99% the boys who answer Yes for the question “Do you enjoy intense intellectual conversations?” actually want their dates to reassure them that they are smarter than all the dummies. They just don’t think the intro section with their full attempt at being humble has anything to do with it.
And I still can’t believe people actually prefer generic compliments on outfits. They should go to Budapest district 7th, looking for scented soap sellers. That’s what they say all day to tourists.
The irony is the borderline analyst worries boys come for them only for the “beauty”. Then gets angry when the boys start discussing intellectual stuff like a normal person, and not just praising them smart like a sycophant. She is not even smart. She just thinks she is.
Therapists use theory of mind like it’s an instruction manual guiding them to the empathy enlightenment. It’s super easy and anyone that is not mentally challenged can understand. “People don’t think like you.” It is just that.
Maybe she was in period? Maybe she argued with someone else today? Maybe she feel tricked? Maybe because she is a girl and she is traumatized by disagreement? Those questions are not theory of mind. That’s imagination dressed up as science to ease anxiety.
When we anxious, we often want to have an answer right now. A sensible reaction is to ask for reassurance. Especially if you want to build a relationship with that person. Which, if you are a normal person you should have no problem asking. And if the other person is normal, they should have no problem answering.
But some people never ask. Because making up answers in their own minds is already soothing them. And getting to know you was never their intention.
The real theory of mind is when someone deletes a dating profile after a DM, to most people it means they get annoyed by the person who DM them and want to cut contact (didn't learn it all by myself, other people coached me). But with you, I thought it could mean something else entirely.
“Theory of mind” 101:
Pathetic.
I figured it out.
It's a great way to dodge accountability. Since your action is always a reaction to the “society”. And not come from your agency entirely.
For example, I post the DM because I don't like the guy, also he dares to disagree with me. I post for others to see. When I get the backlash. I have 2 options: – People tell my action is horrible. I agree with them. I feel bad because I caused public humiliation to another person. – People tell my action is horrible. I disagree with them. I feel bad because people reject my way of living and behaving. I feel bad for the rejection.
But if the “society” tells me I have to behave quietly and say thank you to someone I hate, and I choose not to (because society is a whole lot of people and not one person so it says a lot of things). Then with the backlash, it's not about my behavior anymore, it's about how other people react to a culture phenomenon that I disagree with. So I can never truly lose.
See, it's all about how you frame it.
Borderline don't seem to understand how people choose to react to a situation.
Because when I make a decision of what I would do, I think about if I'm interested enough to keep engaging to the guy, if my public exposure cause more annoyance for myself, if I post and get applause from my friendlist and it makes me feel less bored for the day. I don't think “Oh society is scary. They say I have to smile and suffer in silence. So I will do the opposite to restore justice”.
I know another borderline who frequently criticized social media as superficial, shallow,.. Yet they used it frequently and posted regular pictures, daily thoughts. And then they cried in their private blog that if it wasn't because the society force them to use social media to keep the appearance of a normal person, they wouldn't use it.
Don’t worry about “theory of mind”. It’s a thing when people want to insult you. For example, “You should know saying this to a girl is offensive! You have no theory of mind!”.
In reality, you guess everything. And you don’t expect all your guesses are correct. But a normal person would just tell you what they think so the guess work is unnecessary. After all, isn’t it what love and friendship offer? A sense of secured affection that you don’t have to question secretly their motives or expiration, as opposed to how we often do with strangers?
I went to a museum once. They didn’t have street food outside. Kind of boring.