For many years, I was binging on countless random YouTube videos for most hours everyday. Videos like gameplays, drama videos, political news, and video essays.

Back then, I craved for constant stimulation. Otherwise I would feel bored to death. And whenever my family or other people in public wanted to talk to me or help them with somethings, I tend to get irritated and told them to leave me alone. All I cared about was the noise from my phone...

But since I've been progressing from addictive habits to more healthier ones like reading, journaling, and listening to music, I feel much more calm and less irritable. This time, my brain crave for relaxation and learning something meaningful.

Nowadays, I feel I don't even want to go back to the binging days ever again. I rather be in peace than being addicted to pointless and overwhelming activities.

#mentalhealth #socialmedia #adhd #autism #neurodivergent

The more I'm being careful with my habits on the internet, the more I realize the truth: my attention is limited during the day, as if it's like a cognitive currency. So I have to be smarter with how I use this.

These days, I've been planning on what to consume and for how long, as well as when to take breaks. It takes quite a bit of thinking, but it's better than draining my attention on pointless things.

#socialmedia #ADHD #neurodivergent

The more I go outside, the more I realize that my mood always gets better afterwords. I've been stuck in the house for too many hours everyday.

• I get very little stimulation when I'm in the house all day.
• And I get very little exposure to sunlight, especially during the cold seasons.

This makes me more prone to getting severely depressed.

I start to think, maybe I am really like those orcas in captivity...

• These killer whales need stimulation, but they are deprived from it.
• All they do are repetitive activities like perform stupid tricks.
• And they even had food kept away from them unless they do what they are told
• Unsurprisingly, the orcas fell into despair. And this often cost them their lives.

That kind of life is very depressing and painful.

So because I'm like an orca, I am meant to roam freely and do what I want. This freedom fuels my energy and vitalizes my body.

#mentalhealth #adhd #poem