Another day I don't feel like writing about travel. Instead, I've got a lot of ideas and confusion stirring around that need to come out.
Mr. Clinton's former Vice President is back at it again, this time, I'm sure with an even scarier and more apocalyptic diagnosis for us. I will not watch the film, since I'm almost certain it's a sequel to the other waste of cellulose he put out a few years ago.
Also, I know a lot of hand-wavers on this subject and I get really friggin' tired of hearing about it. OK, I say, I'll listen to your concerns. But when you're done you have to tell me something: what would you like ME to do about it?
Crickets.
My voice softens. In other words, dear brother, YOU, as the concerned party must tell ME the person listening to your hysteria what you would like me to do about this catastrophic problem.
I'm not the king of the world, nor a politician, nor a climate change expert. I'm some schmuck who travels and then types. I can't snap my fingers and make it go away. I can't control billions of people. This is a global problem and I am one person. If you're going to talk and depreciate the value of my eardrums by making them vibrate, please have some ideas ready.
That's all I'm asking.
But I have yet to have a discussion about this topic and get the simple thing I ask for.
Even softer voice I'm very sorry, but my only option is to dismiss you as someone who just likes to bitch. (Which is fine, I love to bitch! We all need something to bitch about.)
For the record, I believe in anthropogenic climate change. I have no idea how the climate is changing – just a few decades ago we were heading into another ice age apparently and everyone was going to die – but logic tells me with the shit humans are doing with billions of years of pent-up, dense energy stores, it's gotta be something.
Let's put it a simpler way: if humans had never clawed their way out of the forests and savannahs of Africa and engulfed the planet in their meat, I think the world would be a different place. I don't know exactly how it would be different, and frankly, I'm too lazy to think about it right now.
I do know for absolute certain that we've done some really shitty shit – like, super duper shitty – to the planet.
So, let's confirm we're on the same page: we're doing shitty shit and the climate is changing.
I'm not going around hand-waving about this because there are other issues on which I choose to occupy my limited fear allowance. Yes, this freaks me out. Yes, this is a huge problem.
So, listen very carefully. If you are hand-waving about climate change with your limited time and fear allowance, you have the responsibility to come out swinging with solutions.
Not just solutions, but solutions individuals can reasonably implement themselves. The government ain't going to save us here. We gotta do it. (Power to the people. * * Fist pump. * * )
Truth is, this is such a mind-bogglingly complex problem I don't think the majority of hand-wavers even know the beginning of it. While some of them believe “carpooling” and “recycling” and “green energy” might do the trick (and they certainly help...depending), there is a crap-ton more to consider.
Since I have to listen to them (them=upper middle class, first world hand-wavers) and I'm freshly grossed out by the mere thought of Mr. Clinton's Vice President's fabulous new film (I'm sure he's donating 100% of the profits to fighting climate change*) I decided to do my part.
Here are some actual ideas on how you can fight climate change. And you can start today. No laws, picketing, bellyaching, hand-waving, or thought needed.
These are off the top of my head. Didn't plan this list ahead. Let's see how many I can come up with!
Food
1. Eat Less. If you are more than 10% overweight, you are harming the planet. (I'm not going to call out a certain former top-level Clinton administration person here, that would be mean.) Food requires a STUPID amount of fossil fuel energy to produce and an even stupider amount to ship. Eat only what you need to survive. I have no idea how many calories you need to survive. You'll have to look that up. Humans are supposed to be lean and strong. If you are not lean and strong, eating less will help you get there.
2. Waste nothing. If you buy it, eat it. Don't throw a single, fucking biological thing into the trash that can be eaten by something or someone.
3. Compost. If you're not a fan of banana peels, that's cool. But, as per item 2, do not throw them in the trash. Save every scrap of biological material, including egg shells, put them in a large container outside, and let nature go to work on them. There are all kinds of neat boogers and bugs that love the stuff we don't. Mix this stuff every, I dunno, three months or so, depending on where you live. After a while you will be left with luscious, healthy dirt. You can use this dirt to plant food, flowers, or just throw it in the yard. If you don't have a yard, give it to someone who does. Putting food scraps in the trash means a truck using fossil fuels has to pick it up and take it to a landfill where it cannot healthily and properly break down.
4. Grow as much food as you can, where you live. If you are able to grow it, you should. If you can avoid consuming food that had to be brought to you by a truck burning fossil fuels, do it. I love my salads. But the thought of buying a box of leaves, which had to be grown with a ridiculous amount of fossil fuels and then harvested, washed, and shipped using more is absurd. That whole box of leaves only has 30 fucking calories in it! How many calories did it take to grow and ship? I don't even want to begin doing the math on that one.
5. Eat food that doesn't need fossil fuels to be stored. Humans have a rich history (millennia) of awesome food preservation techniques. Drying, canning, pickling, fermenting...the list goes on and on. Water is heavy, so shipping food full of water around the damn planet is ridiculous. If you must buy food shipped around the damn planet, look for the lightweight, shelf stable kinds. Eggs don't need to be refrigerated if they come from healthy chickens and produced under responsible farming conditions. Get rid of the milk, you don't need it. If you must eat dairy, buy dry aged cheeses you can keep in a cool cupboard. Buy smoked or cured meats from local farmers which can be kept at room temperature without danger of contamination.
6. Get rid of the refrigerator. You don't need it. It uses a lot of energy. Learn how to safely store food items so they don't have to be refrigerated. This takes effort so turn off the fucking TV and start reading. If you must have a refrigerator (for storing insulin, etc.) you can look into marine refrigerators. They are tiny and run on propane. They can even make ice. Cold brew some ice tea, or whatever, and then stick a couple of ice cubes in it. You don't need to keep the whole damn pitcher refrigerated 24 hours a day.
7. Buy food from people. If you can't grow your own food, buy it from people. Like hand the money directly to the person who brought the food you are buying into existence. They are the only ones who know how to keep us all from starving to death, so we should be supporting them financially. If you can't buy what you need from an actual person, go to a store. Buy stuff that was grown this season in the area in which you live. Another idea is to ask your neighbors if they'd like to go in with you. Collect orders from as many people as possible and send one vehicle to pick up the food grown responsibly and sustainably by a human. It's true large agro-corporations can grow food more efficiently, with less energy. It's a fact. They have scale. However, they have to vomit petrochemicals all over this food to get the efficiency they have. In the long run, this is a terrible idea, so start buying food from humans who live near you and who don't vomit petrochemicals all over the earth today.
Think this is too much work? Then stop bitching. This is the world you want.
Domestic Affairs
8. Live in the smallest possible structure you can. If you need climate control – AC, heat, and the like – that's fine. A tiny structure will use much less energy to keep cool, warm. If you can't find a tiny structure, find a roomie or five. Share the climate control. For hot climates, invest in a small, highly efficient window AC unit and use it only when absolutely necessary. For cold climates, look into a tiny wood burning stove. I don't know, I grew up in the tropics so I don't know a whole lot about this. I'm sure there's the equivalent of a super-duper efficient warming system. If you are hot, take off as much clothing as possible before using electricity. If you are cold, put on as much clothing as you can before turning on the heat. Climate control your body, not an entire space.
9. Get rid of all your shit. I mean ALL. Whatever you don't need to survive needs to go. Owning lots of shit damages the planet. When you own it, you have to expend energy keeping it clean, climate controlled, etc. You don't need a coffee table and a desk and a dining room table. You need a table. One table can serve as a surface for a surprising number of things. You don't need three couches and seventeen chairs. You only need one. Give all the shit you don't need to someone who does.
10. Get rid of your appliances. Believe it or not, clothes will dry without electricity. Crazy, but true. Dishes will also get clean without electricity. Floors too. We have tools that work great for all this stuff. And since you now have a tiny floor, two pairs of pants instead of fifty, and one plate, one bowl, etc. keeping these items clean without electricity gets a whole lot easier. It only takes a few minutes a day. Be aware that the people who make appliances, household items, clothing, etc. will be out of a job. Decide for yourself if you're alright with this. If we want a healthier planet, we can't have it both ways.
11. Ask yourself if that thing is really dirty. Unless you are working outside all day and sweating like a pig, your shirt is not dirty after wearing it once. Ditto your jeans, ditto your pajamas. That towel you use to dry off your clean body doesn't need to be washed hardly ever.
12. Buy used stuff. If you must buy crap, buy crap that already exists. NEVER, ever, ever buy something new when you can buy something used. That goes for everything. Be aware that the people making new crap will be out of a job. Decide for yourself if you're alright with this. We can't have it both ways.
13. Reuse EVERYTHING. Kinda like item 12. Learn how to sew, how to fix shit. If your kid needs a pencil bag for school, cut up an old pair of jeans and make one. If you have 75 thousand plastic bags under your sink, take those motherfuckers right back to the store (or better yet farmer) and use them again and again until they are worthless as bags. When you run out of those, start this process with the 34 Amazon boxes you have laying around the house. When they wear out, find something else. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Too much work? Don't like “looking” poor? Then stop bitching. This is the world you want.
Transportation
14. Get rid of your car. Public transportation is, by far, the most energy efficient way for humans to get from Point A to Point B. More so than walking or biking, if my calculations are correct. (I'll have to look this up again.) Basically, the calories (energy) have to come from somewhere and humans are much less energy efficient than we want to believe. It would cost more, both in energy and money for you to ride your bike 20 miles than if you got on a bus with 80 other people and all went the same distance at the same time. Trains, from what I've been able to dig up, are an exceptionally efficient – perhaps the most efficient way to travel long distances. Walk for health and leisure, that's fine. But when you need to get somewhere quickly, use public transportation. (I'd like to explore this more in a future post.) Your kids will have to learn how to use public transport, as well. Make sure you're ready to spend the time to teach them how to do it safely. If you live a long way from work, and no public transport is available, well you're gonna have to move closer. Again, get a roommate or five and live close to where work is. If you want a cleaner, cooler planet you're going to have to get comfortable with not living alone. And keep in mind the people who build cars, make gasoline, repair cars, clean cars, build roads, make accessories for cars, etc. will be out of jobs. This is A LOT of people. So many, in fact, that it's kinda scary even thinking about it. Decide for yourself if you're alright with this. We can't have it both ways.
Don't have the “time” to walk or take public transportation? Too much work? Then stop bitching. This is the world you want.
Travel
15. Don't do it. If you must move your meat around the planet for leisure by way of burning fossil fuels, then start learning how to offset the damage. There are tons of companies who specialize in this sort of thing. If you give them money, they'll plant trees, invest in environmental damage mitigation, and the like. Look it up, find ones you trust and get your wallet out.
Don't want to spend the money? Then stop bitching. This is the world you want.
Activism
16. Put your picket sign down. Seriously. You're not doing shit for climate change by marching in the street. We all know the earth is warming. The memo has gone out and has been received. What you can do is start living the life of one who believes we're all doomed. You can eat, use, buy, and move less. Then you can show your friends how its done and lead by example. You can teach them how to do the things they'll need to know to survive. You can comfort those you love after you tell them they will have to cope in a new world with much, much, much less. You can start a support group for those who are in agony and denial that the centuries-long party, brought to you by fossil fuels, is going to end.
17. Tell us what to DO. Write about your ideas. (Here is a good place. A blog is free.) Write every day about your solutions for how the rest of us can use less and stop poisoning the world. Don't hold back on the grim details. It's not fair for you to lie to others about how things are really going to be. Things are going to suck until we have technological solutions in place to begin our next centuries-long debaucherous party. You know why you must do this? Because your gurus [1] aren't. Your gurus are telling us we should “help” by sending in money for a fucking green ring pin to wear. Your gurus “solutions” involve giving them your email address so you can join a fucking email list. Your gurus won't give you simple ideas for things you can do TODAY, right this moment, to help the planet. Instead, they want you to “Help Solve the Climate Crisis” by attending a “training” in fucking Pittsburgh. “Give us three days,” they say, “and we'll give you the tools to change the world.” [2] How do they expect me to get to fucking Pittsburgh, I wonder. On a jet powered by fairy farts? Are they mental?
Instead of telling me what I can do TODAY from where I am NOW, they insist that the best use of their time and mine, is to terrorize me by telling me how climate change is “coming for my pizza”. [3] Oh, how very Sesame Street of you!
So according to our illustrious former Vice President turned climate change guru, today, the best thing I can do for this apocalyptic problem is wear a fucking pin, plan a trip to Pittsburgh, and obsess over the loss of pizza?
Alright. Whatever you say.
That sounds positively retarded to me. If you're reading this, and you care, hopefully I, a schmuck with a computer and 45 minutes of spare time, have actually done something to make a difference. I have no “alliance” of “activists” with millions of dollars in gravy, but if you were wondering how to “mobilize” hopefully I've helped clear that up a bit.
If you only put ONE** of the things on my list into action, just one, today I promise you it will be much more effective in helping the planet than a fucking pin. But hey, if wearing the pin (shipped to you with fossil fuels, by the way) will make you sleep better at night, knock yourself out. Here's the link for ya: https://www.climaterealityproject.org/together-we-can-protect-our-planet-join-fight-1
[1] https://www.climaterealityproject.org/
[2] https://www.climaterealityproject.org/training
[3] https://www.climaterealityproject.org/blog/breaking-climate-change-coming-your-pizza
*Turns out, he is! More on this later!
** I have many, many, many more ideas. I just ran out of time.