gringo

What to do tonight? I had pencilled-in plans to celebrate a friend's birthday. But I feel too tired for the socialization. I have a nice big pot of decaf. It's 8:42pm. ..... just watched some videos. It's now 9:11pm.

I guess I have a list of things I wanted to do, work wise. Make a bank statement. That was promised delivery today.

Shorten/summarize me and my coworker's PDs. Also important.

Settle funds between our accounts.

Fix various things in my app – yep. There's a laundry list of todos.

A part of me just wants to play Minecraft.

Or do some other mindless activity.

After all it is a Friday night.

I suppose the difference between me and an average person though, is that I don't listen to that voice as often.

I work hard even when I don't need to.

It's in my nature to work hard.

Maybe I should start a new programming project.

Maybe I should build something new.

After all that's what seems to pump me up the most.

How about build a privacy tool.

How about build a WhatsApp bot. For buying Bitcoin via RoboSats.

How about build a service that uses PeeeeX codes to display crypto addresses.

Hm yeah I like that idea...

What about a lightning wallet for each PeeeeeX key. A full scale payments service.

That would be cool.

Make it all manual to start with?

Had a meditative walk today. Managed to sense the emptiness of the world a little bit. How I was making reality, or co-making it, that the outside world and my inside world had no seperation. Cool.

Also remembered viscerally the senses I had on ayahuasca most recently – hearing the singing voices that were happy, and then hearing the rollercoaster go down as they began screaming.

Playing with madness... but relievingly, the 'helmet' of base reality is not coming off too quickly. It feels a lot safer to think about or remember my trip, now.

What a day. Took care of myself. Thought about my aims. Ate 2 dozen oysters – one dozen raw (delicious), the other steamed with gorgonzola and pear (a little salty / over the top for my tastes.) Took care of my wife. Now it's 4:40pm. Shall I get the bank statement together, or shall I write my PoDe? I have just over an hour to get ready. Let's leave 30 mins pre-call. 15+30+10 = 45 mins bank statement. Then 5 mins break, then... Nope. Too close. Bank statement for just 30 mins. Then switch. Alright? ALRIGHT!

Yeet

I didn't get what I wanted to get done, done, today. But honestly I don't feel too bad about it. Maybe I can just write my way through what I would do if I could do it?

  • Inquire about {banking provider} overcharges
    • Hi A, AS told me that we had come to an agreement with you for P transactions to be included in our monthly minimum payment / F.
    • Is this the case?
    • If so, why have we been charged for P transactions for the last month, and seemingly other months?
  • Update CS and B statements
    • Fresh export of CS
    • Run FF
    • JSON to CSV
    • Import to Gsheets
    • Delete canceled B transactions
    • Organise into Date-Value-Desc columns
    • Add A/Bly charges
    • Copy over from FExp the labels (may be difficult? Some things missing?)
    • Code up the new transactions
  • Change F and B passwords
    • Log into F, click change pwd, generate new pwd, save
    • Same thing with B
  • Confirm what needed in PnL on buys/sells
    • Hi M, can I confirm what you want in this line?
    • We don't keep detailed records on the trade fees or sending fees we incur in our operations.
    • Can we make a summary of all the money we received for buy orders, all the crypto we received for sell orders, and the net change in our cryptocurrency inventories and bank balances?
    • Also, we did a promotion where we gave away $x to 5k customers. The discount was applied directly to every order. Does this count as a cost?
  • Get NFs from all municipalities except S
    • Municipalities? Try states first. SC and PA.
      • Search up FP NF consulta and look up our number
      • Do same for CT
  • Plan FF
    • Store PC data in separate database – don’t do any verification within IN
      • Change verifyC function and get it to return back in to gImport
      • Export it to cache and IN/
    • Make a CoinGeckoId map
      • Figure out all our traded coins
      • Map to CoinGecko ID with manual corrections
      • Upgrade cPrices() to not check the CoinList every single PSRequest
    • Make all “.0.” fields stringified
      • cryptoTs.fees
      • cryptoFs.exlReceived
      • cryptoFs.exlSent
      • cryptoFs.mstchDetail
    • Fix CG date error
      • Convert to ISO, cut off non-day part, split by dash, then reverse?
    • Fix Electrum net & amount detection
      • Fresh Electrum export from app
      • Fresh Electrum export from FF
      • JSON to CSV, import both to Gsheets
      • Compare discrepancies (main one is the 18 BTC)
        • Check if address detection working (internal addresses?)
        • If not, see if it shows up in deposit/change address generation.
          • No? How can we then generate?

And then how about we look at things that I want to do?

  • Buy bitcoin
    • Get another job? Bitcoin only?
  • Take Vitamin D, Vitamin K2, Vitamin A, Magnesium, Copper, Tongkat Ali
    • Buy off ML?
  • Keep doing 5min journal
    • Buy a new one or find a nice online papelaria
  • Work out
    • Go to Crossfit tomorrow and ask to get in, show the heart meds I got prescribed a while back as proof that nothing's wrong with my heart
    • Do some jumprope upstairs in the morning
  • Fix my teeth
    • Radiography tomorrow morning
      • Schedule a consult with M after
  • Quit sugar
    • Eat meat
  • Play
    • Build MC structures whilst listening to meaningwave.
  • Write
    • Keep writing!

2 weeks without meat did not make me feel good at all. I just ended up feeling weak, craving a lot more sugar, just feeling bleh.

I mean, maybe it was a similar case to quitting alcohol. And maybe I was using quitting meat as an excuse for eating sugar.

But fuck all that noise.

Ayahuasca told me I shouldn't eat meat. So why am I eating it now?

It also told me I don't need isoretonin. So does that mean I'm going to take it too?

Funnily enough I think it comes down to ideology. Vegetarians and vegans are usually left-wing, into astrology/new-age woo, and a lot of them unhealthy.

I suppose the counter argument to that is that many meat-eaters are also unhealthy.

But as a guy who feels more right than left wing, more nationalist than globalist, more religious than atheist, more traditionalist than progressive – I feel out of place not eating meat.

So why then did ayahuasca tell me to not eat meat? What makes me think that aya doesn't want me eating meat? Why should I eat or not eat meat?

Ayahuasca showed me a white rabbit and asked me if I would kill it to eat it's flesh. I was feeling feminine, loving, compassionate. I didn't want to kill it to eat. I felt so deeply the pain and suffering my actions caused others. Or the pain and suffering I wasn't alleviating from my inaction.

And I just thought... what if I could just push it out. Stop eating meat for as long as I can. See how much suffering I can reduce. Wouldn't that be good?

So, why should I eat / not eat meat-only?

  • PRO: Saifedean's idea of fiat food, and only eating meat being a great filter for avoiding fiat food. It's true – only eating meat will force me to cut out sugar, vegetable oil, soy, bread, rice, pasta...

  • ANTI: I never tried a plant based diet entirely based on fresh veggies. I ate soy “cheese”, a lot of sugar (ice cream, whipped cream, etc), and a lot of trans fats. Maybe if I really only eat fresh fruit and veg, I will gradually adapt and feel a lot better.

  • PRO: A lot of minerals you can get in meat are extremely hard to get – at least get enough of – in plants.

  • ANTI: Bulletproof Diet and similar recommend a diet based on veggies.

  • PRO: A lot of low-FODMAP/elimination diets are based on a lot of meat and very little plant proteins (e.g. beans, peas)

  • ANTI: Rich Roll is vegan, Arnie says that meat isn't so important

  • PRO: Saifedean, Jocko Willink, and Dave Asprey are big meat eaters

Summary:

I just binged on meat. I think eating meat is good. But I need to balance it. And I think I should eat less than before. I do feel bad for the life I just took to nourish myself.

How about I start eating paleo?

Eat a lot of meat to start with – just to get rid of sugar cravings.

Then, introduce more and more veg. Avocado, brocolli, cucumber, celery. See how I feel.

Maybe the most important thing is being truly grateful for each bite???

Maybe I can eat meat-only, and just be grateful for each bite?

It's 2pm. I have found out since earlier today that I need to make an urgent government report by 5pm. I haven't ever made one of these reports from scratch. But I'm cool and calm. I know I can get this done. I have the data, all I need to do is get it all together.

7 hours and 45 mins of straight sit down gaming. Goddamn. It's 9:30am. I should sleep aye.

The problem is that I can't brush the experience with ayahuasca off. I can't. It's more real than real life. Just remembering, imagining that void... I get freaked out.

But not sleeping won't help me at all.

Ok. Peace.

Oh yeah boy. The depression is setting in. That's what an all nighter of sitting down will do to you.

So – how to solve?

Big drink of water. 10 hindu push ups. Hold downward dog one minute. Shower. Sleep.

You can sleep until 6pm if you want.

Fuck's sake. I am still coming down from ayahuasca. I'm frustrated. I can't sleep properly because I'm scared of having a crazy outburst. I have this weird sensation of dizziness and lightness, like I'm floating above my body.

So I'm just going to play Minecraft until I get exhausted I guess.

My CrossFit instructor doesn't want me to work out anymore until I get a heart check. I was too dizzy today after starting my workout off extra hard.

Jesus. I feel like that white void is calling me. Like the helmet is slipping off. Fuck. I don't want to be schizo.

I like my life. I don't want to just throw it away for a new one.