Would have had more empathy for people who cried about H1B if they had cried about it 10 years ago when their random 20-year-old could easily be a boss of 10 third-world employees. Not until now when they just found out the consequence of their actions.
I probably won't walk for a while. Last year, it was very romantic when I was wearing short skirt and walked through the winter wind, thinking about you and the ice cream shop. Although later I got the fruit bucket with yogurt instead. After that day, I got a very bad flare for months. I don't want to get that again.
What I need is an indoor activity that functions like a workout. But not gym. Gym is boring. I want it to be passionate and exciting.
My allergy got triggered again. I think it was the wind yesterday.
Goodnight Marten. See you again tomorrow.
Hey tutor. I'm having my creamy coffee.
The adaptation is how they think they are “the wife guy” or the “romantic” guy. All that effort seem to be love and devotion. Also why they brag about seeing people as stereotypes and it works. Also why they can ONLY be superficial.
For example, if I mention that I worked in game. They will say “I play games too”. If I mention that I studied literature, they will say “Here are my favorite fiction novels”. And those things all happen so you can’t say that they manipulate you with wrong information.
You listen to me long enough, you know that I don’t play game, and I only read non-fiction. I worked in game because I like visual storytelling. And I like writing and reading, but only in essays. But I don’t often disclose that information to someone I just meet. Meanwhile, borderline guys might think I’m their destiny for the attunement based on their assumption. Because they don’t have preferences of their own, so they don’t understand the depth of others’.
Many people shamed Ben into submission to monogamy. But that's not really an elegant way to go about it. If moralization worked, people wouldn't cheat or exploit at all. A while ago, I heard an interviewee on BBC, “No, we definitely don't torture the hostages we already kidnapped because our religion teaches us to always be kind.”!
I don't think Ben is simply evil. So unlike people who try to decode what they call “entitlement”, I assume what Ben wants is genuine. I assume that Ben wants a loving, committed relationship. I assume that Ben also wants sex outside of that relationship. I assume this set up it is who he is, like how someone be gay by being born that way as he declared. So in general, I take his words exactly for what they are. My question then becomes: Why does Ben play fast and lose with his sexual orientation?
Let's go back to the classic example of a girl who has libido towards a handsome boy, but society tells her that acting enthusiastic to boy is degrading.
Ambivalence relation: I like to express my desire openly. But most people don’t like it or can’t do it. I choose to do it this way because I like being clear with my intention. When I face rejection from the boy, I take it as differences in preferences. I then pick people with the same preferences.
Narcissistic relation:
Borderline relation: I don't know which one is right. And I don't want my preference to cause any friction to anyone that they would leave. The status of the relationship is more important than understanding myself. Therefore, I don't have preference. When I meet someone more open, I would be open too. When I'm with someone timid, I would be shy too.
So what does any of this have anything to do with Ben?
Since identity is what you do, but also how you react to other people's judgment and validation.
In relationship of someone ambivalence, differences are characteristics of different people. There are what you are comfortable with and what you are not. They don't destabilize your identity.
In relationship of someone narcissistic, differences threaten the superiority of their own choices. But it's not just differences. Even if the narcissistic person claim to love the partner, soon, dependency will also threaten superiority too. Therefore, devaluation of the partner is inevitable.
In relationship of someone borderline, differences is not a thing. Because the person always adapts. Without a close relationship, you feel hollow because you don't have any likes or dislikes of your own. But, to be too close, you absorb an entire personality and that’s destabilizing. Because, soon, it will contradict your history and your other versions of adaptation. So what you need is a system where you can have something stable enough to mimic preferences, but still have an option to detach from it. And that’s where Ben is.
They sold wild boar meat at the market today. I’m gonna make some tasty dishes with it. I also bought myself another coconut treat.
Bought my parents a new printer yesterday so they can do fulfillment for me. I mean, they already did that before the printer. They just now got the proper equipment for it.
They live in the rural so it's very boring there. Well, not exactly boring. Because my neighbor was in a pyramid scheme with my gym teacher. And the neighbor on the other side was in a cult. But my parents are just happy to be included in my venture.