Only a Sith deals in absolutes

By the look of it, my last week included a lot of Sith in my mind. Don't jump to wrong conclusions now! I had plenty of “Good” moments, there was neither bloodshed nor an attempt to take over a galactic senate. But there were absolutes, dominating my mind.

Simply calling myself 'busy' would be such a cliché; a façade blocking all questions as to which emotions blessed or cursed the busy bee. Being 'busy' doesn't imply a certain emotion: After all, one can be gleefully busy or painstakingly busy on the verge of collapse. Some can be both simultaneously without even noticing. Such multitasker.

Then again, a Sith being a cliché, being a façade blocking questions... if not busy – not 'just busy' – how else to describe myself then? I was mentally occupied, absorbed in activities, and not taking the time to reflect. The result was a very narrow view. Two narrow views, actually.

Emotions have a spectrum. So do beliefs. So do the intensities of both. You can see an entire scale. Unless when your view is narrowed. When things get binary. And absolute.

That's no immediate reason to complain about it. My days were 'good' or 'bad', some as alternating as a chess board, balanced without mixture. But my reactions and decision grounded on and grew out of two narrow views. Limiting my interactions with the world. You simply can't roll a four by flipping a coin, can you?

And hindsight now is a handful of work. The narrow view wasn't limited to my situational feeling during the week. My memory of it is equally affected. “How was your week?” is a question I can only answer using my two narrow views unless I have found, taken, and used some time for reflection. For mixing a drink not ordered. Otherwise the result won't ever come close to what it could have been. Combining two drinks from last night in a glass doesn't magically make a little umbrella appear, does it?

Next time, I'll better take the time. I'll better reflect on the situation, I'll beter use the open view. I don't want to limit myself to bringing home the black and the white, combining a grey memory. Next time, I pack into my bag a week in Technicolor.

Next post: “Who What When – To From Then” Last post: “I'm sad to be sad – recursive emotions”