champagnekiss

style

the party was blazing tonight, it was the after party of the first game of the season after all. there was no way it wouldn't be crowded and not having mima soichiro in it. speaking of the devil, there he was making the grand entrance like a king. well, he was the king for tonight after making that briliant steal after steal. suddenly out of nowhere, his eyes met yours. this was bad, you quickly avarted your eyes and started moving somewhere else. but before you could move somewhere else, mima soichiro already stood in front of you blocking your path.

“how have you been?” “good” you answered, trying to move get past him. you couldn't stay here any longer and risked yourself for going to the same repetitive pattern you had with him. though mima wasn't going to let you go anywhere that easily. “let's get out of here” with those peircing eyes staring at yours, you knew you already lose there was no way you could reject him, could you? but you would put a little bit of resistance before going with him. “this is your party soichiro” “then what?” he asked with that straight face that you knew he didn't give two fucks for this party.

“if that's what you want soichiro, lead the way” then he took your hand and welcomed you to his car. ah, here you were again and again in this same car where he pick you off everytime for midnight rides. on and off like this, going circles. you should knew better, you should've told him to leave because you knew where this would end up, yet instead you took a seat back and watch this going round and round each time. after all there was no point in trying to refuse him, because you couldn't. mima was amazing to have this kind of impact to you, when you thought this would end when you hadn't heard from him for a while, here he was appearing in front of you, picking you up again for a long midnight drives that who knows would end up in burning flames or paradise.

mima was driving the car while silence was engulfing both of you until you broke it. “it's been a while” “yeah” he replied curtly, not taking his eyes off the drive way. “then why are you picking me up again?” you were curious, was he picking you up after abandoning you for a while because he got bored or even worse the girl he had been fooling around after you didn't want him anymore? you didn't want to be the second best. if you were second to his then all you gotta do was to hop off from this car, easy right? “because i want you” that was so mima soichiro like answer, you just scoffed at it and answered “is the other girl already bored? that's why you are coming back to me?”

“what?” “you hear me loud and clear soichiro, so answer it. is it true or not?” yet he didn't answer for a long time. oh, so you were right. you were just some of replacement. a bullseye to your high pride. anger enraged from inside of you. “so it's true!” “what is true?” he could responded to this yet he couldn't answer to your previous question? “don't you kid me soichiro! that's it, i'm done. just find the nearby rest area and i'm out of this car!” you shouted, yet he didn't even flinch! “okay” he answred, were you never mean something to him? hah, what did you hope for from mima soichiro? then when you both got to the nearby rest area, you immediately opened the door but an arm longer and faster from yours stopped you from it. he cornered you on your seat with nowhere to go, putting you in such an awkward position.

“tell me” he said with a serious face. was there anything that you could possibly explain to him? this was his situation not yours? “tell you what?” “why are you so damn mad and stubborn today, it's unlike you. you never paid attention at those before, we both never paid attention at those and weren't you the one who told me you were busy?” you became silence, and for the first time in forever you saw mima soichiro getting ticked off. “what is this about?” “I heard, you've been out and about with some other girl” you finally answered after a long pause, mima sighed then replied back to you. “what you've heard is true but, I can't stop thinking about you and I” he then leaned closer to you, reaching the hair on your side face. “I've been there too, a few times” you turned your face away from him, a mix of ashamed and embarassed after all you've done it too yet why the hell you got so worked up for?

“c'mere” mima then reaching your face to look straight at him and slowly getting closer to your face. in mere minutes, your lips were upon him. here you go again, crashing and coming back together again and again like a never ending cycle. your tongues fought for dominance, his fingers tangled up in your hair and your hands raking on his back. you pulled away for a minute, gasping for air. before you both went back at it again like ferals. his kisses were always fierce like the james dean daydream look he had on his eyes.

your red lipstick smeared not only on his lips, but his entire face. his coat was long gone after you swiped it away from his body, his fingers trailed down reaching your miniskirt trying to zipped it off. yet before he even could touch it, a flash came out and a clicked sound came off from outside. you both turned your face to outside of the window and you saw dozen of reporters with their cameras were crowding around mima's car. one of them with a toothy grin before you both could even processed the entire information spoke out aloud “scandal of the year, the rising star of baseball mima soichiro and a pop star were making out in his car! what a big catch we got this year, right everyone?!”

takdir

semenjak hari itu aku belajar, kalau yang namanya hubungan itu nggak ada yang abadi. tapi kalau yang namanya takdir, nggak ada satupun yang tahu.

namanya mungkin waktu itu aku masih sma ya, aku masih naif. aku kira pernyataan hinata waktu itu konyol, walau debaran di jantungku serasa mau mencuat saja ketika hinata mengatakan pernyataan cintanya kepadaku. aku waktu itu mengingatkan diriku kalau aku masih punya kak tetsurou, kalau aku akan sudah pasti bersama kak tetsurou sesudah sma dan sampai selanjutnya.

namanya juga masih sma ya, tidak ada seorangpun pasangan kekasih di jenjang sma yang ingin mempercayai perkataan bahwa kekasih di waktu sma biasanya tidak berakhir bersama. aku juga begitu, kak tetsurou pun juga begitu. namun selepas dari sma, kami berdua menjalani kehidupan kami masing-masing. selepas dari sma kamu akan benar-benar mengerti dan belajar bahwa namanya hubungan itu tidak ada yang namanya abadi, semabuk apapun kamu dalam asmaramu.

perlahan kami mulai menghilang dari kehidupan satu sama lain sampai akhirnya kami melepaskan satu sama lain. sedih? tidak juga, aku bahkan tidak terkejut. setelah mengucapkan selamat tinggal, kami hanya berpindah dari satu fase kehidupan kami ke fase yang baru, dimana kami masing-masing tidak lagi menjadi pemeran penting di kehidupan satu dan yang lainnya.

bagaimana dengan hinata? hubungan kami tidak berubah drastis setelah kejadian di sma itu. satu dua minggu dengan kecanggungan, namun ya itu saja. lagi pula dia ya hinata, bagaimana mungkin kamu bisa betah berlama-lama jauh dari matahari seperti dirinya? hinata selalu menarik orang kemanapun dia berada. memang masih sedikit aneh, masih sedikit ada tensi antara kita yang tidak dapat diucapkan. namun kita lanjut, melangkahi bab baru dalam kehidupan kita bersama-sama.

hinata tetap menjadi sosok seperti yang sudah-sudah, selalu ada, selalu berada di sekelilingku kemanapun aku melangkah. hari-hariku dipenuhi dengan hinata, aku tidak keberatan. rasanya nyaman, berada dekat hinata rasanya hangat. namun dibenakku waktu itu tidak pernah terlintas dipikiranku hinata sebagai seseorang yang lebih dari sekadar sahabat. walau dia pernah mengaku dan yah hampir saja membuat jantungku mencuat waktu itu, aku mengira itu hanya akan menjadi kejadian sekali seumur hidup.

bisa saja itu otakku yang ingin membohongi perasaanku waktu itu atau aku sebodoh ini untuk menepis perasaan yang tumbuh di diriku selama itu? karena saat hinata muncul di hadapanku malam itu, di depan stasiun dengan langkah cepat dan nafas terengah-engah menanyakanku apakah aku baik baik saja. bagaimanapun malam itu adalah momen dimana baru saja aku melepas hubungan yang kubangun selama tiga tahun dengan kak tetsurou.

yah, aku tidak apa-apa sih. namun hinata terlihat sangat khawatir dan malam itu, untuk kedua kalinya dan akan terus terulang seumur hidupku. hinata membuat jantungku lagi-lagi ingin mencuat keluar. malam itu lah, momen dimana aku tidak bisa berbohong lagi, momen dimana aku mengaku pada diriku sendiri bahwa aku memendam rasa kepada pemuda yang aku panggil sahabat selama empat tahun. aku melihatnya sebagai pria, bukan sahabat. aku mulai sadar dengan proporsi badannya yang berubah, aku mulai sasar dengan struktur wajahnya yang sedikit berubah, sejak kapan hinata menjadi sangat berbeda? semburat merah muncul di wajahku. dan dengan itu, roda takdir mulai bergerak hingga ke titik ini, dimana aku akan menikah dengannya beberapa saat lagi.

mungkin dari kalian banyak yang tidak percaya takdir. aku juga begitu, dulu. namun rasanya dengan hinata semua seperti takdir. karena tidak ada yang menyangka, terjadi secara tiba-tiba namun entah rasanya tepat bila semuanya terjadi seperti ini. dimulai dari malam itu ke hari dimana hinata tiba-tiba muncul didepan rumahku dengan satu buket bunga matahari hingga ke tahun kelima perayaan hubungan kami dimana hinata tiba-tiba gagap dengan satu lutut di lantai restoran memintaku menjadi pendamping hidupnya hingga ke titik ini, dimana aku tinggal menunggu beberapa saat lagi dan kami siap menjalani sisa hidup kami bersama untuk selamanya.

dan suara ketukan pintu terdengar dari luar sebelum dibuka. “hitoka sudah siap?” tanya hinata “harusnya aku yang bilang gitu” balasku sembari tertawa sebelum mengambil lengannya menuju acara resepsi kami. “aku udah pernah bilang kan, suatu saat kamu punya aku” seru hinata dengan senyuman tersungging di bibirnya. ah, sekarang baru aku benar-benar menyadari aku akan menghabiskan sisa hidup dengan pria yang lengannya kugenggam ini. tapi toh aku tidak keberatan sama sekali asal dapat melihat senyuman itu setiap harinya. “ih, kok pede banget? aku inget kamu bilang 'besok lo punya gue!'” jawabku balik dengan senyum simpul, kami pun tertawa riang bersama setelahnya dan lebih dekat satu langkah lagi untuk menempuh keabadian bersama.

slow it down

“I'm better be the only one, you hear me?” You said loud and clear. Oh, how Araki wished he could pretended he didn't hear that. This situation been stressing him lately, you supposed to be his stress relief but now you made all of his problems more complicated. To top it all, you were only twenty three the age gap between the two of you was too big already, beside that you should seen the world more. He wasn't the guy you supposed to love, you should met somebody better around your age who was willing to settle down.

Araki reminded himself the last time he left your room, that would be the last time. Yet, here he was finding himself in your room once more. “I already said, I can't do that. I'm not trying to fall for you here, don't you see the age gap between us is too big? I'm not going to stay over” Araki tried so many ways to convince you that your relationship between you two wouldn't work. But the more he tried to convince you, the more he got swayed instead. He was weak for you, but he knew better, he didn't want to ruin your chances for a perfect future.

Ah, what a bullshit! Then why he was standing so still when he heard the sound of buttons being undone and didn't get past through that door like he said before? “Then I take it you won't stay even for this?” You replied him back slyly, standing there in all your glory without a single thread hiding your body from him. “How could I say no to that?” The next moment he knew, he found his lips around yours and shedding his clothes too on your floor.

That moment was intense, Araki would say. The next day he found himself on the bed with you two in the afternoon. You were fucking with his head, you always got your ways no matter what no matter how hard he tried to go. You knew what were you doing when you wrapped those legs around his waist. Damn, Araki felt stupid being played like this by someone who just graduated from college about one to two years. The faster you took your clothes off, the easier he got swayed. This shouldn't be like this, should he left without a word? Because he knew if he kept bumping to you and leave those little notes, he would still come back to you. Araki wasn't trying to fall for you, but you were just too irresistible.

Okay, let's admit it. He was indeed, falling for you. Yet he resisted to. Because he knew, you deserved the best and he even couldn't give himself all to you. He had school, he was a coach too, he had so many much more responsibilities and burden on his shoulder. You needed not to experience all of those stuff. You needed to slow it down, this situation between him and you either that or Araki had to leave you right now. So, what should he choose? Araki thought while staring at your peacefully state, probably hadn't escape the dream land. Sooner or later, Araki needed to make this decision to preventing himself from hurting you more than this.

I Can't Fall in Love Without You #log3

So here we were with two different people and with equal stubborn minds, meeting here both because of a little 'set up' Carlos, Shirakawa, Itsuki and Harada made. “Why are you here?” you asked Mei, a little bit pissed off because you knew this was Carlos idea for sure. You should've trusted your instincts more, because you knew there was something fishy when he came up and said there was something urgent and you need to follow him.

Who knew something urgent meant you were going to be kept up inside of this storage room with Narumiya Mei for two hours. Or really? Did you really didn't know that was mei going to be here? Probably in the back of your mind you knew and your body just followed because you missed Mei so damn much. Though you weren't going to admit it so easily.

“I could say the same to you!” Replied Mei back with a high tone, he darted his eyes anywhere else except your eyes. Because when he met them, he knew he would lose it and succumb to his feelings. As if he would allow that to happen! He was Narumiya Mei, the King there was no way he would let his head hang low even more to someone as mere as you.

After minutes of silence and grumbling (mostly by Mei) about how he was going to kill his team after this, you finally broke the silence. Because admit it, Mei wasn't going to speak first even if you were going to be trapped in this for eternity. “Got any idea why are we trapped in this closet Narumiya?” Pang! That was his heart sounded maybe when you called him with his last name instead. Oh yeah, right, you weren't together anymore. “Dunno” Mei shrugged nonchalantly, not wanting to speak with you.

“Come on Narumiya, don't be such a child” you scolded him, a little bit piss off because he and his pride so damned stubborn. “Highschoolers are kids!” you knew he said this line to Itsuki a few days ago, he never changed did he? “But mature enough to think on it's own and not acted selfishly by not admitting they're in fault” you retorted back, good retort by the way! Because Mei responded instantly.

“I'm selfish? You were the one who left me to hang out with your losers friends!” “Why was I always the one who needed to approach you first?! And when I got tired then it was my fault?!” you screamed at him, the anger that had been built up for months begun to come out. “As I said, I was in season and baseball is my priority so you need to understand me” Mei said, as always defending himself to death.

“Relationship is a two way street Mei! It won't work out if I was the only one who gives, you just keep taking and taking until there was nothing inside of me!” Shit, you called him by his first name. But hey, he wouldn't notice it right? He was afterall consumed by rage too. “How can you say you were the one who kept giving?! Then where the hell have you been when I struggled with you know what? You were having fun with those losers in summer like a peasant, you were my girlfriend you should-”

“I should what? Nannying you like a royal baby sitter?! The world isn't centered around you, this relationship shouldn't centered around you Mei!” “You knew what you were getting for when you entered this relationship with me, so it's not my fault” This was getting tiring, same old Mei, same old excuses. “Then you should've dated one of your fangirls not me!” “Fine! The first year girl from brass band is a lot of cuter than you after all!” okay, maybe you awere the one who said the fangirls line first but it still damned hurt to hear he prefered someone other than you.

“Why are you still being a damned brat?! If you wanted to then why the hell are you not?!” Mei was the one who taken aback right now. “W-well, I will if they let us out!” “Okay then, but don't come back running to me if she break up with you after a week!” “I accept that! She will at least be there when I need her, not like you who was fooling around!” “Oh, now you said you need me?! Weren't you the one who said 'I didn't need you anyway' Eat your own shit Narumiya” Then you stormed off to the back of the storage room while Mei just stood there silently for the first time having nothing to retort back to you.

“Oi” this time he was the onw who approached you first after a good silence for about ten minutes. “Go away Narumiya” you replied, head facing the other direction. “C'mon, let's talk” “No, because a talk with you will always end up with a fight and you are always the one who's going to be right” “This time it won't be like that” “...do whatever you like” then mei sat down besides you on the floor with your face still not facing him and him to the other direction too.

“I guess this is partly my fault too. Ck, I'm sorry” he mumbled loud enough for you to hear. you still didn't want to respond to him so you kept your mouth shut. “When are you going to look at my direction?” Mei said frustatedly because you still refused to see his face. So he moved to kneel in front of you, you immediately turned your face away but he was faster to grab your face to look at him. “No, look at me. Not to the other way but to me!” He screamed, so you complied and looked at him straight to his eyes. “Fine if that's what you want Narumiya, after all you are the king, am I right?” Mei winced at your words.

“Don't make this so hard, do we have to yell and scream again for you to call me Mei again?” Oh, so he noticed. You forgot how observant he was, even during your fight. “What do you want to talk then, Mei?” You made sure to pronounce his name a lot of stronger, it was kind of fun to see Narumiya Mei like this. “Look, I-, I'm sorry for what happened with us in the past and I...” Mei started looking at the ground under his feet, he couldn't bare to see your face.

“You're what Mei?” “I should have been more attentive but I got jealous because you never looked that happy with me and I made that rash decision in the heat of the moment” “You should've been Mei, but there's no point in talking about this any longer, we're not together anymore” You kept taunting him with that nonchalant attitude looking like this didn't matter to you eventhough deep inside you swore you were freaking out.

“What I'm trying to say is, I miss you and I need you more than I thought so please take me back! I- I can't say baseball isn't my top priority anymore but I promise this time I would treat you right, I would be more attentive and not burdening you all the time with my childish tendencies, so please don't fall in love without me...” His voice was breaking and when he lift up that face to met your eyes with his, you saw tears were threatening to spill down on his face. Was this Narumiya Mei breaking down in front of you? You wanted to laugh to snicker at him, but you couldn't because there were something burning streaming down on your face. “I'm sorry too Mei, I am” You answered burrying your face in your hands while Mei wrapped his arms around you engulfing you to a warm embrace that you missed for months.

“We're going to make it this time, we're definitely going to make it” Mei whispered softly and you just nodded your head. The peaceful moments didn't last though, when Carlos barged in loudly ruining the perfect atmosphere you both had. “Oops, looks like a ruined a moment. Anyway you both had to come out” Carlos said, Mei and you immediately got up. Mei started to cuss Carlos with ever word he could think of in the top of his head. You just giggled, its been a long time since you last saw this scene. Then you both came out, returning back to the ground before you set your feet inside the storage. But this time there was a diffrence, because Mei's hand was gripping yours tightly this time.

cardigan

years had passed. the bright red colour from last season had changed to the whiteness of winter. miyuki just got off from practice, sitting in front of his fireplace. he found himself reminiscing the days when he was much more naive and young, even a man like him deepdown back in his younger days believe that maybe somehwo he could keep a feeling like love for forever after but he was wrong. something did linger but he knew for sure it wasn't love.

miyuki remembered his highschool days, those were the most precious years he had, he hold them dear to his chest. where as his college years, the most stand out memories in his college years was him, amahisa kousei. miyuki remembered kousei hands roamed around his body, not bothering to take his shirt off just staying there under his sweatshirt.

he remembered kousei drunk antics, dancing outside of the bar under the streetlight in his levis after getting both of them kicked out. miyuki remembered how he was a good kisser too, even if he was drunk kousei would never give a bad kiss. when he was stressed out thinking of all the strategies he could make and call during the game, there was kousei reminding him that he too had a life outside of baseball and he was a star too outside of baseball to someone, to kousei.

miyuki knew all along what happened that summer. he knew it himself, he didn't know it from the gossip or taiyo. that summer was the moment when kousei lost him. at first he let it happened, because he thought kousei probably wanted a payback from that one dance in spring with sanada. bold of him to assume kousei had more control than that. kousei thought miyuki didn't know what his original intention what, they were young afterall what did they know?

and when things were spiraling out of control, including his affair. in miyuki's head they already ended. but in action? he ran away, he was a coward he admitted it. he didn't want to declare his relationship with kousei already ended, yet he didn't want to face him. miyuki avoided him instead. he still wanted kousei that time, but his pride with that affair, even more so the person kousei was with was sawamura, his own junior from high school.

miyuki couldn't denied that he missed kousei spending the weekends with him, or his pounding heart everytime they made love, or how kousei always made him feel special in his worst days? miyuki knew both, whether it was his feelings or decision. still reality was different, so he opted for option number three. he ran away.

amahisa kousei was really something to made a man like him feel something like this. because all he ever wanted in a swept of nostalgia like this was kousei's warmth. to get drunk, doing foolish things like kissing behind the cabs and downtown bars was all he needed right now, was all they needed back then. every kiss kousei planted on his body back then was amazing, it was like he drew stars around his scars and poof all of them would be all better. yet they didn't now, because when kousei betrayed him to remember all the kisses kousei planted on miyuki's body were stabbing him from inside and still he never stopped craving for kousei's kisses.

kousei already implemented a mark of his own in miyuki's life, one that irreplaceable, lingering, and hated but still he craved for him. miyuki knew kousei tried to change it, chenge the way how they turned out to be. when kousei kissed him, his mind yelled stopped no, yet his body responded automatically to kousei's touches. he actually softened up a little when he heard his excuse which was a bullshit but kind of true. could you believe it? miyuki kazuya softening to unrational excuse? probably it was the aftermath from that kiss but still it was pretty amazing that amahisa kousei could indluence his decision like that.

he almost took him back but the word 'sorry' he waited for never came. so miyuki didn't change his mind and answered with “we're already over” that was the first and the last time he ever confronted amahisa kousei upfront. after that? running away like hell.

which resulted the conflict never really finished and years went by. miyuki should've forgotten kousei for godsake! but here he was reminiscing about that time, and with anahisa kousei still occupied his mind even after all these years. kousei was charming, kousei was addictive for him, he knew from the start a relationship with a man like kousei meaning he would haunt you for forever of your life.

'cause even with afterall he done to him, kousei still lingered around like a tattoo kiss. and here he was a man with logical mind like miyuki thinking about all the what ifs that could happened if he just said yes to kousei that time or the dance with sanada never ever happened. miyuki knew even when they were over, kousei would still be there around him like the smell of smoke he couldn't get rid of. he knew he would cursed him for the longest time and his stupid decision for starting a relationship to him, yet miyuki with every fiber being in his body still yearned for kousei.

miyuki predicted it too, that after the summer kousei would chase him back. he would come back to him once the thrill he experienced with sawamura was over, when he already get bored. miyuki knew someday kousei would show up in front of his dorm's door but he just didn't know he would acted so quickly. why he knew all of this you asked? because even if he was naive back at that time, miyuki knew everything when he was young.

then there was a knock on a door snapping miyuki back to reality. “who is it?” miyuki said walking towards the door. “it's me” replied back the responder from the other side with all of too fammiliar voice. was miyuki hallucinating because he missed amahisa kousei that bad or was it really him? anyway there was just one way to find out, which involved him opening the door. hesistantly he turned the doorknob and found outside there was a sight greeted him.

betty

he fucked up, amahisa kousei fucked up real bad. it's been a month since summer season was over and he hadn't see miyuki since then. did he really fucked up that bad? he thought they would somehow meet during break, yet they didn't. sure he met miyuki during baseball practices, and he knew miyuki was taking different classes this semester but there was no interaction between them except for baseball. wasn't he still miyuki's boyfriend?

maybe he caught it. kousei gulped, swallowing his own saliva down his throat. there was a good possibility miyuki heard the rumours, if he wasn't then why the hell he avoided him like a plague right now? his worst nightmare came true. fuck, did that damned taiyo slipped his tongue or something? the rumors coming from his mouth usually weren't true, but this time it was true. if he could turn back time, he wouldn't do all of it, he regret it, that was the worst thing he ever did. because all over he wanted was miyuki stood beside him right now.

what if he force his way through to meet miyuki? would he have him? would he want him? or would he tell him to go fuck himself on the way out for not thinking rational enough, he would shrug it out like nothing ever happened between them, because that how miyuki was, kousei knew him. or maybe..., this was what he wanted tho, what if they make up, he would tell him, him and sawamura was just a summer thing and they were young, filled with adrenaline rush. it was going to be an one time thing, he swore he wouldn't do it again, from now on it would be miyuki and miyuki only. as if miyuki kazuya was that easy to be swayed off.

you couldn't totally blame kousei you know, if it wasn't miyuki ignited the fire he wouldn't do it too. he knew what miyuki did was nothing compared to the affair he had in the summer. miyuki just had one dance that night with sanada shunpei, and they were exes. nothing going on after that, he knew miyuki wasn't the type of person to do that, too much work he said.

kousei knew it was kinda his fault too because he didn't want to dance and only came for the free drinks. but could you blame him for being jealous a little bit? then they fought and didn't talk to each other outside after baseball practices since that spring dance. in the summer kousei wanted a little payback, but his payback went off too far. either way his boyfriend for this past one year should've understand him a little bit, and just moved past it not avoiding him like now.

yeah, he was the worst for wanting revenge and taking advantages of eijun. but the opportunity presented himself, when eijun came saying hi and running to him asking kousei to teach him his slider trick. eijun was his crush during highschool years, moresoever he was miyuki underclassmen in highschool. who was the better person besides him? kousei promised himself, it was going to be one outing, just once. but it led to more and more encounters in the summer that he regretted now.

those days under the blazing sun turned into nights twisted on bedsheets. kousei really regretted that, he should've control himself. but when he slept next to him after all of their sessions, miyuki should knew he was the only one kousei ever think about. maybe he was physically besides eijun, but his mind always drift back to miyuki. he was his one and only, kousei swore all summer long he only dreamt of miyuki.

so here kousei was, standing on miyuki dorm's doorstep trying to make it all alright. it was do or die moment, no back out, no running away again, if miyuki didn't want to be the first to see him then fine. he would be the one who approached him first. so he knocked on the door, time to found out which one of his predictions came true.

would miyuki take him back or would he left him on the dust? but one thing kousei knew, he was going to set a record straight. you couldn't blame a young impulsive based decision forever right? kousei knew it was his fault, he was at the wrong and he regretted it, that should've suffice and they could try to fix little by litte and rebuilding their relationship again. it wasn't like kousei expect miyuki to take him back no, he had more common sense than that.

when miyuki opened the door, the shocked look on his face was undeniable. he was bewildered, what the fuck amahisa kousei wanted from him again? and for kousei the memory rush hitted him like a truck. he remembered all those time when they stopped at a streetlight and stealing kisses from each other. he missed wearing his cardigan, god damnit, he really missed miyuki kazuya, not the catcher but the miyuki kazuya he called his boyfriend, his miyuki kazuya.

so in an act based on adrenaline rush (again), kousei kissed miyuki fast on the lips. surprisingly miyuki returned it, probably that was the adrenaline's doing too. when they parted ways the only thing kousei could said was “i regretted the things i done kazuya, but i missed you please understand this and take me back!” he bowed down, that wa the first time miyuki ever saw his boyfriend bowed down to someone. he was shocked, but he had an answer to make. miyuki then opened his mouth in mere seconds, pretty fast huh? ready to give kousei his answer.

august

“are you sure?” kousei whispered, “never have i ever before” responded eijun back before they did the sacred thing you supposed to do when two people got married, well that was what his parents said. they were quite traditional after all. but with man like kousei, like hell he would wait for something like this until he tied down with chain and a ball. and it wasn't like there was a label to define his relationship with kousei.

that august was something eijun couldn't forget in his lifetime even if he wanted to. that august was remarkable yet heartaching. he remembered yearning for kousei, hoping their act, twisted in bedsheets together would lead to something but eijun knew better than to hope for something that wasn't going to happen. still hoped for it anyway, he was known for being a fool so there was no harm right?

standing on the mound beneath the sun was always hot even more during the summer season, but wanna know what was hotter? for eijun apparently it was kousei's back beneath the sun. it was shining, hot to touch. it made eijun wanted to mark him, he wanted to write his name down, claiming him his. hoping kousei would get over the other guy but that was impossible and too much to ask, because deep down eijun knew this, his relationship with kousei would stay just over the summer.

but for sometime things were looking good, too good even. eijun was starting to hope for things that seemed out of his reach before with kousei. kousei started to meet him a lot more, their days turned into nights on the bedsheets. sometimes not just the bedsheets maybe under the stars, talking about future, talking about plans. kousei started to focus a lot more on him, that dazed look went away. looked like eijun managed to take 'him' off kousei's mind.

maybe his sacrifices pay off, cancelling all of his plan after practice to meet kousei even if there was no certainity that kousei would call. all of them were worth it right? slowly but surely, eijun would snatch kousei away. that what was he thought, at least let him hoped for a little bit. eijun wouldn't ask too much this time, for now with this small possibility, this would suffice for him. wanting was enough, for eijun to live for the hope of it all was enough at that time even if there wasn't a single certainity that they would be us, kousei would be his.

eijun remembered him chasing kousei and kousei reciprocating it all the same, making him thought he had a chance. he was naive too naive, one call from kousei and he would be there yet did kousei ever did the same for him? probably once or twice, though he was so blinded by the hope of it all to notice it. eijun sacrificed a lot of things. well a relationship was like that fundamentally it was build around sacrifices, but those were too much for a summer love where he would only get to call them us just in the summer.

the end didn't change though. no matter how hard he tried, the results were still the same. kousei would always get back to 'him'. eijun hoped he could change something even for just a little yet when august slipped away, the thing they had would lost in memory. but did eijun has the right to be dissapointed? yes kousei left him, yet by logic he didn't lose him though? why you ask? because kousei was never his, never his to lose, never his to be with.

illicit affair meianatsu

one last kiss, then he went somewhere atsumu didn't want to know. well he actually knew, but let's pretend he didnt know a thing. that was how their relationship worked. romero and atsumu that was how they worked.

if it happened to be morning, romero would park his car a bit far then ran a little bit to meet his friends. iromero told his friends, he was out from his usual run when he returned. with how flushed his face was, his friends believed in him not knowing it wasn't from the run.

if it happened to be at night's time. romero would kiss his wife a greeting welcome home kiss. his wife would snuggle with him a little bit, smelling his strong cologne that he wore just for her, he said. romero glad his wife didn't notice something off with the way he smell. thank god for atsumu's excellent pick in perfume he left on the shelf. but he prefer much more atsumu's body odor smell rather than this perfume, though it wouldn't happen because his wife would suspect something was going on then.

atsumu hated to be the one who left behind, the one who had to wait behind in the shadows, the one who had to grit his teeth from preventing his screams of oh how he wanted to be the one drapped in romero's arm tonight. even though he knew romero would meet him back at the parking lots after this event was over, he couldn't help himself from becoming filled with jealousy. he wanted to publicly show his love too! yet what he had was an illicit affair that had to be hidden and buried down, no one should knew about this. the onoy truth about them showed their stolen glances but that was it because the next they lied and lied with fake laughters and smiles around each other respective partners that they should've loved instead of one another.

“don't call me “kid,” don't call me “baby” look at this idiotic fool that you made me, romero!” atsumu half whispering half yelling to romero at the parking lot behind the event venue, “I'm sorry baby, please calm down” and with a kiss on his lips that was all it took to calm atsumu down, a kiss who made him unable to leave romero, a drug that worked for atsumu when it landed on his lips for more than hundred times.

when romero kissed him it was like all the world dissapeared like he forgot that romero could leave him and stop this at any time. this relationship was toxic, this relationship was a drug to him, this relationship starting to ruin his life little by little. atsumu knew this, but he let it did its work. because for romero, atsumu was willing to let himself ruined a million little times.

false god; kurooshou

they were stupid to think that this could work between them. there were false declarations falling upon their lips, they couldn't take it back right now. they should've knew, there were too many differences between them. 'I would do everything for you' they said to each other, 'I would abandon everything for you, just for you' they swore again in front of each other.

yet when arguments came, their relationship almost broke each time, the 'break up' words seemed easy enough to say in this kind of situation. people had warned them countless of times, that they weren't compatible. they wouldn't last a lifetime. that a relationship only led by love, following it blindly would some day come back and bite you at the end. they knew, but did they care? no, kuroo and daishou never cared.

still when times like this came, both of them hoped for a getaway. they found it, they knew it wasn't healthy. but oh god, angry fucking between them was always the best session they had, better than any other sessions. religions in each other lips between the breathless kisses they exchanged. hips snapping against each other like those were their altar. the sounds they made, crying and chanting each other names like they were worshipping. it was kind of true, they did worship this love even with all of it mistakes, even this was a false god.

hell was when they fought with each other. stubborn minds crashing against each other, what did you expect? but kuroo and daishou knew heaven was a thing too, because they went to heaven when they went through 'hell' first. those moments were a bliss for both of them. while kuroo's lips trailed on daishou necks while daishou whimpered, both making confessions, begging one another to not leave them alone.

“don't leave me” and “I love you”s left their lips so loosely, scared and at the same time trying to forget their fights earlier. praising their bodies and the pleasure sound they elicit from each other. hoping with this, they could get away from those fights. how foolish, but that was how kuroo and daishou worked. kuroo's thrusts became more and more impatient, signaling he was close before he finally came all over daishou's body. not long after daishou followed by, screaming kuroo's name while his minds were seeing stars. both of them were living blissfully right now, trying to savor every moments of this as long as they could get. because they knew their heaven were breakable.

I Can't Fall in Love Without You #log2

Maybe you thought Narumiya Mei wouldn't give you a second thought anymore, but you were way off the mark. Because if baseball didn't distract him, you would be on his mind every minutes, every seconds.“Damn!” he screamed throwing his ball as fast as he could. In the end even with those countless fangirls waiting for him, you were the one in his mind and he seemed couldn't erase you from it.

What was the point of all those screams and gifts if one of them wasn't from you. He was pissed off with you. How dare you, a mere someone occupied his mind. He may look happy and indifferent from the outside but all of it was an act to provoke you, to get a reaction from you and you would get fed up and came running back to him. That was his plan, there was no way he would sacrifice his pride and ego to admit he still wanted you. But if you ever so kindly said please or beg him, he would take you back. He was kind afterall.

Though, you never acted like he wished you would. Worst of all you seemed to be actually happier and more free now rather than the time you two were in a relationship. You hanged around with your friends, doing things normal highschoolers would do, the things he couldn't do with you. He saw you smiling around with that guy from another school? It was a blind date wasn't it? That was he heard from the rumor. But really, if you did like him then your taste went from 100 to 0. From Narumiya Mei to someone who was below him? Was he irritated? No, not at all. You weren't his anymore so why should he?Actually Mei really wanted to sling his arms around your shoulder to prove you were his, but you weren't his anymore, were you?

The break up wasn't his fault anyway so why should he be the one to drown in regrets. It was YOUR fault, not him. (Tsk, his pride was really that high to admit even his shares of mistakes.) What were you expecting anyway? His time? He was on season, he was aiming for Koshien. So you went out for the summer with your friends causing the gap between you two went wider and wider. You were having fun in the summer while he was struggling even more with his anxiousness of last year summer, and where were you? You were no where to be found, he was usually the one who replied late and now you were the one.

What did you do anyway? You just played and fooled around, you didn't have any important goal like him. So, you met up after days of estranged communication. Mei complained so much about how you should understand and prioritize him also being supportive and you got tired of it, then the “let's break up” words slipped up. It had been in your mind for a while, you had a life too! You didn't want to spend your highschool days dedicating to someone as selfish as Mei afterall. In heat of the moment, he agreed instantly “Fine, I don't need you anyway” That was the story of your break up.

By nature he should be the one who was happy and you were the one who was regretting things. Why were you so happy then? (well he hated that he wasn't the one painted that stupid smile on your face) Unfazed like nothing changed, nothing happened, well something did change because you free to do anything you like and didn't get stuck taking care of him. Mei hated it, you shouldn't be happy. You should crawled and begged for him to take you back. Not like he cared for it though.

“ARGH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY?!” He screamed frustatedly, the ball he throwed almost hitting the batter head. His teammates told him to calm down and Kunimoto also told him to go to the bullpen (thank god this was practice against second string). While his body may be cooled off, his mind wasn't. His mind kept wandering back to you. And somewhere along the line in the back of his mind, he admitted it. He was jealous, he was jealous you were having so much fun, he was insecure because that smile wasn't coming from him, he was scared that you would leave him for somebody and now he lost you. But if Mei could ask for one thing. Please, don't fall in love without him.