I honestly cannot believe I'm saying this.

500 posts.

That's wild to me.

I started blogging in May of 2019 and less than two years later I've hit a goal I didn't know if I'd actually see or not.

Not that I didn't think that I could write 500 posts, but because I didn't know if I could actually stick with it.

I've never been the kind of person that is good at sticking with things.

Ideas, projects.. even people. As much as I hate to say that, I have a hard time staying committed and I'm often tempted to walk away, even from people and things I love dearly.

It's a downfall of mine and one that I've had to work really hard on.

I've had multiple blogs throughout my life but my Coil blog has stuck around the longest. Obviously the financial incentive has helped but it was a combination of that and this incredible community that pushed me to dive deeper into writing.

Over the last 2 ½ years I have written more than I have in my entire life. There are far less days that I didn't write than when I did. Which feels crazy to me because it often didn't feel like a job, just something fun that I got to do- a way to express myself. But the math adds up and I'm really proud that I did it.

I've covered such a wide array of topics on this blog but at the end of the day, it was just my life. You've seen me go through some of my highest highs as I got married, gave birth to my son, released music and bought a house. You've also love me through some of my lowest lows as I battled my mental health, healed from miscarriages and figured out to be a better wife and human.

It's been a blast and I truly am so grateful for every ounce of love, support, encouragement and the constructive criticism that pushed me to be a better writer and creator.

With all of that being said, I'm moving my blog over to my web-monetized website- rileyq.com. I've had the website for years and I've used it as a place to house my music and contact information. As I am launching my new podcast (“Solidarity”) on Wednesday and Coil is starting to shift away from having a blogging platform, I want to make the switch while it's still relatively easy. I'll be transferring my favorite posts over and then I'll be writing on there for now and posting links here on my profile. I've been thinking about this for a long time, I think I brought it up to Tahlia in the early fall before the announcement of the boost program ending and so many people left. I was praying for the right time to start making the switch and really using the web-monetization technology as it was intended to be used- on individual sites.

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle products, advertising and monetizing my content in other ways because the reality is that as much I want to solely rely on web-monetization to make money, it's just not going to happen right now. So I'm definitely going to keep utilizing it and talking about it, but don't be surprised if I also invest my space into other projects and companies that I'm passionate about so that I can afford to continue creating full time.

As I said, I am so thankful for each and every one of you, especially those of you who haven't left the platform yet. I hope that you will continue to follow along via my website – rileyq.com – and follow me on my social media platforms (Instagram, gFam, Mg.Social & my Solidarity Podcast Facebook page) to continue to keep up with what I'm doing and to keep reading, watching & listening.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to my heart.

Here's to the next 500! 🥂

xoxo – Ry

Hey friends!

Hayden is two months old today! And let me tell ya, I'm a little less put together than ever. I forgot his 2 month plaque for his picture and he's now soundly sleeping, covered in spit up so that ship has sailed.

Anyways, we've had a pretty good second month. He's sleeping really well at night which I feel very blessed about. He's almost 11 pounds now, if not over that at this point. I love his little chins, squishy cheeks and thigh rolls that are developing. They're my favorite.

As always, Hayden has been making us laugh with his many faces but my favorite thing he learned how to do this month is smile. He is such a happy baby but he's definitely a morning boy, unlike his mama. We seem to be happy at opposite times of day which I'm working on because I want to be a happier, more present & more patient mama.

Hayden is doing really well with independent play on his mat, swing time and I feel like I'm finally starting to get back to me because I have time to do so.

I've started working again which has been interesting but we're figuring it out. I've also started working out again and I'm really thrilled to have a morning routine once again.

I've had good days and bad days with my postpartum depression but I'm finding that the more time I spend out of the house the better I feel. Right now it's my goal to leave at least twice by myself and once with Dustin a week. So far it's made a huge difference but I'm still verbally processing and trying to face my feelings everyday so they don't build up.

Well that's this month update! Here's a little recap of Hayden's second month of life. This video is much more fun because I have a ton of clips of him laughing & jabbering. I can't wait for next month's video I'm sure it'll be even more fun.

Thanks again for all of the love, we appreciate your love & support.

xoxo – Ry

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=507202992114500643

Hey friends!

Hayden will be 2 months old this week and I realized that I still hadn't done a formal video introduction. I decided to hop on Cinnamon and give a quick postpartum update with how I'm doing, introduce you to my sweet boy and give a rundown of my favorite nursing products & essentials. I have quite a few friends who are either pregnant or newly postpartum who have inquired about my must haves so I figured this would be an easy way to share!

Men, ya'll may want to bow out of this one as it does get a bit TMI and may bore you quite a bit. Motherhood is fun like that. 😅

I hope you find it helpful and if you have any questions about any of the products I mentioned please just shoot me a quick message and I'll be happy to help. I've done a lot of research and I've already had a lot of trial and error these past few weeks and I'm more than willing to lend an ear or lead you in the right direction.

xoxo – Ry

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=502910636687099402

There's a difference between creating for fun, creating for intention and then a mashup of both.

In job settings we are often creating for intention. We often struggle with mind blocks and feel held back by restrictions, quotas and expectations.

In our hobbies we have the freedom to create purely for fun. We are free to dream, explore new ideas and create without abandon.

So what do we do when both of these methods of creativity cross paths?

Recently I had the idea to create a podcast. Last year I started Merge and it ran for 9 episodes- a season. I pretty much intended it to be a stand alone project, one, maybe two seasons. After the first season I planned a second one but then Covid and pregnancy happened and I decided it wasn't worth my precious energy anymore. I was satisfied with what took place and I moved on.

This go around though it is coming not from a place of work, but from a place of pure desire to simply create. I want to express myself and if more comes out of it, fantastic.

More on that soon as I'm still smoothing out the details before the February release, but I'm excited.

From this experience I've reignited something in me. An aspect of the creative process that I really hadn't tapped into in awhile.

The concept of taking conscious creative action.

It's having the self awareness to know which ideas to run with and which to take a pause on.

It's choosing to move forward with focus and put your brain into an intentional state of creativity.

So, why is this important?

Well as we've talked about quite a few times before this, creatives frequently burn out because we take on too much. Whether that is in quantity of projects or through the quality of just a few projects. We either take on far too much or we hold ourselves to impossible standards and give up.

It's easy to get excited about an idea and hype it up but never do anything about it.

The key, in my experience to intentional, conscious movement, is to never spend more time talking about what you're going to do than you do actually working on it. In fact, limit conversations about it as much as possible.

Once you start to say it out loud to other people, over and over again, you get the high of feeling like you've done it and by the time it comes around to actually do the work, the excitement has faded and you move on to your next big idea.

That's why you often see genuinely successful people keeping their heads down and only coming up to see the results of their hard work.

Now this doesn't mean that you can't gauge interest of a product, concept or an idea. You can do that vaguely and with intention.

You can also develop your thoughts verbally with others, but you must be intentional. Choose carefully who you discuss your ideas with. You want supportive individuals who understand you and your lifestyle but who won't sugar coat the truth.

So what does it look like to take conscious creative action? What do you need to do?

• Ask yourself questions. Lots of questions.
• Run through the logistics of money, time, worth, audience, etc.
• Create mini samples of the idea to know if you even jive with the process and the outcome.
• Consider your desired impact and your audience.
• Give yourself time to freely create but set goals beforehand so that you don't create yourself right out of that project.
• Give yourself grace and humility to know when a project is supposed to simply stay an idea.
• If you're supposed to move forward, work out the details, have it ready, THEN start pitching and advertising and releasing.

Conscious creative action is where the incredible creative process inside of you meets strategy and intentional spending of your resources and most importantly, time.

So whatever you've been dreaming up, I encourage you, life's too short to keep it in your head or to yourself. Play with the idea of taking it out of the box and just give it a shot. You truly never know until you try.

xoxo – Ry

Today was rough. It's 11:05 pm and I am typing away as quickly as I can before Hayden wakes up from his last “nap” of the day before we're out for almost the entire night. I can hear him stirring so I doubt this will be long but I guess I kinda need to vent. Maybe this is for me and maybe it will help another stay at home parent feel not so alone.

I'm starting to miss the days when I could just work.

When I could just come up with an idea and run with it.

..and he's up. Back to one-handed typing.

He made my point.

I'm having a hard time not being ridiculously jealous of Dustin. He can just go to work and the store and do things without thinking twice about a human surviving off of him. I envy that.

On one hand I literally have no idea how anyone goes back to work because I would be crushed and miss him way too much. On the other hand, sometimes I just need a break and I want to be able to just record a video or a podcast or write without getting interrupted every five seconds. I find my patience fading away very quickly.

I'm thankful for friends who remind me that this is normal and totally okay. That I can both love my child and want to be present with him while also missing my freedom and ability to just pick up and do things. I don't have to feel guilty about that internal struggle. And in fact, it's not an isolated one, many feel that way.

The last few weeks I've been working on a project. Having Hayden has actually been a blessing to this project in that he inspired it, feeding him has given me time to work on it via my phone and because I can't just quickly crank it out, he's forced me to slow down and pay attention to the details. I'm really proud of this project because I think it's going to help a lot of women to feel not so alone and isolated. Especially after a year of what has felt like total isolation and far too much judgment.

So I can count my blessings there.

But let me tell ya, reworking a website, recording all of the things, working on copy, graphics, all of it- I'm exhausted. Every nook and cranny of my day is filled. But it's a good exhausted, not the “my baby didn't sleep last night” exhausted, but the kind that leaves you leaping out of bed in the morning because you're ready to get on to the next stage of your grand plan.

Well, thanks for letting me vent, I appreciate it. If you're still around I want to give you some encouragement and a few tips to help you get some work done with a baby. This may only apply to parents with one and I can only give you that perspective but hopefully this helps!

8 Tips for Working as a New Parent

By NO means have we mastered these and most days there is yelling and tears and a lot of frustration. But we're getting there, one day at a time. Here are the things that have helped me immensely and that I am working on integrating.

1. Find another stay-at-home parent to vent to when you need to be reminded that you're still an adult with passions and desires and goals and your baby doesn't put an end to all of that. Someone who will remind you to drown out all of the “mom-shamers” and people trying to make you feel guilty for not giving your baby all of your attention, every second of every day. Trust me, they will be okay.

2. Set yourself up for success. Have your tools that you need to work easily accessible. If you do a lot of contact naps like we do, set up in bed so you can ninja roll them to your side and they can still be near you. Have your computer, headphones, water, a snack, and chargers all there with you so that you have what you need to be successful. It's okay if they fuss while you get that stuff together. Over time you'll naturally start to figure this out and you'll be prepared before they even start.

3. Take it one task at a time. Rather than getting overwhelmed and frustrated about how fast you used to be able to work, just break it down and go. Make a list of individual tasks and tackle them one at a time. If you only get one thing done today, it's one thing more than if you had just given in to the overwhelm.

4. Remember that things will get done, it just may take some extra time. Everyone around you is most likely to give you grace, so give it to yourself too. You deserve it.

5. Look for guidance about how your day should look. God loves to be a part of the intimate details of our day. Ask Him to pave the day and put on your mind the things you're supposed to do that day. Ask Him to bring you peace and joy that surpasses all understanding so that you don't get caught in the “funk”. Days I do this I have significantly better days than when I don't.

6. Ask your partner for help! If you're a single parent, try to get a friend or family member to come over and give you relief. Let your partner know ahead of time what you need from them when they get home from work so they're not overwhelmed or feeling bombarded the second they walk in the door. Respect the fact that you're both probably exhausted, just in different ways. We're working on this right now and it's just one day at a time trying to understand each other's needs and communicate better.

7. Get efficient. Stay off your phone when you're working. Put your headphones in, head down and get to work. Do not stop until your task is done or your baby needs you. Do not multitask as it will only slow you down or cause you to make unnecessary mistakes. Just breathe, it will all get done.

8. Realize on the days that nothing gets done that you are still a wonderful parent and you're still your own human. These days will be over before you know it and you will have more freedom. But acknowledge the hard right now, get those emotions out and just take it a day at a time.

You're doing great.

xoxo – Ry

This song, although it is supposed to be romantic, is one that holds a special place in my heart when it comes to Hayden. I heard it not by its original artist, Calum Scott, but as a cover by Olivia Penalva. Her version is beautiful and for some reason it hit me when I was listening to it that I was having a baby and that he was going to change my life forever.

It's supposed to be a sad song about trying to get a lover back but the chorus of this song has often circled in my head when I was going through it.

“I'd climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I've broken

Oh, cause I need you to see

That you are the reason”

I've never really admitted this but Hayden came at the perfect time. An imperfect year- 2020 was a dumpster fire for most people- but Hayden was the blessing that I needed. I was already struggling with loving myself and my mental health but when I decided I wanted to get healthy for him- which ended up leading to him- that's when things changed. When I found out I was pregnant only a month after making that decision is when the lockdowns started. I honestly can say that if it hadn't been for him I don't know exactly where I'd be right now. My mental health struggled throughout that time but because of him I stayed grounded and I fought for my faith, my marriage and my health.

This song beautifully represents the journey that I was on to get to my boy. I think that's why I love it so much.

Here is my rendition of “You Are the Reason”, I hope you love it as much as I do.

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=437702897975690949

xoxo – Ry

I’m just mom.

There is a very slippery slope that I see a lot of parents falling down where they get their worth mixed up with the identities & genders of their children.

Let me explain.

We put too heavy an emphasis on gender in general in our society. We’re obsessed with it and that’s honestly why I think we’re so confused because we think about it so much and stereotype every little thing. We put everything into categories of which gender should be interested in what and who and if you stray from that, you’re programmed to think that you must be wrong & need to change.

I believe this is a generational issue that has got increasingly worse as time has gone on. Parents programming their kids to play with certain toys, participate in certain activities, wear specific clothing- I think it’s been mentally damaging. For parents and children.

Many a time have I seen a mother who was so wrapped up in being a “boy mom” and forcing her son to play all the sports and do all of things only to be completely shocked and her identity shattered when he turned away or chose a different path. And him, being fearful of shattering her or pushing her away, didn’t really step into his identity until he was much older and went through a lot of damaging things to numb the pain.

We have an issue with putting our identity into our children and weighing our worth on our expectations of what they will do and who they will turn out to be.

“Soccer mom”

“Hockey mom”

“Dance mom”

There’s stereotypes for a reason.

We need to detach. This is unhealthy and it’s only spinning our society out of control.

We need to stop putting such a heavy emphasis on gender and just let our kids be who they are.

If your child chooses a different path than you wanted them to, okay, you love them. But you don’t get to let it shatter your world and put that pressure on them to maintain your worth as “x mom” or “x dad”. It’s not their responsibility to carry your worth around in their identity.

No matter what they choose we are to love them because our love is not conditional on who they choose to be, whether we support it, agree with it or not. And this applies to gender, sexuality, lifestyle choices, marriage, kids, career, etc.

I guarantee that we’d have much better relationships with our kids on a worldwide scale if we put less pressure on them to do and be certain things to fulfill our “roles”.

So no, I’m not a boy mom.

I’m not a hockey mom.

I’m not a dance mom.

I’m Hayden’s mom.

And whatever comes with Hayden, I will love and support.

I never want him to feel like I’m putting a timeline or pressure on what he needs to be interested in, when he needs to make life decisions by, or when he needs to fulfill a certain role so I can be “mother in love” or “grandma” or a “proud mom”.

I will always love him and be proud of him no matter what. I want him to have the freedom to know that I will have grace for him as he figures out his life and who he is and as he walks with God that I will support him and be there when he needs me.

But he will not be my everything because if he is, I will be constantly be broken and never be fulfilled.

My everything is in God and it is Him that gives me my worth and sustains me. So that no matter what my children or my husband decide to do or be in their lives that my faith and my identity will stand unshaken.

This does not mean I will not teach my son, it means that I will not put expectations on the outcome of his decisions.

It means that if in 25 years he comes to me and tells me that he wants to be or do something other than what I want for him, I’m going to walk with him through it and love him because that is the role that God gave me as his mom. Not to let my identity fall apart because my son is choosing a different path, but allowing God to work and demonstrate his love and grace through me for my child.

You cannot control what your child does. You cannot. And the sooner you learn that and release them back to God, as they are His, the happier and more at peace you will be. You will be able to love your child wholly and walk with them through anything.

I encourage you take a step back today and think about the people in your life and the roles that you identify yourself and how they coincide. Do you depend on them to fulfill certain areas of your life and your identity? Do you find yourself feeling worthless when they don’t do certain things or choose a different path than what you “needed” them to, to feel whole or like you fit into their lives? If you can think of any of these scenarios you probably are putting some weight about your worth and identity on them and I encourage you to really second guess that and evaluate where you can shift your perspective.

You are your responsibility and that is it.

Your child’s safety and well being for the first 18 years is your responsibility, but their choices are not.

Be the kind of parent that your inner child needs.

Be the kind of parent that doesn’t make their child fear for their relationship with you if they choose something other than what they think you’d like for them.

Remove the heavy expectations and I can guarantee we will start to see the relationships we have with our children start to flourish.

They’re going to choose what they want to do whether we like it or not and the ball is in your court with how you’re going to respond.

Be strong and firm in your worth so they can be strong and firm in theirs.

Lead by example and teach them that their identity does not lie in what they do or who they please but in who they were created to be and by whom.

xoxo – Ry

The first time I heard this song I was captivated by the bridge. Since discovering the group “We the Kingdom” I've had them on replay weekly. I've already shared my absolute favorite song off of their latest album “No Doubt About It” back in November but I also wanted to share this song.

With a powerful chorus and bridge I knew the lyrics after only hearing the song once. I hope you enjoy my rendition of it and be sure to give the original a listen as well!

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=442744094641358654

Before I leave you I want to share my favorite lyric in the song.

“I don't wanna abuse your grace, God I need it everyday, it's the only thing that ever really makes me wanna change.”

Wow, that's powerful and so very true. As a Christian I'm constantly battling with self doubt and wondering if I'm doing enough, even knowing God's grace and redemption it's hard not to slip back into that human mindset. But by grace and faith alone I am saved and that is what I have to remember. I am thankful for God's unrelenting grace, even when I don't deserve it or I doubt it.

xoxo – Ry

https://open.spotify.com/album/5xAesqK2Ke6g4Y0W9CSijV?si=DM721zuyStWwjMgG4G6wZg