thaison

See you again tomorrow, Marten.

I think they are throwing a party in the yard. Your yard.

Those skills were necessary for me to find the best person in the whole universe. Because I deserve only the best.

I only dealt with quiet borerline. Also deflated/vulnerable narcissism, not outward arrogance. Because I was more challenged by difficult cases. So my experience was less reputational or financial ruin for myself. In fact, I think they were more of a victim with my confrontation. The spirals always started after me describing my innocent and groundbreaking observation. That applied for my teenage nemesis as well.

These people often have more control of themselves. They actually look super normal. They know something is wrong with them so they hide it. I don't think they feel guilt as much that they know what behavior would be unacceptable socially, therefore would be disadvantageous for them. Even if they go to professionals for help, I don't think many professionals would be able to recognize their problems after interacting with them for years.

Some people say that quiet type is actually way worse because you don't know until very later, where you have mortgage and family and finance tied up with them. Unlike the off-putting volatile type where you can see it in a week.

This is also another reason you need a lawyer to deal with them.

I made a mistake out of curiosity to see how the fake 19 y.o thing went. Now I feel secondhand embarrassment for anyone remotely involved. I already felt it for you so you won't have to.

The merciful way is to let them hit rock bottom.

Another mistake is to think they don't know why they are hated. Oh, they are absolutely calculative.

They might even love it more when you reject them. Then they will have the chance to demonstrate the mirroring skill and get back the approval again. The volatility of the situation makes their inner splitting an appropriate response. Because they split all the time.

I know there is a learning curve for everyone, but being patient with borderline is not exactly the correct move.

See, unlike narcissism, where after they devalue you, it’s just arrogant and dismissive.

Borderline has this push-pull dynamic where after reject them, they will try to mirror and idealize you again to gain back approval, it doesn’t mean that they learn anything. They can pretend to be in good behavior. When it is secured, they will behave poorly again. It’s very common dynamic in domestic abuse. This dynamic is way worse than narcissism alone.