When the door closed I felt the wind roll out The small world we'd cultivated burn Its ashes, not even fine enough to hold

That's not what I want to remember I want to remember the winter Wrapped tightly under a blanket To see your face smiling To watch sparks play across your eyes To be there again

Walking hasn't felt the same since that day Coming home to no one Sitting drinking coffee with no one

But the sun, is getting stronger the wind has started to rise

I hope I will too


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The journeys end like a sidewalks path

The flowing water falling sharply down broken glass

The way two lovers speak each word tumbles past

A reminder That even when the die is cast

The moment fades The endless thoughts get off parade

That you were there That I was too

That for a lifetime

Or maybe just a dot

Things were How they could be.

not. how they were. not


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I stole a word once

Didn't know I had until in my heart in my heart, her whisper a soft plea for release

the yearning bleats of her cries had at the time made me turn inside to see the captured component in pandora's new box

I felt it so deep me sitting with a lighting bolt or a butterfly wing like id capturing a ring of water held onto the intangible

and she stays with me even to this day

endless chatter, sadness, depression colder now and nothing she speaks matters

the word is mine my precious possession


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The connections we build. With the places we live The places we work

Mine are no different I realize As my eyebrow raise

The nervous system, of dust tattered books and creaky tarnished flooring alerted my gut that she

She was here My wait over

I could see her fingers wrap around the present id left her

Again I felt her settle to the floor

Then I slowly stood, taking care to lay my own book down I would sneak this time and so I did winding like a python through the underbrush of literary volumes flowing until I could hear her hum

Standing there, opposite a mirror her bookshelf between us I knew this might be my last chance

I let my vision fall, one shelf at a time until at last i saw the book held in front of her Her chestnut hair flowing down onto frail shoulders Her humming slight and sad The sound of a pages turning hungrily

“Excuse me” I began, but the book she read dropped A turquoise shimmer of her skin as my eyes met a cerulean blue it felt like a bubble popped

One moment there, the next, she was not


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i have a secret world, that blossomed from all my fears, that I scribbled down in electric notes, that will never disappear. when all my days are over, as slowly my words undone, seek out my hidden hamlet and read it while sitting under the sun.

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the breathe caught in my throat as the cradle slowly climbed, click click click in each moment i could feel time being so caught up in the stream, its intoxicating


I found a mountain far away, that looked like one Id seen on the drive here, the smell of popcorn wafting through the incensed air


We've only talked on the phone, how could this be so easy.

As easy as getting on a rollercoaster

terrifying is . climb . the . . but the drop is what sets love free

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Day 39

“You're the best friend i've ever had” was what the boy had said words which filled me up that feel like skateboard wheels crunching over sidewalk that smell like sea salt kites flying haphazardly through early spring light

“You're the sweetest, kindest man” was what the bride had said through moist eyes and smiling lips flowers draped around the room dancing close, the world shut out our hearts beating in terror at a world that we would build just starting out

“You're the best dad ever was what the little girl said As air changes away from summer cool wisps of fall autumn colored hair back and forth on the swing hazel eyes paired with smiling lips
laughter and innocence

“You were the world to me, mom” I said as I heard her voice fade from the phone The sounds of the machines scream Footfalls, are the last thing I hear as the line goes dim a weight blooms over my chest pushing down on a world that till now only thought it had known what it was to be threatened

Thinking back on those phrases that built me phrases and moments that others planted deep inside seeds I've nurtured, watered to keep growing make me smile even as my body turns a little cold

Looking into your eyes, my once small girls today at last, is my turn “You're the best daughters a father could ask for please love and never be ashamed by it”

Lost a pet today and I got to bury it. This was my youngest first time really dealing with something dying she really cared about. It took me back to when I was around her age. To when Id seen my cat dead on the walkway.

I wish it hadn't happened today but the universe can be just as cold as it is kind.

I hug my kids and keep going

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Day 37

We stay up observing snow fall together wrapped warmly in a blanket silent fairies dance to Earth prodded by hungry winds send flecks skyward

Lightning arches across the livid sky A low growl chases soon after I feel you edge yourself closer

Another ripple fulminates the window turns opaque I can see your face, turned towards me So I move mine to meet yours

The thunder shakes the house My heart leaps

At once your head is on my shoulder, watching blizzard of dancing crystals shapes manifest waves of fallen icy stars howling wind raise pillars of glass

wind and snow thunder and lightning natures unfocused uncaring presence

watching the window seeing you watch out pixies playfully dance in your eyes

Got to enjoy the first snowfall in awhile and although the show didn't occur quite as poetically. I like to think that most memories can be playfully rewrote to be a bit more exciting. Not that having kids trashing your house isn't a fun time, most days.

Sometimes for my own health its nice to take a mental voyage to a place where a moment is as easy as sitting watching the snow fall.

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Day 36

When life gets rough I close my eyes Then I wake here

Sitting cross legged I feel the waterfall on my back The warm sun and brilliant sky before me

The weight of each droplet hurts A thrumming pummeling wave Travels over my head neck Slamming down my back

I don't try to end the torrent Breathing slowly, letting go I embrace this

Pieces of my body start to chip away Slow at first, then quicker and quicker Collapsing into the water

Soon I am nothing Just colors swirling in a pool below a waterfall

Somehow I can still feel Somehow I can still see Somehow I can grow and so I do

I let myself reach out Let myself find warmth Following that heat Until I find the source

There at the hot spring I relax and let myself coalesce until I form into something like me again

Not the broken mass struggling under a torrent But A new person having survived it

I don't do that visualization as much as I used to. But so many times I would be in board rooms or giving a talk. The eyes of people looking or when I misspoke seeing how my words missed the mark. Id go back to a cube or an open space, my small designated corner of the world. I'd put my head in my hands and I would see the above poem.

Life can be so hard sometimes and I know it could always be worse but I have this nagging feeling. That this life isn't how things should be. You shouldn't work years for the privilege of baseline economic security.

Why can't I just become a doctor or poet or artist because I want to. Where is my time and choice? Why does it always have to be so one sided.

People are kaleidoscopes In a world that frowns on colors

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Day 35

Tom walked through the glade of trees His footfalls breaking dry timber His cadence awkward but not labored Slowly, looking out through eyeless sockets He spotted the massive castle

Row after row greyer colored rock

Tom closed within inches of the walls Allowed his finger to stretch Then walking, trailed an outline across the rock


The voice again, he looked up far far up was an opening And so Tom began to climb

Another busy day of helping my oldest figure out how to communicate virtually. Really makes me feel for her since I can remember just hating to directly ask my teacher for help. Now, its so damn important since every assignment is funneled through google classroom.

Also having used gcp in the past I can happily say that the UI designers tried their best but missed the mark.

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