thaison

Okay I'm a bit scattered today. Normally, mood swing is my only reliable sign of a major upcoming hormonal change in the next 7 days. Because my biology works on a totally different timetable compared to a normal person.

And for the record, my decision to deceive my parents was justified. Although my secret only lasted for a month because my sister betrayed me and told my mom. I already paid my own tuition the first year and covered some of my expenses. I even paid some registration fees for my sister. Although she had a scholarship because her field was in social science. Yes, my 1-year operation of drop shipping paid extremely well.

And when I decided to stop doing it, My mom and sister helped me financially in return. That magically cured my narcissism because I couldn't deny their help nor secretly devalue them to save my pride. I mean, I could devalue them, but I didn't.

I'm gonna treat every vague statement as an indication that reality is way worse than their literary skill. Cause that's normally the case.

“Optimism can be a problem. But it is better than being defeated.” → I gambled and lost. But I would like to gamble again.

” That day I walked into a new world. And everyone lives in a different world that doesn't cross mine.” → Someone close found out that I was a two-faced liar and informed my whole friend circle. I got excluded because the evidence was undeniable. I need to make new friends who don't know my past now that I have a bad rep.

” In the dark abyss, I was saved. From that day I tell myself to always be kind because you might not know what others are going through.” → I lied to my parents while using their money. They found out and that was super shameful. I can't even tell this story without making myself look extremely entitled. So I'm gonna just convey my pain in hope no one asks the origin where that pain comes from.

Actually, not weird. I haven't read the news for a few years because I got upset easily. So I relied on others to inform me major things.

I still have my 20L water. Gonna stock 1 more if things go down.

The weird thing is I heard about this flood just yesterday from a junior high friend in my hometown. They informed me there was a flood where I am living.

My cleaning lady said water has been out for 2 days now. And I just went buy 7 eggs (they had 7 left) with some leftover veggies. Please restock everything!

Gonna wash my hair right now!

Now, what if I really want to be vague because that's the only way to describe my feelings, for my love is surreal and abstract?

First, you describe your feeling: “I love the way he carries his sadness”.

Then you explain it with an example in great detail of how his trait shows up in reality.

That way, the purpose of your writing is communication. You tell someone your story because you want to share how you feel and what happened. And that’s authenticity.

As opposed to being vague all the time with “I'm 14 and this is deep” vibe, where the purpose is to tell people that you are more sophisticated than the normies. Which is narcissism.

But, you also have another option.

What you wanted is to say the same thing, “I love the way he carries his sadness”.

Then you go about your daily life. You do something else. You talk about other people. You forget about it.

Then, after several chapters if it is a novel, or after several paragraphs if it’s a long essay, you describe that same story in great detail that matches with a separate incident right paragraph above, not just out of nowhere. You don’t mention the sadness at all. You don’t describe his emotion. And the reader think “Yes, he is sad”, I can see it right here, not just her.

That way, your purpose is to relate to others. It started with an impression, an intuition with no evidence. And then the evidence unfolded itself unexpectedly, like how it happens in real life.

A few days late to this drama.

But I would like to point out that this is how superficial people describe their love. Notice on how they are super vague and out of the ordinary. If thet get rejected, it would be a cosmic tragedy like twin flame instead of a personal loss. Which actually doesn't threaten their ego as much as getting rejected by someone moody with blue eyes and terrible opinions on science.

How about “I like your sad eyes” or “I like your patience”?

No, it’s “She loved that “the sight of something as trivial as a rose” could move him to tears”.

What does it even mean? Does he like beauty to cry? Does he like art or nature? Is he sentimental? Was he thinking about something else when he was looking at the rose? You never know. So you can't judge her preferences.

What about his “particular complications and particular darkness.”?

Was he depressed? Or did he hide someone in the basement? You never know! She said it “particular” as if he is not generic but then refused to explain further, so how are you gonna argue with that? Well he is definitely “so deep” and you just have to take her words for that! She probably doesn't know why either!

There is a river right in front of my house. So we rarely had floods come in. But one time the water rose 20cm to our doorstep. You wouldn't want to walk too far because you didn’t know when you stepped from the street and the yard and fell into the river. But the real nightmare was when we walked to my grandparents’ house and passed by a neighbor with a pigsty that had its pig door with no cover facing the road.