Social media is both a blessing and a curse. It has the potential to be a creative outlet, connect us with people all around the world and even establish some of the most loyal friendships.

But on the darker side of the screen we deal with jealousy, impossible standards and picture perfect snapshots of other people's lives. Everything is an advertisement, everything is staged, and especially with women, the silent shaming and comparison is worse than ever.

We share content encouraging people to be open about their mental health and their lives. And then we send judgmental DM's about how “we could never say that” in response to them sharing.

In the motherhood and TTC community we go back and forth and nitpick over every little method and strategy and villainize the ones we don't agree with or that go against the ones we've used. We attack one another with backhanded compliments and “advice”.

MLM's have the majority of their employees preaching to the platforms that if they want to attain friendship, money, power and “work-from-home-boss-babe” status, they must join them and do everything they're told. Like there isn't any other way to do those things. And those who speak out against them just don't “have what it takes”.

With fighting for justice of any kind, you're allowed to state the mainstream, narrative-approved opinion but if you share anything that slightly deviates from that, prepared to be ripped to shreds.

This is so backwards.

Everyone is allowed to have their opinion as long as it doesn't go against what that individual thinks? Seems fair.

*eye roll*

Rather than stew in the emotion over this issue, let's talk about what we can do to fix this. Because it's seriously an issue and not one that I'm here for anymore.

It starts with each of us as individuals changing our behavior towards others. It starts with setting an example of how to be kind to others, respect their opinions and respect their journeys.

The first thing to remember is that it's not your job to “educate” anyone. You are not entitled to changing someone else's mind and in fact, the more you try to, the more they're going to tighten up. The best way to influence is simply by living. Just do your thing. Show up where you're at. Talk about your life, talk about the things you're doing, what you believe and how it all ties together. Don't just talk, walk.

Second, stop screaming. Those who want to hear you will. They will follow you. They will share your message or their adapted version of it. But screaming about all of the things you believe and all of the things that you want other people to do is only going to push others away and make them feel like crap for doing any differently than you. This means not attacking people in comments, not weighing in unless you have something genuinely kind to say and not DMing people to attack them, manipulate them or “inform” them.

Third, remember that what works for you may not work for her and she doesn't owe you anything. She doesn't owe you trying it out for herself. She doesn't owe you anything to back up her opinions. She doesn't owe you an explanation. What works for her may not work for you and what works for you may not work for her. If you let that concept just be, the whole world would be a lot better off.

The next time you fall into the social media pit and you start to compare your body to someone else's (especially if it has to do with some special protein shake she's selling) tell yourself “it works for her, not for me”.

The next time someone attacks you in your DM's over an opinion you've shared you can respond “this works for me, not for you, and that's alright”.

The next time you're tempted to comment on someone's post and tell them how you think they should be doing something or what they should be believing take your hands off your keyboard and remember “this works for them, not for me”.

What's good for someone else doesn't have to be good for you and that's okay. We're all on our own path with our own life experiences as the foundation. Stay focused and grounded and don't get caught up in the drama of comparison and products and trying to the achieve the “picture-perfect-mainstream-approved” life.

You're where you're at and that works for you, just maybe not for her.

xoxo – Ry

I haven't talked about music I like in awhile, I guess there hasn't been a lot that's resonated with me and frankly, I love that Sophie does music reviews and we listen to a lot of the same music so I like to leave it to her.

That being said this last week I came across this new album from Sasha Sloan, one of my favorite artists and it's floored me. Every single song on the album has brought me close to tears because it's just so relatable and I feel like she understands me. In particular the third track on the album “House With No Mirrors” really got to me. I tend to think that I am generally confident but this song really cracked that right open and I realized how many things I'm still so self conscious about.

The premise of the song is how would I live if I didn't judge myself on every little thing? Take a quick listen before we move forward, it's a beautiful chill song.

https://youtu.be/iUnTrr3Ewo8

I know you probably didn't listen, I probably wouldn't either, so here's a few of the lyrics to give you an idea...

“I'd be cooler, I'd be smarter

Probably be a better daughter

I'd jump in a pool without thinking twice

Take off my shirt like one of the guys

I would save a lot of money

I would say when I was hungry

I'd throw on some jeans, not know the size

Walk out the door and not wanna cry

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't talk back at me

Maybe I'd dream a bit bigger

If there was nothin' to see

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't pick me apart

Maybe my skin would be thicker

If I lived in a house with no mirrors”

I don't know about you but this is precisely how I often feel.

“Only if I... then I'd be...”

It's hard to go through each day confident in who you are when you're not even 100% sure of exactly who you are.

My identity, although I like to think it's rooted in Christ and getting there more and more everyday has often fluctuated. In fact I find that it kinda bounces back and forth depending on the day and what I'm facing. It's frustrating.

Some days all I can think about is my label as “mom” and how I'll never be anything but that. It's not true, I'm so much more, but it's easy to get stuck in that mindset.

Other days all I can focus on is how I'm not showing up “enough” or how I'm “failing” in my career.

Sometimes I even get so focused on how I'm being a bad friend or a bad wife or.. you get the point.

You may have noticed a pattern in my verbiage, a subconscious pattern that actually took me much longer to realize than it did you.

Everything that I believe my worth and identity is rooted in, on a day to day basis, it's all negative. It's all about how I'm not doing enough or how I'm not enough within myself.

Now I know these are lies from the devil himself but combatting them are hard.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg with how I feel about my varying identities.

Sasha dives into topics about anxiety, fear, struggles with weight and confidence and friendships- all things that I can relate to.

I mean the whole “if I lived in a house with no mirrors... I'd have sex with all the lights on and I wouldn't pull away from his touch if he said I was pretty I'd think that I was.” How many of us can relate to that? I know that especially with this postpartum season I'm in right now, it's definitely relatable. Not because my husband doesn't think I'm amazing and beautiful and worthy, but because I don't. And that makes me sad.

I truly don't have a solution for any of this, in fact it's really more that I'm telling you all of it because I think some of you may be going through it too and it's nice to know that you're not alone. Ya know?

I can't tell how you how to get to a good place because I'm still working on it myself. Time in the Bible, in prayer and listening to uplifting music is what gets me through the rough moments. Writing and singing helps me reflect and grow and intentionally being nice to myself and taking time for lots of self care helps me become a little bit stronger. I'm working on saying “yes” to more things, speaking my mind and doing what I actually want to do instead of what I think people want me to do. In a sense, it's choosing to turn away from the mirror and choosing not to peer into the uncomfortable details.

Thanks Sasha, for summing up exactly how I feel and reminding me to shut out all the mirrors and step into myself a little bit more unapologetically.

xoxo – Ry

2020 was an interesting year to say the very least. With everyone having spent so much time in isolation, there was way more time spent on social media and enveloped in the internet. I've seen a lot of people who I love deeply fall into ideas and mindsets that are really unhealthy. It's easy to “subscribe” and tune into ideas and mindsets, usually from influencers, when you're consuming their content 24/7. The things I'm going to share are pretty personal to each person and how they choose to live their lives, but I encourage you to hear me out.

4 Ideas I Won't Subscribe To:

1. You need the new, the best & the brightest.

Sure, like everyone, the new iPhones have gotten me a few times but I've never been one to obsess over new things. I love thrifted clothes, I love old furniture and old houses and repurposing items. I have never been one to need to go get new clothes. I enjoyed it on occasion, because I did live off of a lot of hand-me-downs growing up- which were extremely exciting upon receiving them, but sometimes it's nice to get something new. But the idea that you have to have the new phone every year, the newest car, the new build, the new clothes for every occasion, new decor every year- it's just not me. I think that you can have a healthy relationship with purchases and enjoy it in moderation, but as soon as it starts affecting your mindset, your finances and you start to look down on others who don't have the newest or who don't buy a new outfit for every event, it's becoming a toxic habit. America especially is so obsessed with consumerism. Our world revolves around the biggest sales of the year, holidays are no longer opportunities to get together with family, it's just a chance to get things half priced. We live for the yearly release of new Apple products and the unveiling of new cars that we'll spend more than our house payment on. It's ridiculous. I'm personally glad that I grew up on the “poorer” end of the spectrum- I say that but we were still always provided for and incredibly blessed. But I'm glad because I actually have learned to appreciate time spent with people and the things I do have much more than the majority of Americans. It's also way better on my wallet. Sure, if I go into Target, I want it all and there's been times where I did lose control and walked out spending $200 on a bunch of crap I didn't need, but I now have the self control to leave there without a cart full every time. It's a learning process but I encourage you to re-evaluate your relationship with “stuff” and see how better your money and time can be invested and spent.

2. The body positivity movement.

I've talked about this in depth before, but I will never stop shouting from the rooftops that the body positivity movement is TOXIC. Is it good that we are finally talking about our bodies and such? Yes. But it is not encouraging us in a healthy way whatsoever. On one end of the spectrum we are being told that we need to accept our bodies as is, no matter how unhealthy we are and on the other end we are being told if we aren't working out 2x a day and eating perfectly that we may as well sign our death certificate. It's actually ridiculous and it's really horrible for our mental health. Rather than putting an emphasis on balance and finding what works for ourselves as individuals with different genetic makeups, we are dying to just have a label slapped on us and call it a day. I heavily believe that we need to find a balance of taking care of our bodies and our mental health, they actually go hand in hand. How you fuel your body has a lot to do with your mental state. I don't believe in complacency but I also believe that you shouldn't idolize how you look and that you need to honor the stages that your body goes through. Our bodies are amazing and they were created to go through so many things and withstand hard times. But even after all of that, our bodies do not define us. Our worth is not dependent on how we look or how we don't look, how we eat or how we don't eat. Our worth is based on who we were created in the image of and who we were created to be in relation to Him. So yeah, I'm going to unsubscribe very quickly to the “body positivity” culture because it's incredibly fake and the furthest thing from positive.

3. Telling people you disagree with them.

This one may sound silly, because it is. Especially in the era of social media where we are easily able to share our opinions there are many people who find it their personal responsibility to tell us when we're wrong. Now look, I'm all for healthy conversations and occasionally a good debate, but more times than not when you're being approached by someone who thinks you're wrong they have zero intentions of hearing your side, they just want you to know that they think you're wrong and that they're right. Now what is the point of that? What if instead of channeling so much energy into telling people that they are “misinformed”, “uneducated”, “wrong” or “ignorant” that we just simply walk away from those situations and mind our own business. I'm not going to change your opinion and you're not going to change mine, especially not in a confrontational conversation. Sharing ideas so that others can observe them and look deeper, that's the way that they may change their mind, but you telling them that they are wrong is not going to do the trick. Learn to bite your tongue and walk away, life is too short to constantly be arguing with people and letting bitterness sit on your tongue.

4. You need to hustle or you won't succeed.

Rest is for the dead is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Rest is good. Rest is necessary and if we don't slow down we will find ourselves miserable, sick, depleted and alone- but hey, at least we'll have money! Except, let's stop and think for a second- you're not guaranteed that if you hustle you'll be rich and successful. In fact if you never stop going, you may just find that you blew right past strategy and you're doing an endless amount of tasks that really aren't moving you anywhere. I think of hustle culture like putting on a blindfold and walking only to look down at some point and realize that you were walking on a treadmill the whole time and although you made it 4 miles, you're still right where you started with nothing to show except sweat stains. Maybe that's a dumb analogy but seriously, hustle culture tells us that if we slow down we'll fall behind. But God tells us that if we slow down and rest in Him, we'll find peace that surpasses all understanding. Hard work is good, we need hard work, but balance is necessary for us to live and thrive.

All of these ideas are a bit controversial, so take them as you will, but I hope that I can open your mind up and maybe help you realize that you don't have to do all of the things, all of the time.

xoxo – Ry

You know that sinking feeling in your gut when you show up excited to a party only to realize that you're not really wanted there?

Maybe you first felt that feeling when you got denied that seat at the lunch table in middle school.

Or maybe it was that sleepover you had at a friends birthday party and all of the girls made it clear that you were the odd one out.

Growing up is hard. Navigating friendships and trying to figure out where you fit in is far from easy. What's really hard though is when you feel that way as an adult.

For some reason we think that after we leave high school or college that we'll suddenly just have our people and everyone will act like adults and be inclusive.

But nobody told me that acting like an adult and being inclusive wasn't one and the same.

Even as an adult I am still running into cliques and groups of people who love to act like theirs is the best world and that I should want to do anything to be a part of it.

Part of that is a subconscious assumption that my mind goes into when I see a group I'm not a part of and some of it is backed up by real actions and words spoken.

It's a crappy feeling being left out.

It's a crappy feeling knowing that I'm not wanted somewhere.

It's a crappy feeling when you know that there's one person that is jealous of you and because of that you're left out of a whole group of people.

It's crappy, but at the same time, that's one of the best things that can happen to you.

Because love, those aren't your people.

And you deserve to know that.

Rather than them talking behind your back, leading you on, double crossing you and breaking the precious pieces of your heart that you've given to them, you get to know that they aren't your people.

Everyone doesn't have to support you.

Everyone doesn't have to love you.

Would it be nice? Absolutely.

But would you rather have genuine friendships and people that genuinely love you or people that tolerate you and show you fake support but treat you like crap.

You deserve to be appreciated and cherished and some people just aren't capable of that.

In fact if you look closely you'll often see that those who backstab, lie and manipulate for their benefit attract one another. They do those things to each other and eventually they will self destruct- as shiny as they may look on the outside, you don't want anywhere near them.

Take it from someone who's been on the inside of those circles. It's awful.

They treat people terribly, including each other.

They treat people like they're disposable items.

They suck the life out of you.

They only shine because they perpetually chase the spotlight, it doesn't follow them like they'd like you to believe.

So here's what I want you to do.

I want you to stop looking at them and walk away.

I want you to breathe and look yourself in the mirror and say “I am worthy of love” until you believe it.

I want you to do things that will make your heart happy and that you're passionate about because that's where you'll find your people.

Then I want you to be kind and I want you to accept people into your life with loving arms. You don't want to turn into the people you walked away from to begin with.

Friendships as adults are hard but when you find good ones you don't want to easily let go of them. Fight for your friends and treat others the way you want to be treated. Love ferociously and serve humbly. You will attract the kind of people you want in your life by being the kind of person you want in your life.

I know it's easy to get caught up, especially on social media where you see the people you wanted more than anything to like you, but leave them behind. They're not worth it. Pray for them and then take care of yourself. You don't even have to announce your departure, they're not worth the energy.

Understand your worth to know when you're being used and choose to not let them use you anymore. Even if you are afraid of losing what little you got out of their end of the “bargain”. I promise it'll be made up two fold when you find your people.

So love, take this as your sign. The one you've been looking for when you feel abandoned and alone and left out. You deserve more. You can HAVE more and you just need to go out there and get it. Stop allowing yourself to be treated as less than.

They aren't your people. That's okay.

Go find your people.

xoxo – Ry

Happy New Year!

I can practically feel us all breathing a sigh of relief as we are now entering into 2021. This is what we've been waiting for, this is what will save us! Right?! Wrong.

The only difference between yesterday and today is the fact that the calendar flipped. We added a 1 on the end and called it a new year. Now like I mentioned a few posts back, there is an energetic shift for a lot of us at the beginning of the new year but there are still limitations on how much actually changes.

In fact, we are the ones that put those limitations on ourselves. We can expect and hope and set goals all we want, but unless we're doing the work we're just going to stay exactly where we were in 2020. Complacent and miserable- blaming everyone and everything for our complacency and our misery.

Now 2020 was a bit of a crap show and we were often put into situations that put us at a bit of a disadvantage for accomplishing our goals. That being said, we can't blame everything on a few numbers on the calendar. We also have to take responsibility for the choices we made and how we chose to react to the circumstances around us.

What I failed to mention in my goals post the other day was that the goals that we set in 2020 actually really did not go to plan. They didn't happen how we wanted them to, we missed the mark by a long-shot on several of our goals and although the year ended in a wonderful way we faced a lot of trials. Looking at the whiteboard that Dustin and I created I really regret putting so many expectations on ourselves.

I wish that we had just let things go as they were supposed to go instead of deciding how things were supposed to go and then getting angry when they didn't go that way.

We had a lot riding on “supposed to's” and not enough riding on whatever God wants. I regret that.

I want to keep this short and sweet because you should spend today ringing in the new year with your family and we've already talked about this a bit, but as you're setting your resolutions and your goals don't look to this year to fix everything. Don't set expectations for how things should look or go.

Find a few things you'd like to do and then do them. Set goals, sure, but focus more in on your action and mastering the art of taking action than of the planning and setting of goals. I get it, it's going to be hard. I'm already cringing myself. But if you don't, you're going to end up right back here on January 1st of 2022 wondering why you didn't accomplish any of the things you set out to do in 2021.

Relieve yourself of the expectations and the “supposed to's”, enjoy this year for all of the joy it has to offer, mourn and work through the hard moments and do all of this with the peace that you're living and dreaming and working and LIVING and that is enough.

Happy new year my friends, this is going to be a good one because no matter what happens, we won't have any expectations of what is going to make it good.

xoxo – Ry

If you read my post the other day about the things I learned in 2020 you would have seen that I mentioned setting goals for 2021 at the end of the post. Now I have a lot of goals for 2021 and I won't go through them all with you, but I do want to share a few.

I want to spend more time honing in on the things I'm passionate about.

I set a lot of career goals last year and I didn't hit any of them. I'm serious, not a single one. Now I could totally blame that on an exhausting pregnancy, a worldwide pandemic and a lack of funds due to the first two things, but that's really only the half of it. I spent way too much focusing on hitting the numbers when I should've been focusing on providing value and fostering relationships. I stopped focusing on the passion and instead I was too focused on the strategy. I need to find a balance of both. That's the number one thing I preach, so I need to practice what I preach and I intend to do that a whole lot more this year, even if it means that I don't make as much money. At the end of my life the money isn't coming with me but the impression I leave on people's lives will have a resounding effect.

I want to get outside of my comfort zone.

I stayed in my comfort zone big time in 2020. Part of that was an internal energy shift with just wanting to stay in my safety bubble since everything else was so uncertain. But this year I now know that living in the uncertain is just life and you have to roll with the punches. Rather than staying inside the bubble of the Coil community and my little group of friends I have and my family, I want to step outside and find others to interact with. I want to build more relationships and network more. I want to partner up with other creatives and value myself. I want to stop putting myself down and do the dang things, even if it's uncomfortable at first.

I want to figure out my groove.

I just became an earth side mama at the end of the year and with that has come a lot of craziness. It's also come with a lot of self reflection. As much as I want to jump back into my music career and such, I need some time to find my groove. Now trust me, “mama” will never be my only identity. My worth and identity comes from God and God alone. So it's not going to be a matter of figuring out how to be the best mom I can be and later I'll focus on me. No, I really want to start this journey off on the right foot and be the mama that I am, embracing the ups and downs. I want to partner that with embracing the next leg of my health journey that I started last year so that I can have the energy to be mama, wife and first and foremost, Riley. I want to make sure that I am working on my relationships so that I can maintain my mental health and I want to balance that with my creative pursuits so that I can accomplish the goal I set above to hone in on my passions. In no way does balance mean that all of these are going to have equal parts of the pie, rather, it's me acknowledging that these are all parts of the pie and that if one of them gets neglected I need to hit reset and work it in. As much as this is an unpopular opinion, Hayden will never be my everything because if he is it means that I will be doing him a disservice by not being able to give him anything. I cannot pour out of an empty cup and in order to fill myself up I need all of the other things I mentioned.

I have other goals obviously. I want to, finally, after two and a half years of living here, find a home church. I want to get involved in a local pregnancy center to assist young moms, like myself, but those who are in a different situation. I feel like I could be an asset in the sense that I can relate to them on a mental and social level more than others could. I want to continue working on my songwriting and if opportunities come along to record or release songs I will, but I'm not pushing myself to do anything. I want to work on my marriage and I want to get out and do all of the things we weren't able to do in our local area in 2020.

I'm proud of myself because I'm not giving myself any numbers to hit. I'm not putting expectations on how things have to go. I'm choosing my goals to revolve around mindset shifts and those, those are very tangible.

I encourage you to be mindful of the kind of goals you're giving yourself. You don't have to spend every minute working and you certainly don't need to set goals that make you look good to others or that will make people say “wow, look at them”. Instead let it be your goal that you can simply look in the mirror and say “wow, look how far I've come” even if your life to the outside doesn't look much different from before.

Happy New Year my friends.

xoxo – Ry

Hey friends!

Hayden is officially a month old as of yesterday. The days were long but the weeks flew by. It’s crazy to think that my boy is already a month old. He’s already changed so much from when he was born.

If you haven’t read my birth story you can check that out here, but long story short, the end was traumatic and it honestly has taken me a few weeks to really bond with him. I'll probably talk about this more in the future once I've processed more, but it's been hard. I definitely experienced the baby blues as well as mild postpartum anxiety. I'm in a pretty good place now, I just get really lonely when Dustin's at work and in the middle of the night.

Our breastfeeding journey has been going amazingly well considering I was separated from him immediately. I've had to work really hard to bond with him emotionally and I had to work extra hard to keep my mood in check and to not get so stressed that it effects my milk supply. Easier said than done. Thankfully I have a fantastic support system and Dustin specifically has helped me immensely from the first few days of exclusive pumping- I'll talk about that soon because that's something I NEVER saw coming- to fixing his latch and getting my supply up. As of now though Hayden is doing great with feeding and he's up to 9lbs 8 oz as of his last doctor's appointment. I'm thankful.

As you may have seen he had a pretty large hematoma but thanks to an amazing chiropractor who specializes in neuro cases- it's completely gone and we are feeling great about his health.

We've already gotten over a case of the sniffles and he's sleeping really well for a newborn. I'm extremely grateful and thankful and although I have a very tolerant and content baby, I also chalk it up to the fact that I did a ton of research to prepare me. The support system too- that's been vital. I really don't want this to come off as braggy because I know so many people are not as blessed as I have been, so I'm just going to say that I'm really thankful.

These past few weeks have been the hardest I've ever experienced. My body has been through a lot and I'm learning to accept the woman that I now see in the mirror. I'm learning to trust my gut and to let go of the little things. I'm learning how to be a new type of wife and each and every day I'm learning how to be a better mother. It's been a really confusing, intense— but beautiful, journey.

I've dealt with a lot of shame and guilt and I've had a lot of breakdowns- especially revolving around the fact that I really struggled to feel connected to Hayden those first few weeks. I was so mentally and physically exhausted and I was so jealous of Dustin's “freedom” (the ability to come and go from work and sleep through the night) and I was jealous of the bond that he had with Hayden while I was in bed alone, recovering those first few hours in the hospital. I'll definitely do a more extensive post on this later because it needs to be talked about, but for now I'll leave you with this. If you're struggling to connect with your baby once they're on the outside of your womb, it's okay. It will not last forever. Just keep loving on them, kissing on them and do not keep those feelings to yourself. Share them with someone that you trust without hesitation. Isolation is your biggest enemy in those first few weeks. You will be okay and it will get better and it's okay to feel everything you're feeling.

I love you all and I am so thankful for my virtual family and how much love you've shown us this month. Enjoy this sweet video of the best moments from this last month!

(Forgive the quality, it got messed up and frankly, mom life, I didn't have the time or energy to mess with it. Here's to next month!)

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=485731762752718621

xoxo – Ry

The other day I was thinking about how much I love that I am blogging my life. I think it's such a gift that I can go back to my old posts and read about how my life is changing. I wish I had been blogging back when I first moved to Nashville... oh how times have changed. A lot happened in that first year that I have recapped in a few of my blogs, but I didn't start blogging on Coil until a few weeks after I got married.

I realized that tomorrow is the day I got engaged, December 29th, 2018 to the love of my life, my Dustin. As I was thinking about this I realized I wanted to write down our story, from the beginning to our engagement so that I could look back on it and not forget. Some things are a little fuzzy given that it's been two years, but I'd rather get it now while I can still remember some things.

It's actually quite sweet because when we were dating I kept a little journal in my phone notes. I honestly forgot that I had done this but every time I come across it I smile. It's a sweet reminder of those early days and some of the things that we went through.

I think we should talk about young relationships and marriages more than we do. I remember when I was first entering into engagement I didn't have many resources or people to turn to because most people didn't get it. Even my friends who got engaged in college, a lot of them chose to wait years before getting married or they sadly ended up breaking up before the big day. That being said, if you're young and in love, don't be afraid. It can work out in a good way, regardless of what a lot of people will say.

Let's start in the beginning, July of 2018. A young, bright eyed and hopeful Riley moved to Nashville to pursue her dream of being a singer songwriter. In order to support myself I decided to start a social media management business. I ended up adding on basic website design and that first month was spent networking and building up my clientele base. It was stressful and I spent way too much money on coffee but it was fun. It got me out into the world and I did a lot of self discovery in Nashville that first month.

The end of July rolled around and my roommate asked me if I was planning on dating at all. Now I didn't really date in high school, a few “things” here and there that were far more dramatic than they needed to be, but I never had an official-official boyfriend. I was actually in a “year without guys” when I moved to Nashville but my curiosity got the best of me. At the time I was talking to an old fling from back home who I was considering possibly doing long distance with if we could figure it out, but, well, you'll see.

Like I said I was curious about the dating scene so I did what any Gen Z in a new city would do. I downloaded like 10 dating apps.

I know, I know. Rookie mistake.

I downloaded them all and realized some of them were really weird and deleted a few. I wore out my thumbs swiping those first few days and I talked to a few creepers and a few weirdos. After almost meeting up with one guy, but then I didn't because I really wasn't about that hookup life and that's clearly what he wanted, I deleted all the apps and decided to return to my God-centered year without males.

That is until I got lonely about three days later and decided to try again.

I downloaded two apps and started talking to a few guys. This time it went a little bit better and I had like 18 dudes I was talking to. Yes, I know how that makes me look. Every few hours I cut off another one as I widdled it down to who I was really interested in. Basically I hosted my own season of the Bachelorette. My best friend and I really had fun with it. I started that process on Wednesday and by Sunday I was down to like 5 guys. That night I swiped right on this cutie from the country who seemed to only have enough space in his heart for his big white truck. But I liked his answers and we seemed to align on a lot so I decided to message him. He was listed as an entrepreneur and I'm pretty sure my opening line had something to do with that. Within a few minutes he had responded and I quickly found myself not even responding to the other conversations, I couldn't stop smiling when I was talking to him. At the end of the night he asked for my snapchat which I didn't give him. Usually it wasn't a problem but there was something different about him and I wanted him to take me seriously. Snapchat is not where that happens and so instead I lied and told him I didn't give out my snapchat and he could have my number instead.

The next morning I woke up to a good morning text from Dustin.

I continued to talk to other guys throughout the week, but I really focused on him specifically. We'd text all day long and he'd wake me up every morning with a good morning text and end the night with a good night beautiful. When I'm telling you we haven't gone a day without talking since the first night we started messaging, I'm telling the truth, there hasn't been a day.

We kind of discussed going out at some point and meeting but he was an hour away and I was still slightly afraid to meet anyone in person. I hadn't gone on an actual date from a dating app yet and I was frankly terrified of being murdered. How great it is to be a woman.

That Thursday I gathered up the courage and was going to go out with the only other guy I was talking to at that point. He was in the military and was home temporarily. While we were texting about going to a music venue that night he mentioned something about getting MARRIED and moving to Oklahoma with him. Clearly he was fishing for a pay raise or he was wayyyy more into me than I was him. Needless to say I ghosted him. A few minutes later Dustin responded to my text asking what he was doing that night. Turns out he was dog sitting only a few minutes away from one of my favorite coffee shops only 40 minutes from my house. Still a haul for me but I really wanted to meet him. That night was our first date.

I got there early and paid for my tea. I want to say it was because I wanted to prove “my independence” as a “modern woman” but really I didn't know how to handle the whole Gen Z dating meets southern hospitality/gentleman expectations so I just avoided the awkward situation. I still remember the sound of his boots meeting the wooden stair case as he made his way up around the corner. He had on blue jeans and brown cowboy boots and he nervously pulled down on his American flag t-shirt. My friends would've never believed that I'd one day marry him, frankly I probably wouldn't either. But I was smitten. We talked for hours, well, I talked for hours, he smiled and listened and I got a few words out of him. He walked me to my car, hugged me goodnight and then proceeded to text me and he was back to normal. Turns out he was just extremely shy... even after a few warm up shots to calm his nerves.

But apparently he liked me because he asked me out again and that Wednesday we met at Panera and talked for four hours without eating a thing.. and he spoke many more words. He even tried to kiss me after that date but I cried. That's a story for another day. Don't worry, he got his kiss that Friday night when I made him dinner- he clearly liked me because he didn't tell me how bad it was and he now makes all the dinners.

I could go on and on about all of our first dates and my favorite moments we had that fall but by August 30th, keep in mind we started talking August 5th, he brought up engagement rings and THEN officially asked me to be his girlfriend. Kind of out of order but when I'm telling you that we knew, we knew. Just those few weeks felt like we had known each other forever.

Oh and clearly by now I cut off my friend from back home who was in an almost broken up relationship and I didn't want to do long distance with someone anyways. Too messy.

That fall was absolutely incredible and we worked through a lot of hard things, we fell deeply in love and in November he drove up with me to Michigan to meet my family and celebrate my birthday. After that trip we knew we wanted to get married soon. We had talked about it a lot in October but we both wanted my parents to meet him and feel good about him, they loved him (or at least I think they did) and we felt good about it. A few weeks later he ran the idea past his mom because he wanted to be respectful of her and get her blessing. He then ran it past his grandparents (the grandmother we lived with for a year and a half) because we wanted their blessing as well and wanted to know if we could live in one of the houses on one of their properties for a year. This was customary in the family but we didn't want to assume. After all blessings were given we went ring shopping and I showed him what I wanted.

A note to young couples, you don't have to stick with the first ring forever. We were so madly in love that I didn't care if he gave me a ring pop, I just wanted to marry him asap. We ended up going with a beautiful Moissanite ring and he ended up surprising with a silver band with real diamonds around it. I still remember his face when he walked out of the shop, I sat in the car while he made his final pick, he was disappointed. He wanted to give me something more but I truly cherish that ring and truly didn't care. Like I said, a ring pop would've been sufficient. But I mean look at this, it's gorgeous. I got so mad at him when I saw it in person and knew he was disappointed in himself. Consumerism sucks.

I didn't know when he was going to propose but I had a basic idea that it would probably be when we went back to Michigan for Christmas. We were apart for a week, the longest we had gone without seeing one another, and then he joined me for another week when he flew up. That first week was ROUGH let me tell you. Our families didn't enjoy us because we were both walking around like sad, lonely puppy dogs during Christmas. I knew he wanted to talk to my dad in person and get his blessing (not permission, blessing) and that would be the only time he could do that. Going off of that I may have gone ahead and scheduled an appointment at David's bridal to try on dresses with my friends the first week of January. Basically I was going on faith he would propose before January 3rd.. I was right. That being said, I still didn't know when it would be and I was a nervous wreck. I kept my nails nice and everything.

I had dropped many hints because we'd be hanging out with my best friends, Ally and Rachel, in downtown Detroit, I wanted them to meet him, one who is a photographer. I really didn't think he was going to propose because frankly, I didn't see a ring box anywhere. We'd spent the night at my friends house and his stuff was with mine- no box to be found.

That day we were going to to go to breakfast but the spot we wanted was really packed so we ended up going to iHop. I had completely given up on the idea he was going to propose so I was actually quite relaxed. Until we left iHop only to find out that someone stole my catalytic converter off of my car in the parking lot. Welcome to Detroit.

Driving down the road sounded like we were in a race car. I legitimately started crying because I was stressed about driving all the way back to Tennessee with the car so extremely loud. We got to the parking garage and it was ROARING, I was completely embarrassed and just wanted to go home but he convinced me to just walk around for a little bit. Ally took some brand pictures of just me for my business while he and Rachel talked in the corner.

I should've known something was up because he was actually talking to Rachel a few hours after meeting her which as you learned from our first date story was a rarity.

Ally asked me to step into this cool display they had up for Christmas and we started taking couples pictures.

He somehow slipped the ring box out of his pocket (that he had been switching back and forth all day so I wouldn't notice it when I went to hold his hand) and took this picture.

He then started whispering in my ear and although I can't remember exactly what he said because I was so focused on how fast and hard his heart was beating against my chest I will never forget these words..

“You know I love you more than anything right? And you make me the happiest man in the world.”

He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

Of course I said yes and we took pictures and it was the most perfect moment and for a split second I forgot all about the car.

Unbeknownst to me Dustin completely winged the whole thing from our outfits to the location. He just hoped it would all come together. Apparently I stressed him out because I hadn't left him alone with Ally at all and he needed to talk to her about pictures and stuff. He got a chance when I went to the bathroom at iHop and apparently sent Rachel in after me to distract me so he could talk to her for a few minutes. It worked because I honestly suspected nothing. Then he was freaking out trying to calm me down because I was crying over the car and he didn't want me to ruin my makeup and then I didn't even want to get out. Poor guy. The whole talking to Rachel part made sense after the fact because they were trying to find a good spot for him to propose at and he was asking her to get me to take my coat off and hold it and make sure I was in a good position for pictures. He really just let it all come together by itself, even the location, but he pulled it off at the very last second. I was proud of him and it was so beautiful. The pictures were amazing and I'll never forget it. To this day though I still don't know how he managed the maneuver to get the ring box out of his pocket while I was hugging him for the pictures without me noticing. I guess I was just so in love I was blind to what was going on.

Two years later were all almost two years into marriage (we got married 3 months later on April 6th, 2019) and we now have our sweet little Hayden James. It's been a wild two years but I wouldn't change it for anything. I hope that if you're in a relationship and you're afraid to take that next step because of society, tradition or your age that this encourages you to go for it. We didn't know what we were doing, we just knew that we were deeply in love and we didn't want to wait another second to be married. I don't know why people wait, I truly don't, monetarily and relationally it just makes sense. So if you don't want to wait, don't. Just go for it. It may just be the greatest adventure of your life.

Love and be loved.

xoxo – Ry

Hey my loves!

I hope you are having a lovely Christmas Eve. This is one of my favorite parts of the holiday and I'm not going to lie, I'm having a hard time with how different this year is. Trust me, I LOVE having Hayden here, it's making everything so much more magical. It's also been really sweet to finally get to decorate my own house for Christmas. But I won't lie, it's hard being away from my family for the first time ever on Christmas Eve. This is the first time in 20 years that I haven't been with them on the night that we have so many special traditions.

Don't get me wrong, I'm continuing on the traditions of a Christmas ornament, Christmas PJ's and a new Christmas book on Christmas Eve with Hayden, but it's weird being the one doing the giving instead of the receiving. It's also hard being so far from my family knowing they're all going to be in their pj's tonight and we're 500 miles away. Growing up is bittersweet.

Tonight will be lovely, just me, Dustin and Hayden and we're going to chill out and have a relaxing evening. Lovely, just different.

Anyways, I'll stop my rambling and let ya'll get back to your family. Here is one of my favorite Christmas songs that I recorded last year. I made the video when I went home to my parent's house and it's sweet to look back on it now and get a taste of my parent's house at Christmas, it's magical. Maybe next year I'll have the time to record a new one. Although I'll have a 1 year old by then.. so no promises. 😅

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=216128192769950730

Have a very Happy Christmas if you celebrate it and I will be back in a few days with a recap of Hayden's first Christmas. I can't wait to hear all about how you spent Christmas.

xoxo – Ry