gokigen

texts, systems, experiences

I dislike self-censorship both as an author and as a reader, but I respect individual right to filter the unwanted content. Therefore, I write this paragraph as a disclaimer: what goes below is the essay on the dream about sex. Be careful. There would be no graphic or textual representation of the sleep itself — in fact, the word “sex” can be interchanged for any other word for intimate or just friendly interpersonal activity without considerable impact on the ideas and conclusions of the essay. Besides, publicly discussing someone’s intimacy is by a lot of reasons considered improper, if not rude — but is it an intimacy, when it’s inside a dream? Are we all not inside a dream? Be aware that these questions would not be answered below.

Read more...

After a good-one-month postponement I’ve picked up the “Undoing Yourself” book and tried this meditative practice out. It’s pretty good! It is easier to get into than classic (aka poor man’s) mindfulness meditation where you’re supposed to sit and concentrate on breathing struggling to think nothing — and maybe being catered to the western neurotic-type mindset it deals with stress better. To no surprise – it’s author is an expert on body-oriented psychotherapy used here together with a light form of holotropic breathing. Wish I’d known it a couple of years back — so I gladly provide it here for the interested readers.

Preface: While the original book is easy to find and pretty fun to read, it’s language and mindset can be easily interpreted as aggressive to skeptical readers who probably won’t get far — personally I enjoy ‘quack scientist’-styled prose, especially when both illustrations and grammar are naive and touching, be that made on purpose or on occasion, but It’s the kind that is really not popular when you recommend it to people. But it’s methods are great — please do try them out for yourself.

Read more...

Today was a good day for me. I’ve finished basic phonetic course with a results just as good as I boldly expected – and performed in a performance I was nervous about. Don’t quite know how well, but surely not disastrous and that is a confidence booster. Later on I’ve encountered a lot of new and once-met people and discovered that I’m more popular than I’ve expected – and I’ve encountered them on a friendly and lively concert and that feels almost magickal, like an awakening. To complete that combo my cold is dying and I’m already close to the able-to-sing condition! Now all that’s left is a new book a lot of practice (and sleep).

Ночь пройдет пройдет пора ненастная, солнце взойдет

Oh, what a mess!

I’ve found myself at the point when I’m uncomfortable with english in casual conversations. Worries about grammar and proper sentences aside, language just stopped being second-in-line for thinking something up or grasping for similar words. I’m much more comfortable expanding simple questions in Japanese than with getting to the point with English — maybe that's snobbish, or maybe enthusiastic toward my new second main language. To be fair the situation reverses when it comes to written correspondence and texts, but this is always -uncharted-territory- less emotional and more logical — or formal (i.e. ritualistic).

Read more...

Today I’ve finally finished reading very hard book and finally overcame and survived a two-day feverish cold. It feels good to finally turn the page over — and start reading something else, so I’ve started two books — “Undoing yourself...” by S. Hyatt and “Пути познания Востока и Запада” (“Ways of knowledge in East and West”) by Evgeny Torchinov. I’m still reading Radov and some manga before I go to sleep and in the meantime, so all my language slots are occupied and I hope that’ll help to keep all languages in check.

Read more...

Many years ago I’ve encountered i2p and ignored it because I didn’t understand its concepts and saw no point in a separate, stub network accessible by a java application. As I’m re-discovering i2p now, I feel that was a shortsight. Separate networks are, maybe regrettably, a necessity.

Read more...

I wasn’t there to stop it when it happened — bully stuck her bag in a place she couldn’t reach and there wasn’t many people around so nobody really could help her or stop the act.

Read more...

It finally happened about a week ago now. I’ve clinged on to my backpack (stuffed with clothes to cover my body, meaningless papers to cover my ‘identity’, books and devices to fulfill my hunger for information) until fuel-burning monster birds finally carried me off where I intended to end up. Now I’m victoriously lying on the floor of a six-mat-sized room trying to blend in with it — I meant my current environment. The “Moon city” I’ve read about as a child. And I feel like one.

Read more...

How do I do? Last week until I'm leaving my a home-area (aka spawn location) for good half-a-year-or-more. Today I've run some kilometers just to grab free headphones on a giveaway from a generous stranger and to sell some books to another generous strangers. Also, my medical treatment is coming to an end – so now I officially survive and live as a creature more healthy than I was before. Biologically speaking, of course – still that may do as an achievement, unless I do anything more productive this month. But I hope I do!

Read more...

As I'm spending my last days in the capital visiting relatives, doing laundry selling things and from tomorrow finally trying to get cured, life's quite balanced and carefree. Current occupation: reading Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five and humming songs without lyrics. My activities are limited by insomnia and skin issues, yet that is no reason not to share potentially good information.

Read more...