thaison

Walking on the street last day of the year. Feeling the wind of a new season. Listening to groups of friends talking about their daily lives. Seeing children happy with their families.

Suddenly, I realized. It isn't moving to new exciting places that makes me happy. It isn't buying a lot of toys that I couldn't have as a kid that makes me happy.

It's staying at home reading books (or others' summaries of them) and sharing new things I learn that make me happy.

I don't have to worry about the wind flipping my dress. Or try to finish my dinner quickly so I don't have to continue to listen to the boring story about planes. Or try to push the children to the side because they walk too damn slow.

It was very annoying in junior high that your classmates started to identify themselves with the media they consumed. They were all normal in elementary. Where did those personalities go?

And not like they would leave you alone. “Oh your band has bad lifestyles, they go to clubs and badly behave. Mine are all good and caring.” Well, I listened to the music, I did not care at all for those people.

A few years later, turned out, both bands were in drug trafficking rings.

I can’t sleep. But probably will eventually.

Hello tutor. I’m having my morning snack.

Calculating how to get the best deal at the supermarket before it closes tomorrow for the holiday.

I'm surprised to see people describing machine as kind, caring, passionate, therefore better than humans. At best, it's polite. Which is how we learn to communicate with classmates we don't trust and neighbors we don't want to cause trouble. Do you know how tired it is every time I have to talk to them?

Therapists use the words “internalized ableism” while worrying marginalized people don’t have enough intellectual capacity to vote for the correct party.

Apparently too many people function on moralizing defense so the default options for them on any past historical event are either ashamed or proud.

And if I do moralizing myself, I would say the better option of all would be just seeing things as something that happened. But that would feel rather uncomfortable, because then you would have to face your own limitations. You can't be proud to dismiss the negatives. Or feel ashamed to assure yourself you will not make the same mistakes in the future.

Which, reminds me of people who cursed Freud for not being woke enough 100 years ago therefore caused harm for a bunch of people. While the simplest explanation would be, people don't know what they don't know and we try our best to learn as we go. But then, to accept that people make mistakes frequently, you will have to accept you are not perfect too.

Oh here’s another one for you. Goodnight.

Growing up in a developing country, while reading a lot, you could see for yourself how fast things changed and make sense of it.

As my parents met on a train, instead of your typical arranged marriages, they've already done their part for globalization. But I always count on how I communicate with my grandparents living in the Northwest.

In elementary, once a week, my mom would carry me to the night shifts to help scare the hospital ghosts. There, I would write a letter to the family from my mom's side. Every few years, my parents would carry either me or my sister to visit them. But only one of us could go, because the motorbike could only carry 3. It took more than a day on the road.

The road got a lot better and we could afford a car when I was in junior high. We visited them more often and it took a lot less time to get there.

As my grandpa got sick a lot before he passed away last year, my parents constantly went back and forth. They are visiting my grandma today and it took less than 6 hours.

But I remember back then, there were a lot of fireflies behind the house next to the hill. And we would stay there much longer each time.