What I Learned Today 😒

Today I learned that we have to be very careful how we seek attention for our businesses and products. I was watching a lecture by two authors I admire quite a bit: Tim Wu and Douglas Rushkoff. It was entitled “Our Lives Are Like a Casino”.

The general point of the talk is that attention is the most valuable commodity in the world right now. I don't necessarily agree, but it's a close second to energy. It is, however, the world's only non-renewable resource.

At one point in the talk Tim Wu recounts his experience running for public office. As we all know, political campaigns are messy, mean, and full of noise. Mr. Wu knew he'd have to get attention for his message in some way to break through this noise and get elected.

He got the advice of a brilliant political strategist who said (paraphrasing), You want attention? Easy. Just set yourself on fire.

Yep, you'll get a ton of attention that way.

This really hit me. Marketing is all about getting attention, too, right? But those who truly understand marketing and sales know that there's more to a successful campaign than setting yourself on fire.

They understand the art and nuance.

If you are able to successfully market your business without setting yourself on fire, you are in the tiny elite who gets it. And you'll probably be around for a long time.

Today I learned that it's alright to act a little crazy sometimes.

As a creative I was made with a certain amount of madness built in. I think it's a requisite for the job, ya know? Show me a good creative who's not just a little batshit and I'll show you a well...a not so good creative.

I'm just the right amount of batshit. Enough to get interesting ideas flowing and paid for by clients, but not too much that people are calling the cops.

I also happen to have a huge stick in my rear end about showing my batshittiness whatsoever in polite society. Not showing one's batshittiness and cooping it up is expressed as anxious, talkative, blathering, awkward behavior.

Herein lies the dilemma: would I rather they think I'm a little mad or that I'm a blathering, incoherent idiot? I'll take the former.

So lately I've been acting like myself more everywhere I go. If I feel like saying something a little bonkers to a perfect stranger, I don't sweat it too much. If they recoil in horror, no biggie. I'll just ruminate on it for the next couple of weeks and eventually the self-loathing will subside.

The thing is, this isn't what's been happening at all. 99% of the time people lean in to the batshit. They smile. They laugh. They say something crazy back!

People don't care. As long as you're not sneaking up on them softly to smell their hair or talking to their kids you can up the personality, remove the stick from your rear, and have some fun.

This realization has put me in a pretty good mood today. :)

Today I learned that the world hates those who take shortcuts. Well, maybe not hates, but the world does and will continue to punish you. (And when I say “you” I don't mean you, Dear Reader. I mean theeemmmmmm!)

I may have been a little harsh when I lambasted some well-meaning, cutie pie San Francisco spammers the other day. I feel the need to write more on the subject. 'Cause, you know...this is where I vent.

First, a little back story. There's a unique email I use for each social media platform. Nobody has this email, save one or two people and I never use it to send messages. It's only there so legitimate business inquiries can get in touch.

Why did I do this? Because I know you slimy-ass, cheatin'-ass marketers can't keep it in your pants. And, of course, I've been proven correct.

So, this time, I'm going to name names because I need to address these “companies” and their practices specifically.

So let's move on to Exhibit A: Plum Organics. Awww...what a cute ass name for a...wait. What the fuck to these guys even make? Or do?

The email says “At Plum Organics, we're #TeamParent, and we think you deserve to have a little fun, too.”

Awww...thanks, Plum! You're right! I do deserve to have a little fun. So nice. What is it that you do? Do you make organic plums? Those could be fun, I guess.

So I read on, because these f'ers, I mean “fun lovers” have defiled my inbox and forced me to waste eyeball muscles and computing power, brain and electronic, to pay attention to their “fun”.

Bring it on! Let's have some “fun”, dammit!

They continue: “Joining the community means you'll complete personalized activities and earn the chance to unlock super cool prizes for your family. And who doesn't love prizes?”

I fuckin' love prizes, Plummie! Anyone who doesn't love prizes is a filthy commie!

So, you're a “community”, then? And you're asking me to “complete personalized activities” to win these earth-shatteringly fun prizes? You're not selling anything?

If that's your final answer, I have a quick question for you. Why the FUCK are you emailing me? I am a hairy-ass 37-year-old dude in dirty boxer shorts, working on my laptop with a Scotch in one hand and scratching myself with the other!

Plummie, right now go and find whoever does your targeting, because I'm sure they're expensive, and fire them immediately! Then, you need to inform them that you'd like a refund on whatever emails they've delivered illegally to people who don't give a shit about “fun”!

Wait! Who emailed me anyway? Let's take a closer look, shall we? The email is from plumorganics@mavrck.co . Well, who the heck are these mavrck.co people delivering your emails, Plummie? And, how the hell do you pronounce that anyway? Maaav-irk? I have no idea, but they got the “irk” part right.

Upon further inspection, it appears that Mavrck is...oh, lookie here...an INFLUENCER MARKETING PLATFORM! who specializes in “Identifying and Activating Micro-Influencers”. Oh, I'm activated all right. Not in the way you were thinking, however, Mav-irk.

I'm flattered that you believe me to be a “micro-influencer” of “fun”, Mav-irk, but sadly, it's not the case.

The only fun I'm going to be having is watching your sorry asses flushed down the toilet of “micro-influencer” apps when this whole influencer bubble blows sky-high.

So, do the right thing, Mav-irk...give Plummie their money back. And then go do something meaningful with your lives.

Love, Your Activated Micro-Influencer

P.S. May your emails forever be undeliverable.

Today I learned that there are two camps when it comes to business, and I'm torn over which I belong to. They both make some very good, sound points. And they both have their merits and their faults.

On one side you have the “positive thinking” camp. These guys teach that if you want to be successful, you have to truly believe in what you are doing and never let a negative thought enter your mind. In other words, never let failure enter your mind.

You have to think, behave, and live every day as if success is positively guaranteed.

On the other side you have the “lean startup-ers”. These guys teach that you should only do the least necessary until your venture proves itself a success.

Everything here is based on the MVP (minimum viable product). These guys are used to failing a lot. And, in fact, failure is a sign to some of them that they are doing something right.

Because they (maybe deep down) expect to fail, they don't want to expend any more energy than is absolutely necessary to get a product and its accompanying marketing plans/systems/staff etc. off the ground and “validated”.

Super smart advice, right?

Anyway, the point of this article is that both camps have extremely valuable things to teach us, but they are kind of at odds with each other.

Staying lean is a brilliant strategy. I practice it every day. It works to minimize loss at every turn and save your valuable time, skills, and possibly pain.

But you need positive thinking, too. You can't go into something you pour your heart and soul into with a mind focused on failure. Banishing negative thoughts will keep you sane through all the madness you'll encounter.

Is it possible to mix the two?

I think so, but I'm not quite sure which mix is the best. Everyday I put out the best work I can and believe in my idea because I believe deep down inside I'll make it.

But also everyday I minimize activities that bloat and slow down the process.

I had this business partner a few years ago who was obsessed with complication and bureaucracy. Probably not intentionally, but it was mind-numbingly frustrating.

Every single person we met at a conference or online had to be registered in this clunky CRM with multiple steps and infuriating alerts every day.

Every time we wanted to do the simplest task it required some kind of fancy software and hours upon hours of research and setup. Often times the softwares weren't exactly what we needed and we had to change to another after only a few days.

He insisted we get a fancy accounting software to keep track of income and expenses. But we have no sales, I would say. What are we “accounting”?

Accounting isn't fancy software. Accounting is simply keeping track of crap until you need it. A shoebox works fine. So does a free spreadsheet. And these tools take a fraction of the time to learn and work with.

I swear it seems like we did absolutely no valuable work on the product the first year. We spent months just shuffling data around. We failed eventually.

So my advice is this: believe in your business with all your heart, but adhere to a strict “lean” mentality with all your actions.

If you don't have at least $10k in sales, don't even think of accounting software. If you don't have at least 100 people on your mailing list don't touch complicated CRMs or email software. Keep the data somewhere easy and access it as needed.

Then, run like hell building your idea. Don't look back until its absolutely, positively necessary.

Simplicity will set you free.

I learned a couple of pretty awesome things today, but this isn't one of them. And since it's a Sunday, and I have a couple of hours to kill, I'll write it down.

I read a handful of really, really great thinkers and writers. Over the years, my tolerance for sloppiness, spammy behavior, and bullshit has taken a huge hit. That's why there's only a handful left. I used to read dozens. Now I cull the herd at the slightest inkling of...oh Lord, I'm going to say it, please forgive me...inauthenticity.

Oy vey. Authenticity. A word that is regurgitated and spewed more times than a 12-pack of Natty Ice at a high school house party. Boy, do those marketers love it.

I'm sick of the business “experts”, marketing blogs, and social media gurus pounding the table about how to be “authentic”.

What does “authenticity” mean, anyway? Maybe there are two definitions:

1. What they think it means
2. What the actual definition is

The “what they think it means” definition is something you have to learn from taking an awesome webinar, or reading a “FREE white paper” or downloading a horrifically meaningless e-book. Basically, it's the Catholic Church camp: you can't talk to God, but through a priest. To get the answers you seek, you'll have to go through the middle man first.

This middle man has an agenda, of course. Whether it's to be kept in a job, to feel wanted or needed, or to skew God's words to mean what he thinks they should mean.

Well I think you can talk directly to God. You don't need any of these “expert” middle men to teach you how to be authentic. It's a natural, wonderful ability we are all born with.

Want to know how to truly be authentic? Just be.

True authenticity means no overthinking. Just type the words. Just say the thing. At a networking meeting, just laugh with your annoying cackle the way you always do.

Some of my best communications work has come through what I scientifically call “diarrhea of the mind”. I sit down and just blurt out my thoughts as fast as I can. No editing. No thinking.

The work that results from this technique is always my best. We can all tell when something is forced and when it's truly authentic. It's painful to read the forced stuff. Not to mention boring as all hell.

Crap. Ok, I lied a little. This diarrhea technique maybe does have a couple rules. I'll call them “clarifications”, however. (Hey, as I'm writing, my thoughts crystalize and new shit comes up. I'm not going to alter my previous statements. Makes me seem more “authentic” right? Ha!)

1. Edit ferociously

Once the “authenticity” has been spewed forth from your brain onto the page, step away for a while. Then come back and have a look. Everything you wrote is valuable. But go through and find the top 10% most precious nuggets. Cut everything else.

Obviously, when speaking, this is impossible. So skip to “clarification” #2.

2. Mad Respect

Treat people's eardrums and eyeballs like the precious, non-renewable resources that they are. Know that any attention any human gives you in any form is a gift, and revere it as such. If what you have to say is just sorta awesome or sorta funny or sorta helpful, ask yourself if it's worthy of their gift.

There it is. How to be an authentic business communicator in a mere 635 words. Looks like I violated my own rule of “edit ferociously”, doesn't it?

Whatever.

Hopefully you found this post incredibly awesome, incredibly funny, and incredibly helpful.

If not, I realize you've blessed me with your time and attention, and for this I am truly grateful.

Today I learned – and this is by no means an original thought – that shit takes time, man. And that shit really isn't that stressful.

This is one of the most beautiful quotes I've ever heard:

“You don't set out to build a wall. You don't say 'I'm going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that's ever been built.' You don't start there. You say, 'I'm going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.' You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall.”

Those words are attributed to Mr. Will Smith and the moment I read them, they set my soul on fire.

I have spent years feeling overwhelmed about business. Years. But just today I got it. Something snapped and I got this quote for real and how it applies to my life.

I've viewed building a great company like a trek to the top of Mount Everest. No...a trip to the moon! And to go to the moon I have to not only design the spaceship myself, but I have to hire the scientists and engineers to build it, trust they know what they're doing, and that they're not fraudsters (you know who you are), and trust that they won't blow me up on the way.

Oh, and once I get to the moon it's not over. I have to figure out how to get back...from scratch.

Your company is never done. It's no wonder most of us are overwhelmed. At least someone has gone to the moon before and can teach us how it's done. And maybe we could poach a few of their engineers, right?

But all our businesses are new, uncharted territory. And very, very difficult to launch and keep running.

I've been under the ridiculous delusion that there's a finish line.

There's not. And it never gets easier.

So tackling things one small step at a time, one day at a time is something that helps my psyche immensely. Again, this is common knowledge...almost to the point of being cliché.

But yeah, I didn't get it fully until today.

After today, there's no such thing as a HUGE MARKETING CAMPAIGN!!! There's a little marketing exercise today. Then another tomorrow. And then a little itty-bitty one the day after that.

No more will we make this the MOST F'N AWESOME PRODUCT EVER KNOWN TO MAN!!! We now tweak the product a little today, fix a thingie tomorrow, and clean up that annoying bit the day after that.

Damn, why did it take me so long to figure this out. I actually feel at peace right now for the first time in ???

Today I learned – well, realized is more the right word – that it doesn't do me any good to be an informed citizen. Actually, to further clarify, this isn't a recent realization.

About 7 years ago I decided to go on a media fast. Every time I turned on the “news” I was angry, horrified, overwhelmed, and just plain exhausted.

People would yell, children would get blown up, politicians would lie and give my money away, and celebrities would act a fool.

I didn't intend the fast to last 7 years, but it did, and it's the single best thing I've ever done for my psychological well-being.

My reasoning was: if there's nothing I can do about any of these things right now, or in the near future, what good does it do to know them? It only stresses me out. And instead of one miserable life on this planet, we now have two.

I consume news now on a need-to-know basis. If there's a hurricane barreling toward my hometown, the news goes on, I learn what I need to know right now, and then it goes back off.

I'm happier, more stable, and more able to focus on my work and the people I care about.

Whom are you going to vote for? someone asked me recently.

I dunno. Nobody, I guess.

Disapproving face.

Why aren't you voting?

I'm not educated enough about any of the candidates, nor am I willing to take the time to become so, I answered, matter-of-factly.

But we need you to get out there and make your voice count, he replied.

That's probably true, I say. But do you really want an un-educated voter skewing results? Wouldn't you rather have voters who understand the issues and candidates voting?

He was kinda put off by that.

I explain I've been on a media fast for years and don't really know what's going on in the world. How I'm very careful about the kinds of information I let into my brain.

You know...there's a lot of suffering out there. He went into something about how I should be conscious of it because it's important to know about the suffering of others. (We're a couple of generations removed. He, from the hippy 60s era, and me from the I-don't-know-what 90s.) I got a sense it was going in the direction of a “you kids these days” type talk.

I'm aware that there's a lot of suffering in the world. With or without the news.

Conversation ended rather uncomfortably at that point.

Today I learned that what a lot of well-meaning business authors are telling people may not be entirely true. Specifically, that you should stop giving a crap what people think about you.

While I agree somewhat with this opinion, it's a much more nuanced than that.

You should care what some people think about you. To deny this would be to deny an important part of your humanity: meshing with the tribe, if you will.

We are programmed by nature to care what people think about us because it's an important part of our survival. In the past, those who were disapproved of by their peers and family usually had a very hard time at survival.

Literally “surviving” probably isn't applicable to the modern day (Western) world, but other important things in business are.

Just like tribes who band together to survive, you need a tribe when you're in business. A support network. A legion of fans of your product. Mentors and coaches.

To simply not care what certain people think about you is selfish and one-dimensional.

So to walk this fine line between taking risks and worrying what others think of me, I ask myself the following questions:

Who exactly disapproves of me or my work? Do they actually matter? Have they started a successful business and put in lots of hard work and learned? Are they someone I respect in return? OR are they an “armchair” entrepreneur, who likes appearing smart in articles? Or worse yet, a troll?

If they're someone I respect I certainly will take a step back and analyze why they disapprove. And then make changes and move forward accordingly.

I've made some great strides by putting on my humble hat and really thinking disapproval through thoroughly.

Disapproval is a “check and balance” we need in business, especially if we're going at it alone. Just be sure you carefully gauge who your disapprovers really are.

If it's someone you respect or who has accomplished a lot, listen up. If it's not, fuck 'em.

The future is now, y'all. If you're one of those “marketers” who loves quick, cheap tricks and gets your “tactics” from “experts” about the latest “effective marketing tip” instead of dealing with your potential buyers in a common-sense, human way, you are toast.

Scraping email addresses from Instagram and then spamming people? Are you for fuckin' real? In which universe do you live that you think that will generate trust, and therefore, a sale? Are you five? Are you retarded?

Trust and straight dealing are everything, especially online where we can't see your cute little faces. So you better start working on them now.

Oh, yes. I forgot. You're building a “start up” where the be-all-end-all is “users”. Live pulse, a plus...but not necessary.

Some of you will make it, by sheer hustlerism. I get it, you're adorable, probably live in San Francisco, and delightfully douchy enough to fool your “users” and investors.

People are not “users”. They are people. You don't own them and they really, truly, from the bottom of their hearts don't give a single steaming shit about your app.

Since you are the type of people who take helicopters to the top of Mount Everest, (paid for by investor's money, of course) instead of climbing and learning along the way and respecting those along for the ride, here's some advice. Although, you probably don't care since I'm an outsider, actually care about building a business for the long-haul, and deeply respect each person I interact with, whether they've put money in my pocket or not.

You're NOT marketers. You're spammers. Go back to school and learn how it's done.

Take a break from “disrupting” fuck-all-whatever and learn the arts of being:

1. Charming
2. Desirable
3. Courteous
4. Trustworthy
5. Irresistible
6. Valuable
7. Helpful
8. Human
9. Empathetic

And last, but not least...

10 . Smart

The least you could do is go buy a stolen list of email addresses, like real spammers. Where's your dignity?

Oh man, I'd love nothing more than to name names here, but Imma keep it classy. Baaahhhh, alright...I'll give you a hint. One of the spammers made the world's GREATEST MARKETING APP! I'll say that again: It's a marketing app! For professional marketers! If anyone should know better, it's them! You can't make this shit up, y'all.

Oh, but it gets so much better! This app they built will automatically follow and “like” people on Instagram, without you lifting a finger! What? Sweet little spammers, is it true? You mean I can pay you to send out a robot to make real humans think I actually give a shit about them?! Someone get the Nobel Prize!

So, let this be your warning cute little spammers...I mean, “professional marketers”. Congratulations on the money. But I will be there with popcorn and a huge, shit-eating grin when your disposable “business” fails spectacularly.

(Damn, I used a lot of quotes in this post.)

Today I learned that there's crap I hate doing. Nah, I'm playin'. I've known that my whole life.

But today I made a deal with myself to do crap I hate doing for 10 minutes. I set a timer.

There is no option to NOT do it. The only option is to do it for 10 minutes or more. Do this every day with each thing that pisses you off merely by existing.

It's amazing how powerful a little momentum can be.