Hoping to avoid the spread of damaging interpretations by frauds and charlatans, Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse provided his personal insight into the latest Bearableguy123 riddle on Zoom Sunday.
“The bearded knight is me, no surprise there,” said Garlinghouse, tapping his pointer on a projector screen, “But I'm not extending the sword to point the ship's way, no no. I'm holding it up to the central bank Crown Beast to gently persuade him to “evolve or die.”
The well-connected Ripple head elaborated for several minutes to XRP_Productions reporters about the deeper meanings within the picture, from the “casting aside of the ledgers of the past” to the “wise and all-seeing owl leading XRP's incorporation into the Special Drawing Rights.”
Brad Garlinghouse pointing out “how scared shitless the central bank Crown Beast is” at the threat of Ripple and XRP jeopardizing his entire existence.
“Yes, we are making our way out of a storm,” said Garlinghouse, “and there are sunnier days ahead, indeed. But the question remains... are you securely on the vessel, or has ignorance and weakness seen you throw yourself overboard?”
Coil subscribers can see Brad Garlinghouse point out the one thing that everyone missed in the Bearableguy image below
Attempting to prove to the world that digital assets are not needed for prompt value transfer in the country's time of crisis, the Internal Revenue Service released thousands of highly-trained tortoises carrying much-needed stimulus checks Sunday.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said IRS commissioner Charles Rettig. “And if my calculations are correct, citizens can expect to see our determined little delivery agents coast up to their doorsteps no later than July. That's a promise, America.”
“Snail Squad,” the IRS's ambitious backup plan to “Turtle Force,” which hopes to provide fast and reliably delivery of US citizens' stimulus checks.
The tortile-check-transfer drew heavy criticisms from scores of citizens who have been calling for an updated federal payments system, one which perhaps could even incorporate blockchain technology.
“I don't mean to belittle the whole tortoise idea,” said David Schwartz, CTO of blockchain payments company Ripple, “but tech like the XRP Ledger can transfer value safely in three seconds, anywhere around the world. I think maybe the federal government could try to do a little better, you know?”
*Coil subscribers can see the IRS's FAILSAFE plan to deliver stimulus money if Turtle Force and Snail Squad fail below**...*
Throwing egg on the faces of those who said it couldn't possibly be true, 2-year XRP holder Leonard Mingus of Tulsa, Oklahoma shockingly unlocked a secret XRP Ledger Friday and exposed the true price of XRP to be a whopping $10,000 per token.
“I just went to the regular XRP Ledger and right-clicked,” said the 38-year-old Mingus, who had been diligently searching for the door to the secret ledger for years. “I couldn't believe no one had tried that before! A bunch of options came up and one of them said 'Access Secret Ledger,' so, I clicked on it...”
The secret ledger and price that was uncovered by Leonard Mingus after he had 'right-clicked' on the regular XRP ledger.
The news sent shockwaves throughout the Ripple and XRP ecosystem, with many demanding answers from figures such as David Schwartz and Nik Bougalis.
“Quite frankly, they LIED to us,” said Mingus. “And who knows what else they're lying about... hell, I wouldn't be surprised if there was even a SUPER-SECRET XRP Ledger. In fact, I'm gonna try something...”
*Coil subscribers can see what Mingus uncovered when he 'right-clicked' on the secret XRP Ledger below**...*
Wearing garish Hindu clothing and surrounded by traditional Indian dancers and decor, blockchain payments company Ripple received harsh criticism Thursday for their latest “India-pandering” episode of The Ripple Drop.
“Those weasels are just trying to capitalize on the new market,” said podcaster Laura Shin, referring to the Indian Supreme Court's decision to allow cryptocurrency purchases, potentially opening up over a billion new crypto-buyers. “They'll do anything to shill XRP. God I hate them so much.”
Opening segment of Ripple's latest episode of The Ripple Drop, criticized for being overtly Indian to garner support from the billion-plus new potential crypto customers in the country.
Officials from Ripple have told XRP_Productions that the accusations of India-pandering are patently untrue and that they were simply “trying something new” in the episode.
“This is absurd,” said Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse. “We have never pandered for new business. To be honest, I was so upset by the claims, I could barely finish my delicious chicken curry and chapati last night.”
*Coil subscribers can see David Schwartz's tweet about the pandering accusations below**...*
Being asked 'how the Ripple deal is going' by a customer after helping her with normal account problems Wednesday, Bank of America (B of A) customer service representative Ted Bell began gushing with top secret information about the mega-bank's partnership with the blockchain payments company and their plans for global financial domination.
“I couldn't believe he was telling me this stuff,” said Linda Nagle, the B of A customer who is also an avid XRP holder. “When I asked him about the Ripple partnership, I was just kinda joking around. But Good Lord... he spit out the ENTIRE PLAN!”
According to Nagle, Bell politely informed her that the institution was “moving full-speed ahead with Ripplenet” and would “implement XRP-driven on-demand liquidity” by 2021 in an effort to “nut-punch the global banking competition and bring the bastards all to their knees.”
Bank of America service rep Ted Bell overjoyed he could help his customer with info on their account balance as well as top secret Ripple partnership details and global domination plans.
Bell told XRP_Productions reporters he did not feel any regret about leaking the highly-sensitive information and would indeed do it again if asked.
“We at Bank of America are all about making the customer happy,” said Bell, throwing out a trademark smile and thumbs-up, “whether sending out a new debit card or answering their questions about our secret plans to implement an innovative, zeitgeist-changing technology with a blockchain payments company utilizing a digital asset...”
Coil subscribers can see a transcript of part of Ted Bell's information leak below
Exciting and confusing its million-strong holders around the world Wednesday, newly-leaked photos of NFL superstar Tom Brady's new Tampa Bay Buccaneers jersey appear to clearly display the logo for the digital asset XRP.
“I couldn't believe it!” said long time XRP holder Leonard Mingus, cracking open a celebratory bottle of champagne upon seeing the photos. “Do you know what this means?! It's gotta mean it's MOON TIME soon, right?!?!”
Closeup image of new Tom Brady jersey clearly displaying the XRP logo and “zero doubt” quote that holders say is a commonly-used expression within the community.
Neither the NFL nor the Buccaneers organization have responded to XRP_Productions' requests for comment on the prominently-displayed logo, leaving many in the community to suspect that the images are fraudulent.
“No, I don't think so,” said Mingus. “I'm no expert, but I don't think you can fake something like this...”
*Coil subscribers can see Tom Brady's tweet about the leaked photos below**...*
Overtaking him unexpectedly Monday and soon followed by a twinge of embarrassment, two-year holder Leonard Mingus of Eugene, Oregon recognized a slight sexual arousal when viewing the 24-hour gains for the digital asset XRP.
“Where did that come from?” said Mingus, pulling at his collar and dabbing a bit of sweat from his forehead. “I must be really hard up for some price action.”
The 38-year old accountant later informed XRP_Productions that the dalliance surprisingly seemed to intensify throughout the day, resulting in a burning desire to look up online images of late 2017 bull run statistics.
Historical CoinMarketCap snapshot from December 17, 2017 that Leonard Mingus lustfully viewed on Monday after XRP's 24-hour gain caused him to become aroused.
Mingus expressed regret at his actions and was hopeful that this was a single occurrence rather than the beginning of a personal trend.
“You guys must understand,” said Mingus, shaking his head and looking off in the distance. “It's just... it's been so long since we've had any XRP action. So long...”
Coil subscribers can see the pornographic XRP video that Leonard Mingus admitted to watching on Monday below
The recent pandemic forcing him to become his own stylist for the first time ever Sunday, Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse informed XRP_Productions via phone interview that he was “pissed beyond belief” at the resultant disaster from his do-it-yourself haircut.
“Son of a b*tch!” said Garlinghouse, affixing a ball cap over-top his cut to hide his shame. “I thought it would be no big deal! What the hell was I thinking?!”
Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse expressing horror as he viewed his self-performed haircut for the first time Sunday.
The dynamic blockchain leader admitted relief that recent world events have put a stop to previously planned meetings with high-level government and banking officials in the near future.
“Gonna have to let this shit-show grow out and try again,” said Garlinghouse. “Anyone in the XRP community a stylist?”
*Coil subscribers can see who is praising Garlinghouse for his bold cut below**...*
WASHINGTON—Excited to share what he felt was an innovative and potentially spirit-lifting idea for the country Saturday, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin announced US citizens' ability to select a stimulus payment of either $1,200 cash or to take their chances at a “mystery grab-box” of random cryptocurrencies.
“The choice is yours,” said Mnuchin, balancing a logo-covered prop box in one hand and waving it from side to side as he spoke. “You want $1,200 cash? You got it! OR... do you want what's in the box o'crypto? America decides!”
CNBC's Brian Brian Kelly showing the portions of random cryptocurrencies he received after choosing Mnuchin's “crypto mystery box” as his stimulus option.
The plan has received criticisms from a number of individuals who have already chosen and received their crypto-stimulus payments.
“This sucks,” said Leonard Mingus of Hackensack, New Jersey. “Sure, I got paid quickly, but I ended up getting 45% Doge, 30% Verge, and 25% Bytom. What the f**k is a Bytom?! I want my money back!”
*Coil subscribers can see Steve Mnuchin's tweet about the “Crypto Mystery Box” stimulus option below**...*
Taking full advantage of a significant surplus of home time during the COVID-19 pandemic, Marcus Treacher, Ripple's SVP of Customer Success, has completed the construction of a “bad-ass and epic pillow fort” Saturday.
“It's pretty sweet, if I do say so myself,” said Treacher in a phone interview with XRP_Productions. “When I started, my wife was like, 'Marcus, what are you doing? And I was like, 'Just wait... you won't even believe it...”
Interior of Marcus Treacher's pillow fort. The Ripple SVP of Customer Success spent several days constructing it to be the “most awesome place to work and play during this quarantine.”
“Sure, sure, it's not quite the same as opening up a new ODL corridor,” said Treacher, propping up a section of blanket that had fallen. “But these days you have to admit... this is pretty productive.”
*Coil subscribers can see Marcus Treacher's first failed attempt at a pillow fort below**...*
Brad Garlinghouse Breaks Down New Bearableguy Riddle
