What kind of person – what kind of human or god – decides to create a life like mine, a world like this?
If I am that human/god just fully engrossed in this lower/dreamed life – then surely my/their ideals are much higher than my current ones.
Maybe they live in eutopia, and out of their desire to become even more formidable and stronger than they are currently, they decide to voluntarily torture themselves.
What if the reason that life is unsatisfying is because the godhead – me – you – everyone – hasn't figured out how to produce endless fun yet?
What if there are multiple godheads, multiple souls? The Egg style.
What if via perceiving and imagining as much as I'm capable of, I could find a solution to suffering – not just in myself but in the current world I/we are in?
The temptation to watch porn, to log into sites where I'll “accidentally” run into it (4chan, pirate sites, etc)... very strange.
I suppose 2 trips aren't enough to truly modify my brain structure.
Porn is that entrenched in my brain :o
Yeah this was totally worth it.
What's something I would like to build?
Why do I even want to build anything.
I am attracted to exploring the manosphere again. Or reading Chuck Palahnuik. Jack Donovan...
Akira the Don is a good guy but I don't know if I can take on his whole persona of being happy with everything all the time.
Maybe I can take on his anger, passion, nostalgia etc. attitude though.
Or I can stick in quiet. Quiet appreciation of life and quiet appreciation of the depression, fear, and sadness too.
Listening to Akira the Don instrumentals was a very good decision while high.
Could I read the green book? B isn't here. this is indeed a private, good situation in which to read a private book...
Funny how weed makes me want to watch porn, drink beer, and eat junk food. It's definitely not a healthy-by-default drug.
Maybe in certain contexts where the environment was promoting health it could be useful. Beautiful music and yin yoga let's say.
But in modern day environments... if you have enough money to order coffee, beer, wine, sex, snacks, meals... for every taste at every hour of the day... it's not a help.
I can't imagine it being a good influence when you're having an night out either. If you're drinking a lot of beer, smoking spliffs... the weed will probably just make you hungrier and hornier, and more selfish in some ways.
Tasty cheese rinds and lukewarm coffee. Piping hot would indeed be better but ayo.
so I just realised that I am an hour off the peak of my first brizadeiro.
which means, the one I just half-drank, with coffee... will start in ~30m, and peak in ~2h30.
my current one will peak in ~1h.
so I will spend roughly 4 hours quite high.
but that's ok. i will rest well. I will drink lots of water.
and... why don't I have another weed brigadeiro. ate one over the course of yesterday. already had one over the course of today. another would get me high yes... but I'm at home, and I've done almost everything I need to. I'm not gonna summon much motivation today... better to wait until rested, right? hahaha... so much mental gymnastics.
but really – I can't think of anything of lifechanging or professional importance that I need to get done right this minute.
it's 4:30pm, so a coffee would probably wake me up too much. but 3 spoons decaf, 1 spoon caf? that could work well. That could make me nice and cozy.
I could spend the afternoon studying what I want to. Doing only that which makes me happy.
Fill up the tank.
Read what you love until you love to read.
Study what you love until you love to study.
Program what you love until you love to program.
Work on what you love until you love to work.
That's the way you progress.
Sticking hard into something slimy never helps.
Go hard at what you love then let the love push you through the inevitable barriers you'll face.
I'm so lazy to buy flights even though it makes a lot of sense. Presumably a whole week in (city) would be better for networking. But it also means missed workouts, more food costs, more hotel costs...
Better just to book a few days aye? Make it concentrated and nice.
Get as little as possible on the 29th too.
Took another 1/6th.
That brings me up to what – 3+1+1 = 4/6ths. 2/3rds. A bit closer to the 3/4s I had yesterday.
0.66 instead of 0.75.
Enough to have munchies for sure. 1.5 brioche buns, a pottle of butter and leftover jam, honey, 2 half cookies, an orange, an apple...
Thank god I'm having meat soon...
Picanha... yes...
I'm slowly ticking away at what should be done. Balances almost gotten.