Anita-Corbo

I took some screenshots before bedtime.

This is by no means a post to brag about myself nor is it to show off any details about my writing. It is merely a reminder to clap for myself before I drift off to sleep to remind myself that growth comes in the most mysterious ways sometimes.

Some triple angel numbers came up again on today's stats. 5 minutes & 55 seconds. The average time someone spent on my site. It's really not that important to me how much time people take to browse my stories but any kind of triple angel numbers validate to me that maybe I am heading in the right direction. 💫

This above shot basically shows how erratic I am in terms of the last 30 days of my writing. Many people are interested maybe in the very beginning when you first post & then views drop off after that. It's never been a goal of mine to remain consistent or disciplined because I usually only write when the mood strikes me or I need to release something within my subconscious that's pushing forth an important memory. Also, I don't get paid for views or visits or links so my motivation isn't as high as it would be for someone else who actually has to make a living on those specific stats.

This is the shot that boggles my mind the most. The top couple of posts that received the most views are basically about YouTube channels that I wrote about to promote. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would ever start promoting people when I first opened an account on this website. But I needed to look for goodness again in people after the cruel assault to me after my suicide attempt. The main reason being I had lost all faith in humanity. So promoting people to me was the highest vibration I thought I could attain to in order for me not to become like the rest of the haters.

I honestly thought that just jotting down my life experiences would be enough to satisfy the writer in me. Just sharing true stories & memories about the ups & downs in my real life. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe it would be better if I went anonymous so I could have some peace when I walk out the door.

I guess only time will tell.

All I know is that if you are reading this & feel confused about the direction your life should take, always follow your instincts. If you have the urge to do something off the beaten path or out of the normal limits that society tries to put on you, go follow that urge!

Be true to yourself. It's YOUR life. Not anyone else's. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone except that person looking back at you in the mirror. 💄

💥💞💥

I've been listening to the Hearings on the Weaponization of the Federal Government the last couple of days.

All I can say is -

FINALLY!!! 💥

Someone is FINALLY listening…

There are targeted individuals who have been constantly harassed, stalked or violated across the world & here is a 100% chilling & creepy example of what some of them have had to endure.

Not surprised…

Typical gangstalking methods used to psychologically torture & gang up on people.

It's only 5:43 long.

PAY ATTENTION to the 5:07 mark! 💥

Thank you, House Judiciary Committee!

You have displayed outstanding passion & courage during this long & arduous process. My deepest & humblest gratitude for your service…

💯💖💯

It's weird because as I write this I think about how divinely protected we ALL are.

Not just me. But everyone.

However, flexing those universal & spiritual muscles takes repeated practice.

We just have to find our own personal way of connecting to the divine that is unique to us, that's all. We have to find our own way of accessing that other higher dimension.

Some people find inspiration in prayer, some find it in music, some find it in books, some find it in movies, some find it in the middle of an argument when a lightbulb in their brain goes off, some find it in meditation, some find it in volunteering for others, some find it in writing, some find it in a YouTube podcast, some find it in telling silly jokes, some find it in watching the news, some find it in sports, some find it in the midst of a screaming panic attack, some find it in silence, etc., etc.

You get the picture.

Some may even find it in a bowl of their breakfast cereal where they see the Virgin Mary & then decide to make millions & sell their original photo on Ebay? 🙄

Whatever floats your boat, is what I say.

You can all freely find YOUR own way. I will not judge. But then allow me to freely find MY way…

My way of connecting to the higher realms has always been through triple angel numbers. Yeah, I know, I know. You're rolling your eyes. You’ve already heard about it.

Well, Google it & you will see I'm not the only one out there. Everybody is coming out of the woodwork & explaining their fascination with them. And… more power to all of you. I now have more knowledge at my fingertips!

So... THANK YOU!!! Seriously, THANK YOU!!!

I ran into a sweet girl in the sauna last week. She had the year 2022 tattooed on her arm, but with a heart representing the middle number zero. It looked aesthetically pleasing because she chose to display her triple 2's in a way that showed some creative thought on her part.

The 2❤22 on her arm jumped out at me because I am constantly on the lookout for these angel signs. Maybe it is an obsession with me. Maybe I tend to be a little more vigilant than others with them. Maybe I have a touch of OCD.

That's OK. In my book, I'd rather be more obsessed with angel numbers than performing Satanic rituals or pricking voodoo dolls.

Anyways, the girl & I spoke for a little bit.

(Actually, she was over 21 but she very much looked alot younger than her age).

She explained why the numbers had meaning to her. Why she chose the specific ones she had. We exchanged small tidbits of info between us. If I remember correctly, I mentioned to her that if you stop communicating how grateful you are to the ones in the spirit world who are looking out for you, then most likely they stop helping you because they feel unappreciated.

We chatted for a bit & then I left the sauna quietly to take a shower.

The only reason I'm posting this is in all honesty just a way of displaying a HUGE gratitude to all the angels who listen to my questions & then answer me. The questions I've been grappling with internally. The questions I’m afraid to ask out loud. The questions nobody really hears.

Why???

Probably because I'm too afraid to ask the people around me because – I'M ALWAYS TALKING TO MY ANGELS!!! 😂

That's all this post is, BTW.

A HUGE & MASSIVE…

TTHHAAAANNNKKK YYYOOOUUU!!!

After cleaning my phone today. 😍

Anyways, back to the whole gratitude spiel…

I figured if people are constantly putting themselves out there on social media, what better way to promote the angels as well?

So, just in case you forgot & totally did NOT understand anything I wrote at all -

🌟If you are in need of angels surrounding you at all times, here is the promo code for accessing them🌟 -

CODE: THANK YOU!

Eleven minutes later at a stop light. 😆

Again…

CODE: THANK YOU!

💛😉💛

There are people who stick out in your life who do things that you never knew anyone was capable of.

They may be simple gestures.

They may be huge & grandiose & larger than life.

They may be just small enough that pass under the radar & are barely noticeable.

Whichever category they fall into, you are the one that remembers because it meant something to you. Maybe nobody else noticed it, but you did.

Here is a special birthday tribute to a woman who has a birthday tomorrow. She is shown sitting next to her husband in this picture. They are from the YouTube channel BDSlots. One of the most giving, loving, supportive, generous & funny-as-frick husband & wife duos of the slot community! 🤗

(I apologize for the blurriness of the photo but it was the best my husband could do at the time when he took it a couple of weeks ago).

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT know Neil Young. But today, in my mind I do: 😆

ME – “Hey Neil, can you please sing a special birthday tribute to someone with a reeeeallyyyyy big heart? It has to be special, though. Not the usual song, you know? It doesn't have to be super upbeat. Nothing fake. Nothing fancy. Just simple.”

NEIL – “Sure, Anita. Anything you want. Can you give me an idea of what specific speed or style you need?”

ME – “Yeah, like I said. Simple. Heartfelt. Maybe a little sappy & slow. Like me. No dancing or choreography needed. Something pure & golden.”

NEIL – “OK. I think I got one. It's been around for awhile. People might think it's kind of outdated, though. But I've got the perfect idea. I'll play my harmonica & guitar & just sit on a chair, if that's OK with you?”

ME – “Perfect, Neil. Absolutely brilliant! Just your voice, that's all I need. As long as it's just your voice.”

NEIL – “Awesome, let's do it then… Let's go for it! I hope she sees it.”

ME – “Yay, I can't wait! I'm getting really excited, but I'm nervous at the same time. What if she doesn't like it?”

NEIL – “Oh, geez girl… No worries. Seriously. Everything is gonna be fine. Just stop worrying, OK??? I just have one question before I start. Can I ask you one thing before I play?”

ME – “Sure, what is it?”

NEIL – “What makes her so special that you had to hire ME to perform for her?”

ME – “Oh, that's an easy answer.”

She just made me feel included, that's all.

That's what her & her husband do best. They include people. They make others feel like they have a family. Especially the ones who really don't feel like they have one.

I guess you could say…

“THEY BOTH HAVE A HEART OF GOLD” 💛

P.S. Happy Birthday, Ang! Please click on the link above & enjoy. 🍰

You & Ron are as rare as they come. I love you both!

💛💛💛

When you sit at a machine & your triple angel numbers come up on a win…

Never take for granted your invisible helpers in the spiritual realm. Always take time to acknowledge & be grateful for the loved ones who are watching over you.

It may be a small win for someone else, but for the believers in angels & spirits, it's nothing but BIG!

Always say “Thank You” …

Then quietly move on & know within your heart that divine forces were just accessed in accordance with the timing of the Universe.

💫💛💫

I reactivated my old essays from Medium & was just browsing some writers I had followed years ago.

There was a brief post from a woman who was struggling with being gangstalked. She had a child to take care of & was obviously trying to cope in spite of it. She was really in a terrible funk when I came across her writing. There were some exchanges & some brief comments we wrote to each other. That is when I think that writing can be the most healing. When you don't realize how much of an impact you might have on a stranger until they tell you. Then it dawns on you that maybe you really have been doing something of value in this world all along. But it takes a complete stranger to show you that.

Well, I was thinking to myself “Did I do the right thing by opening up my account again? Will it open up any old wounds that I've been carrying? Will it trigger more panic attacks?”

Then I happened to come across 5 words that this lady wrote in response to the situations she was experiencing in life.

BAM!!! 👊

I finally realized that fear will control you if you let it. That my past made me who I am today & I am not ashamed of who I became because of it. I am not the same me I was yesterday & will most likely not be the same person tomorrow.

I really like who I am! 😏

It's the people who constantly tore me down all the time & guilted me for being alive & surviving & writing about it. The ones who did not appreciate my presence. The ones who didn't feel like I deserved another chance in life. The ones who didn't understand near-death experiences or brain trauma or brain damage. The ones who had no compassion.

So I bought into their hatred.

I'm not buying into their hatred anymore.

😂 The most meaningful five words I came across tonight… 😂

Thank You & BRAVO, Mimi Toya!!!

I LOVE YOU…

👏👏💖👏👏

I went out with my husband for a couple hours last night & came home to the front door’s top bolt unlocked.

We have 2 bolts to our door. One upper & one lower. We ALWAYS lock both bolts when we leave the house.

The obvious sign was that there was no resistance or push to the top bolt that is usually there when a bolt is locked. When I turned it there was an effortless & loose feeling to it which meant that it was clearly in an unlocked position. The keys we have are special patented, restricted & “Do Not Duplicate” ones. Noone, and I mean NOONE, can gain access to our house keys unless you have authorization from us (& only us) to give permission to our locksmith.

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE COME HOME TO AN UNLOCKED DOOR IN OUR HOUSE!!! 😯

I remember once coming home to the back door wide open leading to the patio when I know for sure it was closed by me before leaving. Because I have been physically assaulted in the past, I tend to be a little more vigilant & more aware than normal. Always checking every single window & door before I exit my house.

Hypothetically, someone could have come through the back so as not to alarm the neighbors, unlocked the top bolt & exited through the back again.

Because nothing of importance looked missing, the only reasonable deduction is that it was meant to scare me & make me feel unsafe in my own home.

Well, geez, what do you think happened? Of course, another panic attack! It felt like I was violated, trespassed & harassed, all at the same time. Yet another intimidation incident occurring again.

Repeatedly…

Possibly another bullying tactic used by gangstalkers? I've done enough research on gangstalking to know that invading a victim's home while gone is a subtle way to let the victim whom they are stalking know that they are watching them. A sign of sadistic tendencies. Taking pleasure in seeing someone else being tortured.

Well, guess what?

IT'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!!

So many despicable acts of trying to trespass, violate & harass someone in their home – a very malicious & cowardly way to inflict psychological harm on someone.

It's cowardly because you are not confronting anyone at all. You are hiding behind some facade where I don't know what you look like or sound like, but you know what I look like. No touching, but silent, creepy & gaslighting tactics.

This 2-year old post from Reddit was written from another victim going through similar circumstances as myself. It was a few years ago & I have no idea if they are going through it still. But the fact they were reaching out online & looking for answers & questioning why this was happening means I am not alone. There are others suffering & trying to ask for help. Just putting puzzle pieces together to try & connect the dots, that’s all.

And to top it off, I'm a fragile 125-lb. 58-year old woman. Where's the fairness in that? Are you a man, a woman, a child, an older or younger person? Who are YOU? How big & imposing are YOU? Or are you just small & menacing but want to instill fear in someone else? What do YOU look like?

Oh, and WHERE do YOU live??? 🏡

What if I died from a heart attack because of the sheer terror of knowing a stranger was in my house while gone? Then it would be a no-hands-on, no-touch murder.

It is NOT a safe feeling to come home to an unlocked door!

Period!!!

I do not feel safe.

I'm tired. 🙁

I'm so very tired of this happening to me…

It is my absolute civil & constitutional right to feel 100% safe & protected in my own home.

Just like YOU! And everyone else that lives in this world.

I don't want to be violated anymore.

All I want is peace…

😔💝😔

P.S. On the positive side, I think it may have motivated me to reactivate my essays again on my Medium account for other victims to read & feel less alone. Even if for a little bit, maybe it will inspire another gangstalking victim. 💘

I deactivated my Medium account approximately 2 months ago to test myself on a psychological level.

The reason being is that I had pictures of my bruises & my scar after my attack in the hospital. Logging in every other day or so & having to see the pictures of them all over again gave me lots of anxiety. It felt like I was reliving it every time I logged in. Which definitely didn't help with my panic attacks.

It actually made them worse.

So I didn't want to repeat the trauma every other day.

It's interesting how others will perceive you & always look for the worst instead of the best in your actions. Some people thought I lied & took down my essays for fear of being embarrassed. Others thought I was ruthless or cold-hearted for abandoning my online friends or followers.

Well, you know the saying “Out of sight. Out of mind?” Right? Just like closing down my Facebook account & not having to deal with hackers anymore. 🙈

Let me tell you this from my side of the fence. I just simply need to heal psychologically, that's all. Nothing more complicated than that. I can reactivate my account & show those essays again if I choose to because it is a personal choice. But I know in my heart that keeping up those pictures right now will not help me move on & heal.

Nor did I write about it to gain a following. That was just a by-product of the social media world we live in. It seems like you can’t post anything nowadays without there being some kind of ridiculous algorithm that is built in to determine how popular someone is.

The only reason I chose to speak up about my assault was because I needed others to know the truth. And when I was denied a surveillance video that shows the truth, I felt it was my responsibility to speak up. There were other victims in that same hospital & I felt that they needed someone brave to be a mouthpiece for them as well.

So I chose to be brave.

(Even when I didn't feel it myself).

I literally made a promise to God after I was released & all I can say is I fulfilled that promise. Posting those stories was my way of keeping that pact. My promise to do something for a higher cause & the good of the planet was more important to me.

Risking looking like a fool, I had to be true to myself.

I look back & think that maybe I could have done things differently.

But I'm glad I didn't.

The hospital has since closed down.

No more house of horrors.

💔🙈💔

EDITED APPROXIMATELY 99 TIMES! 😂

I promised to give more mentions to some YouTube channels that were my saving grace when I was in my bedroom suffering from severe panic attacks.

If you have read some of my blog, you already know that I've written about some other channels before. These are some past posts I've done listed in the chronological order I wrote them. They are included as my saviors by default in addition to the ones I’ve listed at the end of this post: 😁

https://write.as/anita-corbo/my-promotion-for-a-big-hearted-gambler

https://write.as/anita-corbo/a-raunchy-youtube-chat

https://write.as/anita-corbo/my-auld-lang-syne-for-2022

https://write.as/anita-corbo/a-rowdy-youtube-channel

OK, now here are a couple posts that I've written that I've added after this original post. 😁

https://write.as/anita-corbo/a-modfather-and-a-hitman

https://write.as/anita-corbo/ron-gambles

I needed to add them because it brought me so much joy meeting them in person & they deserve that special shout-out because I experienced them in the flesh, not just online. 🤗

Well, there are more I wanted to list. They are in no order of favoritism but the ones that may have engaged with me or replied to my comments or in a chat for some bit. My original intention was to write a separate story about each one. How they affected me & how each one had their own unique way of lighting up the screen certain days or nights. But I realized how time-consuming that would be & it would take me many, many months to complete such a project. A daunting task, for sure.

So, here are some links to their channels down below. You can pick & choose them in respect to your personal tastes. They are all different & special in some way. All of them have certain qualities that make them stick out from each other. I personally prefer the ones that make me laugh a little & welcome me like a friend.

Also, if you are a slot channel & your name is not on this list it is because there are truly SO, SO many of you guys & it's literally impossible to keep up with you all. My eyes start going bonkers & I get headaches if I watch videos for too long. So please don’t take anything personally – at all. My sincere apologies. I'm only human, for Pete's sake. 😒

For those of you listed…

Lo & behold, you appeared on my screen. You entertained me, made me laugh my ass off at times & you made it all look so easy. I know there was alot of hard work you put in to doing it. Alot of time & alot of effort…

You're all gems to me!!! 💍

You make life more colorful!!! 🎨

You're all a little nuts!!! 🙃 (In a good way)!

Including the moderators, too…

If I didn’t mention at least one moderator who is just as generous & welcoming & funny & kind, then I would not be doing this tribute its full justice.

So… Laura S., this one is for you – 💞💞💞

I've never seen a moderator as sweet as this one. Every now & then she gifts memberships during live chats. (But please do NOT take advantage of her generosity & expect it all the time. She has a budget like everyone else, OK?) Her most outstanding quality is that she takes her time to welcome people into the chat. Never did I feel shunned when I joined a livestream with her. Never did I feel like I didn't belong. She makes EVERYONE feel special. Unless you’re a mean troll just jumping in to say derogatory comments about the stream & its creator, she will definitely say a brief “Hi”. Such a blessing to the slot community! She is a gifted moderator, believe me! A true gift… 🎀

Let's see, some more moderators I'd like to mention – Omar B., Rick T., Julie H., QC C., Pam W., Pam C., Kayla E., Sami H., Slotty Math, Stephanie G., Val M., NES, Nightbot, 420, Cindy A., Queenbee, Rayven, John Ars., ToT's, Little Dutchie, KK, Bradley J., Becky A., Nick J., Ron's V., Charolina. You all put me in stitches sometimes with your sarcastic chat comments! Much appreciated because everyone needs stitches like that sometimes. 😅

While I mention some moderators, I might as well mention the strangers I come into contact with during live chats who are always a blast to hang with online. They make you feel like you’re literally at a party, sipping wine or a beer or tequila (or even a coffee or water or whatever floats your boat). Joking about their lives or making comments about the star of the stream in a lovable way. They have formed their own little family of sorts. A sweet little sanctuary where you can mingle & just be yourself. If you’re not having a good day, they have a way of making you forget about it. Sometimes they pop in now & then & welcome you like a buddy & they totally get the silly jokes you make. They retort back with you. Witty, wild & wonderful!

KT-Slot, Jamal S., April D., Carlis L., Suzie, Lucky 7, Gary S., Anahit, Chris P., Tracey F., Wild B., Scotty H.

👀 (I'm not done here yet, BTW. Coming back again & reediting after I take a peek to look for more people so I don’t miss anyone. I accidentally erased some names while backspacing & typing. Also I’m leaving out last names because I don’t know how uncomfortable people are with that sort of thing). 👀

Without people like them, without people who have these channels, the world would stop spinning.

And I mean that. Literally.

Kind of like those line hits when the reels stop spinning. If only for just a little bit, once in awhile they stop spinning & you know you hit a jackpot.

You were the last spin saviors that gamblers need when there's no credit left in the machine. You know how it is, right? You all chant “SAVE IT!!!” when you just need one more line hit to make a comeback.

😂😂😂

Well, I feel like I hit the jackpot with all of you. I honestly do. I feel like you saved me on that last credit spin. I feel like you were all my last spin wager-savers. I feel like you helped me cash out on the biggest voucher of my life.

A voucher marked for JOY…

Because that is what you brought me all the weeks of watching you.

JOY!!!

So, a big thank you from the bottom of my heart, my gambling saviors. It was never really all about who won the most while I was watching you. It was more about…

…the JOY!

💚♠🍀♠💚

P.S. I’ve mentioned this before & I’ll say it again. Noone paid me to write this & I DO NOT receive any revenue from sharing links. Also, whoever subscribed to me on YouTube, a big “Thank You!” The fact that I am not starting a channel of my own but you still hit that subscribe button, you're definitely one of a kind! Love ya… 😆😘

ALSO WORTH A MENTION

If y'all don't get along & secretly hate each other, I had no idea. I just wrote down anyone who may have had a POSITIVE interaction with me or other people. Other than that, I'm totally neutral in your business affairs & judge absolutely NOONE. Y'all are self-professed gamblers, remember? People have the free will to choose what they want to do with their money. I honestly just wrote this because I wanted to uplift people, that's all. The drama behind closed doors is something y'all need to work out. I just wanted to simply have fun. Simple fun & happy times. Please, please… try to be kind & get along. No reason to be hating on other channels who are struggling just like you.

💖💁💖

OK, MY PERSONAL LIST:

(Also, some of these channels serve as moderators so a shout out for their multi-tasking skills!)

https://youtube.com/@InTheGame21

https://youtube.com/@BOMBASlots

https://youtube.com/@NJslotguy

https://youtube.com/@OldSchoolSlots

https://youtube.com/@psychicgambler9883

https://youtube.com/@HandpayJackpots

https://youtube.com/@GambleTheGlobe

https://youtube.com/@SammyDoesSlots

https://youtube.com/@callattendantslots

https://youtube.com/@JJGeneral1

https://youtube.com/@JJGeneral2

https://youtube.com/@WICKEDPENNY

https://youtube.com/@TheBigJackpot

https://youtube.com/@jackpotjackieslots

https://youtube.com/@VegasLowRoller

https://youtube.com/@valmarielovesslots9755

https://youtube.com/@LifeofaGambler

https://youtube.com/@TheSlotBandits

https://youtube.com/@RONSHARONluckyinlove

https://youtube.com/@creepyoldmanslots5817

https://youtube.com/@MrHandPay

https://youtube.com/@ReelTwinningSlots

https://youtube.com/@avalonslots

https://youtube.com/@NESscratcher

https://youtube.com/@NESslots

https://youtube.com/@LadyLuckHQ

https://youtube.com/@SuperSquirrel

https://youtube.com/@sassaslots

https://youtube.com/@GettingLuckywithMrG

https://youtube.com/@thegreatindoorswithedandmi7880

https://youtube.com/@DebbieLovesSlots

https://youtube.com/@SpanglishFun

https://youtube.com/@YoshiSlots

https://youtube.com/@barbaraplayinslots

https://youtube.com/@lovestruckgambling

https://youtube.com/@truthslots

https://youtube.com/@Goldie1

https://youtube.com/@ChrisAndLu

https://youtube.com/@JackpotJoeSlots

https://youtube.com/@PowerCoupleSlots

https://youtube.com/@GamblersUnknown

https://youtube.com/@SoCalSlots

https://youtube.com/@FredzSlotsnStuff

https://youtube.com/@magmag444

https://youtube.com/@ShinobiSlots

https://youtube.com/@samislots

https://youtube.com/@bigchannelenergy

https://youtube.com/@BigSlotter

https://youtube.com/@IvySlots

https://youtube.com/@RhinoManShow

https://youtube.com/@last2dollarsslots857I

https://youtube.com/@gam-blingmitzi

https://youtube.com/@slotjumpers

https://youtube.com/@DougieSlots

https://youtube.com/@ElvisEnterprises

https://youtube.com/@LotteryJunkie7467

https://youtube.com/@POPPOPSGAMING

https://youtube.com/@Str8UpSlots

https://youtube.com/@SlotSavvyPK

https://youtube.com/@JVegasSlots

https://youtube.com/@BrianOfDenverSlots

https://youtube.com/@VegasMatt

https://youtube.com/@TrendyTroylynSlots

https://youtube.com/@GalavantersSlots

https://youtube.com/@slotsandcocktails

https://youtube.com/@SlottybyNature

https://youtube.com/@PennyPincherSlots

https://youtube.com/@SoulotMates

https://youtube.com/@Itsaslotmachine

https://youtube.com/@AlbertsSlotChannel

💗🍀💗

Dear hubby,

Hey look! Remember the roses you gave me last night? Well, take a look. I'm regifting them back to you in the form of a corny post. Here, these are for you…

You're going to bed right now & I've decided to stay up a little longer just to write you something special. When you wake up, maybe you can take a peek & see what I've done.

First off, thank you for giving me an early Valentine's gift last night! That was so kind. I'm sorry if I didn't jump for joy or get too excited when you gave them to me. I was just so tired, that's all. But in reality & way deep down where it really counts, it felt really sweet.

I'm the one that always buys the cards in advance & tries to run around making sure that when you wake up, there's something special waiting for you by the coffee pot to put a smile on your face. Today, I just stayed in my room again. I didn't leave the house & I apologize.

So this is my gift to you.

This corny post.

I took a picture of the flowers you gave me & I'm giving them back to you. Kind of like a regifting. Except with written words. Almost like that post I wrote on Medium where I gave my anniversary roses to those bullies after my suicide attempt.

But this is Valentine's Day. So it's different.

I needed to let you know something. I needed you to hear how grateful I am to have crossed paths with you. I needed to do something extra out-of-the-ordinary to show how much I appreciate you.

The spiritual experts, gurus, teachers & masters all say that gratitude is the fastest way to manifest miracles in your life. They say that if you practice saying gratitude affirmations or simply saying “Thank You” to small things in your life or to those around you, your vibrational level changes.

I believe it.

I've practiced it silently or put on meditation music from YouTube & noticed a shift in my consciousness. There are days I don't consistently do it & I have definitely noticed a difference when I don't, but maybe just writing this will help. Even if for a little while.

The biggest quality I want you to know I appreciate you for this Valentine's Day is – your simplicity.

You're simple…

And by simple, I don't mean you're uneducated or dumb or not worldly or not sophisticated or not cool or you're behind-the-times.

You're just satisfied with what IS.

You don't have any social media profiles, you don't post anything online for the whole world to see, you don't have the highest digitally upgraded equipment in the house, you don't try to be famous for anything. You're just plain content to be in the background. You're humble. You just live your life. Day by day. One by one. Next moment to the next.

In that respect, I adore you.

They say opposites attract to balance each other out. Maybe so. Because look at all the social media posts I've written. Look at all the crazy stuff I've posted. You know it's all true. But still?

AND… then, there’s you.

Hahaaaaa… 😂😂😂

But you know about all of it & it doesn't seem to bother you somehow. You accept it. Or maybe you're just good at pretending it's OK.

I'm not quite sure. I honestly think it's because you knew I really needed some new & different friends after all I've been through.

THANK YOU FOR THAT!

Thank you for seeing my brokenness & my wanting to grow & reach out into the world to find joy again. To make new & exciting friends. To have fun this time around in my life. To take some risks. To laugh again the way I used to.

There are times when I wish you were just as flamboyant as I tend to be. I wish you would just come out of your shell & dance a little more in public. Be a little more spontaneous. But I can't wish you to be something that you're not. I can't change you. So I won’t.

Just like you can’t change me.

So… here is my grateful post letting you know how much I appreciate you. Even with all the differences we have, I still see similarities as well.

All I know is – I really do still love you.

I STILL do after all these years…

🌹💋🌹

P.S. Oops, I almost forgot. Happy Valentine's Day!