thaison

Here is an extraordinary example of projective identification.

First, the abuser attacks.

Then, the victim reacts to the attack by talking about the abusers behavior with other people.

Then, the abuser turns around and ask “Why do you talk trash about me?”

Extraordinary, because most conflict in real life does not involve direct violence, but subtle aggression. Which makes your behavior of talking/venting to others that someone is mean to you, could be seen as your own projection, because you don't have evidence for their aggression. But here you have it.

This is the Western version of “You should listen to grandpa because he is super old”. Idiot.

Seeing conservatives crumble and try to reorganize their moral theories as nationalism is getting in the way. This is what happens when your identity relies on a country, which is an object that doesn’t talk back to you.

There are certain kinds of losers who move to more modern countries, instead of leaning to ride the metro and stand in lines like me, they feel inferior to the local. But they try to act like they totally fit in, are all equal, and in absolute happiness in the new environment. And pass the inferiority to their home countries.

The sign of such people is that they never seem to spend time to have fun at school, at relationships with the new possibilities they have. But spend too much time on “activism” on countries they left 10 years ago and are nothing like when they were there anymore. Certainly best time to do it because no one around can audit their narrative now.

I might not even be allergic to seafood.

I ate that seafood soup during my probation time, so maybe, I was allergic to probation. And we were too poor growing up so we never had seafood even though the beach was nearby.

I know this sounds stupid. But when I hang out with some hidden malevolent people in one month and a half, I felt stomach ache for that whole month and a half. I never had stomach ache before or after that time. And when I knew someone ass kissing, I felt irritated and on edge all the time. That's the feeling of they themdoing something behind my back without having evidence.

And then I know you. And I haven't had any symptoms, just normal like when I am alone.

The Nobel lady should’ve watched ancient Chinese dramas. The ruthless kings never trust the kiss ass.

I don’t think grandma and grandpa can open the jars anyway.

I was just wanting to see my options, not going to buy right away anyway. I’m thinking buying the canned water for parents, grandma and grandpa. But my parents get an extra pack of jars. They never tried these things. It’s more like soup than water.

The bird’s nest store closed today so I bought a new sleeveless sweater for myself instead. I also bought some new tea to try tomorrow.

January 3, 2026

My previous updates spanned 10 years. But this update is only 1 year apart because I know I can get attention more easily now.

1. Aspirations and Goals.

Lately, I really want to settle down. I asked my dad about the square footage of my parents' house for comparison. I don’t know what they talked about, but one of them came out and told me the number exact to the last digit. I believe they had to open the blueprint for that number!

Not that I have enough money for a house right now. But it is way more exciting than the high school traveling plan. And I didn’t travel much in the end either. When I look at my old posts, I mentioned that I wanted to travel to learn about the world. But it’s not that much different elsewhere after a while.

2. Finance.

I go back to my spending pattern of the 9th grade. Which is, saving most of the money I make from work or school. I believe that my overspending in the 20s was a cry for help. I was just very unhappy then, and having a new hobby or a new plan every few days seemed to make me forget about how unhappy I was. And it worked!

3. Social relations.

My acquaintances are losing the number of 1. That was the “thank you” incident.

And a few days ago, my former client found a violation of sorts as a way to have a conversation with me. I don’t understand how people got angry when told the service got doubled during the summer though. They didn’t even know that the doubled prize was only for them!

The way I see it. There are people who want to get things done. They are transactional and get annoyed when promises are broken. And then there are people who don’t want to commit to anything officially, so everyone can be flexible as they go. And many people in service would describe themselves as the first type, but also promise they would satisfy the second type of people (because they are dedicated!).

But it is impossible to do that. Because it requires you to be two people at the same time. The type who values strategic planning enough to deliver a promise (super hard). And the type who can just brush off their own plans and adapt to a new one every 2 days to play on someone else‘s whims (which is hard too). You simply can’t be both.

4. Love

Yes, I’m talking about you.

The definition of love I came up with last year was super correct so I don’t have any revision on that one. Last year, I was worried that I was about to be out of material. But since then, I have talked nonstop daily.

I know it wasn’t that you work more during certain times. Cause like you work like all the time already. But kind of tasks you do when you have hard time concentrating. I did that with mindless math homework too. They always gave us too many similar exercises.

5. Health.

I think this year I was less sick than last year. I got myself a dehumidifier. I think my allergy improves a little bit. I know you have that ring. But I’m very curious. I think I would use it to track my sleep if I had it. But you seem to use it to track people.

6. Events.

I don’t know which time was the most free I had growing up. Because there was always something happening. And every time I learned to protect my thoughts of how I feel about an ideal relationship because people would just comment all sort of things. But every time I looked at someone more closely, I found out a new secret of who they are. And it broke my heart every time, not over the person. But over the possibility of someone I can trust and feel safe.

So I did the opposite. Which was exposing myself. And it was the most free I had.