pattyb09952203

Today I’m going to open up to all of you that have followed mine and Michael’s Cancer journey and share my truths. Truths that I couldn’t share because it would have been detrimental to Michael. I feel it’s safe now and I’m ready! Let’s jump right in!

I can’t tell you how many messages I received throughout Michael’s Cancer journey where people would tell me how brave I was. They’d tell me they didn’t think they could do it and I was so positive, even when things were so bad! That’s what it looked like on the outside but, inside I was dying a little more each and every day! I had to fake it until I made it or until Michael got through this! I was petrified, angry, sad, full of fear and I cried myself to sleep almost nightly begging GOD to let me keep my husband! He’s my best friend and things didn’t always look good!

How could I look at my husband and feel confident that he was going to be alright? I couldn’t! He’d show up next to my bed and his heart would be beating so fast. He’d have horrible runs of Tachycardia and it was so scary. Chemotherapy and Radiation can both cause heart problems. When you talk about side-effects from Cancer treatment it’s a mixed bag. It’s not just nausea and tired as many people think. You never and I mean never know what’s coming your way and each day, each minute, each hour can be different than the last! You have to put on your brave face and just do it. Your sick loved one is counting on you to keep the flow going and that includes all of the positive thinking because believe me, they don’t have much of it. They are borrowing your positive thinking!

For $5.00 a month you can read the rest of how I felt and dealt with this tough situation! You’ll be supporting a lot of Coil creators and we’ve got a lot to say! So pay that $5.00 and finish reading my

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I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection during this Corona virus and our Cancer journey. Wow, I’m kind of complicated! Let me explain to you why I see “complicated” when I look in the mirror!

HI my name is Patty and I’m an alcoholic! Yes, I’ve stayed away from a drink for almost 17 years but, I’m still an alcoholic! So with me I absolutely know that 1 is to many and 1,000 is never enough! I don’t know the happy medium! What I’ve learned lately is that this applies to more than just alcohol. This applies to many things in my life!

I have some toxic people in my Iife. During the Corona Virus I’ve been able to get some distance from these people but, slowly they start creeping back in! I look at my phone and see the message and I panic! Panic. Why panic? I panic because it’s uncomfortable for me. You see I don’t have a happy medium with toxic people either. I don’t know how to have a “healthy” relationship with toxic people so I let them go. It’s the safest thing for me. I can’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol either so I let it go! I didn’t know when to say no! Same with toxic people so I must completely avoid the situation or I’m going to have issues! I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I’m going to share what I’ve come up with.

I’m going to share in the locked section what I’ve come up with to try to make this situation a little more comfortable for me. For $5.00 a month you don’t have to miss anything that is creators write!

WOW! There’s been so much going on with so many from the Coil family and it’s only right to share! Hold onto your hats because things just got real!

So Damian called me @lanky_04. He had a brilliant idea. He wanted to do some traveling. Go figure, right? I’m so glad he called me. He had to admit though that he got the idea from @Chip after seeing his blog about San Francisco! It’s all good. I’m all in!

He informed me that our ultimate destination was Vegas. That’s because we needed to go and show our support to @MacroPolo, @BudWhite615 and @Nickelndime. If you haven’t heard they’ve started their own Video game contest from people all over the world! So proud of them and have to show our support! Great job guys!

I went ahead and threw my 1 makeup brush in my bag. YES, I’m sorry @PrettyLuscious I’ve only got 1 makeup brush. I always know what 1 to use! I’ll learn if I keep reading you though!

It was time to hop in the car to get going. Unfortunately we had to make some stops. You see @Xrp_Productions ATE @Sethstanley hamster. The funeral is today at 4 and we just can’t miss that. We are family ya know?

I was feeling a little anxious so he suggested that we stop at @MICOPEIA to have a lil’ cannabis. Then to @TahliaAsinate to meditate. Now that would be all good all good except I’m not getting into a bathing suit in front of her. Have you seen her? She’s so beautiful!

OH SHOOT! Speaking of shoot. I asked @AussieNinja if I could have a photo shoot with him...WELL...so that didn’t work out. It’s all good. I get it LOL! We did grab a selfie for @gFam though! Thank goodness! The XRP is ripping on that page! You go guys!

We asked @_ladyenigma_ join us but, she explained that she was taught “stranger danger” and it’s just to soon! Maybe next trip?

@Tradelta is taking in the big bucks! I want in on that like..NOW! I think him and @Lambdapiece could work well together! Both so brilliant! I mean they aren’t @Mirraeinc but, she’s the actual “Brain of coil”! Sorry guys!

We stopped at @Ferdi for our interviews and then we were on the road! “ @XrpGord come on! It’s time to go! Gord, GOrd, GORD...has anyone seen Gord”? Neither has his family. That ones always missing. I’m assuming he’s bulding something and of course @MommaLeeLee would be right by his side because god knows she loves the Dirt! I hope @Danitorres is with them too. Heck they are all probably building @Colinocelot the worst playground, ever!

We didn’t make it 15 minutes down the road and there’s an ice-cream stand. You’ve got 2 choices. You’ve got @Hammertoe “Vietnamese coffee or @Veggiessima “Blueberry Ginger”! I guess I’ll take both. Already can’t wear a bathing suit! I wonder now if @vkumz wife has been working on ice-cream since the whole strawberry thing and that’s why we never saw him again. Hmmm. A thought anyway!

I know @Legomaracas was working on bean ice-cream with the kiddo’s but, so far it’s a no go. It was nice of her to invite @Rufio and his rug-rat! Team playing for real!

We did stop like @thewrongorder asked and picked up the wine from @Pointsonwine for the family picnic. It wasn’t out of our way and we like to help!

We also stopped to show our support to @Kass who’s absolutely mastered Stick finger families all because @LeslieJoyArt taught him to make lines! Touché

I am super sad that @niels888 couldn’t go but, he’s anxiously awaiting June 18, 2020 at 12:13am! He’s been paralyzed by the anxiety of a possible Veto! Not me. I’ve got faith!

Hold on! @XrpMichaekB needs a feeding. He’s so anxious and Alexia hasn’t been playing great music lately because I won’t allow her to be bossed around so now he’s using @SophieAC play list. It’s all good now!

Did you all see the Toc-Tok video that @theminduntangled made for @Moncho anniversary? If you didn’t it’s a must see! I do believe that Sandra is part owner of Tic-Tok now! Congratulations you’ve worked hard!

A few final stops and we will be at our final destination! I told @AAA I’d help fix his hair. Yes, I’ve got my mask on! I never took it off after I left @Tenna116 Ted talk! I’m glad she asked @Tokyoliving123 to help because he’s just a really good actor. I mean he used to be one! He’s so animated! Brings a new twist to the talks!

I’m glad I got to travel because It’s been work, work, work. Did y’all hear that @Rileyq is running her own gig now on how to be the best blogger ever? It’s 2 days of pure learning! If you haven’t attended I suggest you do and if you can’t afford to go I’ll pay the $5.00! Let me know!

Well, we are almost there but, last but not least I want us all to not forget about our friend @Bauhauswerk who donated part of his liver to someone that desperately needed it. He’ll always be a hero in my eye’s! Thank you buddy!

WE ARE HERE! Hope you all had fun and see you next time! Thank you and the kids for coming with us @Burntends88 for coming along. They were good!

63 days ago my beloved grandchildren were taken out of our lives! Fynn is a HUGE part of our lives and it’s been SO hard! Remi has grown up so much! Andrea is a RN working frontline and my son ( the kids dad ) works with the elderly! The babies had to be safe so they had to, LEAVE! Today we reconnect and we can’t wait!

Remi, Mommy and Fynn after 63 days!

My son Adam and Fynn after 63 days!

Remi has hair, walks and is more beautiful after 63 days!

Can’t wait until NOON! Gramma is gonna love them up big time ♥️🥰

Fynn prior to Corona virus 🦠

Fynn 63 days later and 8 pounds lighter! Ya baby-boy!

YES...he STILL loves his “XRP”! Come on NOON! We are ready for the babies 🥰

There’s been a lot of conversations in my home over the past 24 hours about how much life has changed and how quickly it’s happened! I want to talk about this with all of you so...let’s GO!

On May 25, 2020 we all learned of someone new and for a very sad reason. The name is George Floyd and it’s because a police officer MURDERED him! Yes, to me that’s straight up murder! I made myself watch the whole video. I wouldn’t turn the sound down and I wouldn’t turn my head, I listened and I watched with absolute horror!

That cop has been charged with Murder and Manslaughter and the other officers on the horrible scene were charged as well! There’s only 1 problem with all of that and that’s the fact that, “It’s to late”!! We wanted justice long ago when police officers decided it was alright to MURDER people! Right? That’s how I feel anyway!

My father is a retired cop and I’m proud of him. He saved many lives and didn’t take any lives. He took an oath to serve and protect and that’s just what he did up until his retirement! 22 years of service and he was done! At my dads retirement party the Governor sent an award because my father had saved many lives and we as a family were so proud.

What’s it mean now to have a police officer in the family? A good one! One that does his job. One that takes his oath seriously, one that truly serves and protects? Based on what I am hearing from my LEO family it means, fear. It mean’s not knowing if your loved one will come home after his shift. Yes, that’s always been a possibility when your family member is a police officer but, even more so now. It’s scary. When you kiss him goodbye will it be the last kiss? When he’s working is someone going to storm your house simply because you’re married to a police officer and brutalize you to get back at the “cops”? Think about that just for a minute. That’s scary.

Now let’s look at it from the other side of the fence. What’s it like to be someone that’s been accused of a crime but, not convicted? You are accused of committing a crime, should you have to be scared that the cops are going to kill you!? No matter what crime you are accused of committing the answer to that is, NO, absolutely not! It’s not the cops job to even decide if you’re guilty or innocent. They are there to simply arrest you based on the accusations against you, get you arragned in the courts and either bring you to lock up or release you based on what the Judge decides. After that you’re given your opportunity to get your lawyer to defend you and some people take a plea deal and some go to trial. If you choose to go to trial then a Jury of your peers ( 12 people ) decide your fate after hearing testimony and seeing evidence. The burden of proof is on the State!

The court system is an interesting one but, one that’s also corrupt. Yes, money can buy you a outcome that’s in your favor. Not right but, true.

My reason for writing this blog is to simply point out that no matter what side of the fence you’re on these days it’s scary. It’s scary to have taken an oath to Serve and Protect and it’s also scary to be accused of committing a crime. I feel due to all of the allegations of police brutality and then the obvious murder of people by the police that all officers need new training. Sensitivity training. I think that police officers need to be reminded that it’s not their job to judge. They aren’t the courts, Jury or the judge. PERIOD!

In closing I want to say and boy is it hard to say but, even I get weak in the knees when a police car is driving behind me. I’ve experienced the “younger” police officers that carry themselves completely different than the older police officers. They often have a chip on their shoulder and they are just looking for issues! Blanket training for ALL police officers!

Remind them of their oath. Tell them that the consequences for not following that oath will be huge and enforced. START OVER! Let’s get back to where we should be. People are only accused of committing a crime and that doesn’t mean that they are...GUILTY!

I’m still proud to be part of the LEO family but, I’m not proud of all of their actions. I hope someday soon there will be solutions and let it start with the officer, Derek Chauvin getting the maximum penalty and the other officers as well! I’m not proud that MANY officers got away with murder prior to this but, let’s be loud and proud and say, “WE AREN'T GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE”!

Peace ✌🏻 and Love to all!

For just $5.00 a month you don’t have to miss anything! Us bloggers have a “locked” section that’s exclusive to people that subscribe to Coil! Even better you can try your hand at blogging! I didn’t think I could do it but, here I am! Join our Coil community! It’s simply amazing ♥️

So about a year ago we visited the idea of someone moving in with us. I was alright with it but, Michael wasn’t. In the end it didn’t work out and he won. We didn’t get a new roommate. That was alright until she showed back up! Let me tell you how this played out!

So last year when Michael won and we didn’t get a new roommate I truly was alright with it. Not a big deal and life went on. Well, fast forward a year and yes, she’s at our door again and this time we couldn’t say no! We welcomed her with open arms. I mean that’s what I’m all about so I’m happy, until....everyone lost their minds!

So in this house there’s Michael, myself, Alyson, Phillip and baby-Mason. What’s one more? Ya, we can handle it. It’s all good except I start noticing that my family is starting to be...RUDE! It’s so not like them! Manners are everything but, for some reason they seem to have forgotten them.

Our poor new roommate is being taken advantage of and it’s bothering me. I mean I don’t mind people asking each other to do things but, there better be a please and a thank you. If not I take it personal. I’m watching things unfold with our new situation and I’m slightly, sad.

I’m in the kitchen the other night and I hear my daughter ask her to turn on the living room light! Like REALLY?? You can’t do that? Well, maybe she’s busy with the baby! So I let it go!

Next I’m in my bedroom and I hear Michael ask her to “turn on the kitchen lights”! Alright, alright, alright are our hands broken? Clearly we are taking advantage and this isn’t alright by me! Never do I hear a please or a thank you! Wow. Where did the manners go??

The icing on the cake was when the baby jumped in and asked her to sing “Baby-Shark” to him and he KNOWS his manners and once again...NO MANNERS and yes, she sang the whole song and he danced away! Now I’m just sad. Poor girl. We clearly are taking her for granted. My family wasn’t raised that way!

I’ve been thinking a lot about it and maybe we just ask her to leave because I don’t want anyone taken advantage of. If she can’t get a “please” or “thank you” then it’s just not fair.

I find her in the kitchen and I go over to talk to her but, she’s so quiet that I didn’t want to disturb her. She’s FINALLY getting a break. She’s not getting the “do this”, do that”, “do this”, “do that” so I figured I’d let her sleep until my family woke her again to start taking advantage of her again......

POOR.....ABUSED.....UNDERAPPECIATED..

ALEXA......if I was her I’d be out of here! These people are needy and RUDE!

I wanted to chat with my fellow bloggers regarding a situation that occurred the other day. I’ve spoken with many people within the Coil community and everyone felt slightly different about this matter. Let’s jump right into this!

I feel that belonging to Social Media is a risk. You most definitely become vulnerable and yes, even open for attacks. We all know that “trolls” are alive and kicking. They love to infiltrate our threads, say absolutely horrible things, get a response and then leave. You’re sitting there angry, sad, dazed and confused, if you let them get to you and yes, I did in the beginning! I quickly learned if you don’t feed the troll then they have nothing to playoff and they go away. If you choose to engage then hold onto your hat! People come and people go....yes...people GO!

Now I want to talk about “healthy risk” that I choose to take on Social Media and that’s because I belong to a community. I actually belong to 2. The XRP community and the Coil community. We have new bloggers show up all of the time and we gather them up and swiftly get them acclimated into our Coil community! We encourage them, we RT them, we read their blogs, we support them and sometimes we enter into a DM to find out more about them and maybe share a little about ourselves! But, who are they? Are they who they say? Are they wondering the same about us? Where did they come from? Why do we take them at face value? We don’t know them and they don’t know us but, I choose to take that risk. As long as I’m not giving out to much personal information then I’m alright with this! If they are authentic then I’ve found someone new to support and maybe got myself a new supporter.

Well, not everyone is who they present to be and that’s going to happen from time to time. Maybe it’s not even that they aren’t who they present to be but, maybe our community just didn’t work for them so they left. Either way, I’m willing to take that risk.

We had someone come into the Coil community just reciently. She was captivating and I truly enjoyed her. She actually went as far as donating 5% of her Coil earnings to Cancer to support Michael and I, then she was gone! Where did she go? Was it us? Was it her? Was she who she said she was? Was she trying to check up on someone and got the info she needed and left? I don’t know. Truly and honestly I don’t but, I also don’t regret jumping right in with her and giving her support! 99.9% of the people I’ve done this with are still around, I’m still supporting them and they are supportive of me!

I’m a risk taker by nature, a lover through and through and a supporter of eveyone. This is me, that’s who I am! I have no regrets! I’m willing to take that risk!

I felt a pang of sadness when our new friend left but, why? I didn’t know her. She didn’t know me. Social Media is a funny place. It’s a place that we go and spend countless hours with people, we share our stories and get to know someone all without laying eyes on them or most of them. Blind faith! Yes, I have that and I won’t stop.

BE SAFE! Be responsible for the information that you share, even with the new bloggers. Let time pass. Let relationships grow. Don’t not support them but, make healthy decisions. Make safe decisions and I hope they’d be doing the very same with me! So I think we all know who I’m talking about and I hope to see her again someday but, if I don’t it’s alright. I’m grateful that I got to chat up someone that I didn’t even know and learn. I’m alright with being vulnerable because I know I’m safe. I don’t over share my private info.

SOOOOO...Who was that person? A question that will probably never be answered...Where did he or she go?

My Nanny! Thank you for giving me my..MOM 💕

Santa can’t keep his eyes off my momma ☺️

She said “I do” to my Step-Dad ♥️

My little brother and I ♥️

She always held me. I’ll hold her ♥️ Forever....

Nana and Mason-Baby..Her twin 😍

Nana and Fynn...her 1st Great Grandchild ☺️

My mom and her babies..oh how we love and miss her 😞

My son Adam, Nana, Fynn and Remi 💕

My brothers graduation. My daughter Alyson, myself, my mom and my brother! So proud 🥰

My son Adam, my sick mom, Alyson and Remi 💕

I did add a few words today because this blog will be important to me, forever. My mom’s Birthday is June 5th. She would have been 64 years young. Never in a million years would I have dreamt that last year, on her Birthday she would have only had 4 short months to live! Don’t take a moment for granted. You truly never know. We didn’t see it coming at all. Last June 5th was the last time that we got to celebrate my mom on this earth. Now I’ll celebrate her in my mind and in my heart ♥️...Love thy parents!

PLEASE help me today to congratulate Michael on the hardest thing I’ve ever seen in my life! Speaking of life, I’ve learned so much through this part of our journey! If you’ve even got a second I’d be so grateful if you told Michael how YOU feel about his accomplishments! We brought you with us on our 1st ride in and we also brought you in on our LAST RIDE TO TREATMENT so please join us! We LOVE YOU ALL ♥️

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=333050674017207778

As sick as Michael is today we will celebrate! Not with food, not with all the people we’d like to celebrate with but, we will celebrate with YOU..if you will! Thank you for being part of our Cancer Journey! We always will be there for YOU, YOU and YOU ♥️😘🙏🏻

Today I tried to write a blog over and over. I’m outing myself on a situation that I’m absolutely not proud of! I messed up but, I am human! I did this by video because I just couldn’t write it out! Any feedback is welcomed. How do you forgive yourself? Take it easy on yourself? Just, how?

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=332412921411798931

I think communication is key and life is to short not to forgive yourself so I’m going to work on this!