thaison

And while we are at it, I hate feminists because they devalue people with more traditional ways of living like my friends and family members. Actually they frequently idealize certain characteristics that I have. But who's in a normal mind would want someone else to be looked down on so that they would feel better about their personal choices anyway?

They do things like free the nipples in public to prove that biological difference is no biggie. Well I guess biology is still up to debate.

What definitely and totally in their control are choosing a career that matches ability and reality, choosing to do math over makeup or the opposite, choosing a partner with a compatible personality. They don't seem to be interested in any of that.

Why change something you can't and spend zero effort on something you can. It's all too familiar with how a narcissistic grandiose not to be achieved in but to escape reality. With reality being who they really are.

I actually haven't bought avoidant as an attachment style, or bought attachment styles in general. But I understand avoidance as a defense.

The thing is the avoidance started because people made fun of my parents, not because they made fun of me. But then I just felt uncomfortable in general with all types of displaying emotions.

After leaving my one real job, I was trying to work alone. Though I did get some gigs illustrating books, I didn't feel comfortable with my expressions. At the same time, I did a side project in my spare time drawing childhood themes. It's not very profitable because the coloring book trend was already about to end at that time. But I did it because I thought it would be beneficial for me to find my style long term. I used to have several books on Amazon with reviews though they are not available anymore.

It got repetitive after a while. But in the beginning, I got scared and almost wanted to cry every time I posted a new picture. Because every story has an element of real life. Either something happened to me, or something I wanted for myself. Feeling exposed. I thought then, I was no longer in an environment that would use it against me anymore. So after like 20 more times, I didn't feel scared anymore. As more and more people contacted me and said they like my expressions, I got even more brazen in the next picture.

Although people had trouble mistaking me as the polite customer service one. I was actually the selfish, arrogant, boy-obsessed one as in the pictures. But, well, I had to sell merch too.

So I wasn't always like this. It doesn't sound like much but it was a huge step for me. I know how an environment can change a person. But you can also find yourself again just by meeting new people.

♫ Overseas from coast to coast to find a place I love the most ♪

Talking about being arrogant and smear campaigns, I had the promiscuous reputation in junior high. All because I had no intention of hiding my interests in boy. Boy, as a concept. As people, most of them are insufferable and I didn't/don't hang out with them. But I like biological differences. As a girl among a group of peers mostly function on moralizing defense because their parents were strict and wanted them to be academically successful, they think the opposite of a good student is the lust for boys. Well they definitely have it too because they also hated it when boys chased me. They hated it even more when I refused to pretend to be shy and reserved. Yeah what's that for?

Never had a REAL boyfriend despite all the rumors. Just because I'm curious about biology doesn't mean I don't also hate people for their personalities.

Borderline is way more of a sore thumb to me than narcissistic. Narcissistic I can understand. Because when I'm not sad I'm arrogant. But splitting is a whole new way of seeing the world that I never wanted to or tried to be a part of. Very irritating.

Some problematic people who compared war to rape is splitting. Question is, why do they split? Because you don't split about something you don't understand academically. You split when it relates to you on a personal level. It could be the case that you want someone to suffer physically. Seeing them as complete evil would make your case more convincing to outsiders. So you split out of pure sadism. Or it could be the case that someone gives you money to spread a smear campaign about another person. Seeing them as a complete evil would make your action justified. So you split out of guilt.

Saw some very ugly fake nails today. Which, reminded me, people told me I have beautiful hands.

Probably because I played keyboard since age 4 to age 7. I was also an important member of the elementary melodica band. Then age 8 came and teachers told my mom I should not waste my time on art or gym anymore.

I can still play keyboard now if someone gives me one. But only in C major.

“Oh no, I only act narcissistic and borderline online because strangers are mean, and with my coworkers because they are abusive! Also I have a loveless marriage so that doesn't count.”

But your personalities are not what you imagine to be. Your defenses are your personalities. And your defenses will be shaped by your environment. That's why disordered parents produce disordered children, not because of genetics.

As adults, you are in charge of your personalities. That means, the people you choose to meet. The jobs you choose to leave behind. The online arguments you decide not to take part in.

So the stereotype is that therapists are depressive people. And maybe they are, with some percentage in part of their personalities. But like how much? I RARELY see anyone of them with depressive dominant. The majority is narcissistic in boys and borderline in girls.

In fact, I've seen a total of 2 people who are actually dominantly depressive. And just one of them is a therapist. And the other one works with computers and stuff.

My handwriting is at 4th grade at best and I still don't have a signature.