Clomping up on stage to begin a panel discussion anchored by The Wall Street Journal's Phillipa Leighton-Jones in Davos, Switzerland Thursday, Brad Garlinghouse, CEO of blockchain payments company Ripple created no less than speculative pandemonium with his peculiar choice of footwear.
“Interesting boots,” said Leighton-Jones gesturing to the NASA-embossed waders to begin the conversation. “Anything you'd like to share?”
“Oh, these old things?” said Garlinghouse, looking down at his feet and proceeding to wink at the audience. “No, nothing to share. Just never know when you'll be making a trip to the moon, am-I-right? Heh heh heh.”
Brad Garlinghouse in his audacious moon boots at Davos' World Economic Forum.
The cumbersome clogs sparked immediate scuttlebutt in the cryptocurrency world, with thousands of global holders of XRP, the digital asset used in Ripple's cross-border payment solutions, assuming the CEO was sending a direct message of an imminent moonshot, or extreme appreciation in the price of their assets.
“This is it,” said twitter handle @Baba_Coocoo_XRP. “This is the sign we've all been waiting and watching for. Here comes MOON.”
Coil subscribers can see Garlinghouse's tweeted response about his boots below...
In a historic victory over both innovative technology and benevolent do-gooders Thursday, Twitter successfully banned the innovative and kindness-inducing 'XRP Tip Bot'.
The XRP Tip Bot, created by Dutch programmer Wietse Wind, utilized the decentralized digital asset XRP to enable users to quickly and easily tip each other value through tweets, an action that was performed and enjoyed thousands of times daily by Twitter users.
The TipBot even allowed users to send tips to dozens of charities, including well-known children's hospital St. Jude, who many times had thanked the online XRP Community for sharing their love through tweeted tips.
Rightfully alarmed by these shocking practices, Twitter took swift and silent action to shut down the Tip Bot, later explaining to its creator that the account is in violation of the “Impersonation Policy,” a completely untrue but inspiring claim.
Twitter has not responded to XRP_Productions' requests concerning whether or not they will overturn their gallant decision to ban the Tip Bot.
*Coil subscribers can see XRP_Productions 4th-wall breaking comments on the Tip Bot ban at the bottom of the page**...*
**[... and CLICK HERE for more stories the main stream crypto news media is AFRAID to tell. You're welcome, world.
Putting on his 'Blue Suede Shoes' and stepping back into the spotlight Thursday, legendary singer Elvis Presley came out of the shadows after being “overwhelmingly excited” about blogging on the new platform Coil.com.
“Thank you, thank you very much,” said Elvis to XRP_Productions reporters after they'd welcomed him back to the fold. “I'm a sucker for game-changing innovation, and that's why I'm back... what I did for Rock n' Roll, Coil's gonna do for the web.”
Elvis' first blog, 'Mama's Peanut Butter and Banana Cheeseburgers,' is a touching ode to his mother's home cooking in which Coil subscribers can see the complete recipe in the bonus material section.
Image of Elvis Presley's premiere blog on innovative new site Coil.com. By blogging on the site, Elvis receives micropayments for every second a Coil member views his page.
“That's one of the great things about Coil,” said 'The King,' squeezing into his sequined jumpsuit to show the reporters that it still fits. “Not only do you get streamin' micropayments for each second a Coil member reads your stuff, you also can decide whether or not you wanna add bonus, subscriber-only content.”
Elvis announced his intention to join the 'Coil Content Builders Club' and hopes that through regular blogging, Coil will send him 'Boost Payments,' in which content creators are gifted sums of the digital asset XRP for their blogging efforts.
“Who knows,” said Elvis, gyrating his hips and swinging his arms, “I might even post some new music on Cinnamon.video or Xsongs. I mean, it has been about 40 years since my last album...”
*Coil subscribers can see Elvis' Coil Profile at the bottom of the page**...*
Standing at the lectern and delivering her facts in a robust and unabashed manner, 17-year old climate activist Greta Thunberg stared down a roomful of the richest and most powerful leaders at the World Economic Forum at Davos, Switzerland Tuesday and proclaimed, “You assholes need to wake the f**k up... XRP is the solution.”
“It's a pretty f**ked up world,” said Thunberg, snapping the hundreds of moguls to attention with her colorful and direct language. “Temperatures and sea levels are rising... ice caps are melting... and we keep burning massive amounts of coal to power the most ridiculous shit, like SWIFT and Bitcoin.”
Climate activist Greta Thunberg addressing hundreds of billionaires at The World Economic Forum in Davos. The teenager implored the tycoons to “get off your mother-f**kin asses and adopt XRP.”
Thunberg highlighted the mountain of capital trapped in dormant Nostro/Vostro accounts, the high costs hitting migrant workers who try to send money home, and the “unnecessary and insane amount of power that the financial industry and dumb-ass things like Bitcoin consume.”
The young radical proceeded to show several slides illustrating the speed, low-cost, and breathtakingly small amounts of energy consumed by the XRP ledger and its consensus protocol. “This is the shit I'm talking about,” she said, using a laser pointer on the screen.
Thus far, none of the billionaires in the room have responded to XRP_Productions' requests for comment on the speech.
*Coil subscribers can see President Donald Trump's tweeted response to Greta Thunberg at the bottom of the page**...*
In a fascinating and unexpected turn of events, Judge Judy Sheindlin of the popular eponymous television show has been handed the reigns of one of the most highly watched cases in the blockchain world: Ripple's 'security' lawsuit.
“I had too much on my plate,” said U.S. District Court Judge Phyllis Hamilton, who was originally responsible for ruling on Ripple's motion to dismiss the case with no known deadline. “So I decided to pass it on to Judge Sheindlin. Judy is a close personal friend of mine, and I think she'll do great.”
The television-star justice's decision will be recorded live and will ultimately air on a spring episode of the show, in which interested parties will be able to view CEO Brad Garlinghouse's direct arguments to the Judge.
Judge Judy Sheindlin reviewing the arguments in the 'Ripple Security' lawsuit after being handed the case by the previous justice.
“I'm overjoyed to have the chance to be on her show,” said Garlinghouse. “I just can't help but, um... question what's going on here. Is this really proper judicial protocol?”
Though Garlinghouse's concerns are shared by most of Ripple's legal team, global holders of XRP, the digital asset whose security status is potentially on the line in the case, are excited and already considering the spring episode of the show to be 'must-watch TV.'
“I can't bloody wait,” said long-time XRP investor Seth Stanley. “DVR set to record! Dismiss the case, Judge Judy! We're counting on you!!”
*Coil subscribers can see David Schwartz's Quora response to the Judge Judy news at the bottom of this page**...*
Proving once and for all that XRP is the only non-naturally occurring cryptocurrency, a group of campers uncovered a patch of freshly-sprouted tokens Monday in the Pacific Northwest.
“It was so stunningly beautiful,” said Julia Hemsdale, one of the three campers to make the discovery. “Sparkling Bitcoin trees, sweet-smelling Ethereum blooms, bright blades of Litecoin grass swaying in the wind... I've never seen anything quite like it.”
The amazing find gives a solid black eye to the online 'XRP community,' who for years has been fighting criticisms from people in the crypto space who have asserted that XRP was 'created out of thin air.' XRP was the only digital currency not found among the plethora of crypto flora in the grove.
XRP supporter Matt Hamilton thoroughly embarrassing himself in 2019 by claiming all cryptocurrencies are printed from nothing. Monday's wild crypto-grove discovery directly disproves his argument.
“Nope... no XRP,” said Hemsdale, rifling through the pages of her sketchbook and swiping through the pictures captured on her phone. “I see EOS root... Stellar flowers... Dash seeds... Tron fungus... Zcash ferns... but XRP? No. That shitcoin is sooooo man-made.”
*Coil subscribers can see pictures of the MAGICAL CRYPTO GROVE at the bottom of the page**...*
Commanding what he calls “the greatest armada the global payments world has ever seen,” Brad Garlinghouse, CEO of blockchain payments company Ripple set sail Saturday to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland in an intimidating and historic display.
“These men and women at Davos understand one thing,” said Garlinghouse, speaking to XRP_Productions reporters on the San Francisco docks, “Power. And we're going to show them a power the likes of which they've never seen.”
One-third of Garlinghouse's Ripple armada as they set sail for Davos Saturday. The three dragons pictured were reportedly purchased after Ripple's recent $200 million Series C funding round.
The annual forum, well-known for harboring a who's who of the world's wealthiest and most-influential, will this year host over 100 billionaires, a fact that Garlinghouse has savored.
“It's time,” said Garlinghouse, stoically mounting the bow of the lead ship upon the journey's launch. “Wait 'til they get a load of Ripple and XRP.”
*Coil subscribers can view the map of Garlinghouse's historic voyage to Davos at the bottom of this page**...*
Wandering around in a blue bathrobe and muttering to himself, controversial Australian entrepreneur Craig Wright was tackled on the White House Lawn Saturday after scaling the fence and progressing toward the Presidential manor.
“Take me to my office!” said Wright, twitching and writhing as secret service agents cuffed him and dragged him into holding for questioning. “Don't you know who I am?! I'm the goddamned PRESIDENT of THE UNIVERSE!”
It was the latest in a history of dubious claims from Wright, who has many times insisted he is the true 'Satoshi Nakamoto,' the mysterious figure behind the whitepaper of the first cryptocurrency, Bitcoin. His recent pronouncements that he has also discovered the hidden entrance to the magical land of Narnia have also come under scrutiny.
Dr. Craig Wright during a controversial 2019 speech in which he claimed to have unlocked the secrets to making diamonds out of baby powder, one of a string of questionable claims from the entrepreneur.
The secret service has not responded to XRP_Productions' inquiries about the status of any charges against Wright, or about the truth behind his claims that the White House lawn grass he ate made him invincible.
*Coil subscribers can see more outrageous claims from Dr. Craig Wright at the bottom of the page**...*
Convinced that there's “just no other way” after two years of an agonizing bear market, XRP holders from around the globe came together Friday to slaughter 10,000 live chickens in an effort to satisfy the price gods and finally see some significant upward movement.
“I know it's a bit gruesome,” said long-time XRP holder Leonard Mingus of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. “But it's worth a shot. I mean, superior tech won't move the price, significant news won't move the price, real-world utility won't move the price... so why not try killing a bunch of chickens?”
One Orthodox XRP holder readying his chicken for blood sacrifice in an effort to pleasure the price gods.
The participants on hand took the opportunity to use the event as an additional XRP community meetup, mingling and having drinks as the chickens successfully bled out around them.
“I'm not normally one for these types of things,” said popular XRP ledger developer Wietse Wind, sliding a razor knife across the neck of a squirming chicken in his arms. “But I didn't want to miss the opportunity to support the community in its time of need.”
Based on market figures from livecoinwatch.com, XRP is up 2.4% since the completion of the bloody offerings.
*Coil subscribers can see community pictures from the XRP Chicken Sacrifice/Meetup at the bottom of the page**...*
Confirming what many in the cryptocurrency world have suspected for years, Harvard University released a study Wednesday which confirms that 95% of all crypto projects' whitepapers are indeed nothing more than blank white 8.5” x 11” printer paper.
“Fascinating, really,” said Thomas Newell, Harvard's head researcher on the study, “That so many billions of dollars can be pumped into projects backed by nothing more than white nothingness on a thin, flat sheet.”
Despite the shocking findings of the study, some crypto project creators don't agree that there's an issue.
“Sure, my whitepaper is just white,” said Lars Nilsson, founder of 'WidgetCoin,' which attempts to provide a blockchain ecosystem and corresponding token for 'things and stuff'. “But having a blank whitepaper allows us to be more free and creative. No solid direction is what has made WidgetCoin the juggernaut it is today.”
Lars Nilsson, founder of 'WidgetCoin,' proudly holding up his project's original whitepaper. WidgetCoin was able to raise $1.4 billion from their late 2017 ICO based on the ideas displayed on the paper.
Critics of projects with no clear direction, including Brad Garlinghouse, CEO of blockchain payments company Ripple, say it's only a matter of time before they become extinct.
“Call us crazy,” said Garlinghouse, “but we think a blockchain project has to solve a real problem if it hopes to stick around in the long run.”
Coil subscribers can see samples of the scandalous whitepapers from the Harvard study at the bottom of this page...
Garlinghouse 'Moon Boots' Fuel Rampant Speculation
