Vines wove down the wall
in spirals
tearing into flower beds
Standing here again
before my old broken home
it's more weathered
than i remember
The kitchen windows is gone
the cracks in the door
splintered
memories of this place
hurt
and nothing got better
I'm sitting on the porch
of my debilitated childhood home
remembering
It was a shitty childhood. I lived in a beautiful place, with a bad home. My dad was and is an angry person. He never hit me but he's hit my mom. I've told her before that because he's an abuser that he'll do it again eventually. But she always said that he was the love of her life. Or she'd make excuses. It makes me sick to my stomach.
On paper, they have money but in reality. They don't have working toilets ( outside of dumping water into the tank ). They don't have working laundry. Hell, the house doesn't have walls because he gutted them over twenty years ago.
Everyone has two sides to themselves. Im not saying my dad is all bad. I find it really hard to care though. I just see myself at his funeral – upset because I don't know what to say. He could of had a great life. He could have had so much if he had let others in.
He'll be known for being a funny, smart and hard person.
A fucking waste.
Sorry for being scatterbrained on this post. Just damn, if you do have parents that are sane. Love them. Because mine are going downhill. fast.
lose thoughts
pointed, selfish words
only lovers know the right ones
the ones that hurt
that rench
that wound
and still
love
it beats so loudly
it heals over
I'm holding you again
The most recent fight I had with my wife was over sending the kids back to school. I felt terrible. I felt like I was the gatekeeper thwarting my children from having a normal life. Trying to explain “why” but looking into my wife's eyes. The passion and hunger for normalcy. Have a normal school year. All I could do is spout facts / figures from websites. I felt like data from star trek and at the same time I secretly yearned for her position in the argument.
This year has been wrenching. I don't know what decisions you've had to make for yours. If its anything like my house, i've learned two things. Communication is a skill and hug it out. Wish you all the best.
Just trying to get some words on paper today. Or scribbled on a website. I would blame it on being Monday but I drank too much and couldnt stop watching “Lore”. I mean who knew that werewolves don't have tails in popular folklore
The moment had already bore so much
you needed to add your weight
how harsh you are
how simple
how undeserving
you don't belong here
do you?
Each day in life is amazing. Each day should be revered – it's just hard sometimes. Hard to recognize what we have built or what we live for. Maybe it's because I just finished watching “altered carbon”. So I'm having some existential angst.
Anyway, happy friday. I hope that everyone can relax and take a moment. It's amazing we are all here, at this time together. Considering how massive the timeline is. We are it. All that we get to experience.
the turtle
shell exposed
rain pelting
marches forward
brambles
cut feet
streaks of vermilion
marches forward
heat
blooms from Earth
crackles gray skin
marches forward
the lake
relief, tail dancing
playful, happy
swims forward
– endurance
The thing about this year that's been hitting hard has been routine. I would never have minded seeing my kids more. Being inside more. Waiting in long lines. If it had been subtle. But I went from biking into work. Getting coffee. Generally just living out an existence. A boring one. But a routine I had forged. To this.
This break from that mundane routine.
It's been a chance to be still (Even with kids running amuck). To really see what people are willing to sacrifice or not. To see how others, handle their own routine. How we endure.
Hope everyone you know is safe. That you find some stillness. You deserve some respite from 2020.
Most days it gets a brighter
Some days a little dimmer
That's ok
Sometimes it gets torn
Other times, people mend it
When I'm finally gone
I hope to look down
and see others
wearing patches from it
Thought id take one of the poems I was going to put on the writing.exchange fediverse and put it here instead. It didn't feel right letting this one go down the river of the fediverse. It needed a proper home.
Last night was something, at 9pm thunder clapped and rain came pouring down. I rushed outside and proceeded to soak myself. August rain is the best. Especially since it was 97 all day.
The rain never fails to bring back memories of laughter, my honeymoon and times that weren't like what we are in today.
I'm glad it's Friday, it's been a long week of work. Hope you find some time to relax. Enjoy the weekend.