dark encircled eyes blinking validly at me

flickers of ember are all that is left of the raging fire that once resided in my soul dying spark... smoke, relinquish control

when did this happen?

i remember i remember

i gave in, i played the game, i got married changed my name brought children magical little three i did exactly what they told me.

i finished school, got a degree one wasn’t enough, went for a doctorate in philosophy worked on my marriage for the greater good of the whole lost myself in the process, depleted soul

keep going, keep going chanting metal in my head what for what for most days I feel dead inside, it’s dull, lackluster, and hopeless forsaken thoughts, once my mind an impenetrable fortress

mothering perfection barely good enough at best can’t keep up, and yet too exhausted to rest

empty empty pointless conversations menial existence, steppingstone excavation

but every day, living with awareness of dying “break the mold,” she whispers “nah”, i answer, owned by them, forever complying

what would it take what would it take to oscillate in rhythm to an expansive harmonic motion? skipping across to find the one that aligns best, abundantly expansive commotion

organized chaotic rhythm, sound becoming time pressure, pressure to move time jump, leave this frequency behind

too fast, too slow no guidance on the navigation or on how and where to go

so i move forward and forward without looking back, luggage in hand, where i go, i take you with stop lagging get on my back

#shittypoetry #frequency #timehop #spiralout