Photo from Howie R/Unsplash

EDIT: Users on the website incels.is have misinterpreted this article to be an attack piece targeting a sad and unsuccessful Reddit user. This was not the intention of this article at all. My purpose was to talk about something positive I realized when reading the Reddit thread — that something as simple as thanking people can make a big difference. Apologies to lonelysince2006, Efiliste, WorthlessSlavicShit, and SoycuckGodOfReddit for the miscommunication.

Recently a user known as FrothySolutions made a Reddit post asking for advice on finding a career without skills, money, or education at age 50. It got an overwhelmingly negative response because the poster turned down a lot of advice that was given. Some users openly wished that the poster would go homeless.

Yet at one point, the poster mentions that a few of the responses they received were useful. And if you look at the comments that they didn’t respond to, you’ll notice that compared to the other comments, these ones are a lot more useful and relevant for someone in the poster’s situation.

From this, I can collect that part of the reason that FrothySolutions came off so difficult was that they didn’t send “thank you” responses to the responses that were useful. Yet this seems to be pretty much unacknowledged by the commenters. Everybody’s talking about how they made comments that dismissed the advice, but people aren’t talking about their lack of response to the helpful comments.

Honestly, I feel that if the poster thanked the comments that were helpful, they could give negative feedback on other comments and still not anger the community as much as they did. It might have allowed the readers to believe that they were open to at least some advice, just aware of the fact that there aren’t many options open for them.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with politely explaining why someone’s advice doesn’t solve the situation. Instead of discouraging those responses, I think a better takeaway from this situation is that FrothySolutions should thank others when they provide an answer that is supportive.

Expressing gratitude for online comments is a small thing that one can easily forget. However, I think this example suggests that it can completely change the tone of one’s online interactions.

You can also view this article at https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/if-you-dont-thank-people-online-things-can-go-crazy-here-s-an-example-369c1a9611db

#Netiquette #Communication #OnlineDiscussions #Gratitude #SocialSkills

Medium comments:

Honestly, I feel that if the poster thanked the comments that were helpful, they could give negative feedback on other comments and still not anger the community as much as they did.

In this instance, I'd agree with many of the posters on the thread FS seemed to be very difficuly, expecting, and many posters pointed out, that they expected them to magically resolve FS's career issues.

Beyond generic advice, they can do nothing. In addition, FS offered no real specifics on what they wanted to do. People suggested going to school, online Python courses, even jobs at a supermarket. But FS seemed to just blame their own lack of current skills (which is FS's own fault).

I think that is a prime example of an individual doing the barest minimum for years (in this case monitoring numbers not knowing what they mean) and not upskilling, assuming that thejob would exist forever.

Michael Zwierzanski

Thanks for the perspective. What would you do if you were in the discussion?

Kevin the Nonmonetized

I'd have bowed out gracefully.

I have no time for throwing shade on people on the internet. But I wouldn't have engaged with FS for a long time. The fact that at every suggestion for a career (e.g. coding) was met with some excuse, an every suggestion of getting a 'job' (e.g. supermarket) was met with dismissal would have turned me off putting in the effort.

And yourself, Kevin?

Michael Zwierzanski

Ideally, I would probably say that you don’t need to meet all the requirements to apply for a job.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

---

Probably nothing. There’s not much hope for FS.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

Agreed

Michael Zwierzanski

Discuss...

You can also view this article at https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/this-writing-strategy-will-prevent-people-from-misunderstanding-your-argument-59bad7d9535c?source=friends_link&sk=c9385350b8d6d09c90db2e195c539701.

The background information in a piece of persuasive writing can easily be misinterpreted by readers as supporting evidence for the main argument. Less commonly, the supporting evidence for the main argument can be misinterpreted as background information. In reality, background information and supporting evidence serve very different purposes. Poor communication between reader and writer can arise when the writer fails to clarify which sections are background information and which sections are supporting evidence.

So, what’s the difference between supporting evidence and background information? Supporting evidence provides an answer to the question, “why is your main argument sound?” It can help readers grasp why someone could think your main argument is worth considering. Readers can decide whether they agree with you by comparing your main argument’s supporting evidence with the supporting evidence of other theories.

On the other hand, background information is used to clarify the supporting evidence and/or the main argument. Background information contextualizes the rest of your text, helping prevent you from running into communication problems revolving around different meanings of the same words. It precedes your supporting evidence so readers can get in the same headspace as you when they read the supporting evidence.

To prevent people from confusing your background information with your supporting evidence, you can organize your text into three sections: background information, main argument, and supporting evidence. If you choose to use this method, each of these sections should have their own paragraph, with a heading that states which section each paragraph corresponds with. Otherwise, it might not work.

Mixing up background information and supporting evidence results in a complete defacement of what the writer was trying to say. Once it occurs, the reader and the writer are understanding things so differently from each other that the cause of the conflict can be difficult to detect. Before cancelling someone over something they wrote, make sure to confirm with them which parts were background information and which parts were supporting evidence. You might be surprised.

Since misinterpretation can happen in any environment, these guidelines can be applied to any form of written communication. If I were to apply them to this post, paragraphs 1-3 would be background information, paragraph 4 would be the main argument, and paragraph 5 would be the supporting evidence.

#Communication #Writing #PersuasiveWriting #Miscommunication #WritingTips

Discuss...

Ava Sol/Unsplash

If someone on Nonmonetized Together dismisses someone else by calling them mentally ill, I will ask them what mental illness they were referring to and why it is relevant. If they do not have an answer, then that shows that they did not mean “mentally ill.” They meant another adjective, but they used “mentally ill” as a way to give their statement more weight. So in this case, I will ask them what they meant to say when they called the other person mentally ill.

My intent is not to argue with them, attack them, or act offended, and I will make sure they know about that. I also don’t want to act like they should have known already. Instead, my goal is to tell people to express themselves more clearly in the hopes of resolving conflict and having a productive discussion. If people are willing to open up and talk about things, then we can weaken the stigma of mental illness.

I will make it clear that in the Nonmonetized Together dialect, “mental illness” means nothing but “mental illness” and any attempts to make it mean anything else will simply not register. They could keep on using it and be as edgy as they want about it but it just won’t mean a thing, but only on Nonmonetized Together, as its goal is to be a fantasyland free from the social diseases that persist in the rest of society.

So, if I catch you using the term “mental illness” to mean something else, there is no need to run and hide or fight back. I’m not trying to silence others. I will forgive you.

I am just trying to help you communicate more clearly so the discussion goes better. If you run off or fight back, that will raise some questions. So don’t do that.

If not enough readers commit to using language this way, my attempts to neutralize the language of mental illness may not succeed, not even shaping how language is used in this tiny corner of the Internet, but I hope that you use the words “mental illness” in the same way when you’re on Nonmonetized Together, and I will link this article in the comments whenever the topic comes back so more people can understand.

If you don’t use language the way I do when you’re on here, I suppose nothing’s stopping you. I try to avoid censorship on here because this is a place to solve problems, not pretend that they don’t exist. I will still give this a try though. I hope this works.

Do you have any other ideas for how you will fight stigma on Nonmonetized Together? This can be stigma of any sort. Make sure to let everybody know by sharing your ideas in the comment section.

This article is also available at https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/how-this-online-community-fights-against-the-stigma-of-mental-illness-39e1b528821f?source=friends_link&sk=3378f022ee2d95dbedd5670626e360ef.

#MentalHealth #OnlineCommunity #Language #Communication #Stigma

Discuss...

OpenAI

Is there any point to social media if it isn’t being used to communicate productively? Maybe this is why it feels so meaningless! By learning how to write respectful and civil comments on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Medium, you can make the most out of your online social experience.

One thing you can remember is that more people can see your online behavior than your offline behavior. This means that your social media comments have a greater impact on others. You can use this as a motivating factor. Just think about how it’s important not to waste the opportunity on squabbling and toxicity.

Second, social media moves at a slower pace than the real world, and you can use this to your advantage. You have the freedom to reread others’ comments or read them closer than you would in the physical world. You can also put lots of thought into your own comments and read them over before you’re finished. There’s no time limit.

Social media also has the benefit of being something you can return to later. If you’re at home and you see something that makes you angry, you can step away from the screen for a few minutes and let out all your energy by exercising, pacing, or doing anything you need to calm down. Then you can come back to your screen and respond to whatever it was that got you mad. Not only does this put you in a better position to make a positive contribution to an online discussion, but you’ll probably be able to release your emotions more fully through physical activity than through typing.

You may also want to begin your comment by clearly stating its purpose. This is the reason why most “serious” writing starts with an introductory paragraph. You probably don’t need a full paragraph for a social media comment (then again, you might), but why not at least have some sort of introductory sentence to communicate your intentions? It’s also helpful to make sure you know the purpose of the post you’re responding to. By avoiding miscommunication, the other person has less reason to respond aggressively.

My goal on Non-Monetized Together is to make posts that lead the comments section to exchange knowledge, honesty, support, and ideas. The tips in this article are my tools of the trade. They did an amazing job at making it easy to have a valuable online conversation. I hope they help make social media a more pleasant and enlightening experience for you.

This article was originally posted to Medium on December 20, 2022 (https://medium.com/illumination/thinking-before-you-send-a-guide-to-discipline-and-self-control-on-social-media-fbb7b7902eaf?source=friends_link&sk=deb1e35b1babfa6d549dcc7d465ed0c4).

#SocialMedia #SelfHelp #SocialSkills #SelfControl #Communication

Discuss...

Photo from Kajetan Sumila/Unsplash

I am aware that Non-Monetized Together’s patient approach to online discussion isn’t exactly fashionable. A lot of people on the Internet seem to think “you can’t fix stupid” and use that as a justification to mock, provoke, and troll anybody who doesn’t understand their morals.

But I don’t see why we should treat these people any different than people who have been diagnosed with a mental disability. What’s the difference between idiot and a mentally challenged person? Well, for one thing, the latter has gotten a seal of distinction from a professional. But the second difference is that the words mental disability indicate some level of respect and understanding. When not used in a way that suggests otherwise, those words do not express the contempt that is conveyed by calling someone a moron. They instead suggest that the subject is not to blame for the way their mind works and that neurotypicals have no choice to tolerate the fact that this is the way they are.

These are the only two differences I can think of. One, idiots are not recognized as such by our institutions, and two, they are not respected for who they are. So, I decided to take inspiration from the disability rights movement and understand that maybe Internet morons are not deficient but are differently abled, that they require special needs, that they need patience and understanding. In fact, the terms idiot and moron were originally used to describe those who have a mental disability. If society can outgrow that dismissive, derogatory attitude towards the neurodivergent, I’m sure Non-Monetized Together can do the same with some of its more difficult participants.

#DisabilityRights #Internet #Communication #Respect #Stupidity #Kindness

This article was originally published to Medium on June 27, 2023 (https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/whats-the-difference-between-being-an-idiot-and-having-a-mental-disability-55ac496ed241?source=friends_link&sk=308ed3328e79b572547cd4217168b304)

Medium comments:

great commentary. These labels, informally derogatory or clinical, are often subjective based on personal experience, cultural norms, or fads.

Even the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders changes their classifications over time. I say their as it's still a publication by a group of academics from the American Psychiatric Association alleged to be influenced by the very powerful pharmaceutics industry.

In France for example, ASD (Autism) is frequently diagnosed as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

Here in N.America, NPD can only be diagnosed in adolescence. NPD doesn't require medication to my knowledge, but ASD could (Intuniv).

Labels are false reassurance but are inclusive (in their own communities) unlike moron which isolates, socially.

What do you think?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-5

Turi Sue

I think this might be the first comment I received (for articles in this publication) that added something new to the discussion, which is great. That means you're using the community the way it's supposed to be (though, I recently decided I won't clap for comments on my own articles to challenge the idea of “author as authority”).

In the real world, you need a diagnosis to get the treatment you need to function. The treatment can also be expensive. In Non-Monetized Together, my goal is to communicate with people in a way that leads to the best result, every time. Even if it means being more patient with them than elsewhere on the Internet. I want them to be heard!

For those on the losing side in society, labels can sometimes be false reassurance, but I hope Non-Monetized Together will not only be inclusive, but equitable. Then it can fulfill the ideals promised by medical labels but only offered to a few – giving people the support they need to succeed.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

Thank Kevin.

I'm actually new to Medium. I set up my account years ago but have only started using it recently. Right now I'm trying to get a “feel” for what works and what doesn't. I'm not a member yet and haven't applied for any monetization. Is there any benefit to remaining like this other than ideological? If I understand it, you have created a group that resists the money-making incentive for folks to interact.

Is this right?

Turi Sue

Yeah, there are many positives to not monetizing. I wouldn't call them ideology-related, they are more about trying to make the blog operate differently and achieve things that other blogs can't. But there's also personal benefits like not being pressured to earn enough money.

Good luck with your Medium articles.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

I almost forgot to ask you, could you please provide some evidence for the statement you made about how France and North America diagnose people? I have to make sure all posts on Non-Monetized Together back up their claims.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

Kevin, I reached out to Sam Vaknin to get his opinion on your links:

https://vaknin-talks.com/

BTW it was him that alerted me to the possible misdiagnosis of ASD as NPD and vica versa, I forgot to mention this to you.

Although Vaknin is a physicist (I believe), he has written numerous books on NPD. He also lists himself as a WHO consultant (?)

Hopefully, he'll answer me, but many times these “experts” don't reply directly, but rather indirectly through a YT lecture.

Stay tuned....

S.T.

Turi Sue

Thank you for letting me know.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

---

Hi Kevin. Personal experience and available literature.

My daughter was diagnosed with NPD in France at the age of 6. When we moved to North America, the diagnostic experts at McGill University (Dr Guile) and Dr Klein of the Douglas Institute who are experts in their field, told me that NPD is only diagnosed in adolescence in North America, and that she possibly has Asperger's rather than NPD as her brother was born with Asperger's.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder

https://www.mcgill.ca/psychiatry/clinical-care/dmhui

https://www.quebecmedecin.com/medecin/medecin-guile-jean-marc-14347.htm

I don't remember the name of the doctor in France that performed the two day evaluation. To find out it has to be officially requested through government medial portals.

-S.T

Turi Sue

It looks like the ICD no longer lists NPD as a diagnosis, so the French medical industry has likely moved on from that.

https://bpded.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40479-022-00182-0

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6206910/

Kevin the Nonmonetized

ps. am testing out this membership thing to see if it really makes a difference. I checked my stats as a non-member last week and there were 50 suspicious claps on each of 3 posts. Who or what is putting exactly 50 claps. Not 59 nor 51 but 50. Fishy.

Turi Sue

By the way, I'm a member and I still get very suspicious stats. I had one article get about 100 views in one day and zero reads. This came out of nowhere. Ever since then, the article has gotten exactly one view almost every day.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

hmm. So being a member will not clear that up.

Turi Sue

Tell me if these links work. They should hopefully contain evidence that the stats are wonky.



Kevin the Nonmonetized

---

Isn't 50 claps the maximum that one person can give?

Kevin the Nonmonetized

a posted poem got 91, so I don't know about that. But you said something interesting.: “that one person can give”

Turi Sue

Were those 91 claps from one person?

Kevin the Nonmonetized

---

They may not have, Kevin. Moving on may not happen as fast as that.

Cultural biases or tendencies of a country towards a condition or PD diagnosis don't evaporate as soon as the literature is modified esp. by the WHO. It takes a while for the population to catch up incl. the front-line medical practitioners.

I didn't see any reference to the question of age in the links you sent, unless I missed it.

But it appears the WHO dictates the international criteria for the diagnosis regardless of cultural biases. What did come across is the importance of self-perception in the diagnosis of \ PD.

As a 6-year-old's personality is not fully developed, they cannot be given this diagnosis.

Interesting debate although the tip of the iceberg.

Turi Sue

Fair enough. I guess at that point it’s not something that can be proven as much as perceived.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

Discuss...

This article was originally posted to Medium on June 24, 2022 (https://medium.com/@non-monetized_together/the-power-of-careful-wording-30816dadd31f?source=friends_link&sk=6002f671b9fec2c4c0558d12efd25596)

#wording #phrasing #communication #writing #comparison

Image from Pexels/Pixabay,

Introduction

How important is it for a writer to word their message carefully? In this article, I’ll attempt to answer this question by rewriting my most popular article, but this time using wording that makes my points look much more unconvincing.

Other than that, this reworked version will make the same points as the original. The only difference is that I will write in a writing style that will make the content look worse. The point of this article is to show that poor word choice can single-handedly make a statement seem a lot more unreasonable and can sometimes get the wrong message across to readers.

For a comparison, here’s the original article: https://medium.com/illumination/6-simple-strategies-for-becoming-unprejudiced-e0243c2a7bfa. As noted in the disclaimer at the bottom of that link, I would not publish this sort of article these days. These sort of posts make me look too much like an authority figure in charge of my readers’ minds.

Without further ado, here’s what poor wording looks like…

6 Simple Strategies for Becoming Unprejudiced

Do people not want to be around you? These tips could fix that for you.

1. Question Your Culture

Sometimes I hear people defend someone’s actions by pointing out that they are a product of their environment. I don’t care how much this explains, how is it OK to defend their impressionable minds? They do realize that they’ll never be able to help fix society’s issues if they aren’t critical, right?

Image from JessBaileyDesign/Pixabay

2. Don’t View People Simply

If you don’t know someone well, you have no right to form opinions about them. Same goes for if you have known them for a while but somehow don’t know much about them yet. Acknowledge the good side of everybody.

3. Don’t Describe Groups as If They Are Individuals

Have you ever met people who didn’t treat you well? Well, before judging them, think about the groups they identify with, and remember that there are other people who have that same identification and who would be opposed to what they did. With some exceptions, groups have all sorts of people, so don’t be inconsiderate of that.

4. Always Try to Help People, No Matter Who They Are

If you avoid toxic people and try to help everybody, you will be able to acknowledge their life problems and understand that we all have them. Make sure that abusers quit their behaviour. If you help people, you can appreciate them and get to know them well.

5. Show Decent Respect

For many people, the reason why they have trouble with others is because they don’t show respect.

6. Don’t Call People Out as Hypocrites

If you call someone a hypocrite, that means you are not even bothering to consider that maybe they just forgot something, or that they changed their mind, or that they lost motivation. Let them know that something is wrong and that they need to do something about it.

Conclusion

Image from pixelcreatures/Pixabay

Not sure why I have to add one of these, only geeks care about conclusions … oh right, I’m finished providing examples of poor phrasing.

Anyways, good luck on phrasing your writing properly! Words can be powerful if used correctly. If used carelessly? Then that’s a waste.

Discuss...