Elias

I'm just starting to unfold Ken Wilber's book Integral Life Practice into a new structure, in the hope to make it more accessible for my future self and other future humans.

that it is beautiful that you exist?

Today when I met my father for the first time since my return from Norway I told him about what I think is the most important thing I learned during this time:

The ability to consciously regulate the intensity of my emotions.

I just had a funny experience with my mother's cat. He was eating and slightly disturbed by some of the noises I was making. So I looked back at him, blinked with both eyes, and then with only one, to tell him that it's ok to trust me, that I don't mean him harm.

Looking back at the past few months and reflecting on what it was that facilitated the diverse and intense experiences I had, I see one central theme:

Resistance

Quite an interesting software.

It's likely that fear has an influence on some of my actions, but at the same time I feel very stable. It feels like there is nothing that could break me.

I'm sorry for blocking your call earlier today. I know it's probably not a big deal and talking about it pure noise. But it's interesting to me because I'm not sure who made this decision. Was it me or was it my fear?

I have only one concern:

I don't want to spend my time overthinking, so I don't. This might be a mistake because I'm missing out on second-order effects. In my own life, this is hard enough. But I think I'm still not walking into a trap.