thaison

Feeling sad today because everyone is so confident with their dignity while mine fluctuates by the day.

Bragging about not cheating but I did several times on history. Granted that everyone else did too and I most likely cheated the least in that school system. But that wasn't an excuse, just described what happened.

My reason for not cheating was not at all about dignity either. I thought if I didn't have a correct assessment of my ability, that would not help me to improve. If you to follow the lifestyle of being not as good as you advertise, you would have to be a people-pleaser as well. That seems like a torture to me. But if you have a real ability to back it up, you can be as smug as you want.

So Claire, instead of confessing to herself, like a normal person, that “I don't like this direction. It's not looking good for my country. It's selfish but I want them to keep fighting so I can feel safer”. Decided to go for the interesting approach to insult boys that they have no honour or dignity. All so she doesn't have to admit she is selfish and scared.

You see, they have to camouflage. They have to virtue signal. It's not just something they do for fun in their free time. Otherwise they will have to face themselves.

That kind of opportunistic attitude is very profitable in your 20s. When your peers are all clueless and try to be someone they are not. Most of us do like to be idealized to some degree, but not to the degree of being denied as a fully human. Most of us have desires to be loved and cared for, which is obviously impossible when our normal fear and weakness are shamed not to exist. They don't see them seek help so much in their 20s. Especially many of them take good care of their appearances and use it for personal gain, and it works. Soon, the healthy ones will see the pattern and leave, whether it's romantic partners or friends. Leaving the disordered ones pairing with other disordered. After middle age, they don't seek help to make a change for themselves. They seek help because whatever they did that used to be working, is no longer working, leaving them isolated and unprofitable. And they need help to build the defenses back up.

People expect severely personality disordered people to pull their sadism out of a mastermind plan, but most of the time they just wing it depending on what brings out their shame that day. That's why it both is beneficial and give them financial/social gains and bites them in the ass with just as many times.

When teenagers idealize their idols, they are not stupider than those who don't. And funny thing is, kids in gifted schools idealize celebrities more than kids from public schools. They are obviously not stupid. They frequently have sophisticated tricks up on their sleeves.

It's an inherent exploitative relationship from both sides when one sells merchs and the other projects fantasy onto the other without the need to see them as a real person. It's not about intelligence but more about if one's willingness to see the other person for who they are outweighs the narcissistic desire to associate with someone whom they project all the good qualities onto to be perfect.

What is it with girls asking for boys to have dignity and honour, and by that they mean taking physical risks with their own lives? People need to take risks based on the worst possible outcomes they are willing to accept Claire. Not out of shame. Obviously you yourself have a lot of shame for your own cowardice and are camouflaging.

Okay I know what you're up to, so congratulation and good luck. Since I have your schedule as well, good luck for next month in advance. Hehe.

School started at 7am. It took 20 minutes to school. By 6:45 I was tying my shoes and my mom screamed “Why are you still here?”. Through the magic of speed, I was always on time, never late even once. But yes, in gym, I had the worst score in running, even worse than the fat ones.

See you later 1 foot 3 inches.

Goodnight sad boy.