Photo from Howie R/Unsplash

EDIT: Users on the website incels.is have misinterpreted this article to be an attack piece targeting a sad and unsuccessful Reddit user. This was not the intention of this article at all. My purpose was to talk about something positive I realized when reading the Reddit thread — that something as simple as thanking people can make a big difference. Apologies to lonelysince2006, Efiliste, WorthlessSlavicShit, and SoycuckGodOfReddit for the miscommunication.

Recently a user known as FrothySolutions made a Reddit post asking for advice on finding a career without skills, money, or education at age 50. It got an overwhelmingly negative response because the poster turned down a lot of advice that was given. Some users openly wished that the poster would go homeless.

Yet at one point, the poster mentions that a few of the responses they received were useful. And if you look at the comments that they didn’t respond to, you’ll notice that compared to the other comments, these ones are a lot more useful and relevant for someone in the poster’s situation.

From this, I can collect that part of the reason that FrothySolutions came off so difficult was that they didn’t send “thank you” responses to the responses that were useful. Yet this seems to be pretty much unacknowledged by the commenters. Everybody’s talking about how they made comments that dismissed the advice, but people aren’t talking about their lack of response to the helpful comments.

Honestly, I feel that if the poster thanked the comments that were helpful, they could give negative feedback on other comments and still not anger the community as much as they did. It might have allowed the readers to believe that they were open to at least some advice, just aware of the fact that there aren’t many options open for them.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with politely explaining why someone’s advice doesn’t solve the situation. Instead of discouraging those responses, I think a better takeaway from this situation is that FrothySolutions should thank others when they provide an answer that is supportive.

Expressing gratitude for online comments is a small thing that one can easily forget. However, I think this example suggests that it can completely change the tone of one’s online interactions.

You can also view this article at https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/if-you-dont-thank-people-online-things-can-go-crazy-here-s-an-example-369c1a9611db

#Netiquette #Communication #OnlineDiscussions #Gratitude #SocialSkills

Medium comments:

Honestly, I feel that if the poster thanked the comments that were helpful, they could give negative feedback on other comments and still not anger the community as much as they did.

In this instance, I'd agree with many of the posters on the thread FS seemed to be very difficuly, expecting, and many posters pointed out, that they expected them to magically resolve FS's career issues.

Beyond generic advice, they can do nothing. In addition, FS offered no real specifics on what they wanted to do. People suggested going to school, online Python courses, even jobs at a supermarket. But FS seemed to just blame their own lack of current skills (which is FS's own fault).

I think that is a prime example of an individual doing the barest minimum for years (in this case monitoring numbers not knowing what they mean) and not upskilling, assuming that thejob would exist forever.

Michael Zwierzanski

Thanks for the perspective. What would you do if you were in the discussion?

Kevin the Nonmonetized

I'd have bowed out gracefully.

I have no time for throwing shade on people on the internet. But I wouldn't have engaged with FS for a long time. The fact that at every suggestion for a career (e.g. coding) was met with some excuse, an every suggestion of getting a 'job' (e.g. supermarket) was met with dismissal would have turned me off putting in the effort.

And yourself, Kevin?

Michael Zwierzanski

Ideally, I would probably say that you don’t need to meet all the requirements to apply for a job.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

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Probably nothing. There’s not much hope for FS.

Kevin the Nonmonetized

Agreed

Michael Zwierzanski

Discuss...

This article was originally published on Medium on May 8, 2022 (https://medium.com/@non-monetized_together/internet-snowflakes-a-breakdown-a9860568f235?source=friends_link&sk=e2bec48ff207a4e511db8e6b9e482313).

#Language #Internet #Slang #OnlineDiscussions

What is a snowflake, in Internet terms? Well, it’s a broad category, so I’ll start from the top and narrow it down until we get to the most important examples.

Someone can be called a snowflake for acting overly sensitive and entitled online, but that is not the best example of snowflake behaviour. The term “snowflake” implies that they believe themselves to be special, but there is nothing special about frivolous calls to action on their own. In fact, it’s really easy to act like that — anyone can do it!

Oh, but what if their proposals are self-centred and illogical? Well, maybe it’s just their opinion! If you don’t like it, you don’t need to live by it! Or you can revise their statement so it becomes more reasonable. A third solution is to respond by explaining the problems with the comment.

But perhaps the snowflake is phrasing their comments as demands. Wait, are you sure that’s what they meant? How would demand even work on the Internet, where most people are hundreds of kilometres away from each other? Online, it’s very easy to misread an innocuous suggestion as a demand. I believe that this is because terms that explicitly express a demand (“you have to,” “I beg you,”) are often used to exaggerate. In these cases, the writer has hope, and they know that it is not urgent, and they don’t want readers to be legitimately concerned about it, but they will phrase it like a demand anyways. This makes it a lot harder to point out a genuine snowflake comment.

Image from Elisa Ventur/Unsplash

So, it is even worth it to be concerned about snowflakes at all?

Well, in my opinion, there are at least two snowflake behaviours that are real problems.

First, when they form a group with like-minded people and work together to make their complaint look more widespread than it really is. They can achieve this through group coordination skills and using multiple accounts. This makes it difficult for PR companies to gauge the true extent of the problem, which increases the odds they will make a bad decision.

And second, when the snowflake can’t deal with criticism, for obvious reasons.

In those cases, there is not much you can do about their behaviour. Though if you want, you can make a comment directed to other readers about the trouble and drama this person is creating.

In other circumstances, you can always try to guide the conversation down a co-operative path. I don’t think calling someone a snowflake is a good way to achieve that, though.

I had trouble finding a related article to give a shout-out to, so I’ll do it for Gregory Russell Benedikt and his article “I Finally Understand Why I Can’t Please Everyone.”

Discuss...

Medium comments:

I don’t think calling someone a snowflake is a good way to achieve that, though.

Lol yeah probably not the best way to resolve a conflict

Great read!

Sara Larca

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Interesting article, Kevin. Very keen to know what your definition of “snowflake” is? Keep writing, I realy enjoyed this story.

robert porter

Glad you enjoy it. “Snowflake” is a term that is used to insult someone for being irrational, entitled, or easily offended online

Nonmonetized Together

Thanks Kevin. I kind of knew that but I guess it would have been nice if you had used that definition in your story so we could all have been sure we were talking about the same thing. Call me a snowflake-:)

robert porter

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Such a wonderful new concept I learned from your article. I had no idea about snowflakes behavior and how they operate. Appreciate and happy to understand snowflake behavior pattern.

Dr. Preeti Singh

No problem, glad you enjoyed it!

Kevin the Nonmonetized