I feel like this pandemic has helped me to see what I really need in life. This is something even before the world turned upside down, that I thought about regularly. See I am a wee bit of a shopping Queen. I love to shop but mainly just like finding good deals. Some days on my way home after work, I feel so depleted of energy. I have created a bad little habit of stopping over at Winners and doing some good old retail therapy.

This place is truly my happy place. There is something for everyone, including the pets. This is essentially how I cope with stress. I mean it could be worse, I could be self medicating with drugs or alcohol; however, it really is not too healthy and shopping is bad for my bank account.

WANTS

Seriously, do I really need that amazing purse...

How about that adorable top....

ohhh, but I must have that jacket!

This goes on and on in my head. Truth be told, I 💯 percent need none of the above, no matter what shenanigans I tell myself. I think this constant desire to buy things is just my way of trying to feel HAPPY especially on those really crummy days when I see so much devastation and heartbreak. Social work is the job I was called to do but sometimes it weighs on me and there are somethings that I just can’t leave at the office.

Just over a year ago, I came up with a plan to help me become more intentional about what I was buying. I started to recognize that I often was just getting caught up in the moment and was shopping impulsively.

Here is what I found has legit helped me. I just put the items on HOLD this sounds silly but it really has made all the difference.

I have time to really think about the purchase and decide whether I actually need this item or not. It works!! I almost never end up coming back to the store to purchase anything. Honestly, most of the time I have no idea what I was thinking and don’t think about it much at all. On the odd chance that I do want something, I absolutely go back and buy it. I just want to make sure that my purchases are thoughtful.

The best part of this all is that the money I have saved on nonsense stuff can be invested in XRP.

NEEDS

Connections

Friends and family are so important and yes being able to connect virtually is great; however, I really miss face to face connections. I mostly need my husband and kids and when I am with them, I have everything. Animals are definitely a need for me. I grew up with pets and for me they are just an extension of family. They provide so much love and comfort. I couldn’t imagine being stuck at home for the last three months without them all.

Food

I do appreciate food but now more then ever! The convenience of food is what I miss about life prior to COVID. No more quick pick up meals to go on the way home from work. I have been the sous chef, chef and dishwasher. HOLY hell this is a lot of damn work. I am so grateful for the food that I have been blessed with so I can feed my babies. This is not the case for many people living in poverty all over the world and yes this includes Canada. I see it all the time and it’s guttwrenching.

Shelter

My house has truly been my safe haven lately. My home has given me a safe space to isolate and keep my family healthy. I appreciate my home more then I ever have and am so grateful. I live in the beautiful country and get to be surrounded by nature and animals.

Technology

I struggled to put this one on the list but let’s be real, I cannot imagine doing the last three months over again without technology. We had some sense of normalcy because the kids were able to continue with their education. I needed it to earn an income. We literally were able to carry on because of technology so sadly it is a need these days not a want.

Thanks for reading ❤️

My son Jake who we all call “JJ” is now sixteen, I honestly cannot believe my baby boy is already old enough to drive, here in Canada anyways. 2020 sure is a different world today. Thinking back to November 1993, this was the year I got my license. I took my test, the day after I turned 16. I miraculously passed. I was a pretty brutal driver yikes. I cannot believe anyone trusted me on the road. My dad lectured me to take my corners slower. I would laugh, “don’t worry dad! I got this” and off I went. I had a serious crash less than a few months later. Thankfully, no one was hurt just my beauty little “assfire” as we all called her. She was a tiny silver Ford Aspire.

She was a great first car and was good to me. I happily drove her all over it was a lot like driving a golf cart. My parents were surprisingly very understanding. In my defence, there was freezing rain that day so I was sort of doomed from the get go. I slammed on the breaks going slightly down a hill. The roads were literally like sheets of ice. I spun around and did three full circles before I hit multiple parked cars. I sure learned to have a healthy fear of winter roads after that experience. Jake doesn’t seem a bit concerned about getting his license and is content with his parents driving him around for now. I suppose this isn’t a bad thing, just in case he is anything like me.

I learned that my little Jakey was not a social kid even from an early age on. I enrolled him in baby dance classes thinking that this would be a fun activity for us. All the other babes were smiling and cooing away. The moms were equally as thrilled all singing away nursery rhymes. Not Jake and this momma. He was CRANKY! I thought it meant he just needed more social interactions. Remember I was an overly enthusiastic mom, so I enrolled us in more baby dance classes.

Jake was a mover and a shaker and was always content to be home. He was the total opposite when we were at those damn dance classes. The first few classes went alright but he was not having FUN. Jake seemed to like watching the other kids playing but only from a far. A few of them started to take an interest in Jake. The second they would spot him, it was on. They would bolt over to Jake and immediately start to hug him and touch him. He was less than thrilled having all these strangers up in his personal business. He eventually started to fight even going into the building. He would flail on the parking lot floor and scream,

“NO more baby dance class!”

He would arch his back in a way so that I couldn’t pick him up off the floor. The other kids we’re giggling and skipping into the building with excitement. I was mother of the year, lying on the parking lot floor trying to reason with my toddler. I thought it would be a good idea to ask for some advice from all the other moms. Turns out this was a really BAD idea. I sat there and listened but all the while wondered to myself, “why am I doing this. He clearly hates these classes and frankly so do I.” I managed to get him into the building a few more times. He would just run over to the back corner and bang on the exit door. He cried to go home and finally we just did.

I now have learned about the difference between being an extrovert opposed to being an introvert. Jake was and is an introvert. He lost energy from being around people for long periods of time. Extroverts, actually gain energy being able to socialize with people. Jake was wired this way and it was just who he was. If you are raising a strong little introvert, I would highly recommend this excellent book by Susan Cain.

Sorry JJ for the baby dance classes, play days, birthday parties, swimming classes and one too many sleepovers. I legit was trying to be a good parent without realizing what you needed from me.

This next one is just a funny and silly story about my little JJ. He attended preschool between the ages of three and four. He was really not impressed! All the other kids had a melt down on the first day of class but JJ seemed to take it by far the worst. When I came back to grab him a few hours later, his big blue eyes were puffy and his cheeks were bright red They told me he bawled at the door crying for his momma for well over 30 minutes. The teachers shared that he was committed and strong willed. She got that one right, hmmm wonder who he gets that from.

One day the teacher called me and asked me to come to school to pick him up because he had an accident. I was panicked because Jake never had accidents. I raced over to the school and when I got there, little Jake came right up the stairs holding his teachers hand. The teacher pulled me aside and started laughing. She barely could get it out but I will never forgot what she said to me.

“Well Lee, Jake asked me to help him in the bathroom because he thought he had an accident. We checked it out and there was nothing there. He looked up at me and said ohhhh good! it must have just been a SHART.”

The teacher had no idea what a shart was and asked him what he meant. Jake told her as clear as can be,

“you know a shit mixed with a fart”

he then pulled up his little jeans and went on about his business...what a little stinker!

Thanks for reading friends

I have been at home working and pretty well home bound since March, coming up on 12 weeks. The one thing I have thought of often was the time we have been given to spend with our pets. If you have ever lost a fury loved one, I am guessing you will understand what I mean. They are only with us for such a short time and then they are gone. We work all day and have busy lives and they often are home waiting for us. It makes me sad when I think of it, they just want to be loved and give love in return. They are innocent and pure and love you without question. This time at home being with them has been a huge blessing. It is easy to get caught up in all the ways COVID has negatively impacted our lives but

today I celebrate a gift that came from this all

The dogs spend 24/7 with me right now. I work in my bedroom on my bed so that they can ALL cuddle up around me. This is the only way to ensure that everyone is happy which for me means quiet time so I can get through another zoom meeting without having to be muted the entire time.

We take them for walks daily sometimes multiple times a day and they are LOVIN life. They are also getting more fit particularly our big boy Charlie. He has lost a few pounds and is trimming up. His favourite time is frolicking in the backyard running in and out of the trees and bushes. He also likes to show off when he can outrun the kids on the golf cart. Extra bonus that his nails are naturally trimmed now from all the walks so this I am calling a WIN WIN because he hates getting his nails clipped.

I want to introduce our crazy zoo to this amazing coil community ❤️

Julie

Charlie

Harper

Stanley

Oscar and Duffy

Kit Kat

Julie, Charlie, Harper, Stanley, Duffy, Kit and Oscar thank you for always loving me unconditionally, life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Thanks for reading ❤️

Have you ever just known something felt right or you got an icky feeling about someone or someplace before. Well, this I believe is energy. I have always felt it and just never really understood it. I always seem to get feelings around certain people or places. I get vibes from people almost immediately after meeting them. I cannot really explain it but my body literally lets me know energetically if this is a good person for me or not. When I was younger, I had no clue what it meant and I actually think I was drawn to the energy of people who were not good for me. I finally caught on to this after learning the hard way for years. So now when the bad energy folks come my way, I avoid getting sucked in. I set some boundaries and just refuse to invest in these relationships. I call them the “energy suckers” because these are the people that love to take and take but never give anything in return. I am so over these types of one sided relationships. Time is valuable and I want to surround myself with the type of people who bring me up instead of trying to tear me down.

What does good energy feel like. I get a warm sensation in my heart and I feel a sense of contentment come all over me. I could describe this as the feeling you get when you cuddle your dog. It’s a peaceful and calming sensation. This may sound odd but this is the only way I can really describe it. I also sense a white light around them and they almost light up to me. These are the keepers and the people I want in my corner.

Bad energy feels just the opposite. I get this ancy feeling in my chest and head. I can best describe this as the feeling you get when you know that there is a storm coming but it hasn’t hit yet. You see some dark clouds rolling in and there is nothing you can do but sit and wait, as you ride it out. I also get prickly feelings all over my arms and legs. My breathing feels constricted and the air feels heavy and thick. These are the signs for me that tell me stay far away!

Thanks for reading ❤️

The truth was out and now I just had to accept that we were finally over. I was numb and felt painfully broken with no fight left in me. I was struggling to come to terms with how this was going to impact my children. Our family of four was now no more. We were officially a “broken” family in more ways than one.

I had been controlled for so long that I had absolutely no idea who I was without this man that had always been by my side. He gave me my self worth and without him, I felt like I was nothing. This was a HOLY SHIT kind of moment in my life.

I felt vulnerable and scared to be alone. I knew my marriage was not a perfect situation but it was all that I had known. I could handle my life with Mike because I knew what to expect; however; now entering into the unknown. Yikes, that was what really terrified me. I had to pick myself back up literally off the floor and learn how to stand on my own two feet again without him.

My head was spinning and my body ached. My mind never stopped wandering and my thoughts were racing all over the place. I rarely slept and barely could keep food down. I survived because of the kids they needed me, now more then ever. I always could somehow show up for them and be their mommy, no matter what.

Mike was busy fluttering all around us like some sort of school girl with a crush. He refused to move out of our house. It made no sense but for some reason he claimed he was “not ready” to move out and make that step. Mike wanted it to be on his terms and when he was good and ready. This went on for several weeks. He enjoyed watching me suffer and liked to regularly remind me that my life was completely fucked.

Mike was fundamentally selfish and demonstrated just how much so during this time. He refused to sleep in the spare room because the bed was not comfy enough for him. He felt it made way more sense to continue to sleep beside me, up in the master bedroom. I started to protest by locking the door at night thinking that he would finally give up and go sleep somewhere else. He just picked the lock and arrogantly jumped into bed right next to me.

I needed him GONE because this living situation was becoming increasingly hard to maintain. I was advised to not leave the home from a lawyer. The kids needed stability right now and I wanted to make sure that they had as much consistency as possible. Ripping them out of their home was not happening. So I stayed put.

The tension in the home was increasingly getting worse. I needed some help processing this all and decided to go back to counselling, this time alone. The therapist expressed that he had significant concerns regarding Mike. I went from hating him to feeling sorry for him, all at the same time. I think a little part of me still wanted to help Mike and thought that I could somehow fix this all. The therapist gently reminded me that my focus needed to be on ME right now and not on Mike. He was also worried about my physical safety and cautioned me

to be careful. I had never even considered my safety.

I was sent home with a book on the many different types of abuse and told to hide it in a different cover so that Mike could not see what I was reading. I was also told to put together a small emergency bag tucked away somewhere with everything I needed to escape, If it came to that. I was in disbelief and needed time to sit and process all of this information. It took me a few days before I finally started to actually acknowledge the severity of what was going on. I decided to read the book and had no choice but to face some really hard truths. I reluctantly packed that bag.

Things eventuallly started to escalate. He told me specifically that he wanted me dead. He was going to first kill me then throw my body in a wood chipper. He would dump my body parts all over the lake where we had a family cabin. No one would ever find me. My loved ones wanted me to call the police but I was too ashamed and embarrassed. It also felt like it would have been a huge betrayal to report my own husband. I had never called before when he had threatened to hurt me so it really didn’t occur to me that this was any different. I look back and it clearly was much worse but I remember I was desensitized to threats and violence.

My folks started to get really uncomfortable with the kids and I still being in the home with him. My mom called me and said that my dad was livid and she was worried that he was going to confront Mike and get into a physical altercation with him. I begged my dad not to do it for the sake of the kids. I knew it was going to end badly because I had never seen my father this angry in my entire life. He finally compromised with me and Mike had 4 days until my dad was moving in. He told me that he wasn’t leaving until that “sorry son of a bitch was gone!” He was on a mission and now I had to get Mike out or risk my dad going to jail for assault charges or worse.

It all came to a head one afternoon when I was cooking in the kitchen. I heard Mike on the phone say “okay babe, love you” now that set me off. I snapped and saw the colour red. I walked up to him and said “Get the FUCK out!” I think he knew I meant it. I ran downstairs grabbed a couple suitcases and said “pack your shit and leave NOW.” He came at me of course and it was scary but I was ready to fight him if needed. I had been boiling with rage for months at this point and I was not backing down. I told him you either deal with me now or you wait and deal with my dad, who was coming in a few days to move in. He finally left.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I am a social worker and clearly would not be in this field if I was not empathetic; however, I have learned that not everyone has empathy. If we were all empathetic the world would be in a much better state.

The definition of empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. Empathy to me means giving a shit! We should care about other people because it is the right thing to do. It really is just that SIMPLE!

I often ask myself “how would I want to be treated?” and I make sure to handle myself in that manner because the Golden Rule will always guide you to do the right thing.

Treat others as you want to be treated

Golden Rule

We are all here to make connections and learn from one another. We can start teaching young people about empathy at an early age. Have real conversations with kids and yes sometimes they are hard and difficult to have but they are necessary. It is important to be honest as much as possible and whenever age appropriate. Little ones pick up on everything and sense when something is going on. If they are left in the dark, they will make up a million other stories that are often much worse than the truth. People do better with the truth than without it.

It takes a village to raise a child. This is so true and we also need to have empathy for parents who are struggling. How can parents raise strong and healthy children, when they have no idea what a healthy parent even looks like. What if they themselves grew up in chaos and dysfunction. Then as a community we have to support and lift the family up because they matter.

We desperately need more empathy and compassion in this world it breaks my heart when I see so much suffering. It starts with you and me! All of us can make a difference by just having empathy and role modelling this for our young people.

I acknowledge you

I hear you

I see you

I feel you

I want to help

Thanks for reading ❤️

I am grateful for my job because I get to hang out with awesome kids. I love my job! I miss the kids so much because our school is closed due to the pandemic. My job just isn’t the same without seeing students and staff everyday; however, all of our safety is the most important thing right now. I am so grateful that I am still working from home and can connect virtually.

We are all adjusting to our new normal. I am grateful and proud of the community that I am part of. We are stronger and more resilient than ever. We are all in this together. I have seen incredible acts of kindness in the last few months. I have watched health care and front line workers become absolute warriors. I am grateful for all that they do. I am in awe of their strength and compassion every single day.

I am grateful for teachers. They have had to step up and learn how to teach in an entirely different platform. They have worked countless hours to ensure that kids are not falling behind. They do this because they care and want them to succeed.

I am grateful for parents who are now learning to juggle so many responsibilities including work, parenting and even homeschooling. So if you are a parent, then you are a bloody rockstar! I promise that your kids appreciate you now more than ever. Their actions and words may say otherwise but they are grateful for you. Yes, even the moody teenagers who seem to hate everything. They also love you and thank you.

We are all doing the absolute best with what we have!

Please just keep showing up. It is making a difference and I am grateful for you!

I decided that I wanted to express my gratitude for some amazing people that I work with. I love to craft so I made up some cute little packages for each staff memeber at the school. I love my cricut machine and it is an absolute GAME CHANGER. If you like to craft, you need a ONE!

Pots With Positive Messages

Quarantine Ready Snack Bags

Thank You Cards

It was a great day spreading some kindness out into this world. There is always a reason to celebrate even in our darkest days. Keep your eyes out for the helpers in this world because they are always there.

Thanks for reading ❤️