Recently, I made a habit of changing backgrounds on my Linux Mint desktop. I tend to get bored of looking at the same image in front of me over and over. So I decided to change backgrounds frequently.
I use backgrounds depending on my current moon or the time of the day.
When I feel happy, I use bright or vivid backgrounds.
But when I feel low, I use a more moody image.
As for the time of the day, obviously I use bright backgrounds like day time photos.
In the night, not only I use darker backgrounds, I also choose the ones that have little to no blue light elements on them.
You noticed these are photos from Japan, which is my recent special interest. Being immersed in Japanese culture makes me happy :)
Everyone around me, including my family, are crumbling on all levels. People are losing their sense of what matters and what's happening outside of their circle.
Am I crumbling as well...? Maybe not as much.
But I swear, I will get out of this sunken place sooner or later. I won't let anyone stop me.
I never want to go back to binging on online drama videos, loud gaming videos, or any shorts on YouTube or TikTok (I've never been on the latter BTW, but thank God I'm not), and similar content ever again.
I've never been more comfortable with a zen atmosphere than ever before. Even if I want to watch, read or listen to something on the internet, I just opt for slower-paced videos, articles, and calm music/podcasts. This is perhaps the biggest milestone in my life so far.
As an autistic person, not having constant noise in the environment you are in is tremendously tranquil. I hope not just autistic people, but all people get some peace and quiet for themselves every once in a while, if not for the rest of their lives. 🕊♡
Last year, I was having good progress of changing my habits for my physical and mental health, such as limiting social media or YouTube and eating healthier foods. As a result, my body was changing in positive ways.
But one outcome that I noticed is that my brain became more sensitive to noise or other sources of stress. I realized that I was desensitized for so many years until recently because I was put on sedative medications and I was having an unhealthy lifestyle. During that time, I craved for a lot of stimulation from the internet, hence my chronic phone addiction. And I thought of everything else as painfully boring, so I was trying to avoid them.
Now my brain seemed to be in a much better state. But this also led me to have an aversion to noisy people, crowds, and environments, as well as over-stimulating online content such as popular YouTube videos. On the other hand, I find myself enjoying relaxing activities and being in quiet places a lot more. I've been enjoying reading some books, and I no longer had the urge to stimulate myself with pointless media. My attention span has also improved, which means I can focus on slow-paced tasks and media so much better than before.
I think this state of mind is a lot better than the previous one, and I'm happy for it :)
The whole 'Dopamine Detox' is absolutely ineffective. You can't just go cold turkey and expect the process to go smoothly. Realistically, your brain needs time to adjust to the changes one by one.
Incrementally reduce your phone use and slowly adapt alternative habits. It may take weeks or even months, but you will get there. Just be patient :)
Whenever I think of a bittersweet topic, my train of thought often rapidly go from one sad topic to another, and eventually themes of the nature of existence, and death v_v .
I shed some tears every time afterwords :'( , and it’s uncomfortable. It even happens when I was having peaceful or happy thoughts beforehand.
I should have stuck to positive thoughts, but I just cannot do that. I'm unable to do that sometimes. But... is it healthy? Does this make me more self-conscious, and feel more empathetic towards others?
I never realized that my body and soul needs to be in a library.
Every time I'm in a crowded mall, especially during weekends in the afternoon, I feel overwhelmed. People kept walking in and out without consistent pacing or direction, nor do they often have manners when they bump into me or not move out of the way when I need to pass though. People are also too fucking loud, especially those annoying kids when they goof off in public. I remember seeing a boy and his dumbass father making pterodactyl noises for fun while I was there drinking my decaf latte at Second Cup close by. I kept thinking to myself “Yall have no awareness, manners, self-control, or respect for other people...”.
My mind kept screaming “I want to get the fuck outta here PLEASE! I want to find someplace quieter”. But there was rarely any remotely quiet places in this noisy hellscape...
The other day, I try to build a habit of going to a library more often for a change of pace. And I often feel much more peaceful with that kind of environment. I can use the computers or just read some interesting books in the absence of people chatting or their fucking awful body odor. But there are times when kids come to the library after school hours and start running around and playing loudly (where's the librarian lady when we needed her to tell these kids to STFU? Once again, parents are failing to tech their children self-control and respect to people's peace...)
The library has calm me down quite a bit in a time of a major depressive episode. I didn't have to always be in the presence of obnoxious people, (including my family). I had a small place to myself, sensory speaking.
– v -
For many years, I was binging on countless random YouTube videos for most hours everyday. Videos like gameplays, drama videos, political news, and video essays.
Back then, I craved for constant stimulation. Otherwise I would feel bored to death. And whenever my family or other people in public wanted to talk to me or help them with somethings, I tend to get irritated and told them to leave me alone. All I cared about was the noise from my phone...
But since I've been progressing from addictive habits to more healthier ones like reading, journaling, and listening to music, I feel much more calm and less irritable. This time, my brain crave for relaxation and learning something meaningful.
Nowadays, I feel I don't even want to go back to the binging days ever again. I rather be in peace than being addicted to pointless and overwhelming activities.
