I never want to go back to binging on online drama videos, loud gaming videos, or any shorts on YouTube or TikTok (I've never been on the latter BTW, but thank God I'm not), and similar content ever again.
I've never been more comfortable with a zen atmosphere than ever before. Even if I want to watch, read or listen to something on the internet, I just opt for slower-paced videos, articles, and calm music/podcasts. This is perhaps the biggest milestone in my life so far.
As an autistic person, not having constant noise in the environment you are in is tremendously tranquil. I hope not just autistic people, but all people get some peace and quiet for themselves every once in a while, if not for the rest of their lives. 🕊♡
I never realized that my body and soul needs to be in a library.
Every time I'm in a crowded mall, especially during weekends in the afternoon, I feel overwhelmed. People kept walking in and out without consistent pacing or direction, nor do they often have manners when they bump into me or not move out of the way when I need to pass though. People are also too fucking loud, especially those annoying kids when they goof off in public. I remember seeing a boy and his dumbass father making pterodactyl noises for fun while I was there drinking my decaf latte at Second Cup close by. I kept thinking to myself “Yall have no awareness, manners, self-control, or respect for other people...”.
My mind kept screaming “I want to get the fuck outta here PLEASE! I want to find someplace quieter”. But there was rarely any remotely quiet places in this noisy hellscape...
The other day, I try to build a habit of going to a library more often for a change of pace. And I often feel much more peaceful with that kind of environment. I can use the computers or just read some interesting books in the absence of people chatting or their fucking awful body odor. But there are times when kids come to the library after school hours and start running around and playing loudly (where's the librarian lady when we needed her to tell these kids to STFU? Once again, parents are failing to tech their children self-control and respect to people's peace...)
The library has calm me down quite a bit in a time of a major depressive episode. I didn't have to always be in the presence of obnoxious people, (including my family). I had a small place to myself, sensory speaking.
– v -
For many years, I was binging on countless random YouTube videos for most hours everyday. Videos like gameplays, drama videos, political news, and video essays.
Back then, I craved for constant stimulation. Otherwise I would feel bored to death. And whenever my family or other people in public wanted to talk to me or help them with somethings, I tend to get irritated and told them to leave me alone. All I cared about was the noise from my phone...
But since I've been progressing from addictive habits to more healthier ones like reading, journaling, and listening to music, I feel much more calm and less irritable. This time, my brain crave for relaxation and learning something meaningful.
Nowadays, I feel I don't even want to go back to the binging days ever again. I rather be in peace than being addicted to pointless and overwhelming activities.
