Elias

some of my thoughts and notes

We have to put our joy on self-start rather than push-start. If we need other people to push us to feel joy, we're doomed. We need to be able to self-start our joy, regardless of external circumstances.

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These days are truly crazy.

Just two weeks ago we were visiting Verdens Ende with Ryder. Two days later I started the new job and he went back home.

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I need you in my life and I don't need you in my life. I want you in my life.

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Maybe for most people this is obvious stuff, but for me this was a lot to take in at once. What is love? What is a relationship? Dr. Orion Taraban explains that Love has nothing to do with Relationships and what both of them mean.

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Purpose

Yep, I did it again. This time I got a copy of “Purpose” by Gina Bianchini. I think it's a book that shouldn't be left only to those who decide to buy it.

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There is a frame of thinking that I encountered in the last days that doesn't get out of my head. It's the frame that views dating and relationships as an extension of our free market economy. It feels insane but I can't ignore it. So I want to share my thoughts on it.

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Yesterday I listened to Eugen Drewermann talking about Dostoyevsky's perspective on money and power. I really enjoyed it and was surprised to learn that Dostoyevsky wrote Crime and Punishment in exile in Wiesbaden while I was on a train to Wiesbaden listening to a talk given in Wiesbaden, but most importantly I was reminded on how futile many of our ideas around money really are.

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I'm trying to recreate a new version of the transformation blend that you were using. As I remember it, it consisted mostly of Lime and Peppermint. I made three subtle changes to it:

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Last night I had some genuinely weird dreams. One was that I closed the door of my car, but it sounded weird and I looked at it and suddenly it was further in than usual, and additionally there was a second open door. I was confused, took a photo of it, so I could later double-check whether I was hallucinating, and wondered how I would close the second door when I'm inside the car.

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Back in the days when I was trying to find the perfect perfume for myself, my imagination of an ideal perfume was the smell of a fresh forest, mixing the scents of young pine needles with a hint of citrus, wood with a hint of bark, earth with a hint of mushrooms, leaves and flowers, and not too far away some scent from the sea.

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