maybe you do and you need to stay away from them. Regardless, allow people their personal space and boundaries, you'd expect the same if you were in their shoes. The holidays aren't some free-pass for affection.
For the love of all that is good, what we'd all give for a drama free holiday! The holidays are supposed to be fun, so don't be that guy. The rule of thumb goes as such: avoid controversial topics, politics, bringing up past offenses and stop giving the third degree. Nobody wants to feel like they are on trial at their thanksgiving table. Ya wanna know why your niece hasn't shown up to thanksgiving in three years? Maybe because the last time you saw her you made her feel awful about her decision to drop out of college. I know that's a harsh example, but ya'll, the holidays are supposed to be FUN! Play games, laugh, eat, catch up in a light-hearted way, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF, and enjoy your company!
Some people really struggle with this. Whether it's a personal preference or it's something they're struggling with, be conscious about who you're drinking around or providing drinks for. Do fights usually break out when you mix your family with alcohol? Merry Christmas, Santa's sober this year! But for real, be conscious and be considerate of your family and friends. They will appreciate you so much if you do such. Remember, the holidays are about coming together, having fun, being selfless and loving on each other.
*I know that was a lot, but I hope that you truly have a very special and memorable holiday season.* I'd love for you to tell me about your favorite holiday tradition- tweet me @riley_quin. I'll be talking about some of my favorite Christmas traditions come December. Oh, and check back tomorrow for a special Thanksgiving surprise! 🦃
If you've spent more than 5 minutes on the internet in the past few weeks I'm sure you've seen the 10 year challenge. Ya know, where you post a picture from 2009 and 2019. It's supposed to memorialize the past decade, but really I just see it as an excuse for people to show off their glow ups. 😂
As I was scrolling through a bunch of them last night it truly dawned on me how much has happened in the past 10 years. As the last of the 90's babies, this past decade held more changes than I could have ever imagined. I thought it would be fun to give ya'll a peek into my life the past ten years and a bit of my back story.
This has been my decade. It's been a doozy. 😅
And now... I'm just trying to navigate and survive adulthood.
With all of that to say, I feel like the #1 thing that I've learned (and that I'm still learning) is that amazing things will happen in your life if you allow them to. You don't need to focus on the “how”, in fact if you do, the process will slow down significantly. When you feel like your life is at the lowest it possibly can be, you have to look up from the situation and choose gratitude. You have to choose to smile because life is going to go on and the longer you mope over the fact that your circumstances aren't perfect, the longer you will be distracted from your ultimate purpose. So please, stop focusing on the “how” and start focusing on living life to the fullest and showing up for yourself and those around you.
Don't forget to reflect on this past decade and to take a moment to thank whoever or whatever you believe in for your past 10 years. For the ups, the downs, the life changing experiences and everything in-between. I am so thankful for these past 10 years, even with all the crap that's happened, it was all worth it for who I am now. I hope you can see the same thing in your life.
Sometimes Monday's are harder than all of the other days. As we walk into a week that is focused on thankfulness (specifically in America) I thought it would be nice to try and have a little extra positivity to kick off your week!
One concept that I'm going to be talking about more later this week is “eucharisteo”. The greek translation is “to be grateful”, “to feel thankful”, “to give thanks”. This is a term that is very prevalent in my parent's household and has been quite literally pounded into my head. This is definitely not a bad thing as it has proved to be quite beneficial in my life. The basic concept behind “eucharisteo” is that thankfulness precedes the blessing. When you give active thanks, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of more. This isn't in a materialistic sense, rather, how can you do with more when you cannot appreciate what you have?
I thought this would be the perfect topic to dwell on this week, with Thanksgiving falling on Thursday! I know that Monday's especially can be difficult, coming off of the weekend, but I bet that if you peppered in some positivity and gratefulness that you'd be delightfully surprised at what the week brings you!
I've made a couple (14 😂- a few have variations) fun graphics for you to post on social media, put as your screen saver, or just to look at and reflect on! I hope you have a fantastic day and I hope that even if something doesn't go right that you take a minute to think about how blessed you are! Don't forget to tag me if you post them, @riley_quin – I'd love to follow you on Twitter or Instagram!
If you weren't originally brought to Coil through your interest in XRP/Digital Assets, you are one of the few. With that being said, if you have zero interest in investments- this article is still for you. 😉
Are you investing into yourself? Are you giving out of an overflowing cup or are you sliding in at the end of the night in the red?
Whether or not you choose to invest your money, you have been investing since the first time you ever made a decision about your well being. What to eat, where to spend your time, who to spend your time with, how to take care of yourself- every one of those decisions is an opportunity in which you are investing something into yourself or investing yourself into something or someone.
The difference between a conscious investor and a bad investor is having the ability to judge risk and reward. If you have a lot going on at work and you're coming home late, is it really the smartest investment to spend your time going out to the bar drinking with co-workers? Wouldn't it be a better investment in your health, time, and energy to go home and eat your first full meal of the day and get to bed early so you're rested and rejuvenated for the next day?
Whenever you are facing a decision or evaluating your habits, it is important that you assess the risk and reward factors. When you take the time to consciously ask yourself these questions, you are consciously working towards a healthier and happier life. The benefits of this includes higher productivity levels, a greater impact on the world around you and more energy and love to give.
Finding balance can be hard, I get it. I constantly feel like I'm holding one spinning plate, I pick another one up and another one, but then I trip and I drop a plate. Then I drop another and another and another until I'm all out of plates and having a mental breakdown. So I get it. It's hard. But what I've found is that when you focus on one or two things for a month or two and establish healthy habits, you can then add one more thing at a time.
With all of that being said, you don't have to equal everything out. Some things deserve more of an investment. That's where your values come into play. What's more important? Spending quality time with your family or spending time with friends? Working 60 hour weeks to further your career or mastering a hobby that brings you joy? You have to make decisions.
When investing yourself, rather than thinking of your time as an equal pie chart, think of it as a pyramid that you start with a foundation and build up on. This would be how I view mine:
Whenever something is off in my life and I'm feeling like I've lost all of my plates, I have to look back to the bottom tiers of the pyramid. Am I in alignment? Is my foundation solid? I know personally that if my spiritual and physical health aren't being prioritized it takes a toll on every other part of my life. I also know that if I'm not prioritizing my marriage I am not going to excel in my family relationships, my career or my friendships. I personally put money at the top of my pyramid because although it is important to me, I see money/currency (which can also be joy) as a result of the rest of my life being in alignment.
With all of that being said, all investments are different and nobody's values are the same. You can't compare how you invest your time, energy and mental health to how anybody else invests. It's not healthy and you will lose your mind playing the comparison game. At the end of the day you have to trust your gut and do what's best for you based off of how you've assessed your risk and reward.
I hope that I've made you stop and think about how you're investing your time, mental health, energy and money. We aren't often asked to slow down in our society and I think if we did that more often, we'd see a great deal of reward.
I cannot believe that I have officially hit my 100th post on Coil! Honestly, I'm kind of surprised I've made it this far. Although I am dedicated when it comes to relationships and loving on people, I often fail to perform long term when it comes to projects.
I can't even begin to count the hundreds of projects that I have started in my life that I haven't finished. Not because I didn't want to, but simply because I got distracted or I got lazy or lost interest. But Coil, Coil's been completely different.
Coil has awakened a spark inside of me that I didn't know even existed. I was so afraid at first to blog, even though I knew I enjoyed writing, because I didn't know if I'd be able to portray my passions well. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be accepted, or that I would be and I'd over-promise and under-deliver.
I've honestly proved myself wrong though. With the incredibly supportive community cheering me along and the thrill of being a part of this revolutionary technology, I've truly been reawakened. Not only have I realized more of my potential, but I've allowed myself to learn and grow.
I've allowed myself to step into the writer that I've always wanted to be.
I've allowed myself to step up to the plate and allow my passions to shine brighter than ever.
I've proved to myself that I'm not a quitter and that I'm capable of pursuing what I love long-term.
I've changed for the better and I am so proud of that.
Like I said, when I started this journey back in May, I had no clue that it would go this far. I never imagined that I would be a leading content creator on a platform that values creators. Like, what?! That's insane. I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of this, it's surreal.
I honestly have to say that it's also been an amazing experience learning about digital assets, blockchain technology and the future of technology. It's really opened my eyes to just how much this world is going to evolve in the next 20ish years- I'm pumped!
Thank you for allowing me a space to pour my heart out.
Thank you for gifting me the opportunity to step into the shoes that I've always been meant to wear.
Thank you for inspiring me and uplifting me even when it felt like I wasn't being heard.
Thank you for pushing me to think outside of the box.
Thank you for your commitment to creators.
Thank you for being the catalyst for my voice and my passions.
Until quite recently I spent a lot of time on social media, engaging and posting my entire life. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I went through a pretty heavy spell of being depressed and wanted nothing to do with social media, that I realized how much I've grown to hate it.
Spending hours of my life absorbing other people's wins and losses is harming my self-esteem and my brain. The more time I spend on social media, the more that I am jealous, resentful, ungrateful and I beat up on myself for not “achieving” enough.
Social media was made to act as a drug. Every moment that there is silence or empty space, we are automatically drawn to pulling out our phones and refreshing our screens. The fear of missing out or falling behind is constantly buzzing in our ear. What if we miss a notification? What if we miss something important? What if we aren't the first to be funny or ironic? Even now, writing this, my phone has lit up four times in a matter of a few seconds with notifications. Notifications are a constant reminder that there are things going on in the world that we “need” to know about. But guess what? We have the choice to tune out from all of that. We have the choice to realign our mental decisions with what is actually important.
1. Even with all of the apps and integrations being developed to improve our productivity, we are quickly becoming the least productive generations to exist. Rather than producing high quality products and ideas, we are rushing through the process and taking short cuts wherever we can. By cutting down on social media we will spend less time infiltrating our brains with ideas that aren't ours and spend more time thinking, brainstorming and creating. When you create based off of your intuition and from observing the world around you, your ideas and creations will perform so much better. Consumerism has become so focused on what performs numbers wise, but sales are still not increasing in many major areas. I believe that is because we are forgetting how to analyze the behavioral patterns and tendencies of actual humans. This doesn't just apply to consumerism, it also applies to us and how we develop our brains and take care of ourselves. If we want to live a long and fulfilling life, we need to be taking care of ourselves. By constantly focusing on everyone else and what everyone else is doing, we are losing touch with our own abilities and our own needs. I believe this alone will improve mental health. We need to be in touch with what our bodies are telling us and learn how to cope with our problems instead of deflecting and worrying about everyone else instead.
2. When we spend all of our time invested into a screen, we train our brains to be constantly looking within ourselves, within our minds and within our phones for answers. We compare our behavior, tendencies and habits to those around us. We aren't in touch with the world, energy and reality. We allow social media trends and standards to dictate how we live our own lives. If someone is working on their gratitude by posting on Instagram, we start posting what we're thankful for. If someone else decides to work out five times a week, we attempt to do the same. Now there's nothing wrong with influencing someone else in a positive way, but it becomes a problem when someone is influencing you in a negative way (for them) or when you are only doing something to gain recognition.
Everything for recognition and affirmation. Rather than finding confidence in our abilities and achievements, we attempt to over-achieve everyone else and we only do things to prove to other people that we are talented or a good person. This way of thinking is very toxic and is what causes us to doubt our worth and ability when we don't have access to social media or we are not receiving the affirmation we desire. I myself struggle with this concept and my confidence took a hard hit when the Instagram algorithms started to decline. I saw myself as not good enough as I watched myself lose hundreds of followers and my likes were down 80%. Needless to say I felt a lot better when I realized it was happening to everyone else too, but that doesn't make it okay. My sense of self-worth and confidence was completely entangled in my ability or inability to produce and achieve affirmation. I believe that by re-training our brains to view our own failures, successes, and goals, through our own eyes and our own judgments, we will increase our confidence, productivity and quality of life exponentially.
3. Remember when you were a kid and you were so in touch with the world around you? Everything was magical and everything had potential. The world was your playground and you could make anything exciting and beautiful. You saw trees as houses and playgrounds as castles. The couch was your pirate ship and your dog was your mighty steed. What would you give to go back to those days? When everything was amazing and you were in constant awe of what the world could produce? When you believed that anything was possible and that if you worked hard enough you could achieve your hearts desires? What changed? What happened that turned us into cold realists? We stopped daydreaming. We stopped effortlessly creating and using our intuition. Rather than relying on our intuition and building on those skills, we started relying on social media and the world around us to tell us what was possible and what wasn't. Why do you think network marketing works so well? Everyone wants to believe that they can have more and that their dream life is possible. But nobody wants to put in the effort or realize that it's possible to live their dream life their way, so instead they adapt and try a “proven” system that is working for their friends on social media, so it must work for them! Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything inherently against network marketing, but I do believe there is a lot of corruption and false advertising in their systems. Having worked with several clients who were trying to build their network marketing businesses and seeing the defeat in their eyes and the misery in their voice when their “dream job” wasn't working the way they were told it would when they were recruited, I've seen just how damaging that version of marketing can be. Like I said, I don't have anything against network marketing, I just realize that the over saturation and mis-leading promises of these companies on social media is causing a whole lot of self-doubt and disappointment in men and women all around the world. Now this isn't necessarily the companies fault, rather, they are playing into the system and facade that social media has developed. They are simply allowing the thought process that anybody can live any life they want if they just “show up” to dominate their selling points when recruiting. This causes a cycle of (mostly women) to simply show up on social media everyday, get lost in scrolling, liking, engaging and posting, only to barely move the needle in their progress. This leaves them feeling worthless and like they aren't capable of achieving the life that they dream of having.
This is bullshit. I'm calling it, I have to. If we could simply pull ourselves out of social media for just a few days we would realize that there is an entire world around us that is waiting for US to show up. There is an entire world of people who need US and our talents and our skills LIVE and IN-PERSON. Not every job can be done over the internet. Not every job NEEDS to happen over the internet. We are using the internet and social media as a crutch and an excuse to stay home and lounge around and not take pride in our appearance or in knowing how to interact with other human beings! It's absolutely ridiculous the amount of people who are wasting away in their homes because they have a “work from home” job. This translates, for a lot of people, to “an isolating job”. Guess what ya'll even those of you who work from home, can have friends and can have positive human experiences! Go work at a shared-work space or a coffee shop or literally anywhere that isn't your home. Hold “office days” at your house and get together with other entrepreneurs and creatives. Get out of your computer and start writing things down and having brainstorming sessions. There is something huge to be said about working with other people and being around other people! There is something massive to be seen, but you have to get your head out of your computer and out of your phone to see it and to be in touch with it. I guarantee your physical body will feel better, your mind will sharpen and your productivity and creativity will flourish.
Seriously, you do have a choice on those. If your phone isn't lighting up every 5 seconds you're going to be way less apt to pick it up.
If you have an iPhone, limit the amount of time you're allowed to spend on social media apps. Try and cut it down to 30 minutes on each app, just to start. You will be massively surprised at how much time you actually spend on those apps and how much you're able to achieve when you set limits. If you don't have an iPhone, attempt to limit the amount of time you spend on the app by limiting it to lunch hour or set a timer when you're at home.
Turn your phone on night mode at night. Turn on your alarm an hour before you go to bed and start unwinding. Don't pick that phone up until you have to turn off that alarm in the morning. That being said, don't immediately jump on your email or social media the moment you wake up. Just as you would decompress and meditate or read a book before you go to bed, you need to prep your brain to be sharp and “on” for the day. Get up and brush your teeth, eat something, get dressed, read something and then pick up your phone. Trust me, this isn't easy- I've far from mastered this, but I'm really trying to be better about this. When I have consistently practiced this habit I've seen wonders in my productivity and my mood improvement. Turning off your phone or turning it on Airplane Mode or “Do Not Disturb” is a great habit to practice when you're working, around other people, or need to achieve a task.
Man, I had so much fun a few weeks ago unfollowing everyone on Instagram that I didn't care about or didn't want to see anymore. I realized that I was miserable after being on social media and I was becoming obsessed with peoples lives that I don't actually know in the least. I went and unfollowed everyone that wasn't positively impacting me or that was making me feel awful about myself or my life circumstances. I also unfollowed almost everyone that I knew with an MLM who was trying to push it on me or trying to make me feel unsuccessful or like my life wasn't good if I wasn't a part of their company. Literally, don't be afraid to unfollow people. It's so freeing and you feel so much better about the time you are spending on social media. I promise they probably won't find out and even if they do, they'll probably immediately forget about it. If they bring it up or hold a grudge, you probably shouldn't be following them anyways. My next mission is un-friending on Facebook. 😊