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I’ve been looking forward to nap time this whole morning.
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I don't know who spreads the myth that boys don't hold grudges and then they make it a whole desirable trait of what makes them “real men”.
But me in 9th grade already said “You don't know love if you don't know hate”. It was supposed to be corny and rhythmic because I was half joking with my friends.
But it's also scientifically correct. Most of the time, people who are not capable of passionate love and have to resort to “settling down” with people they think look good on paper, all their other emotions not just love, but hate or jealousy are bland as well.
And then the opposite of it, there are splitters who think they are super romantic because their relationships are unstable and volatile. But they are wrong too, because they mistake their own capacity to tolerate difficult feelings in THEMSELVES for their loving feelings toward a mutual relationship.
Anyway, I thought then, if I ever loved someone, they couldn't be someone who gets over grudges easily.
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Yes my skin is velvety soft and sensitive.
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Do you have Ehlers-Danlos?
It's very common among autistic people.
When I was around 12-20, I cried at night all the time because of the joint pain. I don't have joint pain anymore or just rarely. But my GERD was triggered by stress lately. Which is why I can't drink coffee anymore.
But it's also a vicious cycle because I drink coffee to cope with my self-appointed schedule. My schedule is overlapping and circular because I need to feel like my life is hanging by a thread to be productive. Otherwise I would get very lazy. I was late in college all the time because my parents weren't there to scream at me.
The result is I'm both stressed and sleepy.
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I'm home now. Clothing is so embarrassing this summer. I couldn't find anything decent going from store to store. And I just wanted a basic shirt. They keep having all the unnecessary details that make them look worse.
I have just finished some projects and took a little break before doing the new ones. I will be normal since tomorrow.
