thaison

Goodnight tutor.

People really shouldn’t ask friends or lovers to work for free. Should encourage them use that time to do paid work. And you pay someone else for that very specific task that they are an expert in. Then the lover uses the paid work they get from not doing your unpaid work to treat you. That actually makes everyone richer and a better math.

I'm not surprised that the conservatives are super lame. I just expected they would take more time than that.

During the neurodiversity peak, the left blamed the ableist system that oppressed them. So I got very tired of that and spent some time to see elsewhere. And there it was. The right blamed their own defective bodies that made it impossible for them to have a decent life and that everyone else was right to treat them badly. They also hated people who ever suggested that you could do something about it.

They were both using these tactics to garner sympathy and a license to be miserable without feeling shameful about it.

No, it was just a digital diary so I wasn't doing something wrong there. I just happened to have the link because I am a great finder. In fact, I already read all of your TripAdvisor reviews. I know that you require the chicken to be fully cooked and the free cocktail to be delivered.

Conservative bros cried for the famous YouTuber because they identified themselves with him. Someone courageous for his belief, speaking up, being both hated and popular at the same time with a meaningful life for every one to follow even after his death. (they think)

But actually, they are closer to the white woman. That, life is full of randomness, and there is no absolute guarantee for your safety. They are so angry because it reminds them of how normal and vulnerable they are in the world.

So they have to make her death out of ordinary. That she had to engage in some extreme manners with extreme twisted beliefs. Only then, they will be safe from having the same ending as her.

Well, let’s be honest. Most people feel much more resonant with some random people who are impulsive and a bit illegal. Than they do with a rich YouTuber of sort with bad opinions and a curated image in public.

Matt and his friends, however, resonated with people through their politics only. It was cringey back then as well when they cried about how meaningful his lessons for everybody to follow.

From what I saw from the diary, they are really scared of seeing themselves as “pathetic” and “weak”, even in private. Those are the specific words they describe themselves, not from me. I think those words mean, being looked down on, being rejected, being dependent, or being scared.

You would be surprised that someone who lies about what happened today would also lie about their past horrific trauma.

How did I feel?

First, I felt worried.

I didn't attend orientation because my visa result came in late. So I didn't even know about the residence permit or that I had to do more paperwork. They didn't mind that I came to do the paperwork a bit later than the requirement, but I was sad for my recklessness. I just came in a new country. And I didn't even know how the deposit worked for my renting.

So seeing someone could be dead easily and quickly like that, it does not make me feel unsafe where I live now, but if I have a travel there or somewhere else, that is something I have to be more careful.

Worrying for myself quickly turned into empathy. Because I could see myself having a similar behavior at some point. Could be out of ignorance, could be out of defiance. I believe that people with kids would have more ways to place themselves in her situation and have more sympathy.

Now let’s analyze a different kind of people.

What if, when you have late paperwork, you blame the system for being unfair and ineffective?

What if, when you cause traffic trouble, you blame other people right away?

The result is that you keep the image of yourself as perfect. Yes, you never made a mistake. But you also can't put yourself in the situation when other people make mistakes or reckless decisions, and feel empathy for them because in your mind, it never happened to you.

So when a situation like this happens, everyone else feels sad and expresses empathy. Some of them will be performative. But some of them are genuine. There is pressure for you to be empathetic as well. After all, empathy is a highly appreciated trait in the culture.

Firstly, people expressing sadness reminds you that you don't have the same connection. That causes anger.

And secondly, you don't have any connection with this person to feel empathy. Because you are perfect.

If you choose to express pure anger, you are subject to being viewed as less desirable in society.

If you think you are empathetic, you try to convince yourself and orthers that you are empathetic, you do that by putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. At least that's the definition of empathy.

What are her shoes? You come up with a list that you can observe right away, she is a mother, she is a woman, she is a leftist (you think). Now you think, movies and societies say mothers want to take care of their children, so you tap in that direction. You also heard that leftists want revolutions, so you say, you understand her political cause as well, even though you dismiss her ideas as dumb. That makes you even more empathetic because you show that you can understand their emotional state even though you don't even agree with them.

Your empathy is what you borrow from movies, from songs, from culture. Not from your own experience. That's why it's always cringeworthy.

They often get angry when seeing people cry, especially people of high value to them. Because it's a human emotion they don't have. Politics has nothing to do with it. They would then specifically describe themselves as “empty”, “void” in private without knowing that's the clinical description of nacrissism. I think many of us when reading their writing would think the “empty” just like in metaphor, and not severe. But no, it's very scary to them. They often do a lot of things to avoid the emptiness.

The thing about reading someone disordered’s diary is that. When they describe love, family, friendship, happiness, anger,… it's always material from movies and books (mashup version). But the specific word “void” is definitely original. And it is their only one organic feeling.