WOW! My very 1st milestone in the blogging world! Blogging world!?? “What’s that” is what I would have said prior to December 2, 2019! I couldn’t blog because I wasn’t a good writer. I’ve always struggled with writing the English Language and I share openly about this! With the love and encouragement from my husband who’s a wonderful blogger, I jumped in with both feet and wrote my 1st blog. On December 2, 2019 I put out this blog that I called, “Unparented”! If you want a good giggle just check it out! Not 1 paragraph! Nope, not 1! If you don’t want to look you can ask Dani! I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t write well!
What happened next was nothing short of amazing! I found out that people actually cared about me and my blogging! I wondered, “Why? Why would they care about me? I’m just another blogger and if you’re in this for the “boost” I’m clearly NOT competition... AT ALL so why help me get better? I had people reach out to me to tell me that they had some suggestions and asked if I wanted them! I felt so blessed. Of course I wanted them because I had a burning desire to do better. I set goals and I was going to meet them.
I applied for the boost program in December and I was denied in January. Coil did the right thing and I’m so grateful! The day I was denied I applied again and set bigger goals. I WAS going to make it. I was going to take all of the suggestions, apply them and try to write stronger blogs.
It WORKED! In February I was brought into the Boost program. Something I’ll always be so proud of. No, not for the money but, because I wasn’t good enough to get paid but, I worked hard and I did it! I edited out my payment. I will not boast or make someone else that’s trying feel bad. The amount doesn’t matter. It’s just showing that my hard work paid off!
My passion for blogging has grown so deep. I blog from the deepest depths of my heart. That’s the only way I know how to write. I share my gut wrenching honest life stories. Some maybe uncomfortable for you but, once I write and click “Publish” it’s freeing to me. The elephant that was “sitting on my chest” was now sitting on Coil! You see I was grieving the loss of my mom. She passed in my arms on October 23, 2019. I was a mess! I had bad thoughts and I had to do something with them. So I put them on Coil and called it a blog!
I’ve met so many different people in the blogging community. Some have taught me how I’d like to be as a blogger and I do reach-out and ask for help. Some have taught me what I’d like to stay away from but, I promise I take a lesson from eveyone. I’m grateful for everyone and I hope you feel my support because I’m always watching. Supporting my fellow bloggers is just as important as writing my own blog. That’s just who I am!
As a fellow blogger I promise you this. I will never compete with you because this is not a competition. I want us all to do well! If you’re doing well and I’m struggling I will never tear you down so I can look better. I will watch you so I can grow to be like you. I’ll reach out and ask for a suggestion and apply it. If you’re down and I’m alright then I will reach out my hand and help you up. That’s what COMMUNITY is all about! I will never boast or brag. I will remain humble and kind and if I have a problem with you because you’ve caused me mental harm, I will ignore you. I’ll never ever cause you harm. I promise!
If you’ve been part of my blogging journey I want to thank you. Not just thank you BUT, sincerely THANK YOU! I wouldn’t be here without your support, encouragement, suggestions and love. I am so in love with setting my next blogging goal and then reaching it. It’s helped my self-esteem so much and for once I can say with confidence, “I am good enough” but, there’s always room for improvement! Stay tuned my fellow bloggers because I’m gonna start working on the next 100! I LOVE you all!
Well, last night we had a whole new advadventure in our life with Cancer! A very scary and uncomfortable situation. Michael hasn’t been well enough to do Cancer Chronicles so it’s been decided that I’d share this story. He wouldn’t remember anyway. Very scary few hours!
We’ve had very poor pain control for Michael over the past couple of days. Despite an increase in pain meds we still haven’t had control. His pains been staying about a 7-8 and that’s not alright. He had been put up on higher pain patches and he can take pain pills in between for breakthrough pain. He really wasn’t using the pain pills up until 2 days ago. He can take 6 a day and I put them in his tube. Perfect or so it seemed! He was using maybe 2-3 a day this whole time but, the past 2 days he’s taken a lot!
2 days ago Michael fell asleep and woke up in complete agony. This happens. It’s because of the charred throat from radiation and him falling asleep with his head in the wrong position! I know. Sounds so crazy but, if he doesn’t have his head to the right then the saliva will run down his charred throat and then it’s about 90 minutes to come out of that “episode”! Due to this happening he’s been fighting his sleep! NOT GOOD! When Michael is overtired there’s always a problem.
He started waking me up through the night 2 nights ago. He was asking for pain pills about every 2 hours. I’d give them and then try to sleep again. I’m the caregiver and god knows I have to be at my best or try at least! Yesterday leading into last night is when things went drastically wrong. I got all the feedings done and meds in and it was time for rest!
Michael wasn’t quite right but, I wasn’t sure what was going on. I got him in the bed and settled and went to move around to the other side when he just snapped. The next words I heard were completely shocking, “Who are you and why are you walking around in here”! I whipped my head around to see who had entered the room! Nobody. There was nobody there! He was talking to me! I asked him, “Michael, what are you talking about”? He proceeded to tell me that I was the, “Untrusted one and he didn’t feel comfortable with me around and he wanted me out of that room, he wanted his daughter Alyson”! He had no idea that I was his wife of almost 15 years! This went on and on and on. It was a combination of overtired and the pain pills.
Michael was in complete psychosis from lack of sleep and pain medication. He didn’t want me near him and even kicked me away. This was so sad but, I knew it wasn’t my husband, his mind was completely compromised. I never saw this coming and it was slightly surreal. My own husband had no clue who I was and I ended up having to get very stern to get him to comply with me.
I knew Michael just needed some rest and I know I did too! He laid still for about 3 minutes and then he was up and at it and that’s how he spent his whole night. UP! He let me sleep for 1- 1 ½ hour incriminates and that’s it. Boy cancer is exhausting!
We feel it’s important to share the “unexpected” things that can happen because you never know who’s reading our blogs. I’ve had family members of Cancer patients reach out to thank me and so has Michael. We’ve learned that no 2 days are alike when dealing with Cancer, treatment and side effects. Thankfully Michael snapped out of his psychosis fairly quickly but, it was emotional. I think I got to see what a family sees when they are dealing with Alzheimer’s or Dementia and I have a whole new respect. It’s sad when your husband looks at you and doesn’t even know your name. Never take one single moment for granted. Life can change in a heartbeat! Thank GOD ours changed and then went back to our “normal” quickly because that was truly hard to see!
“All gave some..some gave ALL”! Today is one of the most special days of the year in my eye’s. I will tell you why in this blog!
I feel like people lose sight of what our holiday’s truly represent. Yes, we get together with family and we BBQ ( Pre-Corona Virus ) or like me with a Social distance BBQ! What are we really celebrating though on Memorial Day? Wait. I’ll tell you!
Today is the day to honor and remember the Soldiers that paid ultimate price! They laid down and they died for MY freedom and maybe your freedom too! Now the way I look at it is like this..ALL Soldiers are HEROS because when they sign that paperwork to enlist they are saying that they are WILLING to DIE for you and for me! Now read that line again! That’s deep!
My son enlisted in High School! To young to sign the papers but, knew what he wanted. He couldn’t sign so I had to sign. I could have been signing my sons death certificate but, who am I to hold him back from his dreams? It was hard. I cried. I screamed at Michael for talking him into this and I realized that I’m a coward! YUP, a coward because I wouldn’t have made it through 1 day of boot-camp!
( My 68 Whisky in training)
So today as you have your social distant BBQ or spend time with your family promise me this. Promise me that you’ll take 5 minutes to reflect...To reflect on the men and women who did die for our freedom and even for the men and women who didn’t die but, were willing to!
Thank you isn’t enough so I wanted to write this blog to honor ALL Soldiers but, especially the Soldiers that laid down and died so I could have a social distancing BBQ today! I’ll never ever forget what you did for me and my family. God bless 🇺🇸🙏🏻
I want to leave you with this...
God Bless The USA is the 1st song my parent’s taught us! We love our country and we are very Patriotic! I just wanted to share this with you! Be safe today and always.
I shared openly in one of my last blogs that I took a “ME” day! During that “ME” day I did a lot of thinking! Things are getting hot around here, literally! Michael’s throat is charred, his skin is scorched and his breathing is even compromised at times but, we are nearing the end. I can’t lose it now! This is what I did to change my game up to get us to the...END!
I laughed! I laughed so hard that it hurt! Is it inappropriate because Michael is in pain? I say, “NO”! We need to laugh. Just ask Chip! Yes, Michael’s pain is bad but, it’s also being treated to the best of my ability and with what I have to work with! He follows my lead! If I’m so serious and I’m in “Kick butt” mode then so is he! If I’m light and giggly then he’s smirking. Is he still in pain? Of course but, we aren’t focusing on it!
Yesterday I did a challenge for @KassArt! I made a stick figure family! Typically I’d ask my daughter to make the video so Michael could sit and focus on his pain! NO MORE! I told him the plan, said I needed a person to make the video and he did it! What he also did during the video was, LAUGH! You can hear it on the video and it’s beautiful!
We can’t dwell. We can’t sit and focus we must pretend it doesn’t exist until it’s time to give another med! I’ve laughed so much this week that my face hurts! AMEN to that! Michael likes me happy so this works.
We have 6 Radition treatments left and ZERO Chemotherapy! YES, we are done with Chemo! Amazing and something to be so proud of! So what do we do? We laugh! We made it all the way through Chemotherapy! YES, I told you we’ve got this! Unfortunately now the pain is going to be at it’s worst but, guess what? I’m still going to laugh! I’m still going to smile and I’m going to include Michael in all of it because he needs it! He’s counting on me
For this and I just realized this!
Laughter is the best medicine! While making the video yesterday both Michael and I were busting up! It felt like the “Pre-Cancer” Michael and Patty! Chip told us in our XRP community video to laugh. You don’t realize how important this truly is. I never laughed because I felt it was inappropriate! WRONG! It’s my job to help Michael with mind, body and soul. He’s an extension of me. We complete one another. I hope one day if I’m sick that he will take the time to make me laugh.
I love Michael so much and he knows this. So it’s safe to laugh at inappropriate times because I’ve proven my love over and over. So a good laugh and solid love makes a beautiful day...even in the middle of the storm.
The only part I’m upset about is the fact that I waited this long to breakout the giggle juice. It would have been a lot lighter around here but, lesson learned! If I ever am asked for advice I’ll never forget to mention a good belly laugh. It soothes the soul.
I’m going to leave you with this. Sometimes it does feel like it’s just not the right time to laugh but, don’t get to serious. Life is what it is. If you’re doing everything in your power to make a situation better and you’ve maxed out on everything tangible..then LAUGH! Even if you have to walk away from the sick one that suffering. Do it for yourself. Find a quick funny video to ease you brain. Laughter is truly and I mean truly the best medicine and hearing Michael laugh yesterday is something I’ll cherish forever!
Well, today I did something completely selfish and unlike me. I’ve got a dirty little secret and today I’ve decided to reveal this on non-other than..Coil! Follow me! I’ll let you in on my dirty little secret!
So you all know that I devote 99.9% of my life taking care of my husband who’s fighting the massive demon called..Cancer! This eats up pretty much all the time in my day and now also late into the night or even overnight! I’m not complaining of course! I’m so glad that he’s here for me to take care of! Can I get an AMEN? Yah..AMEN 🙏🏻!
Here’s the thing though. While taking care of Michael I forgot to take care of someone else that truly needed tending to and I do feel really bad! She’s a good person, she never complains, she tries hard in everything she does yet, she neglects herself, She lost herself, she’s falling apart and yes, it’s ME!
I love taking care of eveyone! I will take care of people that won’t even take care of themselves but, I tend to forget myself. All lives do matter so I guess that includes..ME! Why does that feel so dirty and wrong? I don’t like that feeling . It’s uncomfortable and I want to change it but, to change it would mean to neglect myself even more! What’s wrong and what’s right? No, I’m really asking because boy this is a hard one for me! ( That’s not the dirty little secret part though )..Keep reading.. hehe!
Michael isn’t really sleeping anymore so he’s up wandering the house all night. So I’m in tune to that. It’s like having that one ear open..just Incase he needs me! So lots of broken sleep combined with a significant weight loss, pain from my own accident in 2015, extreme stress over last weekend when someone thought they found Michael passed away on my porch and what you’ve got my friends is a huge hot MESS! We are getting to the Dirtry little secret..Keep reading!
Last night I shared with Michael that I’m mentally not doing so hot right now. It’s ok because I can’t keep it together all of the time but, I try. Last weekend took it out of me. The “what if’s” are eating me up and I can’t stop obsessing over them. It’s almost like a bit of PTSD! No, I don’t think I have that long term but, that’s what I’m feeling right here and right now. My anxiety is high, pain is horrible, and I’m exhausted! That’s what leads my to my dirty little secret!
Today I decided to have a “ME” day! I took
a nice hot shower and shaved my legs! Huge deal when you’re me and you’re scared not to be taking care of your loved one. I laid on my bed with my heating pad and ate my favorite potato chips...then I broke out my favorite thing of all times. Something most people don’t even know about.....It’s time...to reveal my Dirty little secret...
I broke out my Pokémon GO! I’m a HUGE Pokémon fan! My DIRTY LITTLE SECRET! So no, I’m not always adulting! Sorry, not sorry!
I’ve been playing since the day it came out! I love everything about it and especially the fact that my children got me involved and they still played with me, up until Michael was diagnosed! So there it is! I’m a closet Pokémon GO fanatic!! It felt so good popping incense, evolving, raiding, battleing, completing long over due task and catching shinies! This is my passion. I love it so much and my collection got so much bigger today! Let me share a couple of my favorites!
( This is my all time favorite)
( Another favorite shiny )
And one more! Last but not least..
So good, bad or indifferent today I had to have some “ME” time! I don’t like letting myself go to the extent I have. What good am I to help’s others if I’m washed out myself? I’ve tended to all of Michael’s feedings but, besides that I’ve tended to myself! Our daughter Alyson and Phillip are here and they’d help with any additional things. It felt good, it felt wrong, it felt dirty but, I had to do it! I was spiraling and that’s not good for me. So I did an intervention on myself!
I truly am doing the best I can with Michael and his needs are very high right now. I’m having to access his PEG for all meds now because he’s so scarred in his throat. Well, now he’s so burnt on the outside too. So we are just dealing with tons of burns and tons of pain. I’m done with my “ME” time and I’m going to post this, feed him and tend to his outside burn because it’s so bad. Thank you for reading my blog. I love you all and appreciate your support more than you know. Sometimes it’s just your support that’s pushing me through! For now it’s onward and upward till the END!
Radiation burns on Michael’s neck. I’m going to tend to them now! Poor man!
Today’s blog is different than most of my blogs. Today’s blog is all about..YOU and YOU and YOU and YOU...! Today I want to focus on the people that have helped me grow in the blogging world.
When I first started blogging I was absolutely clueless. Just ask @DaniTorres0407, she’ll tell you! Something about “paragraphs or something”...such a perfectionist just like @Amywrites2! Don’t we all have a little of that in us? I’m asking because I haven’t found mine..yet!
I’d love to sit back with @Pointsonwine and @NewWorldBank but, I stopped drinking 17 years ago! Hey guys..have 1 or maybe 2 for ME..! Thanks 😘
I was going to start some new drawings today but, a couple of things happened. 1. I didn’t have the supplies, 2. I don’t know how to draw and 3. I need to watch way More of @Kassjans and @Lesliejoyart videos. I just don’t have time while taking care of @XRPMichaelB! I’ll get there. Just wait and see!
So @Legomaracas and I were talking about going to Paris. We got @RTB_Dutchy to agree to bring us in the airplane but, @NordicAnn needed a quick pickup so she could get to Spain! We ALL know she’s the “Queen of everything” so she comes 1st! As it turns out anyway I got caught up talking to @KaeylaJenkins about sex and I thought I’d be busy for some time but, I was wrong! Of course @Hammertoe jumped right in on that conversation! He had a LOT to add! Not even a “gag” could stop him from talking! Gosh I’m old. Not much to talk about there on my end. Sorry girl 😘
So @XRPTwin called and wanted to do an interview I would have but, I had already promised @Colinthecrypto1 that I’d help with album covers! Sorry Ferdi but, maybe next time! When Colin told me that @nickelndime06 would be there playing for us I just couldn’t resist. Can you blame me?
AHHH... I forgot to feed “Swetie-pie”. That’s Mason’s and Fynn’s goat! Thank GOD I remembered that our ninja @CryptoAdam4 computer generated him so it’s all good! I mean I’m so tired from helping @Teena116 chase the chicken. They ALL got out! What a mess but, it’s all good now! Phewww!
Has anyone seen @XRPGord? I’m worried about him! He was last seen with the “Red Dragon”! Now if you read his blogs you know this isn’t a good thing! Please tell him I’m looking for him. I’ve got time because I’ve challenged @BudWhiteGaming to a mad game of PAC-MAN! He wasn’t quite sure of what that was because it’s not really the game he played but, he was going to Google it and get back to me 😀!
I finally got ahold of @BurntEnds88 and @SethStanley and they both gave me some great movie suggestions! I seriously need to learn how to work the remote though. Time. It all comes in time!
@mirraeinc were supposed to hang out today but, turns out she’s way above me. She’s so smart that she doesn’t even know the “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” song. She and @nvds888 would make a great team! Together they can make great progress! I’m gonna leave them alone because I don’t want to stunt their growth! We decided it’s best if I stick with @minduntangled doing TikTok videos. It’s way more my speed!
I tried calling @riley_quin for more blogging advice but, of course shes busy buying baby clothes online! I don’t blame her one bit! Happy shopping 🥰
Poor @MacroPolo707 got all caught up in the validator drama but, I think he’s going to work swiftly to try to connect with @JoelKatz to figure it out! Good luck men! You can do it 💪🏻
I wanted to talk to @RKochanek but, she’s busy too helping her hubby @KyleKochanek iron out his thoughts because he’s going to change the world with his great ideas! Keep going. Both of you! GO..GO..GO...
Hey @XRP_Productions the President called. Wait..maybe he didn’t? I don’t know. Let’s leave it at that but, I heard he’s super upset about XRP!
@rufio was going to stop by but, he’s still chasing the 4 year old, to get the camera back from LAST Wordless Wednesday! Good luck buddy! You’ve got this!
Darn you @tokyoliving123 you know I’m scared of the boogie man so I can’t hang with you so I’m gonna head to @PattyAlexx then @VKumzy and have a good bite to eat while I wait for @Tradelta to make me some money and for @rramentoll to REALLY explain his blogs to me because darn..I don’t get it!
Gotta go now because @stephenchip On the chain is on and can’t miss that but, @yesimsophie was coming to do my makeup until her and @PLusciousLippy started fighting over it! Work it out ladies 😘
Make sure you say your prayers because @Jesusoning is back..AMEN 🙏🏻
I just wanted to take the time to acknowledge all of the amazing bloggers that I work with on a daily basis. I especially want to thank @Coil for giving us this platform to work on!
My 100th Blog!
