pattyb09952203

Hey everyone! Boy it’s been busy around here and I didn’t know when I’d get a blog out but, it’s alright because I haven’t really been in the blogging mood. I know for me that If I try to blog when I’m not “feeling it” then I’m just dishing out a big batch of words that don’t amount to much. The grandchildren are home now after being with me since Monday and I’m ready to blog! So I want to tell you about a risk I took and how it worked out! Let’s go...

So it’s no secret that I’ve really had a hard time with the loss of my mom. We had a unique relationship and honestly although she’d been sick for quite sometime, I didn’t see her death coming but, it did. We have another “first” coming up and I’ve worked harder to mentally preparing myself for this because I already know if I don’t it’s just to much for me to handle. Why am I grieving so hard still? I don’t know but, they say it’s a process so I try not to question myself to much.

Going to my sons Bootcamp graduation in Oaklahoma!

Sunday July 19th is my Birthday. For this all to make sense I have to share with you what I did on my Birthday when my mom was with us. Although I’m very big in celebrating my children and loved ones on their birthday I’m not one that likes to be celebrated. I feel that on the day I entered the world I didn’t do anything. So why would I be celebrated? Some people understand where I’m coming from and others think I’m completely insane but, this has always been my thing.

My Birthday is actually my mothers “BIRTH” day! She carried me for 8 months, she was sick for me, she nurished me when nobody else could and then she worked so hard to deliver me. You see I wasn’t like a normal birthing baby, I was a Frank Breeched baby. For those of you that don’t know, that means I entered the world butt first with my legs up over my shoulders. The Doctor wasn’t aware that I was Breeched so he let my mother continue with a normal labor and delivery when technically I needed to be a C-Section. That woman suffered to bring me into this world. Celebrating my mom just seemed natural to me. She definitely deserved all of the praise, not me. I’m sure I just laid there and cried. Just a side note...My Daughter’s son Mason was also Frank Breech and he was a C-Section and we learned that Breeched babies do run in families.

How my mom delivered me...Naturally!

So on my mom’s “BIRTH” day I’d get up and I’d go to my mother. I’d always have a beautiful gift for her and we’d enjoy a meal together. That way she could feel like she was also celebrating me too. I told her it wasn’t important but, to her it was. We’d spend the day together just talking and reminiscing about life, our journeys, our hopes and our dreams. Now she’s gone so how do I celebrate her? I had an idea but, it was a risk. She’s so important to me that it was a risk I was willing to take...for at least 10 hours. You’ll understand in a minute!

Come on and get that Coil subscription! I’ve gotten a few people to subscribe and they are so happy with what they’ve learned from people’s blogs. $5.00 is so cheap and you’ll be amazed at what the bloggers have to offer. The “Subscibers only” is for just that, the subscribers! Give it a try for at least 1 month . I don’t think you’ll regret it!

Well, today I’m taking on Riley’s challenge and I’m going to celebrate my love, Michael B. Not only is he my love but, he’s my Superman! He just proved that and that’s a fact!

It was the year 2005 and I was at an AA meeting. I was very new to sobriety so I went to many meetings. This one Thursday night I went to my home group meeting and there sat this guy and boy was he cute! Now, if you know anything about the program of AA the last thing they want you to do is “hook up” with someone from AA, especially when you’re new to recovery! Ok. Ok. I was still pretty sick and a rule breaker so well, here goes!

I didn’t have much confidence. I was very overweight, newly sober and a single mom of 2 kids. Who would want me? Just look at me and oh dear lord look at HIM! There’s no way he’d even look my way or would he? We ended up talking after that meeting because his friend helped me out. I told him a situation I was in and he said, “See that guy over there”? “Guy, what guy? No I guess I didn’t but, point him out and I’ll talk to him if he can help me” and I did just that. Yes, of course I noticed the guy but, I didn’t want to be to obvious!

Me ( sitting on the elephant) when I first got sober!

This cute guy at AA ♥️

I went over and chatted about my situation and he was so helpful. I cried. It was a hard situation and I was embarrassed for crying but, he was so gentle and understanding. We exchanged numbers.

Before we knew it we were on the phone for 3 hours a day! Ya, now I can’t keep him on for 2 minutes funny how that works. He invited me to his apartment and I went. My daughter was 13 years old and she called at least every 8 minutes because she wanted mom all to herself but, mom was really digging Michael.

Michael, Alyson who wouldn’t stop calling and mom!

For $5.00 a month you can subscribe to coil. That’s $1.00 a day for 5 days! Come on! You don’t have to miss anything that we write! It can’t hurt to try for at least 1 month! I bet you’ll keep coming back!

This morning my brother reached out to me. This is rare so when he does he’s got my full attention. He was having an issue and he needed his sister. We made a plan and I went and picked him up and that’s how today’s journey started.

When I first picked my brother up I could see the sadness in his eyes and the pain on his face. It saddened me. He started to open up to me and then it came, “DING”! Yup, it was a notification on my phone! I looked at my brother and he looked at me. He said, “Sis, get that, it’s alright”! Wow. Just wow. My brother actually thought that my phone was more important than him! Astonishing, right? I did get my phone and I turned the volume off! How can I show someone how important they are to me if I’m picking my phone up at every ding”? You can’t. What do you say? I’ll get right back to you and your problem that you need to talk about After I look at my phone? No way! Not in this lifetime! When someone seeks me out to help them In a situation, any situation I want them to know that nothing is more important to me than them and what they are going through! This applies to everyone, literally but, this boy lost the very same mother that I did so it makes him just a little more special. He is my baby-brother and since mom is gone I feel I must step-up. He’s lost and broken so how could my phone mean more than him. Why did he encourage me to tend to my phone? Why? Because it’s the new “norm”.

My brother and I when we were little tykes. Our mom didn’t have a cell phone. Her attention was on US!

Why not give Coil a try? For just $5.00 a month you have full access to the locked section and this is exclusive to you! Learn a lot, not miss a thing and support some wonderful bloggers on the Coil platform!

You can follow my on Twitter @PattyB09952203

Thank you for coming along on my blogging journey! It’s been a wonderful one so far!

Everyone’s been talking about situations on Coil and it inspired me to think about my journey. I’ve done this over the course of a few days and I’d like to share my thoughts. Here goes nothing.

Blogging isn’t something that I ever saw myself doing because of the fact that I wasn’t a good writer. It’s something I’ve always struggled with and even had to have extra help in school with this. It’s alright though because I’m not ashamed. This is just who I am. I encouraged my husband to blog and of course he blogged before and he knocked it out of the park. Just what I expected from him. In return he encouraged me to write. He knew my issues and said he’d help me with my writing so sure, what did I have to lose? So on December 2, 2019 I put out a blog called, “Unaparented” and it’s was so bad!

I didn’t have 1 paragraph and it was truly horrible. I applied to the Boost program in December and was denied in January and no, I didn’t deserve it. Good choice Coil! I’ve written about this part before but, it’s part of my story so here it is again. Sorry!

I didn’t have a ton of self-esteem but, I had some so I applied again and kept on writing. This time with people helping me make corrections to my writing and setting my own goals. I was going to do this or at least try very hard. I joined Patty Alex’s Coil group and got very familiar with other writers and how they wrote. That helped me too. When I made it into the Boost program in February I truly was so humbled and thrilled! Something I never felt possible! Coil changed my life and my self-esteem!

The date was June 12, 1990 and I went to my Aunts house next door. ”It hurts. Oh gosh this hurts. What’s going on with me? “ I don’t know Patty, what hurts”? I don’t know but, I can’t tell my mom because well, because I haven’t gotten my period in quite a long time“! “A long time? What’s a long time”? “7 months. 7 long months I guess. I don’t know. I guess 7 months, I really don’t know”!

Pregnant, 16 and hadn’t a clue! I knew something was wrong but, I didn’t know what. Why didn’t I know? Denial. I promise it was straight up denial. I couldn’t be pregnant because my parents would kill me but, I was!

I went to my Aunt one day and told her of this horrible pain I was having in my back and my opening paragraph was the Conversation that she and I had. Yes, she called my mom over because we lived next door and my Aunt made me tell her. It went something like this, “Kathie, it’s Lisa and you need to come over. Patty needs to talk to you”! My mom came and asked me why I couldn’t talk to her at home and I burst into tears. I said, “Mom, I think I might be pregnant”! She said, “You think? What makes you think you “might” be pregnant because I’ve been buying you pads all along”! I said, “I know and they are in my closet”! She said, “how long ago did you have your period” and I said, “I don’t know but, I think it’s been 7 months”! She cried. I cried. My Aunt cried and we were off to the Hospital. I literally convinced myself that I wasn’t pregnant until I ended up with this horrible pain! I know it was a very bad choice to not tell and I’ll always be ashamed of that!

You can subscribe to Coil for $5.00 a month and not miss anything! Our locked section is for subscribers only. Don’t you want to see everything we say? Come on. Give it a try because there’s lots of great content to read!

Well, Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans. Today’s holiday is the most special holiday in our family! The very 1st song we learned as a family was, “Proud to be an America” by Lee Greenwood. The whole family knows the words and live by them! We are proud of our Country through thick and thin! Period. It’s OUR Country!

For many of us this Independence Day is slightly different than others. We’ve been restricted due to COVID-19 so many don’t feel free but, I choose to look at it in a different light. There’s many things “freedom” applies to and I’d like to share what this Independent Day means to me!

My step-father is huge on Independence as I mentioned above. People around me are upset, disappointed, sad and mad that they must be restricted. They don’t want to be “told” to wear a mask, they don’t want to be told that they can’t have huge parties, they want their freedom. Well, sometime’s your freedom isn’t in your best interest and right now that’s a fact. So we’ve been given guidelines to help keep us safe. Freedom! Let me show you freedom!

Independence Day 2019

My parents. The ones who instilled the values in me about honoring my Country, my flag and my freedom. This is something that I proudly shared with my children and they shared with their children! They also love their Country, respect it and my son was in the ARMY and was willing to die for it like many others did. Every year my dad and brother bring a new flag for my yard and this is how that beautiful day goes..to honor everyone that fought and died for OUR Freedom!

My brother and father 🇺🇸

My grandson’s respecting the flag as it’s raised!

Ol’ Glory looking so beautiful with the sky’s above!

The photo above of my parent's ends up being of upmost importance and I didn’t know at the time the significance of it. My mother had just 3 short months to live. That’s when my mother gained the ULTIMATE freedom! No she’s not here to make the salads for the BBQ, she won’t be here to say how proud she is of my dad for his fantastic fireworks show but, she’s free. She’s free from pain, suffering, sleepless nights, unbearable pain and profound sadness. My mom is, FREE!

Fynn age 4 helping Nana to her chair July 4th, 2019

So rather than focusing on what freedom we have lost because of COVID-19 maybe you also can think of another form of freedom! Choosing to focus on my mom being free has helped me so much!

Another freedom that came into our lives just yesterday is “FREEDOM FROM CANCER”! My husband was handed the diagnosis of Cancer in March and just yesterday we were told by the Doctor that he’s free, FREE FROM CANCER! To me that’s 2 wonderful forms of freedom. Sometimes we have to change our thinking to be “ok” with a situation and I was willing to do that. I will not focus on anything that I feel is taken from me but, I’ll cherish other forms of freedom! 1 free from pain and suffering and the other free from a vicious disease called cancer!

Cancer FREE as of July 3, 2020 ♥️

The show will go on! Today we will come together as a family. We will honor our Country, be grateful that my mother is FREE from suffering and celebrate that Michael is Cancer FREE! We will eat, light sparklers and do the fireworks because we have a lot to be grateful for and YES, we still have our FREEDOM!

For $5.00 a month you can subscribe to Coil and never miss any of the creators locked content. Reading blogs is not only relaxing but, it’s informative. I’ve learned a lot from blogs. From cooking to DIY stuff! You never know what’s locked up until you pay that $5.00. Let’s..GO!

So I wanted to share a story with you about venturing out into the real world since it opened back up. It was really so strange and I wonder now if that’s part of why I’ve kind of been feeling the way I’ve been feeling. Here we go!

So my step-dad and I are very close. We have our things that we do together and our big thing is slot machines. We love to gamble. No, not gamble the rent away or the bill money but, I can say that we gamble quite often. We have a local casino which of course was closed due to COVID-19. We win a lot of money and have lots of fun. For Father’s Day I decided to give my dad $200. That would be his “start money” for the 1st day back at the slots. Our casino isn’t open but, in New York State the Indian casinos decided to open. Our Government can’t boss them around. So on Father’s Day we made a plan to go last Friday! I want to share our experience with you!

( Turning Stone Casino )

For $5.00 a month you can subscribe to Coil and not miss any content at all! Our locked section is packed full of fun stuff! It’s easy to subscribe and so cheap! Such a deal!

You can follow me on Twitter @PattyB09952203

Coil handle-PattyB09952203