In what many in the fintech and digital asset world are seeing as a horrible, ghastly missed opportunity, David Schwartz, CTO of blockchain payments company Ripple appeared on Joe Rogan's immensely popular podcast Tuesday and failed to mention anything about Ripple, XRP, or digital assets in general.
“Whyyyyyyyyy!?!?!?!?” screamed Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse in a phone interview with XRP_Productions about the matter. “For the love of GOD, WHYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?”
“Yeah, I kind of regret that,” said Schwartz after the 3-hour Rogan interview, in which he mostly discussed his prowess in the popular online game The Elder Scrolls, and touched on dozens of subjects from solving quadratic equations to proper soldering techniques. “But to be fair, there are so many things that fascinate me. People can't expect me to cover everything, right?”
Popular online XRP personality 'Digital Asset Investor' tweeting a sentiment held by thousands in the 'XRP Community' Tuesday.
The responses from the nearly million-strong XRP holders around the world were almost entirely negative and in some cases health-damaging, with a reported twenty-six heart attacks globally that were attributed to the interview.
Joe Rogan and his staff did not respond to XRP_Productions inquiries about any potential second interviews with David Schwartz.
Coil subscribers can see David Schwartz's tweet about the Joe Rogan interview below...
Making young girls around the world both swoon and become utterly confused at the exact same instant, pop sensations Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran released a new love song Monday about the digital asset XRP.
“It’s been hush-hush for weeks since they started working on it,” said Bieber manager Scooter Braun, himself an ardent advocate of XRP. “But the production's been like magic. Intense. They're both just so passionate about XRP—the tech, the speed, the possibilities—and you can hear that passion in what they created.”
Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran in a promotional shoot for their new love song about the digital asset XRP. The two pop stars worked in seclusion for two weeks on the passionate single.
The song, entitled 'XRP, You're the One for Me,' is a seven-and-a-half-minute melodic ballad that mixes the groove of Sheeran's guitar, the smoothness of Bieber's piano, and the powerful vocal range of both pop icons.
Thus far, the song has seen astounding early success, immediately shooting to the top of the Billboard Hot 100, an event which has pleased worldwide fans of the two crooners and global XRP holders alike.
Rampant online rumors that the music video for the hit song will debut on new video platform Cinnamon.video have been as-of-yet unconfirmed by XRP_Productions.
*Coil subscribers can see the Billboard Hot 100 chart and read the lyrics to the new hit XRP song below**...*
Making an effort to remain relevant in the increasingly innovative world of cross-border payments, The Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication (SWIFT) announced their plans today to begin “SWIFT PRIME,” a membership program that ensures two-day cross border payment transactions.
“It's been difficult to try to keep up with innovation like RippleNet and ODL,” said SWIFT CEO Javier Pérez-Tasso. “I mean, that stuff's amazing—how do we compete?! Well, recently I was ordering some socks through Amazon and it hit me! Of course!!”
SWIFT CEO Javier Pérez-Tasso recalling his epiphany for “SWIFT PRIME” as he placed a tube-sock order with two-day delivery through Amazon recently.
The service hopes to improve upon the current long waiting periods for cross-border SWIFT transfers, many of which take 7-10 days and are accompanied by high error rates.
“This will be much better,” assured Pérez-Tasso, explaining that for a small fee of $750,000 per month, banks subscribing to SWIFT PRIME will have guaranteed two-day deliveries of suitcases of cash to complete their transfers. “Plus, you get access to our SWIFT PRIME VIDEO, where you have free access to thousands of banking lectures on demand!”
Critics of SWIFT have suggested that the membership program is still leagues behind Ripple's technology, which allows for amazingly safe and cheap cross-border payments that are completed and settled within minutes, not days, and solves the age-old problem of stale and cumbersome Nostro/Vostro arrangements by sourcing 'On-Demand Liquidity' through the digital asset XRP.
Coil subscribers can see SWIFT's CONTROVERSIAL TWEET about SWIFT PRIME below
Fresh off their highly reported $200 million Series C funding round, blockchain payments company Ripple has finalized a contract with blockchain newcomers “Big Tony's FUD Removal Service” to help combat the 'Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt' that has plagued the company for years.
“We couldn't be happier with the ideas they've presented to us,” said Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse of the New Jersey-based problem solvers, “and we can't wait to implement their strategies to finally send FUD to the bottom of the river... so to speak.”
Rare image of Big Tony and his team of specialists in action. While it is unclear what their previous service-oriented work entailed, Ripple is optimistic they will significantly improve their FUD dilemma.
The FUD in question, involving individuals and organizations spreading steady streams of misinformation and fallacious criticisms of Ripple and the digital asset XRP, has been a source of concern for many years, inspiring Ripple to directly address it in their latest XRP markets report.
“The FUD can get quite harmful and out of control, indeed,” said Marcus Treacher, Ripple's Global Head of Strategic Accounts, “So much that it can potentially turn away clients and scare regulators. That's why we're so keen on giving Big Tony and his team a chance
to do what they do best.”
Coil subscribers can read the full interview with Big Tony below
Rocketing past 29,000 points, the Dow Jones Industrial Average hit a new record high Friday, granting officials at The Guinness Book of World Records the pleasure of bestowing upon it the award for “World's Largest Bubble.”
“This one was pretty easy for our judges to call,” said Craig Glenday, Guinness Book of World Records' President. “WAY bigger than the bubble made by Fan Yang in 1997 at the Kingdome Pavilion.”
Fan Yang's 1997 bubble, the previous world record holder before Friday's Dow Jones shot up to 29,000 points.
Glenday went on to express amazement that the Dow Jones bubble was indeed “still growing” and that there was no telling how large it would get before the “inevitable explosive burst and subsequent gargantuan flood of money into digital assets like XRP.”
Surrounded by adoring staff feverishly applauding his every word, Kim Jong-Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea and Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, proudly announced his inaugural personal blog Friday written on the innovative new blogging site Coil.com.
“It is a day of unparalleled greatness,” said North Korean military Chief of Staff Ri-Yong Gil to North Korean state media and XRP_Productions reporters. “Even the birds sing in sweet melodic harmony to greet the most wonderful blog ever to be written. We give eternal thanks to our most amazing leader for producing such a wonder of the world.”
The blog, entitled 'Why Am I So Supreme,' is the first of its kind from the North Korean leader and has many around the world speculating that he is entering a more philosophical and introspective stage in his life.
Beginning segment of North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un's exciting first blog on the innovative startup site Coil.com.
The first installment covers the top 1,000 reasons why the young Supreme Leader is so supreme, with Coil subscribers able to unlock an extra-special bonus reason at the end of the impressive work.
As a site, Coil provides an exciting new way for people to monetize their web content, sending them instant micropayments in USD or XRP for each second a Coil subscriber views their blog, videos or website.
Reportedly, the young leader found the blogging experience pleasant and hopes to contribute more written works to the platform in the near future. The second blog, a touching piece entitled, 'My Long and Tiring Day of Executions,' releases Monday.
Frustrated by the two-year bear market in which their prized digital asset has steadily lost over 90% of its value, many in the online 'XRP Community' have decided to opt for a deep-space-style hibernation in order to more easily wait out what they see as the inevitable journey to 'moon' prices.
“It's the best thing to do, really,” said Leonard Mingus of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, an avid XRP holder since late 2017, “I mean, sure, I'll miss my wife and kids for that 5 years or so, but imagine the party we'll have when I defrost!”
XRP holder Leonard Mingus testing his “XRP Moon Hibernation Pod.” Mingus told XRP_Productions reporters he has decided upon a June, 2026 thaw date.
The idea has gained significant traction among community members, with over 17,000 of them already joining the XRP Hibernation Club, an online chat site where users share tips and tutorials for safely engaging in a bodily deep-freeze.
While convinced this is surely the ticket to “beating the bear,” some participants are still wary about the sub-zero endeavor.
“In October of 2017, my husband Pete went under the ice to wait it out,” said Judy Tomlin of Missoula, Montana. “He set it to wake up in January of 2020. Oof... well, let's just say he wasn't a happy camper when he saw XRP's price.”
SAN FRANCISCO – In a breathtakingly bold and exciting move, the Stellar Development Foundation has announced that they have burned all remaining 50 billion XLM tokens left in existence Tuesday, leaving an overall world supply of zero tokens, in an effort to “supercharge adoption.”
“Some have asked us if we're crazy,” said CEO Denelle Dixon standing next to Stellar co-founder Jed McCaleb at the press conference, “and we say, 'Sure! Crazy like crypto-foxes!'”
Stellar Development Foundation's Denelle Dixon and Jed McCaleb announcing the exciting burn of every XLM in the universe to encourage adoption of the token.
Dixon went on to explain that the foundation's November, 2019 decision to burn 55 billion of its XLM tokens, taking its world-circulating supply at the time to 50 billion was “the right move, but we just didn't take it far enough.”
“We burned 55 billion in November,” said McCaleb, “to spur on development, satisfy the community and to solve the problem of getting such a large number of tokens into circulation. Then this month we thought, 'Shit! What are we pussyfooting around for? Let's put the pedal to the metal here!'”
The feedback from the online XLM community has been mixed thus far, with some fully supporting the foundation's tactics and others flying into a homicidal rage because of the utter vanquishing of every Lumen in the entire world.
WASHINGTON—Shocking the individuals of the press who were within clear earshot of the conversation, President Donald Trump dialed top FBI officials Monday afternoon and vehemently demanded to know why the price of the digital asset XRP hasn't yet reached a value of ten US dollars.
“I want answers!” screamed the President, who witnesses say immediately made the phone call after checking the Uphold crypto exchange app on his phone. “Two years I've been sitting through this bullshit! Who's holding this f**king thing back?! Get your asses out there and find me the truth!”
President Trump during his audible phone conversation with the FBI Monday demanding they get him answers about the low price of XRP.
The President reportedly carried on the rant for approximately five minutes, stating things such as “we all know what the goddamned price should be...” and “I'm gonna go on a mother-f**kin' whale hunt,” before slamming down his phone and calmly taking a drink of water.
XRP, the third-ranked digital asset in the world by market cap, has seen moderate gains early this week, but is the only cryptocurrency in the top 10 to see no gains in 2019. This is a mystery to many in the space, as XRP is known to be the fastest and most efficient digital asset, as well as the only one being used at scale (by blockchain payments company Ripple) in real-world business applications.
Coil subscribers can read the full transcripts of Trump's conversation, exclusively obtained by XRP_Productions, below...
Firmly and confidently grabbing hold of another Sunday and flushing it down a giant toilet like so much feces, legendary news program '60 Minutes' has once again failed to cover one of the most fascinating and world-altering Silicon Valley firms, blockchain payments company Ripple.
“It's a bit of a mystery to us,” said Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse, putting European Central Bank President Christine Lagarde on hold while he spoke with XRP_Productions reporters. “You would think they'd want to cover a startup that is literally changing the global financial landscape. Hmmm, oh well... Hi Christine! Yeah, I wanted to arrange a meeting with you and Agustin...”
Other prominent figures in the fintech world are equally perplexed about the news outlet missing the story like a resort patron missing a blue whale in a swimming pool.
“Yup, Ripple is a pretty big deal,” said TechCrunch founder and billionaire Michael Arrington, “$10 billion valuation. Over 300 bank and F.I. clients. Only private blockchain company with a seat at global banking meetings. Only ones using a digital asset at scale in real-world business. I never speak like this, but 60 minutes needs to pull their heads out of their asses.”
Upon calling 60 Minutes to ask when they planned to finally cover this earth-moving company, XRP_Productions reporters were given a 'click' followed by a dial tone.
David Schwartz Appears on Joe Rogan, Forgets to Mention XRP or Ripple
