thaison

Being a dismissive avoidant is very lame. I'm still trying to separate avoidance as a defense and as a relational attachment as I haven't thought much about that.

About attachment, it meant in the face of the unknown with the possibility of rejection, I would think badly about the other person to downplay the potential pain of loss. Past verb because I don't have to do that now. But I was a cruel teenager. Because I wasn't properly equipped to feel that much pain. I was normal to strangers or classmates though. Their disappearance meant very little to me.

I learned all that from my dad. He probably learned from my grandpa. I was closer to my dad than my sister, while also had more topics and differences to argue about. So theoretically, he had to be more dismissive toward me. But it wasn't neglect, he volunteered to drive me to school whenever it was rainy. Relationship between my dad and my sister, however, was just simply awkward, but functional.

I started to see it as a problem when my sister and I had a huge argument when I was 21. I spent a whole week making fun of her. And acted arrogant for several months. Oh that was after I declared not to talk to her ever. My mom was fed up with the whole thing but thought it was too stupid to intervene. So when I was 23 and met my sister's close friend in HCM city, I was surprised when she said my sister was very proud of me. Up until then I thought everyone was just putting up with me.

People often describe avoidant as someone who fears of commitment. I, however, only have problems with committing to people I don't like. But I don't think having any particular behavior that out of the norm says anything about a person. I think it's more important to notice how you feel and how you do about it.

I don't think it's possible for me to be totally secure, trusting in my attachment right of the bat and still be the person I am now. And there are many positive things about knowing who you are before meeting people you love.

There is this saying, “It's the relationship that heals.”. It means relational issues can be solved only in practice, not in the theory. After I wrote the short paragraph “Love” last year, I wanted to hide for a few days. Just because one potential exposure of affection was one possibility of rejection. (Note that I had no issue talking about outrageous or offensive political things.) But I think I don't need time to recover now even if I say love every day.

Not to brag but the most dysfunctional people I know all come from perfect families with loving, caring parents (their words). Denial is destructive.

The pharmacy on my walking route didn't have my usual moisturizer. But I was too lazy to drive 1km to the opposite direction to buy. Not just 1km, you also have to cross the streets several times. And the houses on the way there are ugly, too. So I had to apply snail gel twice a day instead of once. Turns out, my skin can be smoother and silkier.

It might even have rainbow.

I'm gonna categorize my pictures (only new pictures, and somewhat polished) by colors at https://snap.as/thaison

I used to tell people that, once I find someone I like, I would brag to the whole world about them.

Then I grew up and thought, I wouldn’t want to show off my relationships like those losers I saw at the malls. I figured that I became mature and humble. Turned out it was because I never liked anyone enough and kind of looked down on boys.

Now that my narcissism is fully charged. I would like to brag again…

There were 2 or 3 times my sister hung out with friends after school without telling my mom. My mom would be worried walking from the house to the street back and forth until my sister came home. Since I didn't have a cell phone until college to inform about irregular activities, and unlike my sister, I always went straight from school to home so my parents didn't have to worry about me. As an adult, I don't go out at night after 10 pm, unless it's at the airport. Generally don't like putting myself in bad situations.

I also said my parents were overprotective and I was annoyed by that. But it was because they didn't understand me or my differences enough. Those 2 things combined made me feel like they tried to control me rather than understand me. But my sister seemed to grow up fine without any problems.

I don't see attachment styles as several types of people. More like certain personality traits that are more dynamic and situational, and just a small part of a person. Anyway, I knew you were anxious from day 1. Which is why I was even more excited. Because I always feel like I don't get half the attention I deserve.

Hello M. I will do some light work today because my arms feel achy from yesterday. I should save my hands for something special and spend minimum on the menial tasks.

I tried some new gears today and cleaned my room a bit late. Goodnight M. See you again tomorrow.

I did nothing new today. But here’s the update.

Hello 1 foot 3. I would like to announce my schedule.

I will go home on July 10 and come back on July 23. Will update photos of my activities.