This is what faith can look like...
Faith ebbs & flows. 📈📉
Sometimes we think we don't have any.
Sometimes we get a big surge & then it dwindles.
Then there are times when there was one person who was there for us when we thought we were down to the last little flicker.
And then faith reemerges once again. 🕯
Thank you to all the ones that helped me have faith again.
I'm pretty sure you know who you are.
🙏📊🙏
Modfathers exist! So do hitmen!
But do they usually sit in public at the same table together when eating?
In my world, they do… 😂
Rick, Mary from Hyltonslots1, Bradley “The Modfather” Jones & “Hitman”
Was it an Italian restaurant? – The answer is NO.
Were they eating pasta? – Again, the answer is NO. 🍝
Were they planning on snuffing or taking out anyone for revenge? – DEFINITELY a NO!
Were they drinking wine? – NO. 🍷
Were they cursing & swearing in Italian? – Sorry, but still NO.
Were they carrying weapons, such as guns or silencers? – HELL NO!!!
Did they have any graves that were previously dug beforehand for any of their dinner guests? – A resounding NO! ☠
Did they have thick Italian accents & talk super fast & furiously & insult each other's mothers? – Ummm, NO. 🔊
Were any of them smoking cigars while dressed in suits? – NO.
Were there any bodyguards loyally following them around to protect them from stray bullets? – You know the answer by now – NOOOOOO!!!
Was there by chance an open car trunk in the parking lot awaiting a victim to be bound & kidnapped? – NO! 🔪
Were there any blood stains on their clothes? – Yeahhhh, again NO…
Did they make suspicious phone calls & talk in codes during their time eating? – Hmmmm? Another NO. 📞
Did any of them display public aggression or use intimidation tactics or threaten to kill someone's family member while enjoying their meal? – Oh geez, here goes… another NO.
Did any of them plan on wiping out a rival family to retain complete & dominant control of an empire? – Whew, that is for sure a NO… 🎯
And why, you ask???
What is the whole purpose of writing this completely nonsensical piece of satire, you ask???
All true facts, but done with tongue-in-cheek humor. Why, why, why, you ask???
Well, the answer is in this photo.
Mary from Hyltonslots1, Bradley “The Modfather” Jones, “Hitman,” “Jenny from the Block,” “Big Daddy” & “The Mrs. BD,” (All four from BDSlots) and Ed & his wife Michelle from The Great Indoors with Ed and Michelle.
(Sorry, Rick, you were in the bathroom when my hubby took this picture. But at least you were in the 1st one, right)? 😉
You see, Bradley Jones (wearing the Indians shirt) is a master moderator on approximately 45 YouTube slot channels. Give or take a few. In all probability, there are many many more. I just got that number from seeing him in an interview months ago. So by now & as of the time of this writing, that number has skyrocketed.
My emphasis is on the word MASTER.
He is considered to be “The Godfather” of moderators. A Marlon Brando with a blue wrench. 👤
That's why I have the wrench emoji in the title. Moderators are given a wrench emoji to perform repetitive & peace-making tasks. They help a channel filter spam or trolling or hateful comments that viewers post in the comment section during livestreams. They help out, like A LOT!!!
If some YouTube creator trusts you enough to be a moderator, then that is a very extreme compliment to give. That means they trust you will be FAIR & open-minded, welcoming yet discerning, all at the same time. They trust you to keep their paid members. To extend open arms to those that pay monthly fees. To learn to discriminate the innocent comments from those that are malicious. To be aware & assist everyone – subscribers AND creators – to actually have a good time on the channel.
So that is why he is considered to be “The Modfather” of moderators on slot channels. It may be a very insignificant thing to do for the average folks who come into the chats, but believe me when I tell you that you need to be a MULTI-TASKER extraordinaire!
And that is what he is! 🔧
So that is why I jumped at the chance to meet this legend. I wanted to see in person the man & the myth. Turns out he is extremely humble & fun-loving & not pretentious… at all. Very down-to-earth. Very kind. Listening carefully to people’s questions at the dinner table. Not much of a big boaster. Just thoughtful & extremely funny. Probably a higher IQ than most of the people he comes into contact with but he definitely won't shove that fact into people's faces. He may be a tad smarter than most, but that insight will most likely come from someone else, not him.
Rather normal & also extraordinary at the same time. I can believe that while watching him in action now. It's absolutely possible to be both all at once.
So, dear Bradley…
A big hug & a big “Thank You” for your many years of dedicated & oftentimes vastly under-rated service to YouTube!
It was an honor meeting you. Trust me when I say the pleasure was all mine.
BTW, EVERYONE LOVES YOU! 💝
But with all due respect, please, can we clone you somehow? 😆
😍😍😍
OK, a shout-out to Rick, on the left in the 1st pic, son of Mary, from Hyltonslots1.
You know your NASCAR info, dude! You actually know so much trivia. So freaking knowledgeable! You can remember who took a punch or who threw one & probably, most likely, the time & date it happened & which road or race track it happened on. WOW! Not many fans like you have that memory retention! You definitely have a gift there, no doubt about that.
If you ever meet Kyle Busch in person, please tell him that he is the only man on my bucket list that I'd like to meet from NASCAR & that he is the only crush I've ever had in that sport. It has nothing to do with his wins. Only how he handles them. Some people may think he is an a**hole, but in my eyes, nothing but love… 😂
(BTW, you're SO verrryyy sweet). 💖
Next, your mom Mary (& your dad Jim who could not attend dinner). They have a new channel called Hyltonslots1.
Mary, you sat across from me at dinner & couldn't give a hoot that you were actually in my company. That's the kind of good people you are. I wrote about some very personal things & events that happened in my life & you literally were unfazed, in a beautiful way, mind you. I gave you a way out & told you not to worry. That I won't write about you if my name next to yours makes you feel uncomfortable. You didn't flinch.
Not ONE bit! You ACCEPTED me!
Unconditionally…
You reassured me that it was completely alright & you weren't embarrassed being in my presence. Your calmness around me was so grounded & it made me feel very centered.
That says volumes about your character.
VOLUMES!!! 📣📣📣
That is why you raising a blended family with your husband Jim makes so much sense now. When I see your thumbnail photo in the beginning of your videos that you post. Your pride in showing people how different you all look & being such a strong woman who doesn't care what others think. Just being true to your husband & your family. I honestly wish you nothing but success & growth with your channel. You deserve abundance, prosperity & multi-blended bonuses every time you sit at a slot machine!
Thank you for having such an open-minded & tolerant heart…
When I look at you, in my mind I see a flower-child all grown up. You & your husband have such gentle & loving hippie-heart vibrations!
We LOVE you both!!! 💞
Here is the link to their channel -
https://youtube.com/@hyltonslots1637
🌻💕🌻
So who's next? Well, let's see, the man with “Hitman” on his T-shirt is from the “C-Town Crew” of BDSlots.
Do NOT let this man's size fool you, people! He is a dynamo with moves that will rival anyone who has the balls to spontaneously burst into playfully carefree gestures. Especially his lil' mohawk dance! The fact he is wearing a T-shirt with his face & likeness smack dab right in the middle of his chest says something, right?
And no, it was not planned for him to sit right next to Bradley in order to conceive the catchy title I happened to create. It was all just the Universe plopping itself down & flowing contentedly in the perfect rhythm of this world.
Also, do not let his low-rolling keep you from believing that you can't win big on a small bet. You CAN! He doesn't mind showing he bets smaller. He really doesn't need to prove himself to be the biggest spender in order to have some fun in life. In my eyes, that makes him truly adorable. If I remember correctly, I think all of his handpays were on $1.50 bets or less. Also, he's got a slogan -
“ANY win is a GOOD win!”
Meaning he can cash out when he's just slightly up on a machine & still be happy. Even if it's not a handpay & he still made a tiny profit, he still considers it a great session.
Kind of like that saying “Hit it. Then quit it!” 🔨
Sounds like a true hitman, doesn't it? 😆
BTW, we ALL loovvveee him too!
🕶😎🕶
Just ask “Jenny from the Block,” who is sitting next to him!
They are 2 peas in a pod -
She loves low-rolling, just like him.
She is also a pint-sized dynamo, just like him.
She has also won the Grand on a tiny bet, just like him.
She breaks into spontaneous giggling, just like him.
She also has a smile that lights up large & can literally blind you across the room, just like him! 😁
Hey Jenny, when are you gonna give another slot machine tutorial with your deep thoughts & advice for players betting small? Inquiring minds want to know! 🤔
I loved the last one you did. If you ever do another one, try to challenge yourself & do a max bet tutorial. Somehow I think you will have more deep thoughts on that kind of session! 😂
WE ALL LOVE YOU!!! 💜
Uh oh… next people in the pic…
Yep, that's “Big Daddy” & the “Mrs. BD” from BDSlots!
These two made it all come together for that night. I am dead serious when I tell you that this husband & wife duo are the movers & shakers of pulling together a slot community. They helped organize everyone to come together to meet “The Modfather” & welcome him to our town! Literally wanting him to feel like a rock star when he arrives. Always thinking of new ways to stimulate others to take action & become part of their online family.
Many people don't know this, but they are the only people who have not been afraid to mention my blog to other viewers. They are the only people who have dropped a link to my essays. They are the only channel that said “Look, here's someone who deserves a shout-out.” They are the only channel to have pushed their egos aside to let someone else shine who didn't post slot videos. They are the only channel who reached out & said “We really want to meet you in person & get to know you!” They are the only channel to have shown the most gratitude for having someone promote them.
They are the only channel to make me feel like I actually have a Daddy & Mommy who said they were proud of my writing. 👪
Because of them, I don't quite feel as lost as I used to. Because of them, I feel like if I died tomorrow, my life has formed a full circle & has now become complete.
Thank you, Ron & Ang, for being another father & mother figure to me. Thank you for all the community posts you write when you take the time to elevate other people, not just yourselves. I know you don't have any kids & I'm a full-grown woman, but if you can find it in your hearts, can you please temporarily adopt me? Pleeasse? I wwuuvvv you… 😢
🙏💛🙏
Awww, geez... OK, I need a little time alone, right now. I'll come back soon. 😢
OK, I'm back. 😊
Lastly, but definitely not least, are the last two people on the far right of the photo.
Ed & Michelle from The Great Indoors with Ed and Michelle.
Another hubby/wife team on YouTube.
Holy Toledo! 💥
I just found out that very night that I graduated high school with Ed & we were in the same graduating class. Didn't know until now, but damn! Why I don't remember him is because it was a pretty decent size class & maybe the classroom gods did not put us together to participate in life during that time period.
But now they did! 😆
When I got home that night I looked through my yearbooks & searched for his pictures from each grade. They were all there. All the 4 years that we spent roaming the halls of that school. He was telling the truth!
Hahaaa… I know if he went to go look for my photos, there would only be 3. I confided in him that I never took a senior picture because I hated the way I looked. People thought I never graduated but I have my diploma proving it. I guess I just wanted to be a ghost in my final year.
👀😆👀
In all seriousness, the wifey sat next to me & we got to talking. Just small talk & getting to know each other with tiny bits of info. I found out she is just as supportive & works with him on his other business. Not everyone on YouTube makes tons of money from their channel so keeping a side business is the reality of a large percentage of creators that are out there.
Anyways, she told me how they both really cooperate with each other & how being there for him all the time & vice versa has truly made them tight as glue. Never doubting their commitment to each other. Always, always backing each other up. Always.
That's a very close couple, people.
Noone will ever put a wedge between those two, I can tell you right now. They ADORE each other. Even if they don't agree on everything (because no husband & wife always do), those 2 people showed me how strong bonds can be.
Talking with them gave me so many insights as to what makes a great team work. He mentioned the word balance & it stuck with me because that is one of the hardest qualities to cultivate when you've been with a spouse for so many years.
BALANCE!
But they do it.
Both of them. 👫
They are loyal to each other. They took their vows seriously. They make it work by working with each other every day they can. I really admire them, those two. They both still try to find goofiness in their adventures together. They haven't gotten sick of each other even after spending so much time working side-by-side.
They WANT to make it work.
So they do! 💑
Well, I'm looking at the clock now & realize it's taken me approximately 2 days to complete this story.
I'm going to finish by saying that the main reason I wrote this was because I think we all need a shout-out sometimes in life. Sometimes we all feel like nobody notices the good qualities we have because social media can be so competitive & we think everybody else has a better life than we do. People post pictures, people upload content, people keep being driven by the “likes” that this day & age has made us become accustomed to.
There are many people out there in this world who have no social media accounts & do not post anything at all. Maybe they secretly need a “like.” Maybe they want someone to say something good about them. Maybe they want someone to shout from the mountaintop the amazing qualities they have but don't want to appear selfish.
Maybe they want to shine but feel guilty because they've gotten used to the fact they don't.
Maybe they are still looking for that pat on the back that was supposed to be given to them years ago.
That's why I chose to mention each person in these photos & try to find redeeming qualities in each one. I know it would have been easier to criticize each one because I can be a pessimistic perfectionist, but I tried to make each one shine in their own way through my eyes.
I hope I accomplished just that.
I hope that when you look at all of them that you don't see some sort of ugliness that isn't really there. Whether it's really bad lighting or whether it's not at a high-end table with chandeliers & champagne or whether the clothing doesn't come from Saks Fifth Avenue or whether their faces or bodies just don't seem perfect enough to you.
I hope you see beauty, instead, because that is what I see… 🌹
I hope you see a photo of beautiful people with beautiful hearts & beautiful souls & beautiful minds.
And remember, I'm the one who wrote this story?
So if you read this, that's what you're going to end up seeing.
You're going to eventually end up seeing what I took the time to write about & see…
💛👀💛
I took some screenshots before bedtime.
This is by no means a post to brag about myself nor is it to show off any details about my writing. It is merely a reminder to clap for myself before I drift off to sleep to remind myself that growth comes in the most mysterious ways sometimes.
Some triple angel numbers came up again on today's stats. 5 minutes & 55 seconds. The average time someone spent on my site. It's really not that important to me how much time people take to browse my stories but any kind of triple angel numbers validate to me that maybe I am heading in the right direction. 💫
This above shot basically shows how erratic I am in terms of the last 30 days of my writing. Many people are interested maybe in the very beginning when you first post & then views drop off after that. It's never been a goal of mine to remain consistent or disciplined because I usually only write when the mood strikes me or I need to release something within my subconscious that's pushing forth an important memory. Also, I don't get paid for views or visits or links so my motivation isn't as high as it would be for someone else who actually has to make a living on those specific stats.
This is the shot that boggles my mind the most. The top couple of posts that received the most views are basically about YouTube channels that I wrote about to promote. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would ever start promoting people when I first opened an account on this website. But I needed to look for goodness again in people after the cruel assault to me after my suicide attempt. The main reason being I had lost all faith in humanity. So promoting people to me was the highest vibration I thought I could attain to in order for me not to become like the rest of the haters.
I honestly thought that just jotting down my life experiences would be enough to satisfy the writer in me. Just sharing true stories & memories about the ups & downs in my real life. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe it would be better if I went anonymous so I could have some peace when I walk out the door.
I guess only time will tell.
All I know is that if you are reading this & feel confused about the direction your life should take, always follow your instincts. If you have the urge to do something off the beaten path or out of the normal limits that society tries to put on you, go follow that urge!
Be true to yourself. It's YOUR life. Not anyone else's. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone except that person looking back at you in the mirror. 💄
💥💞💥
I've been listening to the Hearings on the Weaponization of the Federal Government the last couple of days.
All I can say is -
FINALLY!!! 💥
Someone is FINALLY listening…
There are targeted individuals who have been constantly harassed, stalked or violated across the world & here is a 100% chilling & creepy example of what some of them have had to endure.
Not surprised…
Typical gangstalking methods used to psychologically torture & gang up on people.
It's only 5:43 long.
PAY ATTENTION to the 5:07 mark! 💥
Thank you, House Judiciary Committee!
You have displayed outstanding passion & courage during this long & arduous process. My deepest & humblest gratitude for your service…
💯💖💯
It's weird because as I write this I think about how divinely protected we ALL are.
Not just me. But everyone.
However, flexing those universal & spiritual muscles takes repeated practice.
We just have to find our own personal way of connecting to the divine that is unique to us, that's all. We have to find our own way of accessing that other higher dimension.
Some people find inspiration in prayer, some find it in music, some find it in books, some find it in movies, some find it in the middle of an argument when a lightbulb in their brain goes off, some find it in meditation, some find it in volunteering for others, some find it in writing, some find it in a YouTube podcast, some find it in telling silly jokes, some find it in watching the news, some find it in sports, some find it in the midst of a screaming panic attack, some find it in silence, etc., etc.
You get the picture.
Some may even find it in a bowl of their breakfast cereal where they see the Virgin Mary & then decide to make millions & sell their original photo on Ebay? 🙄
Whatever floats your boat, is what I say.
You can all freely find YOUR own way. I will not judge. But then allow me to freely find MY way…
My way of connecting to the higher realms has always been through triple angel numbers. Yeah, I know, I know. You're rolling your eyes. You’ve already heard about it.
Well, Google it & you will see I'm not the only one out there. Everybody is coming out of the woodwork & explaining their fascination with them. And… more power to all of you. I now have more knowledge at my fingertips!
So... THANK YOU!!! Seriously, THANK YOU!!!
I ran into a sweet girl in the sauna last week. She had the year 2022 tattooed on her arm, but with a heart representing the middle number zero. It looked aesthetically pleasing because she chose to display her triple 2's in a way that showed some creative thought on her part.
The 2❤22 on her arm jumped out at me because I am constantly on the lookout for these angel signs. Maybe it is an obsession with me. Maybe I tend to be a little more vigilant than others with them. Maybe I have a touch of OCD.
That's OK. In my book, I'd rather be more obsessed with angel numbers than performing Satanic rituals or pricking voodoo dolls.
Anyways, the girl & I spoke for a little bit.
(Actually, she was over 21 but she very much looked alot younger than her age).
She explained why the numbers had meaning to her. Why she chose the specific ones she had. We exchanged small tidbits of info between us. If I remember correctly, I mentioned to her that if you stop communicating how grateful you are to the ones in the spirit world who are looking out for you, then most likely they stop helping you because they feel unappreciated.
We chatted for a bit & then I left the sauna quietly to take a shower.
The only reason I'm posting this is in all honesty just a way of displaying a HUGE gratitude to all the angels who listen to my questions & then answer me. The questions I've been grappling with internally. The questions I’m afraid to ask out loud. The questions nobody really hears.
Why???
Probably because I'm too afraid to ask the people around me because – I'M ALWAYS TALKING TO MY ANGELS!!! 😂
That's all this post is, BTW.
A HUGE & MASSIVE…
TTHHAAAANNNKKK YYYOOOUUU!!!
After cleaning my phone today. 😍
Anyways, back to the whole gratitude spiel…
I figured if people are constantly putting themselves out there on social media, what better way to promote the angels as well?
So, just in case you forgot & totally did NOT understand anything I wrote at all -
🌟If you are in need of angels surrounding you at all times, here is the promo code for accessing them🌟 -
CODE: THANK YOU!
Eleven minutes later at a stop light. 😆
Again…
CODE: THANK YOU!
💛😉💛
There are people who stick out in your life who do things that you never knew anyone was capable of.
They may be simple gestures.
They may be huge & grandiose & larger than life.
They may be just small enough that pass under the radar & are barely noticeable.
Whichever category they fall into, you are the one that remembers because it meant something to you. Maybe nobody else noticed it, but you did.
Here is a special birthday tribute to a woman who has a birthday tomorrow. She is shown sitting next to her husband in this picture. They are from the YouTube channel BDSlots. One of the most giving, loving, supportive, generous & funny-as-frick husband & wife duos of the slot community! 🤗
(I apologize for the blurriness of the photo but it was the best my husband could do at the time when he took it a couple of weeks ago).
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT know Neil Young. But today, in my mind I do: 😆
ME – “Hey Neil, can you please sing a special birthday tribute to someone with a reeeeallyyyyy big heart? It has to be special, though. Not the usual song, you know? It doesn't have to be super upbeat. Nothing fake. Nothing fancy. Just simple.”
NEIL – “Sure, Anita. Anything you want. Can you give me an idea of what specific speed or style you need?”
ME – “Yeah, like I said. Simple. Heartfelt. Maybe a little sappy & slow. Like me. No dancing or choreography needed. Something pure & golden.”
NEIL – “OK. I think I got one. It's been around for awhile. People might think it's kind of outdated, though. But I've got the perfect idea. I'll play my harmonica & guitar & just sit on a chair, if that's OK with you?”
ME – “Perfect, Neil. Absolutely brilliant! Just your voice, that's all I need. As long as it's just your voice.”
NEIL – “Awesome, let's do it then… Let's go for it! I hope she sees it.”
ME – “Yay, I can't wait! I'm getting really excited, but I'm nervous at the same time. What if she doesn't like it?”
NEIL – “Oh, geez girl… No worries. Seriously. Everything is gonna be fine. Just stop worrying, OK??? I just have one question before I start. Can I ask you one thing before I play?”
ME – “Sure, what is it?”
NEIL – “What makes her so special that you had to hire ME to perform for her?”
ME – “Oh, that's an easy answer.”
She just made me feel included, that's all.
That's what her & her husband do best. They include people. They make others feel like they have a family. Especially the ones who really don't feel like they have one.
I guess you could say…
“THEY BOTH HAVE A HEART OF GOLD” 💛
P.S. Happy Birthday, Ang! Please click on the link above & enjoy. 🍰
You & Ron are as rare as they come. I love you both!
💛💛💛
When you sit at a machine & your triple angel numbers come up on a win…
Never take for granted your invisible helpers in the spiritual realm. Always take time to acknowledge & be grateful for the loved ones who are watching over you.
It may be a small win for someone else, but for the believers in angels & spirits, it's nothing but BIG!
Always say “Thank You” …
Then quietly move on & know within your heart that divine forces were just accessed in accordance with the timing of the Universe.
💫💛💫
I reactivated my old essays from Medium & was just browsing some writers I had followed years ago.
There was a brief post from a woman who was struggling with being gangstalked. She had a child to take care of & was obviously trying to cope in spite of it. She was really in a terrible funk when I came across her writing. There were some exchanges & some brief comments we wrote to each other. That is when I think that writing can be the most healing. When you don't realize how much of an impact you might have on a stranger until they tell you. Then it dawns on you that maybe you really have been doing something of value in this world all along. But it takes a complete stranger to show you that.
Well, I was thinking to myself “Did I do the right thing by opening up my account again? Will it open up any old wounds that I've been carrying? Will it trigger more panic attacks?”
Then I happened to come across 5 words that this lady wrote in response to the situations she was experiencing in life.
BAM!!! 👊
I finally realized that fear will control you if you let it. That my past made me who I am today & I am not ashamed of who I became because of it. I am not the same me I was yesterday & will most likely not be the same person tomorrow.
I really like who I am! 😏
It's the people who constantly tore me down all the time & guilted me for being alive & surviving & writing about it. The ones who did not appreciate my presence. The ones who didn't feel like I deserved another chance in life. The ones who didn't understand near-death experiences or brain trauma or brain damage. The ones who had no compassion.
So I bought into their hatred.
I'm not buying into their hatred anymore.
😂 The most meaningful five words I came across tonight… 😂
Thank You & BRAVO, Mimi Toya!!!
I LOVE YOU…
👏👏💖👏👏
I went out with my husband for a couple hours last night & came home to the front door’s top bolt unlocked.
We have 2 bolts to our door. One upper & one lower. We ALWAYS lock both bolts when we leave the house.
The obvious sign was that there was no resistance or push to the top bolt that is usually there when a bolt is locked. When I turned it there was an effortless & loose feeling to it which meant that it was clearly in an unlocked position. The keys we have are special patented, restricted & “Do Not Duplicate” ones. Noone, and I mean NOONE, can gain access to our house keys unless you have authorization from us (& only us) to give permission to our locksmith.
THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE COME HOME TO AN UNLOCKED DOOR IN OUR HOUSE!!! 😯
I remember once coming home to the back door wide open leading to the patio when I know for sure it was closed by me before leaving. Because I have been physically assaulted in the past, I tend to be a little more vigilant & more aware than normal. Always checking every single window & door before I exit my house.
Hypothetically, someone could have come through the back so as not to alarm the neighbors, unlocked the top bolt & exited through the back again.
Because nothing of importance looked missing, the only reasonable deduction is that it was meant to scare me & make me feel unsafe in my own home.
Well, geez, what do you think happened? Of course, another panic attack! It felt like I was violated, trespassed & harassed, all at the same time. Yet another intimidation incident occurring again.
Repeatedly…
Possibly another bullying tactic used by gangstalkers? I've done enough research on gangstalking to know that invading a victim's home while gone is a subtle way to let the victim whom they are stalking know that they are watching them. A sign of sadistic tendencies. Taking pleasure in seeing someone else being tortured.
Well, guess what?
IT'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!!
So many despicable acts of trying to trespass, violate & harass someone in their home – a very malicious & cowardly way to inflict psychological harm on someone.
It's cowardly because you are not confronting anyone at all. You are hiding behind some facade where I don't know what you look like or sound like, but you know what I look like. No touching, but silent, creepy & gaslighting tactics.
This 2-year old post from Reddit was written from another victim going through similar circumstances as myself. It was a few years ago & I have no idea if they are going through it still. But the fact they were reaching out online & looking for answers & questioning why this was happening means I am not alone. There are others suffering & trying to ask for help. Just putting puzzle pieces together to try & connect the dots, that’s all.
And to top it off, I'm a fragile 125-lb. 58-year old woman. Where's the fairness in that? Are you a man, a woman, a child, an older or younger person? Who are YOU? How big & imposing are YOU? Or are you just small & menacing but want to instill fear in someone else? What do YOU look like?
Oh, and WHERE do YOU live??? 🏡
What if I died from a heart attack because of the sheer terror of knowing a stranger was in my house while gone? Then it would be a no-hands-on, no-touch murder.
It is NOT a safe feeling to come home to an unlocked door!
Period!!!
I do not feel safe.
I'm tired. 🙁
I'm so very tired of this happening to me…
It is my absolute civil & constitutional right to feel 100% safe & protected in my own home.
Just like YOU! And everyone else that lives in this world.
I don't want to be violated anymore.
All I want is peace…
😔💝😔
P.S. On the positive side, I think it may have motivated me to reactivate my essays again on my Medium account for other victims to read & feel less alone. Even if for a little bit, maybe it will inspire another gangstalking victim. 💘
I deactivated my Medium account approximately 2 months ago to test myself on a psychological level.
The reason being is that I had pictures of my bruises & my scar after my attack in the hospital. Logging in every other day or so & having to see the pictures of them all over again gave me lots of anxiety. It felt like I was reliving it every time I logged in. Which definitely didn't help with my panic attacks.
It actually made them worse.
So I didn't want to repeat the trauma every other day.
It's interesting how others will perceive you & always look for the worst instead of the best in your actions. Some people thought I lied & took down my essays for fear of being embarrassed. Others thought I was ruthless or cold-hearted for abandoning my online friends or followers.
Well, you know the saying “Out of sight. Out of mind?” Right? Just like closing down my Facebook account & not having to deal with hackers anymore. 🙈
Let me tell you this from my side of the fence. I just simply need to heal psychologically, that's all. Nothing more complicated than that. I can reactivate my account & show those essays again if I choose to because it is a personal choice. But I know in my heart that keeping up those pictures right now will not help me move on & heal.
Nor did I write about it to gain a following. That was just a by-product of the social media world we live in. It seems like you can’t post anything nowadays without there being some kind of ridiculous algorithm that is built in to determine how popular someone is.
The only reason I chose to speak up about my assault was because I needed others to know the truth. And when I was denied a surveillance video that shows the truth, I felt it was my responsibility to speak up. There were other victims in that same hospital & I felt that they needed someone brave to be a mouthpiece for them as well.
So I chose to be brave.
(Even when I didn't feel it myself).
I literally made a promise to God after I was released & all I can say is I fulfilled that promise. Posting those stories was my way of keeping that pact. My promise to do something for a higher cause & the good of the planet was more important to me.
Risking looking like a fool, I had to be true to myself.
I look back & think that maybe I could have done things differently.
But I'm glad I didn't.
The hospital has since closed down.
No more house of horrors.
💔🙈💔