anxiety blog
Sex is just a slice of time with squishing noises — I want to be trusted. I want to let go and #love; even if it's a #lie. I want to envelop myself in something I might never be given in return. I'll show him…”cherish me this way”, “touch me like this”, “tell me these things”. I'll give you what I want and then I'll beg for it. I'll beg you to care.
i feel so alone.
I want to recline and luxuriate in my despair. I want to lay back and freckle under the black hole sun. The DJ Kahled ad-lib “another one” after I lose another friend. I was right, it's okay. They do hate me. I am unlovable. It was a #lie. It is irreconcilable. Of course.
I get this pathetic, giddy limerence and hear the voice of reason wisely patting my silly little head. Have you thought about this? Have you considered that? What if it doesn't work? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?
The only thing that I get for being right again is a sense of stability, but of course that's all I want.
“achieve and maintain zero trust #security, in which both inside or outside of the network no one is trusted by default. Everyone attempting to get access to the network resources needed to provide verification.”
“The goal should not be to bury it but to be open, honest, clear, and specific and to develop new behavior and healthy ways of dealing with fear, anger, and your desire to control others. If you sincerely want to behave better, then you’ll have to make different decisions.”
overwhelming insouciance, an excess of apathy, a glut of nonchalance
We're all flying into the fan blades, thrilled to feel the wind on our faces.
“like an abandoned promotional website for a tentpole blockbuster: A snapshot of a bygone little kingdom unto itself, standing still, oblivious to the world that has passed [them] by”
All my guilt is justified. In the past I hated myself for the wrong reasons. I've become something it is moral to kill.
“Depending on the study, 50 to 80 percent of women who give birth experience tearing of the pelvic skin and muscles. For more than 1 in 10, the tearing is severe enough to damage the anal sphincter muscle, which often leads to the loss of bowel and bladder control.”
“We hear all the great parts about natural childbirth, but there is very little about women who end up incontinent or with sexual dysfunction or broken bones, because no one really considers that a big deal.”
“At the base of the pelvis, there’s a small muscle called the levator ani that gets completely torn off the bone in about 15 percent of vaginal births.”
“Once the baby is born healthy, the obstetrician calls it a day. And if the mother is damaged, she’s told, ‘Well, what did you expect? That’s what happens when you have a baby.'”
It's a miracle
Fear is so mobile, sliding around through my #blood. Safety just lives where it was created.