Waving a novelty foam finger with the asset prominently displayed during her opening remarks, Trump economic advisor Judy Shelton unabashedly touted the digital currency XRP throughout her entire Senate Banking Committee hearing Tuesday concerning her possible advancement to the Federal Reserve's board of governors.
“Let's cut the shit,” said Shelton to a bevy of seemingly shocked faces on the committee. “The world is going digital. It's going blockchain. Do you wanna ride this XRP bull or get trampled? Your choice.”
Judy Shelton proudly expressing her support for the digital asset XRP during her initial Senate hearing in her bid for the Federal Reserve's Board of Governors.
The unconventional position was not a surprise to many who have known Shelton as an ardent critic of the Federal Reserve and supporter of a return to the gold standard.
“Yes, I still think the gold standard would be better,” said Shelton, who ultimately was approved by a 13-12 vote. “But you know what would be best? An 'XRP the Standard' standard.”
Coil subscribers can see an excerpt of Shelton's CNBC interview about her XRP-promoting hearing below
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Appearing in a very peculiar white costume and carrying some sort of container of fried food at a global business conference in Singapore Tuesday, Sunny Lu, CEO of enterprise blockchain company VeChain teased a “very exciting new partnership that's just about finished cooking...”
“I am under a non-disclosure agreement, of course,” said Lu to XRP_Productions reporters. “But I will tell you that this partnership will be finger-licking GOLD for Vechain!”
Odd bucket-like container of what appeared to be some sort of southern-fried food, perhaps chicken, which VeChain CEO Sunny Lu held Tuesday when teasing a “greasy and delicious new partnership coming soon.”
The strange costume and props puzzled the online VET community, with most unable to come up with any logical explanation for the oddities.
“Lemme see... he looks like a southern colonel holding some kind of fried chicken,” said VET holder Leonard Mingus of Lexington, Kentucky. “Gosh... I don't know... this partnership he’s hinting about could be anything, really...”
Coil subscribers can see another MYSTERIOUS VECHAIN PARTNERSHIP that Sunny Lu teased below
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Hoping to bring a fresh and edgy new flair to the stodgy, technical podcast, blockchain payments company Ripple has hired Howard Stern Show veteran Gary 'BabaBooey' Gary Dell'Abate as the new producer of their Spotify series Block Stars.
“It's had a good start, but to be honest... it's been a little too stiff,” said show host and Ripple CTO David Schwartz of the program which has up-until-now centered around interviews that educate people about the world of blockchain. “I think people will enjoy it if we add a little more light-hearted content. You know, prank calls, crazy characters, d*ck jokes... that sort of thing.”
Ripple CTO and podcast host David Schwartz joined by 'Wack-Pack' alums 'High Pitch Erik' and 'Beetlejuice' in the first installment of Block Stars since joining forces with Howard Stern Show producer Gary 'BabaBooey' Dell'Abate.
The co-creator of the XRP Ledger enjoyed his initial episode of the newly-formatted show, telling XRP_Productions reporters that his favorite segments were the prank calls he made to Swap Shop and the five minute call-in from impressionist Sour Shoes.
“It was a blast,” said Schwartz. “And next week, Gary's gonna have me do a two-hour in-depth interview with Sir Paul McCartney! That's a great get, BabaBooey!”
*Coil subscribers can see David Schwartz's BIGGEST FAN since Block Stars changed its format below**...*
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Covered in tats and donning a stone-cold stare, Skippy Garlinghouse, ne'er-do-well twin brother of Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse, sat down with XRP the Standard Productions Sunday, reeling off a litany of scandalous, never-before-heard stories about the Silicon Valley wunderkind.
“Everyone thinks they know him,” said Skippy in a gravelly voice that caused XRP_Productions reporters to begin nervously perspiring. “HA. They don't know shit. Y'all think I'm scary? I got nothin' on Bradley...”
The hardened criminal laid out stunning revelations over the hour-long interview, from Brad's “leg-sweeping” teen years in the Cobra-Kai dojo to his merciless stealing of the peanut butter manifesto from a young intern at Yahoo.
Brad and Skippy Garlinghouse circa 2002 in the last known image of the twins together.
“You think he went to Harvard?” said Skippy, “Well, then I got a f*ckin' bridge to sell you. Nope... he was a Johnson County Community College dropout. He made me forge his Harvard transcripts. Long story short: I'm the one who ends up in here. Bradley's one cold-hearted sonofab*tch...”
The interview sent shock waves across the online XRP community as many prominent members were dumbfounded by the truth surrounding the man they once respected so much.
“I thought he was an Ivy League superstar,” said popular YouTube personality The Digital Asset Investor. “So you're tellin' me he's just some guy from Kansas?!”
Coil subscribers can see the only other person in the world who knew about Skippy Garlinghouse before XRP the Standard Productions below
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Addressing a bevy of socially-distanced reporters on the White House lawn Friday afternoon, President Donald Trump gave high praise to the price chart of the digital asset XRP for being a “tremendous example” for how COVID should flatten its infection rate curve.
“When you really look at it, there's no better example,” said Trump, pointing to a chart which showed the XRP price rocketing up to over $3 in early 2018 followed by a sharp and ever-flattening decline. “See how it does that swoop-thing and stays down? Pay attention, COVID. Great example. The greatest.”
XRP liquidity index chart which President Donald Trump also complimented as another perfect model that COVID can use to flatten its curve.
The president told XRP_Productions that he thinks there will come a time soon when the XRP price will have “big, big growth,” but for now feels it's best to stay suppressed.
“Right now, we just want those curves to flatten,” said Trump. “And for COVID, we want it to stay down forever. But XRP? I tell you, when we flip that switch, it's gonna be huge. HUUUUGE. What's that little bear man say, '589'? Oh, that's nothing compared to what it'll be...”
Coil subscribers can see an excerpt from Trump's speech praising the XRP price chart below
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Providing much-needed closure for millions of people worldwide who raged to find the culprits, online crypto-satire news outlet XRP the Standard Productions was stormed by dozens of FBI agents Friday for their connection with Wednesday's gargantuan Bitcoin-associated Twitter hack.
“Lighten up, people!” screamed XRP_Productions' Editor-in-Chief Clay Finkelstein as he was cuffed and pushed toward an unmarked black vehicle. “It was a joke! We just wanted a laugh! We just wanted a laaaaaauuuugghhhh.....”
XRP the Standard Productions' Editor-in-Chief Clay Finkelstein being hauled away by FBI agents Friday morning. The online crypto-satire publication is reportedly solely responsible for Wednesday's large-scale Twitter hack.
The hack, which commandeered countless well-known Twitter accounts and produced tweets asking for Bitcoin to be sent to criminal wallet addresses, was a stunt that some say has set back the public acceptance of Bitcoin by years.
“That was the joke,” said an attorney for Mr. Finkelstein. “If my client is guilty of anything, it's that his prank was just too funny.”
*Coil subscribers can see why Finkelstein was released almost as soon as he landed in custody below**...*
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Barely containing their rage as they spoke with XRP_Productions reporters, billionaire twins Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss denounced all cryptocurrency as a “obviously, one big f*cking scam” after a very widespread and public crypto-based Twitter hack Wednesday.
“We always warned people about this shit,” said Tyler as he was patted on the back by his brother. “I mean, yeah, we ran the Gemini exchange just in case it ended up being legitimate, but we were both pretty sure this crypto stuff was just one giant racket.”
2019 New York City bus advertisement for Winklevoss-owned Gemini cryptocurrency exchange showing a firm disclaimer from the twins about the potential fraudulence of the entire industry.
The Twitter hack, which compromised the accounts of dozens of high-profile figures such as Barack Obama, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos and asked followers to send Bitcoin to a criminal wallet address, was the final straw for the Winklevoss's crypto endeavors.
“Well, that tears it,” said Tyler. “C'mon, Cameron. Let's get out of this crazy space and try that Amway thing you were talking about...”
Coil subscribers can see the Gemini website from 2019 warning people about cryptocurrency below
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In a highly embarrassing moment for the well-respected television news journal, CBS's 60 Minutes aired a special episode Tuesday night which included a 15-minute segment about billionaire Elon Musk joining blockchain payments company Ripple, despite the story's satirical origins.
“If we made a mistake, we apologize,” said 60 Minutes producer Don Hewitt of the story, which several online sources confirm had originated with online crypto-satire news outlet XRP the Standard Productions. “But we're still looking into it, to be honest. In our book, the validity of this story is not quite settled...”
60 Minutes' Scott Pelley interviewing entrepreneur Elon Musk about his recent consultancy with blockchain payments company Ripple, a story which sources say was originally based on a satirical article. The billionaire denied any ties to the Silicon Valley firm in Tuesday's segment.
60 Minutes is not the first news organisation to be fooled by the fake news piece, with Forbes, The New York Times, and the BBC all presenting their own articles on the story.
“Son-of-a-bitch, I'm glad 60 Minutes stepped in that puddle first,” said ABC's George Stephanopoulos. “We were that close to doing our own segment on it, I shit you not...”
Coil subscribers can see a SHOCKING image from the 60 Minutes segment that may PROVE Elon Musk really has teamed up with Ripple below
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In an earth-shattering announcement that left many in the space with mouths agape, enterprise blockchain company VeChain signed a deal with the United States of America Tuesday to use their decentralized technology to begin tracking the freshness of all politicians on a state and federal level.
“With VeChain, you can finally have confidence in all of the products that affect your life,” said CEO and co-founder Sunny Lu. “This now includes old, rotten politicians.”
Still from a YouTube explainer video showing the ease by which citizens can now use smart blockchain technology from VeChain to automatically see the freshness of their elected officials.
The news spread like wildfire in the cryptocurrency world and caused VET, the token behind the VeChain ecosystem, to shoot up 200% on the 24-hour chart.
“Just wait,” said Lu, “until we announce our deal with KFC next week. Can you say, 'Finger-lickin' MOON?'”
Coil subscribers can see another HUGE real-world partnership for VeChain below
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Potentially destroying one of the most exciting and promising partnerships in the financial and blockchain world, SBI CEO Yoshitaka Kitao announced Monday he is considering backing out of his deals with Silicon Valley company Ripple after discovering its CEO Brad Garlinghouse was a former student of California's infamous Cobra Kai dojo.
“Was big shock. Big shock,” said Kitao to XRP_Productions reporters as he thumbed through old photos of his early days as a karate instructor, long before he entered the banking world. “Cobra Kai was mortal enemy. Very evil. How can this be, Bradley-San?”
Rare picture of a young Yoshitaka Kitao as he and his karate student were threatened by Cobra Kai sensei John Kreese (circa 1984). The SBI CEO is reconsidering his deal with blockchain payments company Ripple after discovering Brad Garlinghouse was a former member of the dojo.
The prolific head of SBI has confirmed that he hasn't fully made up his mind on the matter, though the decision “weighs heavy on the soul.”
“I forgave his bad Christmas gift and his kiss hello,” said Kitao. “But Cobra Kai? This perhaps too much, Bradley-San. This perhaps too much.”
Coil subscribers can see an EXCLUSIVE XRP_Productions photo that proves Brad Garlinghouse still has Cobra Kai loyalties below
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Judy Shelton Unabashedly Touts XRP in Senate Banking Committee Hearing
