I never want to go back to binging on online drama videos, loud gaming videos, or any shorts on YouTube or TikTok (I've never been on the latter BTW, but thank God I'm not), and similar content ever again.
I've never been more comfortable with a zen atmosphere than ever before. Even if I want to watch, read or listen to something on the internet, I just opt for slower-paced videos, articles, and calm music/podcasts. This is perhaps the biggest milestone in my life so far.
As an autistic person, not having constant noise in the environment you are in is tremendously tranquil. I hope not just autistic people, but all people get some peace and quiet for themselves every once in a while, if not for the rest of their lives. 🕊♡
Planning is a massive hurdle for me. Organizing my ideas and thoughts is hard on my cognition. And yet, this society wants me to adhere to their rigid and rigorous rules.
I'm expected to be methodical not only in a workplace, but also my creative works. As much as I tried to, I keep on having debilitating decision paralysis which prevents me from making major progress in my work.
As for my creative hobbies, I just draw and write anything spontaneously. I'd draw plants if I want to at the moment, and I'd write down my current painful emotions and trauma that I've been experiencing every once in a while.
I'm 'freestyling' this blog post as I write. Letting myself go without internal or external interference makes me feel at home with myself, with my own cognitive skills and spiritual energy. There's no judgement on how the end result looks and sounds like. No one's there to clown on me for my natural way of creating or how I feel about everything.
Spontaneous activities feels truly relaxing and freeing. If only there's a way to harness that in my potential major art projects or even in a workplace...
I realized that creativity is best drawn from spontaneity and authenticity. This is evident in freestyling rap and hip-hop culture at large. Rappers and artists do not care about what others think of them or their work/performance. What truly matters is speaking their truth and inspiring people. And that is what I am striving for.
Last year, I was having good progress of changing my habits for my physical and mental health, such as limiting social media or YouTube and eating healthier foods. As a result, my body was changing in positive ways.
But one outcome that I noticed is that my brain became more sensitive to noise or other sources of stress. I realized that I was desensitized for so many years until recently because I was put on sedative medications and I was having an unhealthy lifestyle. During that time, I craved for a lot of stimulation from the internet, hence my chronic phone addiction. And I thought of everything else as painfully boring, so I was trying to avoid them.
Now my brain seemed to be in a much better state. But this also led me to have an aversion to noisy people, crowds, and environments, as well as over-stimulating online content such as popular YouTube videos. On the other hand, I find myself enjoying relaxing activities and being in quiet places a lot more. I've been enjoying reading some books, and I no longer had the urge to stimulate myself with pointless media. My attention span has also improved, which means I can focus on slow-paced tasks and media so much better than before.
I think this state of mind is a lot better than the previous one, and I'm happy for it :)
You are having this fear of not knowing anything and everything.
And you want to find answers as to why terrible things have been happening to you right now.
So you seek sources of information, either from a person, a group, or a piece of media.
You begin to cling these sources of information and interpret them as ‘fact’, as they can appeal to your desire for truth as well as your emotions.
You start preaching these ideas to others, and often revolve your entire life to said ideas.
But when those ideologies reveal their flaws and start to affect you in negative ways, you flee from them.
And then you’re back to where you were before...
not knowing anything and everything.
Now, you start to questions your previous beliefs, and want a new perspective to explain reality ‘better’.
You start to consume information of topics such as ‘self-improvement’, ‘religious values’ ‘anarchism’, ‘conspiracy theories’, ‘extremist ideologies’, ‘nihilism’, etc...
You go from one subject or topic to another, yet there’s still no resolution to your questions nor your grim circumstances that propelled you to search for answers in the first place.
When will you find ‘truth’?
When will you find ‘happiness’?
When will this vicious cycle of not finding answers that you’re seeking end?
The whole 'Dopamine Detox' is absolutely ineffective. You can't just go cold turkey and expect the process to go smoothly. Realistically, your brain needs time to adjust to the changes one by one.
Incrementally reduce your phone use and slowly adapt alternative habits. It may take weeks or even months, but you will get there. Just be patient :)
Enabling ads in relaxing music mixes and visual video content is unacceptable. The presence of ads though-out a video destroys the purpose of delivering an experience that’s meant to be soothing and not be disruptive using loud sounds and fast-paced movements.
Either it’s YouTube that’s forcing ads into those videos, or creators deliberately enabled ads in their videos to reap the ad revenue. Either way, FUCK you both for doing this shit. And I will NEVER buy YouTube Music for an ad-free experience ever again. I should not be paying money for distraction free content (I'm looking at you Spotify and SoundCloud). It's criminal.
