thaison

I had to shoot at night because you don't want to have too many light sources at the same time.

I've been home since noon. Feeling a headache right now. I often have headache after traveling. But this is only 1 km away from my home so… I also came up with an even cheaper solution for the next time.

Yeah, no, I learned. I’m keeping my leftover KFC chicken in my room.

There is a shared refrigerator downstairs. Which reminded me of painful memories of food thieves when living in the school dorm. I slaved for every penny to pay for my food with my own money, yet rich people with bad behavior just took it because they were carefree so they didn’t think it was a huge problem for others. I got extremely paranoid after just a few months trying to catch them in the act.

Need a strong capable boy to assemble the light. Handsome is required.

I'm gonna have a shooting day today. Have to go packing now.

Asexualism is a myth.

Of course my favorite things are more than just the two. But I’m not gonna list the whole anatomy here.

I never called people masculine or feminine because I don't need to know how someone performs their gender to hate them. Being rude or being stupid are not gender-specific. I also felt like I didn't understand those two words.

But lately, I found a new use for them. So like, when I like someone, then and only then the gender will matter, right? Because I only like boy, and not the other gender. I would like to express that the attributes I like only exist in a boy. The boy. Not any boy. It couldn't be personality traits. Because no matter how much I like their personality, those are not gender-specific traits.

But like, I find their facial hair or their height masculine to me. I don't have facial hair myself, nor do I want it, nor do I like that in somebody else. I also don't want other people to steal my definition of what I find masculine. Or make it a universal trait and apply to every loser. This is my own way of seeing how biological difference matters. And it only applied to one person. Because again, hating doesn't require gender. Only being sexually attracted to someone does. So I would use the word 'masculine” similar to how I use the word “attractive” but with the emphasis on physical attributes that I don’t have exclusively.

Maybe there are better words for it. Ones that don't make me want to throw up when everyone else uses it because I know they imply something I hate. But for now, I can't come up with other words.

So Western trad men say masculinity is accepting your innate aggression, and Asian trad men say masculinity is giving parents your monthly salary. I don't know which one is correct.

And funny they mentioned that girls can just be naturally harmonic when dealing with conflicts. Because when I was 15, my biggest demon wasn’t math, but that I had to control myself not to use violence.

The typical girls, then, believe that it is actual science, proceed to hide their aggression by pretending they are totally lovely (reaction information). The passive aggression and hidden sadism, then, replace the obvious violence, further confirms the gender aggression theory. But now they add another “fact” to complete the theory, that “girls are manipulative”.

By their logic, gifted schools would be full of low-testosterone boys running around the campus because they never fight. No. In that environment, both girls and boys know reputation matters. To have an academic future and white collar jobs, they can't act on their aggression, even if they are boys. Instead, boys would just be as passive-aggressive like every other girls because it's more convenient.